Category Life

For Your Protection

Michael Leave a comment

Not long ago, She of We remodeled the bathroom in her house.  The bathtub was still in good shape but dingy.  Rather than replace a good strong cast iron tub with a new and improved cheap imitation she had the tub refinished.  When the work was done the refinisher presented her with the warranty and list of “don’ts.”  High on the list was not to use a specific array of cleaning products.  If she failed to heed this warning, her actions would (ominous music, please) void the warranty.  It made sense.  It’s a process to refinish a bathtub.  Acrylics, bonders, polymers and other magic stuff went into making a 60 year old cast iron tub look new and improved.  And it’s an expensive process.  If one of those bonders or polymers or other-ers came loose and the finish became unfinished it would be just as expensive to refinish it all over again.  That is good advice, there for her protection, and a good warranty. 

As the project moved on, new mirrors and floor and fixtures found their way to the remodeled space.  When all the rest of the pieces were in place the plumber presented her with, among other things, instructions for the toilet.  Don’t use any cleaning solutions in it or you will (once again please, some ominous music) void the warranty.  Good advice for the — for the what?  Toilet?  We aren’t speaking of the valve that lets water in or the flush mechanism that lets water out.  Toilets don’t even come with those necessities.  You buy them separately.  We’re speaking of the white thing upon which you sit.  After you buy a seat.  They don’t come with those either. 

That big white thing that takes up a whole corner of the room – the throne, the chair, the real man’s recliner – has a warranty.  And in order to preserve it you cannot use toilet cleaners in the toilet.  We have to ask, with what does one clean a toilet if not with toilet cleaners.  You would certainly want to clean a toilet every now and then.  Wouldn’t you?  We do.  But wait yet another minute.  A warranty?  From what?  One would think if a toilet did not hold up its end of the bargain and hold up he or she while he or she is…well, if the toilet broke and that person crashed to the floor, the warranty would be the last thing that the state attorney general or consumer affairs commissioner or whomever would handle the complaint would request to act upon the complaint.

There once was a day when warranties weren‘t commonplace for everything from toilets to shampoo.   There once was a day when workmanship was so good nobody thought of a warranty.  It just worked.  Even toilets.  No, that toilet warranty isn’t there for her protection.  That warranty is there for the protection of the company that realized it has created a new and improved cheap imitation of what once was genuine and solid needing neither newness nor improvement.  If it was any good the manufacturer would have hung a tag on it that reads, “Good luck with your new toilet.  It will give you years of enjoyment.  If you have any problems, give us a call.”  Instead the manufacturer tries to impress the purchaser with promises that it will repair or replace any defective part that one can prove was a defect in manufacturing and not subsequent handling including transportation and installation and that no mishandling after installation up to and including cleaning with cleaning solutions has occurred.  Words we never thought would accompany a toilet purchase.

Our advice to you if you find yourself in a similar situation is to clean the toilet.  It’s for your protection.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Buy the Way

Michael 5 Comments

For us, the holiday season sometimes has its own special stress.  Both of We have pretty classic 9-5 jobs.  Our only time to shop, dine, do movies or theater, see concerts or sporting events is in the evenings or on weekends.  If Either of We wants to take advantage of smaller (or no) crowds it means burning a vacation day and going back to work the following day with the off day’s work still waiting to be done.  So we usually end up shopping, dining, entertaining, or being sports in the evenings and on weekends.  Or we turn to the Internet and to catalogs.

She of We is a little more adventurous when it comes to non-hands-on shopping.   The choices of what to buy are a bit limited.  Let’s face it, some things you have to touch.  But where to buy can be on line, by flyer, via catalog, or even a Sunday newspaper supplement.  He of We sometimes to his regret is little more forgiving of what but a bit more selective of where.  Oh there will be the occasional Internet purchase and once even from an infomercial, but purchases outside of a store will more likely be from an old fashioned print catalog.  And there they share the same passion though not the same mailing lists.  Catalog shopping.

You can buy anything in a catalog – clothes, electronics, books, cookware, food, furniture, novelties.  We’ve even seen walking sticks and a duct tape tie.  If you want it you can buy it from the comfort of your own living room.  But last night, tucked between the double barreled marshmallow shooter with dishwasher safe magazines ($39.95) and the luxurious double napped genuine Irish flannel men’s pajamas ($99.95) we found the most outrageous catalog offering yet.  The Optimal Resonance Audiophile Four-Way Three-Dimensional Soundstage Quality Speakers.  These little gems can be yours for the low price of $60,000 for the pair.  Yes, there are four (4!) zeros.  Plus shipping.  And did we mention that each speaker requires four amplifiers, not included. 

Maybe the local concert hall needs $60,000 speakers.  Your family room does not.  Please consider this very carefully if you really can afford $60,000 speakers.  If you can afford $60,000 speakers we encourage you to make a donation to your local symphony, opera company, musical theater, struggling musician, or local rap artist instead.  Get your name on a brick in the wall on the side of the building and ask for two tickets, orchestra center, for the next few years of productions.  Your money will be much better spent, you’ll get to see some great musicians actually playing great music, and if you limit your gift to only $50,000 you’ll have enough left over to buy a used car with a killer stereo.

 Sixty thousand dollar speakers.  Didn’t somebody recently say these are tough economic times?  And He of We was worried that $15 for a duct tape tie was extravagant.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Is It Live or…

Michael 1 Comment

This weekend was the weekend after Thanksgiving and we were out on the road, but not for a big after Thanksgiving shopping spree.  No Black Friday deals for us.  But out we were and there were stores visited, restaurants patronized, the public encountered, and stories to be told.

We could talk about how traffic laws in our state seem to have become traffic suggestions, and not very well taken suggestions.  But that’s a rant for another day.  We could talk about how waiters, waitresses, and bartenders no longer associate the term “service industry” with their chosen (or fallen into) profession.  But that’s another rant for another day.  We could even talk about how somewhere in between “May I help you?” and “Happy Holidays!” this year’s crop of shoppers and clerks are ruder than we’ve seen for quite a few years.  But that’s a big rant for a special day. 

Today we’re going to talk about that never ending holiday controversy, live or artificial.  On a day that begins its date with “November,” cars with live trees tied to their roofs began their journeys to becoming kindling.  But this year the thought of how many stories will play out on the evening news featuring smoldering Douglas fir takes on a special meaning.  She of We will have that rare parental event looked forward to from the time her youngest one plopped his first ornament on the lowest of the branches and left it there precariously close to the paws and jaws of the family pets.  This year, Son of She of We gets to decorate his very own house for his very own first Christmas.

And so we debated.  Live trees smell good.  Wet charcoal does not.  Pre-lit artificial trees completely fulfill that designation only for Year One of its proclaimed 20 year lifespan.  Detangling lights and discovering new and colorful curse words is a rite of passage best experienced with past years’ dried sap transforming three or more bulbs into a bulb mass.  Live trees need watered every day and there is no graceful way to crawl under the long, low hanging branches with a plastic bowl of water stretching to reach the reservoir into which the tree has become permanently attached (note for tree removal day).  Live trees don‘t need watered daily if one owns an old male dog who can’t hold his water until you get home from work.  (Live trees smell good.  Dog drenched carpet does not.)   Live trees come in thousands of shades of green found only in nature.  Artificial trees come in light green, dark green, and pink.  Artificial tree branches can be re-arranged so every ornament, no matter size or shape, can be placed exactly where you want it.  Live tree branches bend, release, and fling your Lenox collectible ornament through three rooms before smashing into the curio cabinet filled with the Swarovski crystal collection.

Did we resolve the debate?  Can two people who are dodging speeding drivers in search of big bargains list all of the pros and cons of live versus artificial?  No, it will take thousands of trips over many years to complete the list.  Until then, feel free to take your own side of the debate and decorate with whatever best reflects your style and family life.  But please do us a favor.  If you’re planning on live, remember that a cut flower cannot live in a vase for 5 weeks.  A live tree cut from its roots and left in a cup of water won’t last that long either.  Don’t be a newscast waiting to happen.  Keep your tree fed, watered, and happy.  If you’re planning on artificial, remember that just because you can erect one in each room and mount thousands of lights on them that you still risk tripped circuits and melted plastic – hot, fire prone melted plastic.  Don’t be a newscast waiting to happen.  The only smoke anyone should see on Christmas Eve is from the stump of the pipe held in Santa’s teeth while encircling his head just like a wreath.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Thank You

Michael 1 Comment

Have you been paying attention?  People who work at Target are upset that Target wants to be open Thanksgiving night.  They want to have ALL of Thanksgiving off prompting something new the news folk can banter about – why do these people have to work on the holiday.  We’re also aware of at least 5 other national chains and a few local retail stores that will be open for some or for all day on Thanksgiving.  We hadn’t heard these people on the news or seen them on the Internet so perhaps their workers are more inclined to be happy to have a job this year and although it might not be the best situation at least they are working.

Well, all of that got us to thinking and here’s what we thought.  There really aren’t all that many people who get this holiday – ALL of the holiday – off.  And while we were thinking, we thought about all of the weekends, and evenings, and nights these people don’t get off either.  But, we weren’t thinking of Target and other department stores, or groceries, or big box stores, or what passes for the modern drug store.  We weren’t thinking of any retail stores.  We thought all the way back, back to the day when all of those stores were closed on holidays, Sundays and most other days after 5.  But even way back then there was a corps of people who knew that when the holidays came around they were just as likely to be at work as they were on any Tuesday afternoon.  To these people we say, “Thank You!!!”

Thank you to…   Firemen, policemen, paramedics, and ambulance drivers.  First responders of every kind.  The members of our armed forces.  Hospital workers in every department except administration.  Priests, ministers, rabbis, and other men and women “of the cloth.”  Newspaper production and delivery people, reporters, television and radio engineers, producers, directors, and on-air personalities.  Toll collectors, train engineers, pilots, co-pilots, flight attendants.  Bus drivers and taxi drivers.  Air traffic controllers, airport security, baggage handlers, and airplane maintenance.  Train station and bus depot ticket sellers and collectors.  Hotel receptionists and housekeepers.  Restaurant cooks, servers, bus-people and hosts/hostesses.  Bartenders.  Electric company, gas company, telephone company, water company, sewage company, alarm company, and cable company employees employed outside the executive offices.  Tow truck drivers, snow plow drivers, and street repair people on a moment’s notice.  Commercial truck drivers and freight handlers.  Couriers.  Nursing home, personal care home, retirement home and home health care workers.  Security guards.  Heating and air-conditioning technicians, plumbers, and electricians when they least expect it.  Gas station attendants and clerks at convenience stores with convenient hours (yes, retail stores but they have always been open).

Did we miss anybody?  We’re sorry if we did.  Please feel free to add them in a comment, extend the list, and keep the thanks going.  We’re also sorry if we couldn’t come up with the official job title or this week’s most politically correct reference.  In our experience, most of these people care more about the service they are providing than the name they are called.  That’s why most of these people are in jobs that risk being scheduled or holidays, weekends, evenings, and nights.  They are the ones likely to do something for you and then say thank you more than they expect to be told thank you.  So please, don’t forget these folks.  Someday you’ll want to thank them.  Hey, how about now?

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Love and Dysfunction

Michael 1 Comment

Ah, the holidays are coming.  It doesn’t matter what holiday, there’s going to be a sale to celebrate it, a parade to commemorate it, a special computer search engine page to recognize it, and fireworks to cap it off.  Except  Thanksgiving.

Poor Thanksgiving has gotten squeezed out.  In the real world it seems that Thanksgiving is the signal to begin work on our Christmas projects.  Christmas decorations go up the weekend after Thanksgiving, Christmas cookies get baked and frozen the weekend after Thanksgiving, Christmas card lists are reviewed and amended the Sunday after Thanksgiving, Christmas party invitations are sent the day after Thanksgiving, and Christmas shopping starts at midnight Thanksgiving evening. 

But in world of television and movies, Thanksgiving is holding its own!  Steve Martin and John Candy celebrated the lengths that one will go through to be with family on Thanksgiving, even driving halfway across country alternately in a burned out car and the trailer half of a tractor-trailer combination.   If it weren’t for Thanksgiving we might never know how enamored Al Pacino became with hoo-hah and that it’s ok to want to punch out your dinner guest.  You will never forget WKRP’s Mr. Carlson covered in feathers declaring in all seriousness, “As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”  And it’s ok to admit that you wish every year that you could be sitting down to a feast of toast and popcorn if Snoopy is serving it.

They tell us that Thanksgiving is for families and friends to gather, to be thankful they are still friends and family.  It’s a time to reflect on the year’s accomplishments, vacations, fun weekends, and all that went into getting almost all the way through another year.  Isn’t it funny that one of the most enduring images of the most American of holidays is as dysfunctional as mistaking turkeys for birds of flight?

Thanksgiving isn’t a time to celebrate another year travelled on the perfect path to great successes.  You want perfection, go to New York and watch the faux musicals re-enacted on 34th Street.  You want a celebration, be at our table.  There’ll be talk about the failures, the never ending projects, the worked weekends, and all that we still have in front of us before this year is over.  And our most endearing image will be of everyone as loving as Charlie Brown is to his friends always wanting to do something special for them, always failing but always part of the inner circle. 

Welcome to our table of love and dysfunction!  It’s ok.  They really do go together.  If it wasn’t for the one, we’d never try to extend ourselves risking the other.  And if it wasn’t for the other, we’d never truly appreciate the one.  They go together like friends and family, joy and happiness, and toast and popcorn.  There’s always room for more, there’s always enough love for extras, and there’s always just enough wrong to give real thanks for the right.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Fire Them All

Michael 2 Comments

Those who have spent any amount of time around He of We have heard his plan for workplace efficiency, effectiveness, and cooperation.  Fire them all and start over.  When you spend most of your time at work you want to spend it with people who are efficient, effective, and cooperative.  You wouldn’t think so but sometimes that’s a tall order.

The problem nowadays with many co-workers is that they want to be friends.  That’s not meant to be sounding harsh.  Indeed we should be friendly to our co-workers but not necessarily with them.  They make great acquaintances but when you stop and think about it, pretty lousy friends.

On any given workday we’re probably at work or getting to and from work for over 75% of our waking hours.  That’s a lot of time.  That’s probably why someone had to come up with the phrase “quality time” when you try to explain the type of time you want to be spending with those you love.  Quality, certainly not quantity.  So we want that part of our life to be as stress-free as possible.  No problem, with only a couple hours for close friends and family, where could stress hide?  Oh yeah, that other 75%.

It’s bad enough that sometimes work itself can be stressful.  We’ve managed to work our work lives in work places that we know how to work.  We’ve both been at our respective professions for lots of years and we’ve gotten used to the vagaries of what it is that we do.  There is stress, but it’s not overwhelming.  It expands, deflates, multiplies, settles, mushrooms, and eventually resolves sometimes several times a day, sometimes several times an hour.  But it’s work.  It happens.  And we deal with it.

But the wild card our day, in any workers workday is the dreaded co-worker.  We’re certain they come in a variety pack!  Some really aren’t a bad distraction while you’re trying to start the engines.  There’s the proud parent who starts the day with last night’s game winning free-throw or potty time success (age depending) but then moves on.  There’s the secret shopper who found the greatest buy at the most unusual store on the way home.  A little exasperating but after the first 15 minutes it’s business as usual. 

But then we start encountering the stress builders.  There’s the “Can you help?” worker.  We know he or she wants anything but help.  The help wanted is volunteering to do the whatever.  How easy it is when we’re busy to fall into “it’s easier if I do it myself.”   Mr. (or Ms.) Let-Me-Run-This-Past-You needs our review before it goes out to the boss, customer, or next level review.   Here we encounter two versions. Model #1 is a dolt but knows we’ll get him refocused and he’ll do such a great job (now that he knows what his job is) that he’ll get a bonus, raise, and prime parking space.   Model #2 is actually the model employee but paranoid as all get out and needs our reassurance that everything will be ok.

The most stressful, the dreaded-est of the dreadful is the Work Friend.  This person really takes on the persona of a friend.  Hanging out in the doorway, tales of last night’s life gone wrong, we might have felt honored when it began that this person trusts our opinion.  Then we start remembering the encounters.  There was the quarrels at home, the “did you see how early she left yesterday” comments, the rundown of every meeting the boss had that will result in more work but never more money, the itemization of every penny spent (translated to wasted) by everybody in the office but us two, and the leaky plumbing, noxious fireplace, cracked steps and useless cable company at home.  Each day there’s a new (or not so new) concern, a new worry in his or her life that we’re now going to solve and move on.  This person isn’t looking for a friend.  This person is looking for free therapy!

Do you want to be a good co-worker?  Come in, smile, say good day, bring a surprise once in a while (donuts are good), keep your conversations bright and have them in the lunch room, and do your job.  Learn your job.  When you want help, ask with the intention of actually learning a new how to.  Remember, it’s a job, it’s not supposed to be the happiest time of your day.  Learn a little workplace etiquette and when you get home your quality time will have meaning and you won’t need our help getting through life.  And then our quality time will be better and maybe we won’t mind so much the occasional detour to the therapist’s office.  Just not every day!

It beats the heck out of starting over every couple years.  And you know how HR hates it when you fire them all at once.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

You Get What You Pay For

Michael Leave a comment

Around here every summer there is a one day outdoor jazz festival and a weekend long blues festival.  Quite often there are on consecutive weekends.  This year they were on the same weekend.  We hate to miss either since jazz and blues are two of our three favorite genre, the third being almost everything else.  We also hate to miss either because they are free.  Sort of.  The jazz festival is free if you bring a donation for the local food bank.  The blues festival’s first night is also free with a donation to the same food bank.

Around here a lot is “free.”  Just in the past year we’ve gotten free discount coupon books (for a blood donation), had two free glasses of wine (for a donation to the local cancer society), had a free buffet (for a donation to a local hospital), saw a free movie (another blood donation), and sat through a free evening of songs by two of the best vocalists between the Atlantic and the Pacific (another donation to fight cancer).

Here’s the funny thing about these “free” events.  Somewhere between the giving and the getting, we found a great blues band, some excellent wine, a couple dynamite appetizer recipes, an up and coming jazz trumpeter,  a new passion for Saturday matinees, and two of the best vocalists between the Atlantic and the Pacific. 

There were even some truly “free” events we stumbled across.  Summer evening movie nights in the local park, big band concerts at the county park, free skate at an outdoor ice rink to celebrate the season, access to that 400+ mile bike path that rolls through 3 states and the District of Columbia, a drive along the back roads through the dappled sunshine in an open convertible.   Oh, one way or another we paid for these – from taxes to gasoline, nothing is really free.  Is it?  No matter how you look at it, if it didn’t involve the transfer of folding money from a pocket to an outstretched hand to us it’s free and free is a pretty good price.

Another thing free is, free is an opportunity to see more of the person you’re sharing free with.  You know that sometime during the event one of you will turn to the other and say, not too shabby … considering what we paid.  And from there a whole conversation ensues about the event, the venue, the surroundings, the other participants, the planners, the doers.  You soon find yourself quite engrossed in each other’s observations and each other’s opinions, and each other’s memories, and each other.  So engrossed you don’t really care why you are there, just that you are there.  And that “you” is plural.

Whether the beneficiaries were those who rely on the food bank to make it from meal to meal or us recharging our batteries joy riding from there to here, there’s a different word that describes all this free stuff. 

It’s not free.  It’s priceless.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Clean Up on Aisle Ten

Michael 3 Comments

She called last weekend.  It was the first weekend in November and She was out shopping in one of our favorite stores.  Yes, it was a remainder store.  Hey, we love ‘em.  Remainder stores, dollar stores, restock stores.  The place that goods that won’t die go to be bargains.

But I digress…She called Him and said it was close to an international incident.  While shopping in one of our favorite stores she encountered others that one would have thought were shopping.  And they may have been shopping but what was very evident was that they were also shouting.  Yes, shouting from one side of the store to the other in some foreign tongue, something not easily identifiable but foreign for sure.  Did the fact that they knew that probably nobody in the store knew their language give these shouters license to intrude on the other shoppers’ shopping Zen?

At first it was somewhat alarming.  When you don’t know the language you don’t know if a shout is an expression of shopping joy over finding Anne Klein at 95% off or a scream of alarm about a raging inferno in women’s outerwear.  But it kept going on so it seemed more conversational.  Just your basic conversation between two parties who had lost their cell phones.  At a loud volume.  Very loud.

And that’s when the potential international incident raised its head.  After 5 or 6 volleys between the screamers She couldn’t take it.  “Geez!  A little store etiquette!”  She was annoyed, and not too quiet about it.

And that got us on our digression –annoying shopping things.  It was the first week of November.  Halloween had just passed.  Veterans’ Day was not yet here.  Thanksgiving wasn’t even on the shopping list.  But as early as it is the store – a leftovers shop! – was in full Christmas regalia complete with Silver Bells, White Christmas, and Rudolph’s red nose playing on the intercom.  At that high volume that gets you right in the comfort zone screaming Christmas is coming!  Shop now because the bargains you see today won’t be here tomorrow!!  Buy early!!! Buy often!!!! Buy, buy, buy!!!!!  It had that hidden message behind music just a little too loud and a little too fast that says get shopping, get spending, now go home and make room for others!  And if the subliminal message isn’t enough they have to punctuate it every 12 minutes with their in-store announcements.  “Attention shoppers, buy now because the bargains you see today might not be here tomorrow!  See the specials in aisle one through 14.  Stop at our service desk for a flyer of everything that’s on sale!  Today only, everything is on sale!”

And is it only us that when we work our way up to the cashier we’re greeted in 21st century cashier monotone, “hellohowareyoudidyoufindeverythingyouwerelookingfor” while he/she/to be determined scans the first 8 items.  When we hand over our cash how do we get our change?  Bills first, coins sliding off the top, and a very heartfelt “There you go.”  When did “There you go” become synonymous with “Thank you!”  Listen up cashiers, the phrase you’re looking for is “Thank you!” (Emphasis added.)

Some annoyances we expect, some are new every year, but know that we’re entering the annoying zone, and we’ll all be stuck here for the next eight weeks. 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Really? Real Reality?

Michael 1 Comment

Welcome to the Real Reality Show Blog.  By now you’ve got to be thinking, “what is Real Reality?” and not a sentence too soon we might add.  Let’s start with what isn’t.

What isn’t real reality is what everyone else is forcing you to believe is reality, or at the very least, real.  Reality shows are far from so far from reality that it’s sometimes easy to think of them as really being sort of real.  The producers know that you know that what you are seeing isn’t what Ordinary Joe and Jane are doing, seeing, buying, driving, watching, vacationing, or living.  But it might be close enough to reality that you might actually believe that you could be there on that screen.  Yeah, right.  And two rights make a wrong.

No, real reality is what we really have to do, see, buy, drive, watch, and whatever else.  The thing about reality shows is that they need to hook you into believing that you’d rather be there.  The thing about reality is that it really isn’t all that bad a place to be anyway.  Might as well rather be here.

We’ll show you the fun stuff that really real people do.  And we’ll do it for pennies on the dollar compared to the reality show versions of fun.  We’ll also show you the things real people think about and how “They” (you know “They,” first cousin to “Them”) need you to believe that They know better than you and you will believe everything They tell you to believe because you’re stupid, They told you.

We probably have a better idea but we probably won’t ever get it patented or marketed or out to the world to make life easier for you.  But we’ll try to tell you what it is and how we got to it.  If the best we can do is to get you to think of some better ideas too, that’s not such a bad thing.

What we aren’t is a rant.  We also aren’t political, religious, theatrical, bleeding hearts, or heartless clods.  We’ll talk about religions and politics, we’ll get a little dramatic, we have our favorite charities and we’ll acknowledge others.  Sometimes we’ll get a little excited, almost passionate, but we try to be at least a little bit more constructive than just ranting about things. 

We also aren’t politically correct.  If you get all bent out of shape because we aren’t using this week’s watchword when addressing this month’s favorite minority, get over it.  We don’t take ourselves so seriously that we’re convinced that whatever we say will change thousands of years of oppression, confirm millions of years of persecution, ease hundreds of years of harassment, or be remembered for more than a handful of minutes.  Oh yeah, we don’t take you seriously either.

If things go well we’ll do this a couple times a week.  If you find yourself really interested in the things we put out there, let us know.  We don’t know what we’ll do with it but we’ll tuck away that somebody out there liked something. 

Oh yeah, who are we?  We’re us.  A couple who’ve been around the block, been to a few rodeos, aren’t at our first circus, been there done that, and done it – umm, do it with a little extra … just because.

Now, that’s what, or who, or both, we are.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Trick, Treat, Really

Michael Leave a comment

A funny thing happened this year on Halloween.  It rained.  We still sat out in the driveway handing out treats to the little ones (and some bigger ones) that braved the elements for a free peanut butter cup.  But that rain kept some of the smarter ones indoors, knowing there’d be a Halloween next year.

The cool thing about sitting out in the driveway on Halloween is that you get up close and personal with the treaters.  You get to see them in their natural element – the costumed herd …pack? …covey?  They spread out in front of you.  You aren’t forced to see them in that single file parade as they squeeze into your open doorway.  You see the parents who are brave enough to walk up the driveway with the young ones.  You get to wave to the parents who are brave enough to let their young ones walk up to you alone.  You get to hear the kids talk and sometimes say more than “Trick or Treat…Hot Tamales! Cool…Love your costumes.”  Did we mention we get dressed up to sit on the driveway?  (Actually at least one of us gets dressed up and goes to work like that all day.  It’s a thing, what can I say.  But not the funny thing.

The funny thing that happened on Halloween was that it rained.  Yes it rained and the treaters weren’t in their usual droves.  They more or less sputtered.  There would be a small herd(?) of them, then a pause.  Then there would be mini pack(?) of them, then a pause. There would be… you get the idea.  Lots of time to sit in the rain at the top of the driveway, under the tent (we might be a little nuts but we aren’t crazy), watching the world go by.  And what did we notice as the world went by?  Where are all the cool costumes?

We don’t mean the portable blow up with its own battery operated fan sumo wrestler costume.  We don’t mean the matching Bam Bam and Pebbles costumes.  We don’t mean the hot dog or the M&M or the Darth Vader.  We mean the really cool ones.  The ones you and your parents made yourselves when you were 10 and you didn’t have all the imagination sucked out of you by the most recent computer game.  You remember them – the bunch of grapes made out of purple balloons and a hunk of green fabric for the stem.  Maybe a radio made out of a cardboard box the size of a small refrigerator that you couldn’t hold a treat bag when you had it on but you wore it anyway.  You just made your best friend who you couldn’t go trick or treating without carry your bag.  Or how about the year you spread ashes over your face, called it a beard, found your dad’s oldest lawn mowing shirt, got some jeans, and went as a hobo.  Today you’d be chased down the street by a TV crew doing a future award winning special on the cruelty of children making fun of our homeless brethren.  Back then that was just cool.

No imagination any more.  But the kids come by it honestly.  After a couple hours sitting in the rain (under our tent) we hauled everything into the garage, freshened up our costumes, and headed out to the corner tavern for a round of appetizers and an adult beverage.  What did we find?  Three other couples.  None in costume.  Fourth year running.  On the only day of the year that we are encouraged to be somebody else nobody wanted to.  Bet there were a lot of people at work the next day wishing they were anybody else.  Take a couple minutes once a year to be somebody else.  You’ll be better at who you are for it.

That’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?