Category Life

Not for Nothing

Michael 2 Comments

This morning at 7:57 Eastern Standard Time, the temperature here recorded 0°. Again for the international, hopelessly metric-centric, or way too scientific reader, that’s Fahrenheit degrees. Celsius or Kelvin users feel free to calculate out your equivalents but believe me when I say it’s not going to add to your reading pleasure. (Does anybody actually use Kelvin?) Anyway, it got to zero degrees for the first time this year and it made me wonder, what does that mean?

I mean I know what it means but what does it mean? I’m a scientist and I don’t understand what happens when there are no degrees. (I don’t understand how radio works either so maybe I’m being too generous calling myself that regardless of what some university declared on a piece of paper way back then. That was a long time ago anyway.) So, anyway, again, what does 0° mean? Zero grams (hooray for metric!) means there is no mass. Zero lumens equals no light.  So does zero degrees mean there is no temperature? If there isn’t, how do we get negative degrees. Do we owe the air some temperature back? It may seem so but usually a heavy coat, warm gloves and a good hat keep our own degrees right where they belong.

thermzeroI really think somebody needs to get on this problem of where did all the degrees go and did they take the temperature with them. The next thing you know, the laws of physics are going to be broken left and right. Imagine if surface tension decided it wasn’t going to hold fluid in place any more. Your eyeballs would slide right out of your head. I’m sorry if that doesn’t paint a very pretty picture but you won’t be able be able to see it anyway. What if objects just stopped have equal and opposite reactions? The entire fireworks industry would come to a screeching halt. Actually it would just come to a halt. The screeching wouldn’t happen because things in motion like the fireworks industry wouldn’t experience momentum nor stay in motion so nothing would resist its stopping, thus no screech. (Ha! See, I can still science!)

No, this zero degree thing has to be nipped in bud and now before it happens again. We can’t have people walking around in a temperatureless environment. Although… You need heat to make calories. If no degrees means no temperature and no temperature means no heat then no degrees equals no calories. By George, I’ve just found the perfect diet. Eat anything you want but only in zero degree weather.

Now would you look at that. Every cloud really does have a silver lining. Even those clouds in a cold, cold, zero degree (F) morning sky.

Hats Off to You!

Michael 2 Comments

Earlier today I was driving to a morning appointment, stopped at a traffic light, looked over to the car next to me, and noticed the driver was wearing a hat. That was not unusual. It was early, the sun was not yet up, and the temperature was well below freezing. Very well below freezing. A hat was a good idea. I had a hat on. Everybody was who was anybody had a hat and was wearing it. Then for some odd reason I flashed back to a time 19 years ago when I was driving my boss to the train station, we were stopped at a traffic light, she looked over to the car next to us, notice the drive was wearing a hat, and commented “I can’t trust someone who wears a hat while driving.” I didn’t understand it but I also didn’t ask for an explanation. I considered it a positive that the station was just a block away and any inquiry might have been misinterpreted as a request for conversation thus delaying the drop off. Not to mention my solitude.

If anything, I think trust should be withheld from someone who doesn’t know enough to keep his or her head covered in 20° weather. That’s in F degrees. In C degrees that would be, umm, let’s see (20-32)*5/9 = -6.6666666666666, that would be like really cold. Why wouldn’t you wear a hat? Generally in those circumstances most of the rest of your body is covered. Shoes, sock, pants, shirt, sweater, jacket, muffler, gloves, ear muffs. Yep. It’s all covered. If you’re still cold you probably aren’t wearing a hat. Put a hat on! They are also practical in cold, wet, windy, hot, sunny, or arid weather (and there aren’t many other weathers).

Hats are also very accurate predictors of intelligence. Take the average no neck who wears his baseball cap backwards in blazing sun while simultaneously frantically shielding his eyes from the sun’s blaze. Not the type you want you want procreating. Baseball hats, like all other articles of clothing known to man, woman, or undecided are intended to be worn “not backwards.” Except for baseball catchers and then only during the defensive half innings of a game.

casablancaI think hats are fine. Yes it could be construed as shallow and unduly concentrating on appearances, but in my opinion there aren’t many people whose looks couldn’t be improved by covering parts of their heads.

There just aren’t many situations when a hat could not be stylish, practical, and appropriate. That’s provided you are outside of course. Hats really don’t belong on heads inside buildings except at hockey games where one always needs a hat at hand in the event of a hat trick and where better to keep a hat on hand than on one’s head. But that’s a special exception. Otherwise, and I’m talking to you men and others identifying as men, please identify with common courtesy and undoff those chapeaux à l’intérieur.

If you are wearing a hat, and you’re not indoors unless it’s a hockey game, you have my vote of confidence and trust. (But I might have to question why you’re reading this post at a hockey game). In a word, hats are cool. So be cool. And stay warm.

 

Happy Birthday America!

Michael Leave a comment

Hey, if people can have Christmas in July, I can celebrate the Fourth of July in January. Particularly since it belongs here. Now.

January 14, 1784, the United States of America was established as a sovereign power. It was then the Continental Congress ratified the Treaty of Paris ending the war with Great Britain. Officially today is known as Ratification Day. It’s probably celebrated as little as it is because so few Americans understand the concept of, or quite possibly even the word, ratification. If you’re not sure, don’t look it up in an on line dictionary. There you will find “the act of ratifying.” Useful, no? How about “the action of giving formal consent to a treaty, contract, or agreement, making it officially valid.” Better!

continentalflagWhat happened on July 4, 1776 was like America standing in the middle of the school yard shouting “I am the greatest!” What happened seven and a half years later was everybody else agreeing with them. (Us?) Sort of.

Seven and a half years is a long time for peace to be recognized. That because it wasn’t. Just because the U.S. declared itself independent in 1776 nobody was going to just take their word for it. (Our word?) King George wasn’t convinced and he kept sending troops to North America to convince them. (Us?) It wasn’t until September 1783 that peace was negotiated between the colonies and the crown, officially ending the American Revolution and recognizing the United States of America as an independent country. The treaty was negotiated in Paris and required the ratification of at least nine of thirteen states, a two-thirds majority, when Congress next met in January. Representatives from nine states attended and unanimously approved the treaty, ending the war and constituting the nation.

The proclamation went:

By the United States in Congress assembled, a proclamation: Whereas definitive articles of peace and friendship, between the United States of America and His Britannic Majesty, were concluded and signed at Paris, on the 3rd day of September 1783 … we have thought proper by these presents, to notify the premises to all the good citizens of these United States …
Given under the seal of the United States, witness His Excellency Thomas Mifflin, our president, at Annapolis, this fourteenth day of January, in the year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and eighty-four.

Wait, wait! Who is this Thomas Mifflin guy and why are they calling him president instead of George Washington. Thomas Mifflin was President of the Continental Congress, just like John Hancock was eight years earlier when Congress was working on that declaration thingy. George wasn’t elected president of the country until some five years later that year when the constitution was ratified calling call for a president of the country to preside over it. (Apologies to on-line dictionaries everywhere.). That’s a post for a different day.

But for today…happy birthday America! Now, who has the cake?

 

 

 

Driving Miss Befana

Michael 1 Comment

Sometime around the middle of November the battery in my car key fob died. No biggie was my first thought. Even though I had spent years pushing a button to unlock my car I started out in the day when unlocking a vehicle meant inserting a carved metal stick into a key hole. In fact, each car had two metal sticks (keys to you), one to open the doors and trunk, one to negotiate the options on the ignition cylinder. In fact in fact, if you didn’t negotiate the cylinder all the way to “lock” but stopped at the “off” position you could get a way to working the ignition switch with just your fingers. Far out (as we were sometimes known to say).

Still, it is convenient to push that button as you approach the car and have the door unlocked at your arrival. Some actually open the doors for you. My vehicle is approaching its teen years and merely locks and unlocks on command. Oh, but wait. It also starts on demand, a welcome option on cold, winter days when I prefer to rush from front door of warm, toasty living room to front door of toasty, warm driving room. Hmm. The fob had taken on more significance.

Certainly the fob battery could be replaced. Batteries in all sorts of battery powered accessories lose their battery power every day, and every day batteries are replaced. There are retail establishments dedicated just to replacing batteries (bulbs too I hear) but apparently not key fob batteries. Certainly the fob could be replaced. And indeed a new fob for the old car could. For about 50% of the cost of a new fob that comes with a new car I could get a new fob for my old car which comes to about 150% of the current value of the old car. Oh well, I know how to work a car key as a key and the doors unlock just as well that way. One at a time but I only go in one door at a time so that still works.

keyfobThat’s when I had my epiphany! Umm, epiphany with a lower case “e” as in “ah ha!” not the upper case “E” holiday we just observed. So… when I purchased the vehicle it came with two sets of key and fob. Since there had been only one of me since the purchase date that meant there was still a fob out there with unpressed buttons and therefore, based on my limited knowledge of battery power, quite nearly a full charge (quite near fully charged?). But where?

A search back around the middle of November proved fruitless. Then, you’ll recall, I had a series of medical issues requiring several emergency room visits and outpatient procedures, the holidays were on the horizon, and a powerless key fob lost much of its clout.

To make a long story short (all together now — too late!), today while I was transforming the living room from Christmasville to regular old Winter Wonderland and was looking for an unbent paperclip in a seldom used cubby in the old roll top, I found the second key and fob set!

I knew la Befana wouldn’t let me down!

 

 

 

 

Vieni a festeggiare con la Befana

Michael 3 Comments

Just another couple days and children will be checking to see if they get sweets or coal in their stockings hung by the chimney with care.

Wait. What? Did I miss the last couple weeks? Nope, I’m right on time to prepare for La Befana’s annual visit as she searches for the Christ Child.

The Italian legend of la Befana dates to the eighth century. The story goes the Three Wise Men were on their way to Bethlehem when they stopped to rest at la Befana’s. They told her of their quest and asked if she wanted to join them. She answered that she had much work to do and could not take the time then went back to sweeping her cottage. The next morning she changed her mind but the Magi had already left. Still clutching her broom she packed up sweets for the Christ Child and set out after them. Although the Wise Men ultimately found Jesus in the stable, la Befana was not able to catch up with them and never had the chance to present her gifts. She stopped at every house she passed distributing the gifts she packed hoping one of the children was the baby Jesus of whom the Wise Men spoke.

labefanaLa Befana traditionally is pictured with her broom and a shawl sometimes blackened with soot from cleaning the hearths where she leaves her gifts, sometimes in colorful patches to commemorate the gilded cloths the Wise Men wore. The basket she carries contains sweets and books for the good and coal and garlic for the naughty. She takes up her search every year on January 5, the eve of the Epiphany which then ends the Christmas season.

So if you are also still in your Christmas spirit you can join la Befana in her search this Saturday. Be sure to grab a broom and have some candy and coal ready.

Buona Festa!

 

 

Remembering 2018 – Differently

Michael Leave a comment

This is it. The last day of 2018 is here and everybody who is anybody has published his or her year in review. So who am I to buck tradition?

Last year was, ummm, different. That’s my review in 4 words. Ummm, 5 words? Here’s how I justify that statement. Sort of.

Health: Nope, has nothing to do with kidneys, dialysis, transplants, weird diseases, or even the growing number of states falling for “medical” marijuana. Did anybody else see the first needle-less injection device was developed by a Massachusetts medical device company? Think Dr. McCoy on Star Trek type injections. Hsssss. There, you’re done. Take it from someone who routinely (as in several times a week) gets stuck with needles the size of Bic pen cartridges, this is different, in an exciting way even.

Wealth: Stocks hit record highs this year. Stocks hit record lows this year. Often on consecutive days. Wow! That’s amazing! No, that’s computers doing what they were told to do. When prices fall they are programmed to buy, buy, buy. When prices rise they are programmed to (altogether now) sell, sell, sell. And whether their clients make money or lose money, Duke and Duke get their commissions. (Extra points for identifying that reference.) In the meantime, everybody from Marriott Hotels to Under Armour’s fitness app was breached last year. According to the cyber security company Positive Technologies as reported by USA Today, “When it comes to data breaches, 2018 was neither the best of times nor the worst of times. It was more a sign of the times. Billions of people were affected by data breaches and cyberattacks in 2018 … with losses surpassing tens of millions of dollars.” Billions of people affected and it’s just a “sign of the times.” Oh if only that would be different.

CalendarEndBusiness: Sears is about to become a Jeopardy question. (This former retail giant introduced the Discover Card in 1985.) Sorry. Not news. Sears has been going out of business since the early 1990s. The big business news for 2018 that nobody noticed was that Starbucks opened a store in Jamaica. Jamaica man. In the very shadow of the Blue Mountains. If you are a coffee drinker and you aren’t familiar with Jamaica Blue Mountain Coffee you aren’t a real coffee drinker (or really a coffee drinker) (or really a real coffee drinker). If you aren’t a coffee drinker but your drinking tastes run more to White Russians, you might have experienced Jamaica Blue Mountain Coffee as the main ingredient of Tia Maria liqueur. Yes, Tia Maria in a White Russian, not that Kahlua stuff. Not even Starbucks house blend. That would be too different.

Food: Recalls, recalls, recalls. Lettuce was downright dangerous to eat in 2018. Sorry. That’s not my biggest story. Television ads take an interesting turn during the holiday season. I’ve noted before if you go just by what you see on TV during commercial breaks you’d think people never buy jewelry, wine, or liquor except in December and one week in February. It was a liquor ad that piqued my interest. A high end vodka pushed by a former high end actor proudly noted that it is certified Non-GMO. Excuse me, if you are drinking so much vodka you need to worry if it’s GMOed or not, you need to be drinking something different.

Crime: There were 338 mass shootings in America in 2018. There were 365 days in America in 2018. You do the math. Is it more disturbing there is a website that lists those occurrences or that there is an organization that rebuffs those numbers because the organization that generated the list includes wounded among the victims thus skewing the results? What would be different is if somebody actually did something besides generate new sympathy memes.

Should I take a stab at what 2019 will be like? Personally, I’d like to see something different. Happy New Year. Please.

 

Good to the Last Drip

Michael 3 Comments

As we near the end of 2018, it’s time for a suggestion, not quite a resolution, more of a public service announcement-esque post, and one not even having to do with kidneys, but still about donors. Sort of. I can’t speak for your areas but around here people needing organs have been taking their requests to hockey games. Every couple of games somebody is holding a sign ‘Need a Kidney! Call…” and it gets picked up on that game’s TV feed, the nightly news, and every social media platform out there. And quite often the following morning news will report the searcher received tens or hundreds or even thousands of calls from people wanting to donate.

If one of those good Samaritans should qualify that leaves tens or hundreds or even thousands less one person left presumably still wanting to donate something. I have a suggestion for them. Blood. Yes, give blood.

January is National Blood Donor month. (If you’re curious, World Blood Donor Day isn’t until June. June 14th actually.) (As usual, no I don’t know why. It just is, but that’s okay. We can work with that. Just wait.) Did you know that like potential kidney donors, not everybody qualifies as a blood donor? The American Red Cross estimates that only 38% of Americans can donate blood. Unfortunately they also estimate that only 10% of Americans actually do donate blood. And giving blood is easy. (Easier than giving a kidney, in case you’re one of those people who called in paragraph 1.)

Let’s play a math game. About 36,000 units of red blood cells and 7,000 units of platelets are used each day in U. S. hospitals. Thirty eight percent of the American populace (if you figure roughly 330 million people in the USA) is about 125,000,000. A donor can give blood every 2 weeks. In 14 days red blood cell use hits roughly 575,000 units. That’s plenty of available supply to meet the demand. So why do we have blood shortages?

First go back to the 10% if the population who actually do give blood. Second, many of those give blood only once a year maybe at a work, school, or church blood drive. Some not even that often. It’s estimated there are about 16 million donations a year to satisfy a need of 15 million units. That’s not much margin for error.

BloodI’m not going to suggest you give blood every 2 weeks. But I will suggest you find a donation center somewhere close to you next month and celebrate National Blood Donor Month by joining those who give at least once a year. Then around June 14 you can celebrate World Blood Donor Day and double your output. And just so the second and fourth quarters don’t feel left out, donate another pint sometime in April and October. You’ll feel good about yourself, you’ll get a mini physical 4 times a year, studies suggest you’ll reduce your chance of having a heart attack, and you’ll get a cookie when you’re done. That’s way better than resolving to think about doing something useful.

 

 

Let There Be More Light

Michael 1 Comment

Taking a break from Christmas, Santa Claus, and all things holiday, I’m talking today about a topic nobody can disprove or even debate … at least in the northern hemisphere. Tomorrow is the first day of winter. Yes it will be getting colder over the next several weeks but it also will be getting lighter! No longer will we have to eat dinner in the dark without a trip to Barcelona. No longer will we have to wake up in the dark unless you live north of Barrow. No longer will the dark hours of the day outnumber the daylight hours unless you live in a cave. The world is still working its way around the sun and we have proof!

WinterSoltice

I don’t know what this means but it looks impressive

The winter solstice happens at 5:23pm on December 21 in my neck of the woods, 3:23 after noon or 15:23 as you prefer in Greenwich. (There probably is a really cool way of calculating down to the very second when it actually occurs at your longitude and latitude and probably an even cooler way of figuring what those are. Feel free to search on your own.) Even Mother Nature is excited about this. She has scheduled the Ursalid meteor shower for Friday night, and at double its usual output even! It’s just like a real celebration with fireworks and everything. And to top it all off, there will be a full moon, the Cold Moon or Long Night Moon in Native American lore, on Friday and Saturday. All great things happening up in the sky.

Ok, if you don’t know already I made some assumptions that are flat out wrong. Sunrise won’t start occurring earlier just yet. It takes about 4 weeks for that to happen. (I don’t know why. I used to work in a hospital, not an observatory. I’m sure those people who understand latitude and longitude can help with that too.) And even outside the caves the days are still shorter than the nights and will be until the Vernal Equinox sometime in March but that’s another post. And those meteors. Eh, you’ll probably not get to see much of them with their peak coming along just before dawn on Saturday when that full moon will be its brightest. And that is assuming you’ll get to see anything including the full moon depending on the cloud cover which is one of those things that makes December famous. Remember White Christmas? Where do you think all that white comes from?

But darn it all, the start of winter is here and that means the start of spring is coming and then there will be summer and the pool will be open and I can go sit on the deck with my ice tea and paperback novel and bask in the sun. And nobody is going to disprove or even debate that one either.

Happy Winter!

Being Glitterati

Michael 2 Comments

The dozen or so Christmas cards I’ve gotten so far are bad for my health. All but one of them is glittery. Glitter. I still shudder at glitter. (You do remember that glitter is even stronger than loofah, don’t you?)

I’m sorry, I just don’t like glitter. I willingly accept it has its places- the inside of a snow globe, the Barbie section at whatever theme park owns her rights (its rights?), strip clubs – and glitter isn’t the only reason I try to avoid those places, but it certainly doesn’t enhance them for me.

What’s become majorly disconcerting is now either due to age (apologies to optimists the world over, but no, it’s not just a number, 7 is just a number), health, or drug to maintain health, it’s not unusual for me to experience a fine tremor in my hands. Do you know what happens to a glitter gilded card when the cover of the card in all its glittery glory is scraped against the inside of the envelope while being withdrawn in a motion usually used with very fine sandpaper?

My usual mail opening spot is at the dining room table and with my newly lost manual stability my dining room table is now the perfect spot for a 21st century disco opening, for very tiny dancers.

Glitter.pngI’m not sure how I became a glitter magnet but I am. I can’t even drive past a Pat Catan’s or Michael’s without the stuff flying off the shelves, out to parking lot, through the car vent, and forever attached to me. It won’t wipe off, rub off, wash off, or as previously noted loofah off. Typically it wears off  8 to 12 weeks after bonding, so as long as I can stay out of glitter’s way on New Year’s Eve and Ground Hog Day I should be glitter free by St. Patrick’s Day and just in time for green glittered shamrock headbands.

The FDA recently issued a glitter alert. Don’t eat non-edible glitter. That’s pretty obvious yet apparently enough people eat non-edible glitter to warrant a warning. And those are people who have choices. I’m sure Hallmark isn’t using edible glitter on its greetings. I’m being glitter dusted across my eating space and not even given a choice!

So if you care for my health, when you slip my card into its envelope please scrape off the glitter. I’ll still recognize you for your sparkling addition to my holiday mood.