Category Life

Paging Doctor Bombay

Michael 1 Comment

Both of We were to the doctor recently.  We made a discovery there.  Independently, and without even chatting with each other until we were both on familiar barstools, we mean familiar ground, we decided on our perfect doctor.  As kindly as he may have been in prime time, we don’t want Marcus Welby.  As hard as he worked to save his patients, we don’t want Hawkeye Pierce.  As smart as he was, we definitely don’t want Doogie Howser.  No, we want Dr. Bombay.

Everybody remembers Dr. Bombay from the Bewitched television series from the 60’s.  Even those not born until the 80’s remember Bernard Fox’s character, Dr. Bombay, the literal witch doctor who tended after Samantha and her bewitching relatives.  There’s our perfect primary care physician.  One who can shrug off what happens to patient number 4 in the scenario that 3 out of 4 make a complete recovery.  One who understands that medicine is not an exact science and knowing how to care for his patient isn’t brain surgery.  One who heeds the adage, laughter is the best medicine.  Even if it isn’t covered by most health plans.

A few years ago He of We’s doctor gave him a year to drop 20 unnecessary pounds. No reason, no plan, no sympathy.  Just do it.  A year later, without referencing the previous year’s instruction, his doctor gave him a year to lose 30 pounds.  Dr. Bombay would have remembered.  Dr. Bombay would have popped in every few weeks to see what progress was being made and would have brought along his favorite weight loss device, exercise routine, or diet modification.

We can see Dr. Bombay having that discussion.  He would pantomime his upper body rocking back and forth as he works out on his elliptical machine and swinging his arms about as he swims across the room.  And then he would end it all with “And keep up with the fiber.  If you can’t hold back on the breads, at least eat healthy. Wot, wot, don’t you know?”

The supporting cast needs to be of good humor also.  She of We’s doctor’s nurse was busy with her preliminaries at her appointment.  She began quietly professional.  That’s euphemistic for cold and unfriendly.  Take the blood pressure, take the pulse, take the temperature.  Normal, normal, normal.  “How old are you? What drugs are you taking? None! Really!  How old are you?  No wonder you’re normal.”  We made up that last line, but she did smile.

That’s when Dr. Bombay would have stepped into the examination room and began to try to pick up the nurse.  And there is where some things are going to have to remain the realm of television fiction.  But other than that there are lots of things that our students of Hippocrates can learn from Dr. Bombay, like a cheerful heart is good medicine, and that we all put on our paper gowns one leg at a time.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Apology Accepted

Michael Leave a comment

It’s the first of the month and for us that means cell phone payment time.  In the past we’ve been known to complain about the lack of customer service we almost always get from banks, insurance companies, the cable company, and assorted utilities. Well we’ve discovered one service that we find quite customer-friendly.

Both of We have the same cell phone carrier.  We’re not ones to drop names but someone will ask and we’re quite happy with it so why not share.  Our service is the one that comedians seem to relish poking fun at for their customer service and we don’t understand why because we’ve received stellar service from ours.  Ours is Sprint.

Both of us arrived at Sprint separately, after horrendous customer service disasters at the hands of our previous carriers, the two biggest and fastest and bestest carriers of them all.   At least that’s what they say.  They don’t say that they are the worst customer oriented companies in the phone service marketplace.  So bad are those two, or perhaps just so big are those two, that when Each of We told our former carrier that we were leaving them, we were actually told to go right ahead and leave.

So why do we think Sprint is so good.  Both of We have had issues that required warranty service or contract questions and all of those issues were handled quite conscientiously and quite handily by human beings.  One minor point is that we did once tried to pay a bill to a human being and the idea of money seemed a little confusing to her so we stopped doing that.  What we do is pay on line, at a kiosk in the store, or most often by phone.  That’s not surprising.  Probably close to 99% of all phone users do the same.  What we notice every month when we pay is that we get a happy recorded voice who guides us through their menu of do you want to pay your bill, this is how much you owe and do you want to pay that amount, and finally do you want to use the same payment method as last time?  That’s all.  No enter your 12 digit account number, your 10 digit phone number, your 5 digit ZIP Code.  No user names.  No passwords.  Just 3 questions, a couple of quick pushes on the number 1, and then the pleasant voice says, “Your payment has been accepted.  Please be aware that it may take up to 15 minutes to be recorded throughout our system.”  Other companies say that it will take up to 3, 7, or even 10 business days to credit your account so please write down this very long confirmation number and plan on someone calling you later to ask for more money.

Anybody who has ever checked out his or her bank account on line minutes after making a phone or computer payment knows that within those same minutes that payment has already been syphoned out of the bank.  Why aren’t all of those payments just as immediately posted as paid at the company that is doing the syphoning?  Yet the one company that almost immediately posts the payment apologizes because it’s not as immediate as they would like it.  Maybe that’s something the other companies can figure out how to do just as fast while they are figuring out who’s the fastest of them all.

Can you hear us now?

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

The Ambassador and the Triscuit Inspector

Michael Leave a comment

Recently we stayed a few days at a Sheraton hotel.  At most Sheratons there is a club suite for the Starwood Preferred guests.  Go to the web-site and sign up and after the first stay or two you move into the preferred category or most touring stays will add you to that list.  It’s not a terribly exclusive club,  no more than many hotel and airline members-only clubs.  But this one was different.  This one came with a host who falls into the “Now that was an interesting person” category.  You decide how to define interesting for yourself.

Our host for our evenings at the Sheraton was a former Triscuit Inspector.  We don’t know if he actually had a numbered slip that he popped into each box or a personalized stamp that emblazoned the inner seal so we can’t go into the archives to confirm that but that is what he told us.  For years he worked at the local Nabisco plant as the Triscuit Inspector right up until they closed the plant and he had to make a decision as to how he should earn his keep until Social Security took over.  Since this story takes place in the general area of Niagara Falls he thought tourism.  And quite logically.  So now for the past while he has been the Sheraton’s Starwood Suite host and sees that the cracker plates are full (we didn’t notice any Triscuits), the cheese platter is balanced, and the beer and wine are cold and chilled respectively.  But what makes him interesting wasn’t the Triscuit background or his ability to keep the yellow and white cheeses equalized.  It was his willingness to share his background and his stories of when he worked at Nabisco, where to find the cheapest wines in town, and where the best smoke-free slot machines are in the casino.

Interesting people always find us. We already spoke of our tour guide in Puerto Rice who regaled us with stories of real life on the island, his life. We saw his home town, heard tales of his family, were told of his wife’s cooking, and saw his favorite beach.  All that while he managed to extract tales from those he was touring.  Another interesting soul from that trip was our hotel’s lobby ambassador.  Do resorts still have such a character, the cross between concierge and man on the street?  Not a day went by except the one he was off that we weren’t greeted by name by this giant of a man who split his life between Puerto Rice and New York and was a diehard Giants football fan but took a Steelers wrist band from us and wore it at least while we were still there.

It was also on that trip that we found the artist in his gallery in Old San Juan telling the tale of how his wife came to visit her sister six years before and still hadn’t gone home.  So he painted each town with his stories in each.  We made sure to bring a piece of his back to grace a wall.  There it joins two local artists’ works.  Both of those artists have gone from favorite artist to favorite story teller to favored member of our circle.  We spend much time when we see either of them at shows and we can now pick out the one’s husband who is a shadow in every piece she does and know what room of his grandmother’s house the other used as a mental model for the window in the painting that becomes a window to his memories of her backyard, real and imagined.

There are many, many others. Most people have their favorite people who aren’t necessarily a part of their circle but make the circle more interesting.  We’ve been blessed that almost everywhere we go we can find that person and eventually find him or her again.   The pleasantries are shared, new stories are spoken and heard, and ultimately our circle grows.

So if you should be travelling in the Niagara Falls, NY area and you happen to stop into the Sheraton there, make your way to the Starwoods Suite and ask to speak with the Triscuit Inspector.  Grow your circle a bit too.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Gun Wrongs

Michael Leave a comment

Today we’re sharing with you a memo to NRA President David Keene.  He is a national figure who travels worldwide hunting and shooting, meets with government leaders, is on television and in the news quite often, and does it all without a salary.  He even dresses well.  And he did it all by misrepresenting one of America’s most cherished symbols of citizenship – the Bill of Rights.

As we have posted previously, those famous first ten amendments to the United States Constitution were drafted because of ongoing debate that in remembering British violations of civil rights there might still be too much power given to the new government without adequately addressing the rights of the individual citizen.  And thus in September of 1789, the First Congress of the United States proposed 12 amendments to the Constitution to address those concerns.  Two proposed amendments were not ratified but the remaining ten, the first ten, are our Bill of Rights.

With rights come responsibilities.  It’s such a shame that so many given these precious rights fail to make that connection.  They don’t even take the responsibility to read what right they are assuming.  Unlike the wordy First Amendment which weighed in at a whopping 45 words, the Second Amendment, the one David Keene, his followers and most likely even his opponents, apparently have yet to read, come in at a trim 27 words (11 of them at three letters or less).

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

Any English teacher worth his or her salt can tell you that if you remove the dependent clauses the intention of the sentence is maintained.  Let’s look at this sentence.  There are two dependent clauses.  One is “being necessary to the security of a free State.”  You really don’t need this part of the sentence at all.  All it is there for is to clarify why we need a Militia.  The next dependent clause is “the right of the people to keep and bear Arms” is only there to tell us how that Militia might be armed since the government then hadn’t yet come up with the novel concept of spending a couple trillion dollars more than it has to buy things like rifles.  They were willing to let the people who would be drafted into the Militia bring their own rifles.  Sort of like if you were to enlist into the military today you’d bring your own Hummer or submarine. 

So we are left with, “A well regulated Militia shall not be infringed.”  And darned if it isn’t.  We have a great little Army in spite of what so many generals are being caught doing, a pretty good Navy in spite of what so many admirals had been caught doing, a high flying Air Force, well trained Marines, and a full Coast Guard.  All armed forces that make up our well regulated Militia. 

Maybe Mr. Keene doesn’t understand the word Militia.  It’s not something we use very much today unless the Second Amendment is being quoted.  That would be, “an army of soldiers who are civilians but take military training and can serve full-time during emergencies.”  We probably are more used to hearing it called the Reserves or National Guard.  They get their guns issued to them just like the full time military.

Now we understand Amendment Number Two says nothing about sport and hunting.  The framers of the Bill of Rights where understandably more interested in preserving the new country, not in either creating or limiting the first indoor shooting range.  Then hunting wasn’t sport, it was shopping.  And it was efficient.  One pellet, one shot, one rabbit, dinner.  The 18t century hunter hardly wanted to pump more than one shot into dinner.  They were all for getting more iron in their diet but that’s what the vegetables were for.So now that we have cleared all that up, here is our memo.

 

To:         David Keene, President, NRA
From:     The Real Reality Show Blog people
Subj:      On the “right” to own guns that shoot 600 bullets a minute, launching them about 30,000 yards or the equivalent of 30 football fields, driving each over 2 feet through a solid wood target and/or human being, from magazines that hold 30 bullets at a time.

Are you nuts?

 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Outscored, Not Outclassed

Michael Leave a comment

This week is high school football week number 7 in our part of the world.  Yes, we know.  If you check your calendar that means they started playing football before they started classes.  It’s ok.  Here, high school football (which should be capitalized but we have to draw the line somewhere) is a cross between a religion (please don’t tell the atheists) and life’s greatest lesson learned (please don’t tell the religious).  We suspect “here” is a lot of places across the country.  It’s a strange, strange thing.

We have nothing against organized competitions for high school and younger children.  As long as one can tear oneself away from that crazy notion of “everyone’s a winner” that we try to foist on the youngest ones, any kind of competition is healthy and a necessary part of growing up.  Here they not only tear away the football players from the idea that “everyone’s a winner,” they rip it apart, crush it, stomp on it, burn it, then bury the remains.

Last Friday night we were watching the 11:00 news.  She of We watches so she can be attuned to the happenings of the world.  He of We watches so he can read the football scores across the bottom scroll.  “There’s another, 41-9!  That’s the third 41 to something in single digits this week!  Woah, look at that, 50 to 2!  I bet the coach is going to have something to say about allowing a safety!  17-14? What kind of score is that?  That’s better?  Did you see that one?  64-12!”

Maybe that sounded a little more exuberant than it actually plays out.  What amazes us about scores like that is not that there are so many of them but that there are any of them.  School sports is a place to teach the children about competition and that indeed the world is a place where everyone is not a winner.  But what happened to sportsmanship?  What happened to “win with class, lose with grace?”  For the winning team it’s just another version of “everyone’s a winner” only this version is “you’re always the winner.”  It has the same end results.  We’re creating a world where these young children when they become young adults are unprepared for conflict, discipline, and getting things right because they never had to. (See Your Turn to Keep Score, Jan. 16, 2012.)

In a sound bite world He of We heard the ultimate sound bite about all of this.  In that same news cast with the scroll filled with winning scores in the 40’s and 50’s and the losing scores in single digits was one of 14-3.  The two teams are “perennial powerhouses,” one a twice in a row district champion and on a 23 game winning streak, the other the runner-up for those two years.  The winning coach was interviewed and asked what it was like after five weeks to finally have to make a decision in the fourth quarter? (Arrogance alert #1)  He responded that he knew it would come back to him “when they got to play a good team.” (Arrogance alert #2) 

We hope the players in the five teams previously beat by that “perennial powerhouse” go on to learn that not always being a winner doesn’t always make you a loser.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

 

The Next Hundred

Michael Leave a comment

Last week we published our 100th post.  It might not seem like a lot to you who are daily posters nor to you who post every day for a while then break for travel or to try out some recipes or take some fabulous pictures then post what you’ve discovered for another constant while.  And to you we say that’s great and we’ve enjoyed many of your contributions.

But for us the first hundred was a road barely travelled at all.  Last November we posted our first blog and promised to always keep our blog real, exploring the real reality that reality shows shy from.  And we planned exploring at least twice a week and we’ve never posted less. 

Our blog, like reality, is a little funny and a little serious.  It’s a little rambling and a little ranting.  We’ve come up with some pretty good observations and some pretty good ideas.  We like what we’ve done and we plan on keeping it up.

Somebody has probably read all of our posts.  We know at least two who have.     🙂     And we’ve decided there are some that deserve a second read just because.

Because they made us smile like “How Would You Like Your Toast?”  Or because they made us think like “Star Polisher.”  Some celebrate famous people who added to who we are as in “Bon Appetite” and some celebrate people famous only to us who we’ve added to who they are as in “Family Ties.”  We like the ones that worried about why things are so pricey like in “Paper or Plastic” and we like the ones that marveled at why things can be priceless like in “You Get What You Pay For.”  Sometimes we talked about big trips like “We’re On Vacation, Parts 1 and 2” and other times we talked about weekend drives like “Just Stuff.”  Sometimes we really did rant like we did in “The Agony of Defeatism,” and other times we reminisced like we did with “The Love Boat That Wasn’t.”  We’ve even expressed our opinion of those television reality shows in “Unreal” and our opinion of some real show stoppers in “That Play’s The Thing, That Thing They Do.”

If we were going to pick a “best of” list we wouldn’t be able to.  Yes, we liked them all but more than that, we liked what they all said about us.  You can really get to know us by reading us.  We always tried to be polite but we always kept it real.  Everything we’ve written actually happened.  It really has been our reality for the past year.  If there is a “best of” list it would have to be the first 100 posts.

If we were you, we’d go back and read them again.  The next hundred are coming soon.  Reality is still what we have to work with so we will.  Work with it.  Really.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

What We Did During the Summer Olympics

Michael Leave a comment

After Missy Franklin’s record breaking 200 meter backstroke victory, the interviewer reminded us that she is still a high schooler returning to classes in less than a month when she remarked to the swimmer, “When they ask you what you did on your summer vacation you’re going to have some stories.”  

And so will we.  We’ve learned a lot from sitting in front of the television each evening watching the stories and the competitions.  And there’s still more to come.  So what have we learned so far?

The swim team seems more like a team than the women’s gymnastics team.  Their smiles came more easily and seemed more genuine.

We know hockey.  Field hockey is not hockey.

The women’s gymnastics teams should be called the girls’ gymnastics teams.

Even though the television commentators won their share of medals in past games they can’t pick a winner any better than we can.

We want to see the rules for water polo.

The women beach volleyball squads hug after almost every point.  The indoor volleyball squads barely hug after each game.  Must be because of less sun indoors.

We want something on the screen to tell us if a race or game or bout is a preliminary heat or a medal round.  Please.

Wow that diving platform is high!

Some of the men gymnasts have more upper body strength than some of the weightlifters.

Those berets are still stupid.

Not everyone’s a winner.  But the ones who don’t get a medal are almost always gracious towards the winner and runners-up. 

Maybe everyone is a winner after all.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

A Real, Real Reality Show

Michael Leave a comment

In just a matter of hours, the real, real reality show begins.  The thirtieth Olympiad has already begun and the opening ceremony is just a day away.  It’s a spectacle like no other.  But why?  What captures the world’s attention so that these games will be the talk of the sports world, the fashion world, the travel world, the diplomatic world for four more years?

For 120 years, modern man has emulated the ancient Greeks in their pursuit of excellence.  What seems trite to one generation is full of hope for another, very real for still another, and full of memories for another yet. 

There is a pursuit for excellence.  Every year countries all over the world host athletic competitions based on ancient programs.  But these, the games that arise every four years combine them all to find the greatest.  On the track, in the field, on the courts, athletes strive to be the fastest runners, highest jumpers, strongest wrestlers, the most flexible gymnasts.  These combine with modern events like basketball and volleyball to find the teams who know the difference between good and excellent.

The competitors go beyond sports.  They represent their countries and their countries’ hopes to prove they are the best in peaceful competitions.  But competitions they are.  There will be no points awarded for a good sob story.  Nobody will be granted extra time because of a hard childhood.  No one will be spotted a lead for having a challenged child.  The victory will be because the challenger is the best.  Period. 

The biggest competition is about to begin on the biggest stage in front of the biggest field of spectators.  May it be the best competition on the best stage in front of the best spectators.  Period.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Summer Sunny Day Fun Days

Michael Leave a comment

Summer is here in the northern half of the United States.  For some of the country summer isn’t a huge thing.  Is there really much difference between April 1 and July 1 (other than fireworks sales) in Houston or Miami or Anaheim?  But north of the Mason Dixon line, even with the mild spring we’ve had, you really can’t pull out the shorts and sandals until the summer solstice shows up in the weatherman’s graphics. 

This year the first of day of summer harkened in a summertime heat wave like we hadn’t seen for quite some time.  As we write this on the 18th day of summer the temperature in our town has exceeded 90 degrees on 12 of those 18 days.  You’d think that would have altered many’s attempts at fireworks, picnics, vacations, swimming, and so many other outdoor activities that are much more pleasant at 78.  Well they have altered some but not so much that many are complaining.  Even us.  Although we took in the Fourth of July fireworks from a downtown river dock we decided to forgo our annual outdoor jazz festival.  But we’ve still managed to have our fun and not risk our health.

Apparently, many others are also.  The local MLB team is packing them in with sold out weekend games and close to sell outs during the midweek evenings.  Pools are filled to capacity.  Restaurants with outdoor seating are serving some brave ones outdoors in the glorious shade of roll out canopies. 

We have made the weekends our time to hop into the little car, put the top down, turn on the air conditioner to high, slather sun screen on our necks and let our man made 35 mile per hour wind cool us as we drive through the canopies of the tall trees that line our underused back roads.  A couple hours of oohs and ahhs for nature’s companions trying to beat the heat (we got to sit in our car and chat with a young deer not more than 20 feet away while she was resting in the shade), and a couple of oohs and ahhs for some of the biggest, most expensive, and gorgeously landscaped estates we can’t believe are in the same county as our modest middle class just-plain-houses (but even a rich man should put a shirt on if he plans on reading the evening paper on his recliner that is just inside the front window – and backlit to boot).

Now the best part of it all we reminded ourselves of this morning.  As we head into what the weather predictors are saying is going to be our first week entirely under 90 degrees since mid-June, we’ve heard of only 2 unfortunate heat related accidents and neither fatal. 

Quite often our posts here poke fun at the way people have taken so cavalierly to reality.  The reality is that sometimes we can be quite responsible. 

Quite remarkable.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Careful Wishing

Michael Leave a comment

There is a place we’ve been going to for years and we still can’t describe it.  It’s actually a winery with a tasting room and bottles of their own stuff lining the wall to sale or build into gift baskets.  But it’s also a gift shop, maybe even approaching emporium with all the usual cute but questionable gifts that go with wine.  You know, the t-shirt with the picture of the corkscrew and the legend, “Screw this.”  It’s a picnic grove, a banquet hall, a wine bar.

But it’s also a restaurant.  One that has expanded a couple of times over the years that we’ve been going there.  It’s always had the exceptionally talented local performers grace its outdoor seating area or dining room.  The singers sing soft tunes perfectly matched to a light lunch on a patio in the European countryside.  Except for it not being in Europe, it’s always been a pretty good place to go.  They have good food, good wine, good entertainment.  What more could you want on a summer afternoon?

Yesterday we found out.  We hadn’t been there since last season and we knew they made more changes.  They added another indoor seating area expanding it to challenge a full scale restaurant.  And the outside patio had a new small stage for the singers.  Our favorite was there – in fact he was what brought us there the first time we visited this site – and we were looking forward to a fruit and cheese platter, a crisp Riesling, and a few hours of first rate solo entertainment.

We should have known things changed for other than the best as we approached the hostess stand and 4 young girls were huddled around it.  They seemed somewhat confused whether there were or not any outside tables available and we were advised to wander the gift shot while they found one.  No problem, we’d get a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses and hang out in the grassy area flanking their pavilion.  But no sooner had we gotten the wine paid for that Hostess #1 was at our sides with a table ready.  We left the plastic cups meant for perimeter use and headed to our table.  After 10 minutes of staring at our open bottle of wine, which He of We seriously considered guzzling from, a waitress finally appeared with real glasses and a promise to bring us a wine chiller for our bottle and to take our order.

To make a long story short, we were left unattended then for not the first time that afternoon and for long periods.  We were served a delicious salad on a plate that never made it through the dishwasher after its previous use.  We sat with empty water glasses in 85 degree heat.  We were left with dirty plates on our table from two courses.  And we never got the bottle chiller until the second bottle. (Actually we rarely order a second bottle but we were on a quest to see if there really was ice inside the building our waitress kept disappearing to.)

We wondered if we had brought this on.  When we first started going there it was very small, just a handful of tables outside the tasting room and the talent perched under a large umbrella.  We said many times in those early years that we wished the owners good luck trying to create a destination out of their little winery so more people could enjoy it.  We should have taken that old advice, be careful what you wish for.

As always, the entertainment was top notch.  But we can always find our favorite singer at other venues.  The food was very good.  But not incomparable.  The atmosphere was charming, but not unmatched. 

New this time around, the service sucked.  And that’s why we’ll question ever going there again.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?