Category Life

Petty Woman

Michael Leave a comment

The TV news reporter looked his serious look hard into the camera and solemnly stated, “In a story that is gripping the nation…”  We were ready to hear of a terrorist attack, the death of a major statesman, a family kidnapped by aliens while trout fishing (the family, not the aliens).  Instead we got, “…Miss Pennsylvania has given up her crown claiming the Miss USA pageant is a fraud.” 

Really?  That’s gripping?  That’s captivating?  That’s breaking news? To be fair to the beauty pageant followers of America, there was a lot of news this week from the Miss USA competition. 

Six of 11 young women were not able to name the Vice President of the USA.  One of those not able to answer correctly, Miss Nevada, explained, “We were up really late.”  Miss Rhode Island, the ultimate winner of the contest was one of those asked and answered correctly.  Thank all who count on that one.  It probably scored an extra point for her.

Miss Ohio’s ideal woman, an inspiration to her, the perfect woman not hampered by reality but created through a movie producer’s vision and the film that features a woman as a role model to all women, was a hooker in a movie about a hooker living the good life on somebody else’s nickel.  A good looking hooker, a Pretty Woman even, and an interesting twist on the Eliza Doolittle story, but still, just a hooker.  In our opinion, My Fair Lady was not only a better role model but had better music too.    

Not all the news came from the pageant.  Some came from the news covering the pageant.  During the same Q&A session that provided us with prostitution as an aspiration, once again ultimate winner Miss Rhode Island scored bonus points.  She answered the question, would it be fair for a transgender to compete in the Miss USA competition with, “… so many people out there who have a need to change for a happier life, I do accept that because it’s a free country.”  That statement earned her the comment “(her) victory was for more than good looks; it was for common sense and dignity” from the Boston Globe.  Of course it is only common sense that someone needs to surgically alter oneself to achieve happiness while also undignified to try to provoke happiness from within.  They left out freedom.

Then there is the big man himself, the Donald, trumping all the news claiming he’s going to sue Miss Pennsylvania for calling his contest a fraud.  Those are strong words according to the gazillionaire and if he doesn’t get an apology he’s going to take his ball and go home.  No, that’s not true.  He never said anything about balls, but if he doesn’t get an apology he’s going to sue her.  Maybe even if he does.

Taking one’s ball and going home is nothing new for Miss USA.  The whole competition is based on not playing well with others.  Started in 1952, the Miss USA pageant was created over a tussle between the Miss America pageant and swimsuit sponsor Catalina.  Not to be left without its share of publicity, Catalina started its own Miss USA and Miss Universe to boot.  More women, more swimsuits.  

It’s just all too gripping for us, and not the least bit petty.  And on top of it, we think we’ll hold off going trout fishing for a little while.  Just in case.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Just Causes Just Because

Michael Leave a comment

About this time of year the local newspapers run a story or two about a young citizen making like a mature adult as he or she completes a senior project and raises a few dollars for a local charity.  Such is the case of a teen local to us who raised about $1500 for the Save Darfur effort, joining millions since 2003 who have poured millions of dollars into the lobbying effort to solicit U.S. intervention.

So it was a pleasant morning when She of We read about a local college student joining the Push America’s Journey of Hope effort to raise $600,000 for Americans with disabilities and He of We read an article about a sixteen year old high school sophomore starting her own effort to raise $8,000 for a local homeless shelter. 

What makes these pleasant?  These kids had no program to make, no project to complete, and knew of what they were getting into.  It’s possible that a high school senior knows about the atrocities of Darfur.  Plug in a liberal social studies teacher and it’s even probable.  It’s equally possible that a high school senior knows the money doesn’t go to on the ground efforts in Darfur but to professional lobbyists in Washington to try to convince Congress to provide support from the national coffers.  But for a high school sophomore to just decide to ask her fellow studies for money for a homeless shelter that’s a good dozen miles from her suburban home “just because” is quite remarkable.  Equally remarkable is for a young man to take an entire summer off from gainful employment or youthful enjoyment to ride a bicycle across the country to raise money for disabled Americans a mile at a time.

Giving money, time, and energy is nothing new for the young.  Often it’s because of their energy and time that youthful philanthropy can far outraise established charities.  For example, Penn State University’s annual Thon dance marathon, the largest student run philanthropy in the world, raised over $10.5 million dollars this year for research to combat pediatric cancer.

Whether measured in millions, the hundreds of thousands, or the thousands of dollars a quarter at a time, these children and young adults show they have the maturity that is missing in so much “professional” fundraising efforts of good cause from fighting genocide to rebuilding from natural disasters.  The problem with professional philanthropy like Safe Darfur, Katrina Fundraising, and Tsunami Relief Organization is that so much of the effort has been built around the administration of the money raised that a lot goes to the professionals and a little to the philanthropy.

It seems that the fundraisers that ask for a quarter at a time make more of that money, if not all of that money go to the people whose pictures are on the donation cans.  Maybe the professionals should step aside and like the young people take over.  They’re going to eventually.  Let them start helping those who really need our help. 

Maybe then we’ll have something more interesting for them to take over.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Lions and Tigers and Bears. Oh, My

Michael Leave a comment

Everybody with a computer, TV, smartphone, or friend with one has heard about the bear rescued after falling from a tree in Colorado only to be hit and killed by two cars about 10 days later (hit by two, killed by one or the other).  A spokeswoman for Colorado Parks and Wildlife said the bear was probably trying to return to its home ground not unlike another bear they attempted to relocate a couple years ago.

Between the bear rescue and bear loss there was another story.  A dolphin got trapped in a coastal area outside Laguna Beach after wandering in during high tide and not getting out before low tide. Or so they said.  Now, officials are saying that even at low tide the dolphin has enough vertical space to move back out into the ocean but likes it where he is.  Although there has been talk about moving the dolphin if he doesn’t move himself, everybody seems to be standing pat.  And a good thing or he might get hit by a couple of cars also.

Ok, we’re joking there.  But usually nothing good comes of trying to relocate animals, wild, tame, intelligent, or needing a little help.  There are all sorts of proponents of animal rights that do good things when trying to rescue abused puppies and tormented kittens that feel when wild animals intrude on somebody’s back yard that they should be put back where they came from.  The problem is that often, where they came from was right around that back yard. 

People keep wild animals as pets – snakes, alligators, and even lions and tigers and bears are caught or bought when young and seem to make great pets at 6 or 8 weeks old.  After a couple of years they start acting like and are recognized for the wildlife that they are.  Not wanting to explain to the wife who ate the entire contents of the refrigerator they are sent on their way.

Quite often, as more and more houses are built on land that used to be just rocks and hills, the animals that still live there are forced to share their former rural space with suburbia.  And they do.  They live out of garbage cans, dumpsters, and landfills.  Eventually one evening, one gets caught pilfering the cafeteria discards behind the dish room and scampers up a tree only to lose his usual surefootedness and fall into the waiting dart of a tranquiller gun.  A few quick trusses, a quick drive 50 or 60 miles away, the former semi-wildlife is in the real wild, and doesn’t like it.  So he tries to work his way back with less than, or perhaps more than smashing results.

So we’re offering this advice.  We heard similar from our parents and now pass it on.  If you should see a bear going through your garbage, he’s probably more scared of you than you are of him.  But just in case, leave him alone.  There’s plenty for everybody.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

There Is No Crying

Michael 1 Comment

“There’s no crying in baseball,” was Jimmy Dugan’s guidance in A league of Their Own.  Advice that Both of We have given to many in many fields.  There’s no crying in yardwork.  There’s no crying in meatloaf.  There’s no crying in plumbing.  There’s no crying in college acceptance celebrations.  Hold on!  That last one isn’t one of ours.  Oh but it is one of the New York City school district.

Yes, in the highly competitive world of college admissions, New Yorkers (New Yorkers!?!) want to be certain that the egos of students not accepted into their first choice institutions are not unduly bruised.   Teachers are told not to congratulate students in public and if they should see someone crying to “be sensitive” and to refer them to the college advisory office (guidance counselor?) immediately.  Perhaps it’s the school advisors who should be considering select institutions.

But how could you blame the city schools for prohibiting public displays of best wishes?  They are just following the lead of several famous (or so we’re told) prep schools that have banned wearing college sweatshirts bearing the crests of the universities that have accepted their students or posting their good news on Facebook.

In January we asked in a post “How long has it been since we started instilling in our young people that there are no losers?” (Your Turn to Keep Score from Life, Jan 16, 2012).  We proposed then that it has been long enough that someday those young people will be running for “Congress, President, and your local school board.”  Seems like they might have already made it to the school boards.

We can poke fun at the bizarrely ridiculous notion that some adult somewhere really thinks that not going “Woohoo!” when a kid opens that long awaited letter from school will make life better for some other student who had a hard time spelling woohoo in Social Media 101.  The truth is that we have already seen how “everyone’s a winner” is destroying American life.  For example:   there’s no crying in bank failures; there’s no crying in corporate bankruptcies; there’s no crying in union negotiations; there’s no crying in lying in political ads; there’s no crying in government bail outs; there’s no crying in $5.00/gallon gasoline.

There used to be a lot of losing in life.  And those losses led to some of the biggest successes the world has seen.  Today we can say that life isn’t all winning and be absolutely accurate.  It isn’t.  There just isn’t any losing either.

Hey, there’s no crying in responsible adulthood.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Quantities May Be Limited

Michael Leave a comment

You go to the store to get that great sweater on sale you saw in yesterday’s paper.  You go to the department, then to the aisle, then to the rack.  You see the sign.  “Great Sweaters.  Regular $49.99. Two Day Sale $1.78.”   You reach for it and find . . . a picture of the sweater with a banner across it that says “Sold Out.”

No, this never happens at the store.  Not a brick and mortar store, that is.  But it happens all the time on line.  You get an e-mail that says for tonight only, all housewares are 99% off.  You click on the link, the page opens, you see the counter in the corner, “Page 1 of 24; 20 of 480 Items.”  Page 1 has a couple things you like.  That Ice Crusher would be a real centerpiece for the counter but it’s “Sold Out.”  Page 2 has a few more things of interest, and a few more “Sold Out” banners. 

By the time you get to Page 5 you’re seeing more “Sold Out” masks than items of any real interest.  You brace yourself for the long ride and decide to hit all 24 pages.  The final count.  Two things actually worth considering, one of them actually at a good price, and 307 items with a banner across their pictures announcing them to be “Sold Out.”  Is that fair?

If they can put a banner on the picture why can’t they remove the picture?  Or are the on-line stores trying to tell us that if we had less of a life and could spend all day with our e-mail open and hop on the announcement as soon as it was posted we too could be proud owners of a solar powered ice crusher?

Yes, we know that sometimes things go fast on line.  Better to know they are sold out than to try to put a pair of chinchilla bowling gloves in your shopping cart only to find out later you aren’t getting them.  Still, a little site maintenance would probably end up in better sales.  We’d get less frustrated and actually go through all 24 pages – now reduced to 4.

Brick and mortar stores found out the hard way through consumer backlash that if they plan on advertising a fabulous deal but only put 2 or 3 copies in each store that they better say that in the ads.  Then we know that when we get to the $1.78 sweater rack and we see an empty space that we missed out.  We don’t need a picture to remind us of what we didn’t get.  Maybe the on-line shops should take heed. 

“All housewares on sale.  Seven to choose from.”

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Catching Flies and Filling Coffers

Michael Leave a comment

You’ve certainly seen them on TV, also.  Dogs hobbling along on 3 legs.  Babies in intensive care cribs breathing through holes in their throats.  Starving children sitting on hard packed dirt with flies on their faces.  Homeless Americans lining up around the block for a cup of broth and half of a sandwich.  All the poor and sick – and exploited – who need your help just getting through another day.

We applaud the people who can work with the unfortunates.  We applaud the people who give to help the unfortunates.  But for the people who prepare those ads, announcements, PSAs, whatever you want to call them, we have no applause.  For those people we have a little advice – you catch more flies with honey.

Year after year of the same pictures and the same pleas make us think why bother, we’ll just get more of the same.  We also think there’s a little hypocrisy in some of those ads.  When the animal rights groups are next preparing their condemnation of movie studios looking for a big payday on the backs of exploited animals, maybe they should look to their own ad agencies.

We feel sorry for all those who need our help but we have only so many contribution dollars.  Like those things that we buy, we want to see value for the money we donate.  Showing us a child tied to a wheelchair because of a congenital muscle wasting disease is a great way to get our initial sympathy.  It goes well with the brooding music and the desolate voiceover, “Send us your money because Johnny needs a miracle.”  But showing us that child a couple years later walking with the help of crutches or even on his own is a better way of saying “Look at what your money has done.  Together we made a miracle. Let’s make some more!”

We haven’t done any research on this but we have to think that there are others who would be more easily swayed to give to heal children and make happy animals.  Not everybody is a sucker for a sad song.  At least, usually not more than once.

So, any of you out there who might be in a position of authority with one of these hospitals or with a charitable or humane organization, remember this when you are putting together next year’s giving campaigns.  You catch more dollars with joy than you do with gloom.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Entitlement Program

Michael 2 Comments

We were talking the other day, at what age do you get to say, “Screw it, I’m old, I’m entitled.”

Please keep this in mind.  Neither of us is wild about people who are selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed, or anything else that screams, “Me first!”  But we’re ok with our older neighbors taking what is really their due for a lifetime of putting up with the younger crowd.  Even us.

If we were pinned down we think we’d say the magic number is 80.  By the time someone gets to be 80 there isn’t much more you’re going to be able to teach them, show them, expect of them or that they’ll want to be taught, shown, or expect of you other than respect from you. 

Today’s eighty-somethings have seen all the wars anybody can invent.  An 80 year old today saw nuclear tests, nuclear threats, nuclear bombs, nuclear disarmament, and now nuclear rearmament.  They’ve seen Europeans invade other Europeans, Asians invade other Asians, Africans fighting among themselves, and Middle Easterners drop a pair of skyscrapers on 2,700 innocent bystanders.

Today’s eighty-somethings have seen all the inventions we really need.  They went from transportation by foot, by train, by car, by plane.  They’ve seen air travel go from something special for the very few to something else for the very rude.  They’ve seen entertainment go from the stage to the theater to the radio to the television back to the theater and back to the stage.  They’ve seen communication go from telegraphs sent letter by letter, to telephones, to party lines, to private lines, to wireless phones, to cell phones, to texts sent letter by letter. 

Today’s eighty-somethings are politically correct.  Anything they have to say comes from experience, not from experts on television.  If they want to call the President a bleeding heart or a fascist, a do-gooder or a no-gooder, a boom or a bust, they’ve seen them all and know exactly what he is.  They don’t need to, nor should have to mince words.  They don’t have time to be sugar coating anything but their breakfast cereal.

Today’s eighty-somethings have done it all with more class than their elders did because they had to and with more class than their youngers will because they can.  And that’s real class.

No doubt about it.  You find us a couple of eighty year olds and we’ll join them in telling the world, “Screw it, he’s entitled. And so is she.”  It’s an entitlement program we can get behind.  Even us.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Be It Further Resolved

Michael 2 Comments

If you were reading us at the beginning of the year you know we didn’t make our New Year’s Resolutions on the turn of the New Year.  (Be It Resolved, January 2, 2012)  We contended that to try to make life changes while still reeling from weeks’ worth of parties, presents, and way too much food is just plain goofy.  “Ask us to set goals when Mother Nature is setting some of hers,” we said.  And now, we can.

We live in the right part of the country for Spring Resolutions.  Just a couple of days into Spring and we are in the midst of a potential record breaking string of 70+ degree days.  Trees are budding, flowers are blooming, and what rain we’ve gotten has been warm and overnight, leaving the days washed bright and sunny.  It’s the perfect time to collaborate with Mother Nature on this year’s goals.

Back in January, She of We was concerned about her television watching.  She had talked then that television had become too much a part of her routine and when she was watching she wasn’t doing anything else.  Back then her resolution would have been to stop watching so much television.  Not terribly positive.  If it had been a goal on a self-appraisal it would have been rejected for sure.  But after a few weeks of getting out of the holiday routine and back into a more normal “rest of the year” routine she found what she was missing was reading.  Her books had become orphans.  So now She of We can say the she wants to increase her reading time and the time to do it will be in the evening which previously had been time watching television.

He of We had complained for the entire holiday season that he wasn’t getting enough activity, neither physical nor mental.  Other than carrying boxes of decorations up and down steps there was no exercise in his life.  The most thought he’d put into anything was whether the plastic cocoon covering a new flashlight was trash or recyclable.  Had a resolution been made on January 1 it might have been to exercise more.  It might have made it to January 2.  But now in the warm morning sun it’s a comfortable walk to the nearby high school football field where he can circle it for a few laps in solitude and thought.  He of We now can say that he’s going to spend at least 30 minutes a day reflecting on what he can do to be more positive to others and as long as his mind is occupied for those 30 minutes, how about occupying the body too.

So we managed to keep our one resolution that we did make back in January.  We resolved then to make our resolutions this Spring.  Spring is here and it’s time we live up to our words.  You’ve heard two of them and we’re pretty certain that we can say we’ll continue those at least until the next snowfall.  That’s usually how long resolutions last anyway.  In January the next snow fall could be only minutes away.  Now we should have some 6 or 7 snow-free months to work on these.  By then, they may not be resolutions.  They might be good habits instead. 

We’ll get back to you and let you know.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Hey! Here’s something else we think.  Today we upload our 50th post!  There was a time we weren’t certain if we’d ever get to our first.  We’ve had fun, we’ve been reflective, we’ve ranted a little, we’ve enjoyed a lot.  It’s our way of celebrating reality. Real reality. Because if you aren’t real, you aren’t. 
And that’s what we think.  Really.

 

Dirty Words

Michael Leave a comment

A while ago former First Lady Barbara Bush said at a conference, “I hate that people think compromise is a dirty word.”  And as we looked at recent politics and campaigns, she is on to something.  Nobody compromises anything.  There are times when you really don’t want to compromise, perhaps with your virtue, but most of what this country has and has become, has been through compromise.  Even the Declaration of Independence had words added, removed, and changed as a result of compromise.    

It got us to thinking, what are the other new dirty words out there?

Speed limit:  Everywhere we go people are speeding.  You can piggy back onto this word “conservation.”  It wasn’t long ago we talked about gas going to $4 a gallon but nobody really doing anything about it. (Paper or Plastic, Feb. 23, 2012, from Life’s Questions)  No need to.  We aren’t spending real money and our cars are very efficient.  Um, no, they aren’t.  Not at 70 miles per hour.  When we talked about how people were outraged about gas prices thirty years ago we didn’t mention that one of the strategies to conserve gas was the national 55mph speed limit.  It probably wouldn’t go over very big today.

Thank you:  We’ve posted quite a few times about how nobody says thank you.  (Most recently, Terms of Appreciation, Jan. 23, 2012 from Etiquette) They say just about everything else – there you go, have a good one, ya’ll come back now (we just made that one up).  Probably nobody says “thank you” because it’s a dirty word and they don’t want to get fired for swearing at the customers.

Conservative:  We were at an event recently and one of the local papers had a booth erected.  It was the more conservative of the two major papers.  While we, and others were there, a man walked by with his wife and child (probably his child but we didn’t confirm that with the wife; probably his wife but we didn’t confirm that either) and shouted “Too F——- Conservative” and kept on going.  But as we think of this, maybe “conservative” isn’t the bad word.  Perhaps it’s “liberal.” We’re pretty sure if something like that happened at the other major paper’s booth (had there been one), there would have been shouting and punching with those defending the honor of the paper like one would if a young lady were the object of obscenities. 

Parenting:  Go through your local paper’s archives for the past six months.  How many stories can you find about children still being left in cars while parents shop, eat, drink, or gamble?  How many stories can you find about a child hurt or killed when left alone with a fireplace, matches, large dog, big television perched precariously on small stand, or drug crazed boyfriend?  Read the story carefully.  Somebody will speculate that the time alone was brief, that the child was secure in a seat, or that the dog was trained or the boyfriend contrite.  Nobody will say the parents were selfish, clueless, reckless, bad decision makers, or all of the above.

Gluten:  We don’t know how many people even know what gluten is but we know everybody says it’s bad for you.  Gluten is the irritant in one of the most painful medical conditions people suffering from autoimmune diseases can face.  There are very few treatment options and less successful ones.  For a whole generation to decide they have a predisposition to this mocks the poor true victims and makes it even harder for them to be accepted with such a debilitating disease.  So if you think you have some horrible disease magically treated by not eating bread, don’t eat the bread.  And then keep your suffering to yourself.  That way we can hear and help those who truly suffer from Celiac Disease.

Date:  Sometimes it seems the only people we know who are dating are us.  Nobody goes on dates any more.  As the parents of 20-somethings we get to hear of going out but in packs.  Packs of young adults are going to bars and coffee shops, to bowling alleys and amusement parks.  Never a couple.  Always a group.  Safety in numbers?  Maybe.  Comfort in groups?  Perhaps.  Scared of dating?  Might be.

So those are our seven words you can’t say on TV.  Hmm, that makes us wonder.  What about those other more famous seven words?  They’re probably ok now.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Can you hear me…

Michael Leave a comment

The greatest invention of the nineteenth century might well have been the telephone.  From nothing when the first commercial line was strung in 1877 to 48,000 subscribers some ten years later, the telephone may have had the greatest initial impact on American households alongside the regular provision of electricity. 

Some one hundred years later the telephone really hadn’t changed much.  Commercial wireless handsets were becoming more popular in the home and telephone calls no longer meant being tied to the boxes with the dials or buttons where it hung on walls or perched on tables.  Freedom to walk around the house came with only the restriction not to wander too far from the base unit.  It could have be then that telephones started taking on a more positive role among our families.

The phone had always been more positive than negative.  It allowed us to speak with relatives who lived across town, state, and country.  It allowed us to check on our homework answers.  It allowed us to check on friends not feeling well and family who just added another member to the family.  But there were still specific reasons to use the telephone. 

Although relatively economical to maintain local service, local usually meant very local.  Long distance and metropolitan services could be quite expensive.  And phone calls were still often an intrusion into our lives.  They usually came while we were eating, watching TV, playing a board game with our parents and siblings, or out back tossing baseballs, footballs, falling off sleds or pulling weeds depending on the season.  Other than when we were pulling weeds, most of the time the calls came when we really didn’t want to be interrupted. 

Although it might have been more intrusion than necessity, the advances made in the telephone were remarkable.  The twentieth century saw direct dialing, multiple extensions at a single number rather than multiple households on a single line, picture phone, push buttons, memory dialing, built in answering machines, and the first truly portable communication devices – the mobile phone.  Yes, the greatest invention of the twentieth century might well have been the telephone.

Now another thirty years have gone by and we all have a phone attached to our hips or in special pockets in our purses.  We no longer look at the phone as a service or a utility as much as we look at it as an essential that we’d not leave the house without.  We’ve both done it.  Before we leave the house we do our ritual check – wallet, keys, watch, and phone.

We don’t just talk on our phones, we send messages by voice, text, e-mail, Twitter, and Facebook.  We play games on them and with them.  We watch short clip videos on YouTube and streaming videos of live sporting events.  We flip a switch and some satellite finds us and we get turn by turn directions from them.  We maintain our contacts so seamlessly that if someone asks for a phone number for someone we call or text many times a day, we have to look it up.  We don’t know it because we never “dial” it.  We speak the person’s name into the microphone or tap the person’s picture on the screen to be connected.  We no longer have to clip coupons or write shopping lists.  It’s literally at our fingertips.  We aren’t sure but it seems very much like Star Trek.  But if we aren’t sure it’s ok because we can search for and watch episodes of vintage television on our anything by vintage telephones.

Quite an accomplishment for an instrument that at the turn of the century was still fairly impressive to see and use.  When even as portable a phone as it was, it was really just a portable phone.  And in less than a decade it has become as ubiquitous as flies at a picnic.  And as diverse as being able to be the instrument used to look up insect repellant for back yards.  Even though we’re only a little more than a tenth of the way through, the greatest invention of the twenty-first century might well will be the telephone.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?