Category Travel

Over a Barrel

Michael Leave a comment

We went away last weekend.  We’d have loved to have gone to a South Pacific island, inhabited or not, but we went about 200 miles and that was still covered in snow in many places.   That sounds familiar.

We did say last week that we were going away.  It’s a little different for us to be travelling in late winter but not unheard of.  We spend most every year right around the Spring Solstice at one or another of our local maple festivals.  We’re urban enough that to find an area with enough sugar maples to be of commercial interest we have to travel at least one overnight.  But that’s not far and it’s for a particular event.  This last weekend we went to an honest to gosh tourist attraction that probably 85% of its tourists are attracted to in the three summer months of each year.  Still we had a great time.

It is a natural wonder and the wonder of nature is that it’s open year round.  We wondered why more people don’t visit in the winter months.  You’re having a little trouble following us.  Let us explain.  We spent the last three days at Niagara Falls, New York.  Both of us have seen the Falls from the Canadian side though not together.  There is no question the view from Canada is spectacular, pulling in almost all 3,500 feet of water spilling into the Niagara Gorge from the three drops, Horseshoe, American, and Bridal Veil Falls in a single head-on view.  But there are sights seen only from the American side for which we were completely unexpected.

From the American side one can approach to within feet of the America Rapids as the river increases to speeds of up to 30mph before tumbling 100 feet into the lower river basin at a rate of 75,000 gallons per second.  At the crest of the falls the rock beneath the water is clearly visible to those standing not much more than a yard away from the rushing water.  We spent some time on Goat Island separating the American falls pair from Horseshoe Falls.  On the Island we were able to see the almost constant rainbow that seems to appear above the mist at the American Bridal Veil Falls.  A short walk away and we were able to see some of the famous horseshoe’s mist hovering higher than the fall’s crest.  Because it is still the winter off-season we were unable to visit Luna Island and stand between the American Falls and the Bridal Veil Falls literally within feet of the Niagara River on either side.

All this can be seen winter or summer and we wonder why more people don’t seem to speak much of the American side when considering a vacation to the border cities.  But then as we did our own tour of the New York city we wondered ourselves what we were ever going to do when the thrill nature was providing stopped and we still had time to go before check-out.  We wondered as we passed closed tourist shops, empty small convention capable buildings, and even a tourist information center posted “for sale by owner.”  But between a bit of shopping, a little gambling, and a lot of sight-seeing, we managed to fill the weekend.  And we filled a binder full of ideas for some great stories.

So as we did last summer we’ll invite you now to stay tuned while over the next few weeks we’ll sneak in a story or two of our winter wonderland mini-vacation.  And we’ll start with a thank you to She of We’s collective offspring who gifted us with this unusual, but enjoyable late winter get-away.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

We’re On Vacation, Part 3

Michael 1 Comment

You’ll recall in our last Vacation installment we didn’t turn down the free excursion.  Never turn down the free excursion.  We could have turned down the free excursion.

We were on the island of Puerto Rico, home of, among other famous things, Bacardi Rum. For our excursion we selected one that included a tour of the Bacardi factory.  He of We had been to the island many years before and had the opportunity then to tour the distiller’s plant.  He more than once tried to describe to She of We the ever present scent of molasses, a result of distilling sugar cane on its way to becoming rum, throughout the building.

So early one morning instead of deciding between pool and beach we assembled with 2 other couples, climbed into a surprisingly comfortable van where we were the charge of a very enjoyable tour guide and driver.  He regaled us with stories of real life on the island, his life.  We saw his home town, heard tales of his family, were told of his wife’s cooking, saw his favorite beach.  It was a most enjoyable and revealing 90 minutes that passed more quickly than it had to.  A stop here, a photo op there, and before we knew it, we were pulling into the parking lot outside the Bacardi welcome center.  A complimentary rum punch, then the tour, a quick dash through the gift shop, another hit of the free punch and then on to the day’s next destination.  This was going to be great!  

After our first free drink we climbed into one those trams that you never see anywhere but at some tour.  We drove across the compound and were let off at a recreation of a Spanish influenced Caribbean courtyard.  A few minutes for more pictures and then the guide was with us.  He spent some time explaining the company origin, how it came to the island, and how they make the rum there.  And then, it was really time.  We knew so because we were told once we go through that door there will be no more pictures.  And then we went through that door.  And got to watch a movie.

That was it.  A movie.  After that we saw a replica of the first factory and then we got to smell some rum, learned how to make a couple of cocktails and that concluded the tour.

What a letdown.  Years ago the tour went through the factory, the real factory.  And years ago we actually got to see how Hershey’s made chocolate, Busch made beer, and Heinz made ketchup.  Today those iconic factories are off limits to tour groups but tours continue with the help of movies, animations, and gift shops.  Why no more real tours?  They were fun, they were educational, they made us feel like part of a select group.  We weren’t going to steal company secrets or complain if we got squirted by sugar cane juice. 

We miss factory tours.  But we relished the deals we found at the company stores.  And the drive to that one on that day was pretty good.   On second thought, we were right the first time.   

Never turn down the free excursion.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

For more of our vacation, see We’re On Vacation, Part 1 and Part 2

 

 

We’re on Vacation, Part 2

Michael 1 Comment

We stepped out of the shuttle in front of our hotel and drank in the tropics.  It was our first real vacation in years.  No meetings, no computers, no cell phones with the office set on one touch dialing.  A vacation!  Eight days in paradise.

We checked in and gazed out the 3 story high picture windows that framed the beach, and beyond that, the ocean.  Postcards fight over that scene.  That’s when the nice gentleman came over and asked if we had just arrived.  After establishing we had, he invited us to breakfast the following morning and in exchange for an hour of our time we could select an excursion of our choice during our stay.  Ah, the pitch.  Well, we’d been to time share sales pitches before and it seemed an innocuous way to get us up early on our first full day when we figured our biggest decision would be pool or beach.

The following morning we were up and met our hostess at our appointed time.  During a little chit chat before the hard sell commenced we discovered that this day was among her first days on the job.  So new was she that during the presentation she continuously referred to her lap where her script resided.  It was difficult to take someone speaking to her lap seriouslyas she tried to convince us to part with $20,000 on a lifetime of dream vacations.

We answered her questions between bites of powdered egg, heard of the benefits of the hotel chain’s “vacation club” sipping on cold coffee and tea, and expressed our reluctance over frozen concentrated orange juice.  “Thank you but we don’t think we travel enough to take advantage of such an expensive program.”

If we had only left it at that.  What exactly didn’t we like about paying the equivalent of a compact car at an interest rate that was illegal not too many years ago for an unspecified number of “points” that could be traded in for an unspecified amount of time at an unspecified location?  “Well, I think a big issue,” He of We began, “is not knowing exactly what we’re buying.”

If we had only left it at that, again.  “I understand.  It’s an investment.  Let me get my manager and he can explain it better.”  And off our hostess went in search of — da, da, da dum — The Manager.  We should have snuck out. 

“What can I help you with,” and The Manager was off and running.  He repeated the entire presentation in 7 minutes, explained he’d knock off a couple percentage points on the interest and bump our points purchase from a lowly 84,000 points to a total of 300,000 points.  “It’s not a deal I offer just anybody but you two look like you need the President’s Package.”  We knew we should have taken more vacations.

“What I don’t understand is exactly what your points get us.  What are we buying?” He of We asked innocently. 

The Manager was not backing down.  He sputtered a bit and tapped the proposal sheet Sales Rookie printed out with the basic costs and financing.  After takng a deep breath he began, “You’re getting the VIP Silver package of 300,000 points but you’re only paying for 84,000 points at the today only discounted price of 10% off at only $199 per 1,000 points and, again for today only, I’ll let you finance the down payment for six years so the total package comes to just $17,049 plus the deposit finance wrapped up into one payment for both loans with no early penalties, and you can upgrade as much as you want at the then current price after only two years.”  Throughout his explanation The Manager circled each number on the page and added his own notes ‘zero deposit,’ ‘two years,’ ‘no prepay penalty’ in his own handwriting facing himself so they were upside down to Both of We and upside down on the page.

“Uh huh.  But what are we buying for that $17,000?”   

The Manager didn’t look well.  His natural dark coloring took on a shade of red not seen in nature.  “Didn’t she show you the chart?” The Manager asked gruffly, spittle foaming at the corners of his mouth and glaring at Sales Rookie with that We’llTalkLater look.  “This explains it all.”  And he flipped open to The Chart.  It listed each of the 4,500 properties available, the number of days we want, the time of year, the upgraded packages, and the number of points it “costs” as long as Venus isn’t in a lunar eclipse.  He actually seemed agitated that we didn’t grasp that during the initial presentation. “Did I mention that we can add the monthly maintenance fee to your monthly payment so you only have to write one check?  No extra charge,” he hissed.

“But what are we actually buying?  For instance, if we want to buy this week for the whole week at this resort how many points is that?”  We think that’s when The Manager went over the edge.  It could be he hadn’t had anybody actually ask questions before.  It was either “Yes, where do I sign?” or “No, where do we sign up for our free excursion?”  We didn’t mean to raise his blood pressure.  After all, we were on vacation.  We’re the ones that should have been getting agitated.   We’d been there less than 18 hours and we were being asked to spend over twenty times the amount we spent on this vacation after a 90 minute presentation and a bad meal.

“Think it over!  Come back tomorrow!  I shouldn’t do this but I’ll give you an extra 24 hours to make up your mind!  Twenty-four hours!” 

That sounded fair to us.  We didn’t want to make any decisions (other than beach or pool) on the first day of our vacation anyway.  “By the way, where do we sign up for our free excursion?”

“Free what? We’ll take care of that tomorrow.”  The Manager took on a decidedly unhealthy rasp to his voice.  “Oh, never mind.  Stop at the desk on your way out.”

Never turn down the free excursion.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

We’re On Vacation, Part 1

Michael 2 Comments

You recall the scene in “City Slickers” where Billy Crystal is being dragged behind a galloping horse holding on to the reins, looking to the camera and shouting, “I’m on vacation!” almost as much to convince himself as to inform the world of his status.  We just got back from ours and although we had a wonderfully restful time, we also occasionally had to convince ourselves that we were indeed on vacation.

We don’t get to take a break often enough and nobody was going to take away from our leisure.  We’ll do a day trip or a weekend, but to take 10 days off for either of us and then to coordinate schedules for both of us is hard.  When we saw we would be able to do it this year we jumped at the chance to do it in a big, relaxing way.  Even so, every now and then we had to voice our mantra, “We’re on vacation.”

Neither of We travels much by plane.  He of We does a business trip every once in a great while; She of We has averaged one roundtrip per year for the last three years.  When it came to packing we were pretty careful to keep our checked bags to one each and thus the checked bag fee equally to one each.  Both of We packed our carry ons quite sparingly.  He of We used his classic pilot case and a smaller shoulder bag with net-book, e-reader, and some snacks. She of We carried a quite attractive leather tote with her reader, a few pieces of jewelry, and a matching purse.  All would easily fit “in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of you” as the gate agents announced several times over.

Unfortunately, not everybody obeyed that travel law.  While we were at the gate we saw many future plane-mates wheeling quite overstuffed, oversized cases that would no more fit into the overhead bins than those wheeling them.  About 5 minutes before boarding began the agents announced to the gate lounge, “We have a full flight today and as the plane fills we will most likely be asking people to check their carry-ons.  If you’d like to save some time you can bring your bag to the podium now and we’ll check it through for you to your final destination at no additional charge.”  Not only were these wheelers with the not so carryable carry ons breaking the carry on law, they were getting paid for it and payment was the equivalent of what it cost us to check our bags when we first walked into the airport.  But that was ok.  “We’re on vacation.” 

When we got to board, which was sometime after the first class passengers, those needing assistance, the gold members, the platinum members, the plutonium members, the friends of the chairmen, the preferred select group, the regular select group, the airline credit card holders, and those travelling with young children, we noticed there were still those with the monster carry ons that wouldn’t fit into the overhead compartments.  We observed one fellow drag his not so mini-suitcase from bin to bin, hoist it to overhead bin level, and attempt to force it into the compartment. Either he didn’t realize that each bin was the same height or he thought his case was losing weight from the jumping jacks it was doing.  “We’re on vacation.”

Eventually the flight attendants gathered up all the oversized carry ons and checked them through to their final destinations (at no additional charge) and we made our way to the runway where we were number three to take off.  Six hours and one airport later we emerged onto a palm treed, sun drenched some 2,000 miles from home.  “We’re on vacation!”

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

The Love Boat That Wasn’t

Michael 1 Comment

Over forty years ago a ship was built that would change the world.  The Queen Mary?  Nope.  The QE2?  No, but she came to her rescue once.  The Nina? Pinta? Santa Maria?  No, no, no.  It was the Pacific Princess, better known as television’s Love Boat.

Cheesy, campy, fluffy, goofy.  All apt adjectives for this show.  But it managed to stay on the air for ten years and for all of them the opening credits featured Princess Cruise Line’s Pacific Princess.  How the show stayed afloat for 10 years is easy to answer.  It was a feel good, don’t have to think about it, everybody lives happily ever after fantasy.  How the ship stayed afloat for so long isn’t that hard to figure out either.  She was built as a boat that happened to entertain people.  Not as a skyscraping hotel that wanted to get its feet wet.

The ship built in 1971 for Flagship Cruises to sail the Bermuda cruise circuit as the Sea Venture was sold to Princess in 1975.  In 1977 she landed the title role in “The Love Boat.”  She continued to sail for Princess Cruises until 2003.  Again rechristened as the Pacific, she sailed for Pullmantur Cruises until sold to Quail Cruises of Spain.  In 2009 the ship was seized by the Italian Coast Guard in Genoa after the owner failed to pay for repairs.  Recently this former television star was sold for scrap.  

That’s a forty year history on the seas for a ship that topped the scales fully loaded at 19,000 ton and hosted only 600 passengers.  Compare that to the other ship still making headlines in Italy, the Costa Concordia.  Weighing in at over 114,000 tons and able to transport over 3,700 passengers, the 950 foot boat is still on its side and may itself end up sold for scrap.  What’s the difference between these two boats?  About 35 years, 10 decks, and 20 million pounds (that’s weight, not English money).

The former Pacific Princess looks like a boat.  A big boat, but a boat.  She measures 550 feet overall and four of her eight decks rise from the center of the ship.  The Costa Concordia looks like a small apartment building, 950 feet long overall with 14 decks, almost all of them spanning most of 900 feet.  And cruise ships are getting even bigger.  Disney’s two newest ships, the Fantasy and the Dream measure 1,120 feet long and hold 4,000 passengers on 14 of their 16 decks.

We seem to recall as children playing with boats and things that float in bath tubs and swimming pools, the more you had above the water the sooner the whole kit and caboodle was going to be under water.  Height plus weight plus waves equal instability.  And not just in the ship’s captain.  Did somebody change the laws of physics over that past forty years?  You can try this experiment at home.  Take a plastic cube or wooden block.  A frustration causing Rubik’s Cube will work.  Load 3,500 very tiny people on it.  If you don’t have that many small people you can use ants, rice, dust particles, or nothing at all.  Toss cube in bathtub.  Remove cube, fill bath tub with water.  Now toss cube in bathtub.  Come back in 15 minutes to rescue survivors.

So one ship now docked in Italy, that many say is responsible for increasing interest in ocean cruises and sparking the cruise industry, its maiden voyage in May of 1971, will soon make its last trip, towed behind a tug to the big boat version of a cutting torch.  Another ship, also in Italian waters, that many say is responsible for the cruise industry’s most sluggish summer since the Love Boat was on TV, its maiden voyage in July 2006, isn’t going anywhere soon.

Our advice to the cruise curious.  The former Pacific Princess sister ship, the Island Princess, which on occasion acted as stand-in for the Pacific on the Love Boat, is still in operation as the Discovery, sailing for England’s Voyages of Discovery alongside their other small ship, the Voyager.  Could there still be another run?

          Love, exciting and new
          Come Aboard. We’re expecting you.
          Love, life’s sweetest reward.
          Let it flow, it floats back to you.

          The Love Boat soon will be making another run
          The Love Boat promises something for everyone
          Set a course for adventure,
          Your mind on a new romance. *

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

(By the way, we’ve in no way been compensated to say anything nice about Voyages of Discovery or to entice you to sail with them.  However, if they’d like to show their appreciation in any way we’d be happy to talk about it.  Have your people call our people.) 

(We have people?)

* The Love Boat theme written by Paul Williams and Charles Fox, 1977

 

The Road Untraveled

Michael Leave a comment

“Do you know there’s an alternate security area? Right through those doors, go to the end of the hall.  You’ll walk a little farther but there won’t be any lines and when you go through you’ll come right out at the tram.”  It was the most He of We ever heard a TSA agent speak at one time.  But who would know better how to beat the crush of early morning flyers?  And that was a real smile on his face and he even wished He of We a good day and a safe flight.  What a pleasant, early start to what was going to be a long, apprehensive day.

And it was early.  Sometime not quite yet 4:30.  In the morning.  How many flyers could there be at the main screening area?  Still, he was right there and the agent seemed earnest in getting people to use the alternate site.  So through the doors He of We pushed, down the hall, over the bridge, around the bend (he was indeed walking farther), down another hall, to the head of the line.  And all by himself.  Not bad.

After a quick run through the scanners, pat down, and carry on inspection, he was down the escalator and onto the people mover. Which was packed!  At still not 4:30.  In the morning.  Apparently a lot of people travel this early.  He of We wasn’t usually one of them.  His preferred travel time was anytime between sun up and sun down.  And his usual companion was She of We and she wasn’t one of the early travelers.  He of We would be navigating three airports, one plane change, 3 time zones, and a “commuter jet” alone this day.

Airport One was turning out to be pretty good thanks to the helpful man from the TSA.  He already knew the landing and departing gates for Airport Two and knew they were a 15-20 minute walk apart and he’d be there for 90 minutes so even the dreaded connection should be ok.  But he had to get from here to there on the dreaded “commuter jet.”  A lifetime of travelling and he’d never flown on one of these compacts of the airplane world.  After getting used to the idea that he was in a plane that could not fit his carry-on of half the size of a standard roll-aboard, and that the emergency card advised in the event of an emergency to step out of the emergency exit (what, no inflatable slide?), he settled his 20 inch bottom into the compact 18 inch seat and enjoyed the hospitality of the single flight attendant while she pushed the compact refreshment cart through the compact aisle.

A bit over an hour later they were at Airport 2 and after another hour He of We was listening to the boarding instructions of the gate attendant.  After pre-boarding the first class passengers, the diamond level frequent flying “partners,” the sapphire and emerald members, the lowly platinum and gold people, and the run of the mill priority flyers, the 40 of us who were left got to climb onto the Boeing 737 for another 4 hours of above cloud commuting.  He was quite thrilled to see an empty seat next to him, flight attendants who smiled, and that he remembered to put a set of ear buds in his carry-on which was now nestled under the seat in front of him.  It was going to be a reasonably pleasant 4 hours.

Those hours went fast enough and soon they were above a body of water that led to Hawaii and points west as they circled to get into position for their approach to (at last!) ground transportation.  To make a short story long, having only to wait 10 minutes for said transportation he was soon standing in front of the desk clerk at the hotel saying “of course you can check in early.” And thus it was that after 10 hours since he pulled in the parking lot of Airport 1 He of We was ready to open the door to his room and close the door on the Trip Not From Hell.

It was one of the first that had gone nearly hitch free for many thousands of miles.  While he thought of that he thought of the smiling TSA agent who wished him a good day.  Perhaps wishes do come true.  Naw, it was just a coincidence.  Of course, if She of We appeared on the other side of that door he was ready to change his mind.  

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?