Category Life

And now for some good news…

Michael 5 Comments
We interrupt today’s wailing and gnashing of teeth to bring you some good news.  Naturally there is a lead in.
 
I was sitting around on Saturday thinking of all the places I’d most not want to be. This is unusual because for the most part I think of the places I’d most want to be. Usually it involves water, sand, palm trees, a boat, and female companionship. Specific female companionship if you must be that nosey (or nebby as we would say here). But last Saturday the thought was of the least desirable place, even with the right companionship. Not surprisingly, the place I’d least like to have been on Saturday would be a dialysis clinic.
 
Let’s think about that for a minute, then we will move on to the news. My county as many other cities, counties, states, and countries, now has a shelter in place order. The rule is pretty simple, don’t go out unless staying in endangers your life. And don’t go anywhere if you are experiencing symptoms. For the everyday ordinary dialysis patient (or more appropriately the every other day ordinary dialysis patient) it’s a no brainer that staying in is more hazardous than going to the clinic. And the everyday ordinary dialysis clinic staffer needs no fewer brain cells to also conclude that staying home endangers lives. But it’s the second part that is difficult to reconcile. No matter how you might be feeling, that trip is one of life sustainability. You can’t get somebody to pick it up for you while they are at the store.
 
I was in a good place to think the last place I’d want to be is at a dialysis clinic, the extreme dedication of the staff and their love of their mission to serve a population defining the area between a rock and a hard place notwithstanding. I was in a good place because I was in my own livingroom recliner rather than the one I spent so many Saturdays in at the clinic. 
 
Yes, no dialysis. Okay, if you’ve been following along with me over the years you have a right to be confused. The last thing I wrote about my kidney health was that the transplant last summer did not take and I was back on dialysis. By the way, after still more scans and tests they are no closer at determining why the transplanted kidney clotted so rapidly and completely. But what they had noticed last fall was that my renal function lab tests were stabilizing. Then new questions arose. Everybody’s tests go up and down as function fluctuates, particularly in a patient like me whose renal dysfunction is induced by factors elsewhere in the body. But these were not fluctuating. They were improving. Steadily. 
 
Adjustments in treatment were made, ultimately pared down to only 2 three hour treatments per week, fully half of what a weekly treatment total had been not too long ago. Weeks went by and weekly labs continued to return surprisingly encouraging results. On January 23 I left the nephrologist’s office a free man, well perhaps more a dialysis parolee ordered weekly outpatient lab test and every other week appointments with a call-in on the off weeks. Last week after nearly two month of that routine I was given a appointment three months in the future. I had stabilized! At least for the near future. At that point I thought comfortable enough to tell somebody other than my daughter and sisters and you guys get elected.
 
There is no good reason that kidney function should improve. It’s not unheard of but it is rarer than correctly picking all five numbers plus the white ball. I’m crediting my reprieve to Someone Up There showing a particular kindness to me and expending a miracle on that.
 
I feel particularly grateful, the break coming at a time when going to dialysis could be just as life threatening as life preserving, and pray that the patients and staff at clinics around the world will be safe and free of all complications, even those not COVID-19 related. 
 
And I know now I have to figure out why me and what I am to do with this unexpected opportunity. Sitting around thinking of the places I’d rather not be is not it. I’ll keep you posted.
 
Now go wash your hands!
 
Happy

Don’t worry, be happy!

Selfish Is as Selfish Does

Michael 4 Comments
I was hoping to spend the remainder of our self isolation distributing nothing but good news and mad, happy thoughts. Sorry but I just can’t. Well, I suppose I could but I suppose I would also explode by keeping too much in. And so…look out world…
Just what the [bleep]ing [bleep] are you [bleep]ing thinking you crazy [bleep] [bleep] for brains you [bleep]ing idiots you! 
 
No, no, not you. All those other you. The idiots you.
 
I know every year we have to come up with new words that the vast majority of people who use them have no clue what they mean. For Exhibit One I submit “xenophobe.” You would think this year’s entry, “social distancing,” wouldn’t create such confusion. Okay, I understand it’s actually two words but they are both pretty basic, or pretty [bleep]ing basic if you really want to capture my true thoughts on the subject. 
 
Social: among people, not unlike social media. You recognize that don’t you? Again, not you. That other you.
 
Distance: Space, room, like when you (once more the idiots you) when you want some space, man.
 
I’m sure there are a lot of the you who are doing your part, but the few other you are making me sick. Hopefully not any sicker than I already am.
 
Some examples:
 
Last week Pittsburgh cancelled its St. Patrick’s Day parade scheduled for Saturday March 14 to protect the public. At the time a ban on dine in/drink in seating (or standing) at restaurants and bars had not gone into effect. Of course people were encouraged not to congregate in crowds larger than 250. (Again, that was at the time. Since then the recommendation had been dropped to 150, then 50, now 10, all over the course of 4 days.) Of course people ignored that. The bars sure did their part, one stating they weren’t letting more than 150 in the space that typically holds 340. Yay! Took real restraint to pull that off. Naturally those refused admittance just queued up outside. One reveler explained to a reporter, “I’ll live my life, I’ll do my thing and then address it if I have to.” In related news, no long lines of people waiting to pay homage to the good saint were reported outside any churches on the actual St. Patrick’s Day, which contrary to popular belief is not always the second Saturday in March. 
 
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Sorry, you can’t go in yet. We’re practicing Social Distancing in there.

An Allegheny County (Pennsylvania) sheriff reported to work not feeling very well. According to reports his son’s girlfriend just returned from Spain and tested presumptive positive for COVID-19. The Chief Deputy said the deputy who was experiencing symptoms “had concerns based on reported symptoms, and he made the decision to come to work.” The deputy interacted with 15 other deputies before he reported his symptoms to a supervisor who instructed all 16 to return home and self-isolate. 
 
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Somebody didn’t get the memo. Be the match. Don’t get burned.

Several states still waiting primary election days have postponed, rescheduled, or are considering rescheduling elections or encouraging voting by mail ballots. Several organizations have protested such actions going so far as to file suits and request injunctions to halt any actions that delay voting. No individuals have entered such action, only groups claiming to be protecting Americans’ rights. I suppose protecting Americans right goes to some other groups.
 
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Protecting Americans right!

Please, let me get back to sharing happy madcap adventures and the occasional report on my health that hopefully won’t get any weirder in the next 14 days.
 
Be well, stay safe, and don’t forget to wash your hands.
 
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Be like me

 
 
 

Out Yinzered

Michael 3 Comments
In an area where toilet paper hoarding is legendary, folks here have taken to different shelves and sections in the stores to strip bare. 
 
There are solid psychological theories about why people choose toilet paper as their survival equipment of choice. In the Greater Pittsburgh area, land of  Yinzers*, we augment our pantries at every snowstorm with milk, bread, and toilet paper. We’ve been doing it since the big snow of 1950 when three feet of the stuff fell in less than 24 hours. After the initial shock wore off and people could get out to replenish their larders they found grocery stores fairly well stocked. The only shortages were milk and bread. People were encouraged to buy only what they needed so the thin supply could serve as many families as possible. The people responded and kept their purchase quantities reasonable but ever since when the weather brings less than ideal local travel conditions, second and third generation Yinzers flock to the stores ahead of the storm to stock up on milk and bread – and you might as well grab an extra pack of toilet paper. 
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Yinzer hoarding is so ingrained it’s even included in winter weather forecasts. (CBS Pittsburgh)

So now that the news is reporting on hoarding activities outside of Western Pennsylvania we have to up our shelf-clearing game. Here then are my personal observations.

 
Standing in the produce section of the local mega-mart, the onion and garlic bins have been decimated, even the exotic black garlic. Checking the corner cabinet I see the tomatoes and green peppers are also well picked over. It’s clearly a case of tomato sauce over prep. In a very high Italian background area, we spend our late summers putting up quarts of tomato puree and Grandma’s Sauce. Apparently the jars on the shelves in the basement are running low and in case we don’t get to put in the plants in the backyard garden this summer we better get what we need and work on new stock now.
 
Moving to the deli department, the dry sausages and meats were in short supply. In the center store tuna in pouches was nowhere to be found but bags of dried chipped beef were plentiful. Along with the vanishing dry pastas I can deduce that tuna noodle casseroles will be on many future dinner tables with pepperoni for late night snacking and jerky for an on-the-go bite during afternoon walks. I guess even the threat of extended isolation doesn’t improve the outlook for a big platter of SOS. (Personally I like chipped beef on toast. Perhaps a remnant from my army days.)
 
Over in the coffee and tea section the caffeine fiends perhaps realizing the critical need coffee drinkers exhibit have left a wide variety of blends and flavors and in imppressive quantities. Tea, loose and in bags, however were almost completely gone. Likewise hot chocolate. However, instant ice tea, lemonade, and other drink mixes were so-so. It seems everybody believes the power of a nice cup of tea will cure all ills and the hot chocolate will keep the kids quiet.
 
The frozen food freezers (redundant?) were extremely low on pizzas, ice cream, and potato products (french fries, waffle fries, hash browns, etc.). Oddly French bread style pizzas were still well stocked. That works out for me because I have a small freezer. Those big pies take up way too much space! And thank you to the ice cream hoarders for leaving a sufficient supply of blueberry cheesecake gelato, my frozen dessert of choice.
 
The poor pharmacy area didn’t have enough left to even be called a shambles. To shamble you have to have things strewn about. There was nothing to strew! Even aftershave was depleted I suppose for the alcohol content. (By the way, if you want to make your own hand sanitizer don’t use vodka. I don’t know how that started but it seems to be all over the internet. If you find yourself with some rubbing alcohol (70%) and aloe gel you can make your own hand sanitizer by mixing 9 parts alcohol to one part aloe. It will be thin but it will be the required 60+% to be effective. If you can find 90% alcohol you can use 2 parts alcohol to one part aloe.)
 
The cleaning aisles had given up anything that bears the word “bleach” on its label. This included Tide with Bleach Alternarive and other “color safe bleaches.” Hmmm. (This reminds me of something I overheard in Walmart if you don’t mind leaving the supermarket for a minute or two. “They use Dawn [dishwashing liquid] to clean those ducks. We’ll use it until we can find some hand stuff. Get a couple of the big ones.”)
I still had more shopping to do but I didn’t need anything in the baby or pet sections and I knew the bakery was going to be out of bread so I skipped that area figuring I have plenty of flour at home and yes, I can make my own if I have to.
 
I hope your shopping yields what you need even if it’s not all you want. Remember,  it’s nice to share.
 
—–
*Yinzer: One from or with roots to Pittsburgh Pennsylvania and immediate surroundings. Derived from the vernacular second person plural, yinz. Although yinzers (myself included) agree that “yinz” is proper Pittsburghese for gatherings of 2 or more yinzers, it isn’t a clearly articulated word. An outsider probably will not be able to identify it when heard by the uninitiated ear. Our speech patterns involve a lot of mumbling, slurring, and elision. Strict Pittsburghese maintains a subtle difference between second person plural groups of two (closer to yunz) and groups of 3 or more (full on yinz). It’s a ‘burgh thing. If you get bored during your self quarantine and would like to read more on how we talk in “Pixburgh”, go here: How to Translate the Yinzer Vocabulary.
 

One more time, with feeling

Michael 2 Comments
I’ve been missing. Ever since the middle of last week I haven’t been all there. Or all here. Depends on your point of view I suppose. By Friday I ended up in the emergency room. Nothing horrible but with my history and the ever present compromised immune system, things that aren’t horrible for many others usually get a “go to the ER” response when I call the doctor to see if there are any open times in the day’s schedule that I might get squeezed into. So off to the ER I went and from there off to an inpatient unit were I relished in playing with all the buttons on the bed making it go up and down at the push of … well, a button. 
 
For all the complaints health care takes in general, the system we’ve put together is pretty remarkable. I might be biased having worked in the system for longer than some lifetimes but I’m still impressed when I have to put on my patient hat. Or more appropriately, my patient gown. And yes, there is still nothing appropriate about those! Even an unbiased user will see more good done by American health providers than what the lawyers advertising on daytime television would have you think. I’ll put on my jade colored glasses and wager that as you are reading this there is a personal injury law firm somewhere in America readying suits claiming injury because some organization had a better test, a treatment, a vaccine, or all the above to combat covid-19 but put profits ahead of patients.
 
I can’t help with any of that. I do not have reassuring words for those concerned about the pandemic and have only prayers to offer for anyone who lost a love or has a family member or even him or herself suffering from a corona virus induced illness.
 
What I can offer is the personal observations of someone who has been chemically immunosuppressed for twenty years and for whom handwashing and social distancing is a way of life. 
 
The chance of infection from any virus spread by touch will be minimized by minimizing touching where the virus may reside. Since you cannot see a virus assume anything you touch is contaminated. You have heard it ad infinitum but one more time won’t hurt. Wash your hands. Sure go ahead and sing happy birthday if you want but if you scrub them well and get between each finger and up to your wrist, you will take at least 20 seconds doing that. If you think you’ve washed them enough today, you haven’t. Do it again. If you can’t wash your hands, use a hand sanitizer with at least 60% alcohol. Then as soon as you can, wash them again with soap and water. Before you touch your face pretend you just ate a rack of barbecued ribs and have to take our your contacts. 
 
When possible, stay out of crowds, wipe down surfaces like supermarket shopping carts with available cleaning wipes. Rooms you typically clean weekly, clean daily, things you typically clean seasonally clean weekly, anything you haven’t cleaned yet this year, clean!  Opt to order from the menu rather than choosing the buffet, and there is no “five second rule.” If it’s not on a plate, don’t eat it! 
 
Do not buy up all the masks at the store if any are even left. They will not help you not get the virus because it isn’t terribly active while airborne. By taking all the masks out of circulation for people who need them like recent organ transplant recipients or severely immunosuppressed individuals who need them as a matter of everyday precautions, scary novel viruses notwithstanding.
..
The best thing you can do if you aren’t feeling well is to stay home. This is not to say that everybody who doesn’t feel well is infected with the corona virus. Any illness is going to make you more susceptible to any other virus and you become a greater threat to anybody who is immunocompromised.
 
You have heard the symptoms are similar to flu symptoms. Flu symptoms are similar to bronchitis which is similar to pneumonia and so and so on. To help you determine that you don’t have covid-19 but may be looking at an oncoming cold I’ve put together a quickie comparison of the most common upper respiratory conditions. 
 
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Always consult your physician for diagnosis and appropriate treatment

Please remember this is not a diagnostic tool. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms call you doctor. If you’re lucky, you’ll get to see him or her in the office. If you aren’t, I’m in room 428.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Read All About It

Michael Leave a comment
Today is Read Across America Day, and to celebrate I’m going to write less and read more. So listen up! This will be short and hopefully sweet.
 
Read Across America Day was first celebrated in 1998 to call attention to … are you ready? maybe you should be sitting down … reading in America! It is to be celebrated on the school day closest to Dr. Seuss’s birthday (Theodor Geisel, March 2).
 
Here’s the thing about Read Across America Day. You don’t have to be in school, you don’t have to be American, you don’t even have to read in rhymes. I guess that’s three things. Well, here’s a fourth. You can keep reading even after today!
 
Read to your kids, grandkids, nieces and nephews, parents, pets, or even yourself. Reading is fun and educational, and books look good on the shelf. But they look better propped open, the words shared with a friend. So go read something now that this post’s reached its end.
 
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Not my library. Wish it was.

 
 

Extra! Extra!

Michael 3 Comments
What are your plans for Saturday? You remember Saturday? February 29, our quadrennial reminder that in the struggle between man and nature man is lucky to struggle into second place.
 
We (that’s the big “we” and that means you too), we so arrogantly preen and posture and spends oh so much energy saving the planet for future generations that we completely miss that we know so little about our planet.  We can’t even tell how long it takes to get around the sun.
 
Years, months, days, hours, minutes. All man made methods of marking time. We (the big “we”) came up with these. They weren’t forced upon us. We defined them as we chose. Can you hear the discussion? “I know, let’s make a ‘year’ our standard.” Great! What’s that? “The length of time it takes to go around the sun.” Wonderful! How long is that? “Heck if I know.” And in the true sense of being human in a world where being human was seemingly an afterthought, and an arrogant one at that, we picked 365 days. ish. Hmm. What’s a day? 
 
And so, because somebody didn’t take the time to measure twice, declare once, we get an extra day every 4 years. ish. Every couple of years, nothing specific mind you, an extra second gets added in order for man to keep up with nature and the natural order of things. Somebody decides when to insert these “leap seconds” by probably following some multi-page calculation harkening as many laws of physics as possible in a single formula. Probably the same people deride poor Punxsutawney Phil as an inaccurate teller of things to come. 
 
We absolutely must do our best to preserve the resources nature let’s us borrow, but we should also take heed that we are not in charge. Long before the first underarm deodorant was sprayed the glaciers began receding to carve out the Great Lakes and the Liddar Valley. Long before the first well was drilled the great land mass began separating into a handful of continental chunks. It’s not done. Long after man leaves Earth nature will continue its ongoing process of global renewal. 
 
It’s good we screwed up measuring time. Now at least once every four years we get to remind ourselves that we aren’t all that after all. To be honest, I’m surprised somebody hasn’t worked in a drinking holiday or appliance sale around Leap Day. I suppose it’s only a matter of time.
 
 
Feb29
 
 

The Big Data Conspiracy Theory

Michael 2 Comments
I don’t understand technology. That’s no great revelation, I’ve said that here before. I’m not even sure I know how radio works. Just because I don’t understand technology doesn’t mean I don’t use it. I’m not at all anti-technology. I stream. I go nowhere without phone, tablet, or both. I use an in-store point of sale app to grocery shop. Heck, I even have Alexa running a big chunk of my life. But I don’t know what it takes to run any of those and I am certain my lack of basic understanding of what makes the electronic world go ’round is making me a sitting duck for the newest exploiters of America’s other 99%ers.  No, not the scammers or phishers or even the identity thieves. I’m talking about the legal systematic efforts to separate us from out hard earned middle class money. That’s right, I’m a victim of Big Data. 
 
It started when I got my “cable” bill for this month. “Cable” is in “quotes” because I’m not buying “cable” as in cable TV but I am forced to use the cable company for my internet access. Yes, I said, and I mean forced. Where I live there is literally only one source of access to the internet world and that is the cable company. Although there are multiple providers in the general area, the buildings where I live are all pre-wired and restricted to one wired source and satellite dishes are not permitted. If you want cable, land phone, or internet service you get one option which I guess by definition isn’t actually an option. But I digress.
 
It started when I got my cable bill for this month. Less than a year ago I was being charged $69 a month by this proivider for both my internet and cell phone. This month that total turned into $101. Plus tax. Naturally when a bill increases 50% (okay $3 shy of 50%, so sue me for misrepresenting) I intend to look into it. Here is an actual transcript, or as close as I remember, of that call.
 
Me (after 4 minutes of pressing 4,1,3,5 to get to the right submenu, then entering my account number, phone number, and last four of social security number and listening to repeated assurances that my call is important): So even though I just entered all that you want me to tell you again my account number, phone number, and last four of my social security number? 
 
Unhelpful Service Representative: Yes, so we can verify you are who are. 
 
Me: I am, trust me. Nobody else wants to be me.
 
USR:
 
Me: Okay (and I repeat the information)
 
USR: Thank you for calling Big Data. How may I be of assistance? 
 
Me: By explaining why my bill went up. 
 
USR: Certainly, can I please have your account number?
 
Me: As far as I know it’s the same one I just gave you.
 
USR: I’m sorry sir but for your protection I must verify your account before we can proceed.
 
Me:
 
USR:
 
Me: (repeats number)
 
USR: I see you have the Super Savor with a billion gigalogs of data per billing period with upload and down load speeds guaranteed to be 100 pterodactyls and generating a force field of 30 cubits by 30 cubits by 40 cubits when Mars is in conjunction with M&Ms and our basic virus protection package.
 
Me: Ah
 
USR: I also see you are using your own router/modem, is that still accurate?
 
Me: You mean the box the wire from the wall goes to?
 
USR: Yes sir, the Analytics 1000 with multichannel green and red flashing lights pulsing in time with the bass line of “White Room” by Cream. 
 
Me: Ah
 
USR: And that includes cell service with by the gig data.
 
Me: So why did the bill go up so much? Actually, scrap that. Let’s make the question can it go back down?
 
USR: I would be happy to review your use patterns and see if we have a different package that can still serve your needs.
 
Me: Thank you.
 
USR: Let’s see how you use your data. Would you be interested in upgrading to our Premium Plan with 612 channels, 512 which are basically duplicates of each other, local news, sports, and premium content from 17 movie channels showing the same movies from 4 years ago that were never actually released to theaters?
 
Me: No, I just want internet and cell phone. 
 
USR: Then you want the Super Savor with a billion gigalogs of data per billing period with upload and down load speeds guaranteed to be 100 pterodactyls and generating a force field…
 
Me: Wait! Isn’t that what I have now?
 
USR: Yes, and whoever selected this plan for you was right on the money because I can see from your history that you have never called to complain about the speed or performance of this plan.
 
Me: Right. Perhaps there is an option with less pterodactyls?
 
USR: That would be our Jurassic Plan but it’s not available ala carte.
 
Me:
 
USR: However I could upgrade you to the Super Duper Savor which will double your download speeds for a better gaming experience at only $150 a month for first 3 months with a 17 year contract.
 
Me: I’m not game. 
 
USR: We would throw in our own Analytics 5200 modem free of charge for only $10 a month extra.
 
Me: If it’s free why is it $10 a month?
 
USR: Or we could upgrade your phone with the newest 5G equipment at only $24 additional per month for 60 months or until you upgrade to something even more expensive. You could be one of the first to experience the power of 5G when we eventually make it available. 
..
Me: Since you brought up cell phone what is the new $12 charge on my bill. I thought cell service was included.
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USR: It is sir. The $12 is for the first gig of data.
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Me: But the first 100 meg is free.
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U.SR: We found that was sufficient for many people to do no more than a quick check at a map or to upload a picture or two but you couldn’t connect to anybody in a significant way so that has been phased out. Now you can stay connected with calls, texts and social media anywhere you are lucky enough to have clear service. We can switch your plan to an unlimited data plan for less than you would expect.
..
Me: Can I get just internet and cell phone for cheaper than what I’m paying for now?
..
USR: After reviewing your current and past trends and future predictions I would have to say no. But thank you for calling and remember, with Big Data, you get what you pay for!
 
Automated Voice: Thank you for calling Big Data. Please remain on the line to answer a few dozen questions about your experience today. Remember, with Big…
 
Me: (click) 
 
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bigdata
 

Did So! Did Not!

Michael Leave a comment
I hate to be a wordsmith but…
 
I wonder if this is just an American thing so please let me know if other cultures also decide they like a word so much they have to use it whether or not it is the right word to use. For example, debate. Debate: a formal discussion of a particular topic by persons of opposing views. Members of high school debate teams and university debating clubs must cringe every time somebody refers to the live attack ads laughingly billed as Presidential Debates as a “debate.”
 
Yes we all use “debate” less formally in daily life. We debate thin and crispy or thick and chewy for the ideal pizza crust, we debate Ford versus Chevy for muscle car king, or we debate boxers or briefs to liven up a dull party. But unless you hail from Naples (Italy, not Florida), none of these are of any particularly consequence. Even a Neopolitan will concede the world won’t come to an end if the heathens get their way and insist on calling that dreck Chicagoans churn out a pizza. 
 
Deciding who will be the standard bearer for a major political party should not be held in a forum more representative of a school yard “my dad can beat up your dad” stand off. Oh, sorry, inclusion you know. Make that “my mom can beat up your dad”….um, but not so inclusive as “my dad can beat up your mom.” That might be too much equality.
 
Without diving deep into the substance of the “debate,” mostly because it is dangerous to dive into shallow water, I have some comments that might make future Presidential Debates more entertaining since more informative seems to be out of the question.
 
Of the six candidates vying to be the nominee for the highest office their party will present, three were not always members of that party. That’s fine, neither is the sitting President and presumptive opponent of this group’s “winner” originally a member of the opposing party.
 
Although there is no mandatory retirement age for federal employees there are age limits for certain categories. Federal fire fighters, law enforcement officers, and air traffic controllers all have mandatory retirement ages of 57, 60, and 58 years respectively, probably because of the mental and physical burdens the jobs carry. Of the six candidates in last nights “debate” four would be excluded from these jobs just due to age. Under special circumstances the age limit may be raised to 65. Still those four would be ineligible. In fact, if it was raised to 70 those four, along with the current President, would still be ineligible. Now I admit I’d like to still be doing something when I’m 70 but I was thinking something more age appropriate, perhaps along the lines of volunteering as a docent at a historical site or a ticket taker at the local multiplex theater.
 
Of the six candidates on the “debate” stage last night, all but one have a net worth of greater than $1 million. In fact, there have been 30 declared candidates for President from both parties of which 9 are still active. Of those 30, only five cannot call themselves millionaires.
 
The Constitution stipulates a person must be 35 years of age to serve as President of the United States. No candidate has ever been than young. The youngest person to ever run for President is William Jennings Bryan who was 36 in 1896 when he lost to William McKinley. The youngest President was Theodore Roosevelt who was 42 when he assumed office upon McKinley’s death.
 
So there’s my take on the “debate.” I’ve presented my opening remarks and made my arguments. I suppose we could handle the question and answer period via comments. If you understood this then I’ll make it my closing statement and welcome you to the How Dare They Call That a Debate Club. 
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Happy Birthday, By George!

Michael Leave a comment
how to draw birthday balloons Awesome Birthday Cake Drawing Cartoon at GetDrawings
In honor of today’s pretend holiday I slept late, had a big breakfast, and did not go to work. Just like most Mondays around here.
 
When I was working there really were no holidays. And not just the “minor” holidays.  People in health care are used to the idea that any day, any shift, is potential work time. The funny thing is, hospital administration, particularly Human Resources, are often not health care workers and try to insure everyone is treated “fairly” and should not be denied their “time with their families.” As a department head I was responsible for making sure my staff got their time off but still had all my shifts covered. Of course the problem was that as far as their families were concerned, the holidays that were celebrated as families like Thanksgiving or Christmas were celebrated on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Others like Washington’s Birthday weren’t celebrated by them either so who cared when that day off got made. And thus, the “floating holiday” was born. 
 
On one hand it made for a nice surprise sometime during the year to get a day or two off that didn’t require using sick or vacation time. On the other, when would you use it? Did you tack it on to a planned vacation picking up an extra day on the company’s dime? Did you save it for your anniversary and surprise your spouse with a day all his or hers assuming she or he could also get that day off? Did you take it to paint the living room, plant the garden, or sit at the DMV for your picture to be taken for your new driver’s license?
 
I can say with scientific certainty after years of study on the subject those who are graced with a floating holiday will most often use it to celebrate a birthday. Often their own birthdays with spa days, shopping days, drinking days, or overeating days. But just as often for a birthday in the family. A young child who didn’t get to see Mommy or Daddy on Christmas morning but here they are now on the child’s own birthday morning and staying together all day long. A parent who gave up many of his or her own birthdays and holidays to work extra shifts or second jobs to send Junior through college and watch him fulfill his dream of working with the sick now finds Junior planning a surprise party for his parent’s milestone 75th birthday. A spouse who keeps a supply of cards and candles when Hubby comes home and says “don’t forget we have that birthday party to go to tonight” comes home from work to find Hubby putting the finishing touches her birthday dinner all on his own. These were often the days people took off for their “celebrate with your family floating holiday” days. 
 
Although we often didn’t get days off to party with Martin Luther King or George Washington we got to celebrate with some pretty special people. So Happy Birthday George, and thanks for all the days you gave me and my family over the years.
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Have a Heart, Please

Michael 2 Comments
For such a short month with only 28 days, 29 this and every Presidential election year affording candidates an additional 24 hours to make fools of themselves, February is chock full of imposters, sequels, and me too holidays.
 
The most famous of non-holidays comes up next week but has been in full fledged celebration by car dealers, furniture stores, and discount houses for weeks now. Of course that is the never authorized, not recognized Presidents Day.  Not being an official national holiday has not stopped business from taking advantage of consumers with “the biggest savings of the year” nor unions taking advantage of businesses with demands of yet another day off with pay. Of course the real holiday is Washington’s Birthday, never celebrated on his actual birthday because that would mean the loss of a 3 day weekend in most years. Bonus points for anybody who can identify Washington’s actual birthday without Google.
 
Looking for a reason to drink to excess and St. Patrick’s Day is a whole month away. Don’t fret or fear, Mardi Gras is here. What started out a few hundred years ago as a day of atonement and confession before Lent begins has morphed into “let’s eat everything in sight, have parades all day, drink all night, and show our boobs (pardon me) in exchange for a string of plastic beads.” Although the date varies because Ash Wednesday varies because Easter varies (you remember those days, right?), it most often is during February that merchants along Bourbon Street grease the poles outside their establishments to deter drunken idiots from trying to climb them.
 
For 134 years a peace loving furry woodland creature has been forecasting Spring’s arrival in a quaint Pennsylvania town. Of course this is commemorated in the most important day in the modern calendar, February 2, Groundhog Day. Sometime, details are sketchy exactly when, meteorologists began celebrating National Weatherman’s Day, now known of course as National Weatherperson’s Day on February 5. There’s logic to this they say. That is the birthday of John Jeffries, purportedly the first to record daily weather observations. That would be fine. Many professions recognize their pioneers. But this year I noticed on February 5 more news snippets decrying Punxsutawney Phil’s bold prediction of an early spring with repeated references to his predictions being accurate only 40% of the time. I did a little research on this. Phil is predicting for 6 weeks! According to National Weather Service data although a 7 day forecast is accurate 80% of the time, a 45 day forecast (about 6 weeks) has an accuracy rate of 40-50%. Hmmm. Methinks and all that jazz. 
 
February is the month of love recognized as National Weddings Month (I would have thought June, no?), Creative Romance Month, and Affair to Remember Month (no clarification if that refers to the movie or a tryst), with International Flirting Week (for the not so serious?) tossed in on the month’s third week. But if those and the chocoholic’s dream date Valentine’s Day don’t fill your bill we can now add, and on this very day, Galentine’s Day. A day with origins similar to and about as real as Festivus and Friendsgiving which are now also apparently really real. And yes, the wanting to be next to be really real, Palentine’s Day is making inroads also. And here all these years I’ve been sitting at home alone without a romantic other half to celebrate. Gee, who would have thought one could make a holiday out of picking up the phone and asking a couple friends to go out for a drink. I would have have missed the boat and called that something like Thursday but then I’d have missed out on the greeting card conscesssions. (Oh yes you can. Check out your local card shop.) 
 
One day in the month that should be a real deal holiday with cards, gifts, TV specials and days off for proper celebrations (with pay if you can swing it) is February 14, no, not the flowers and chocolate day, but National Organ Donor Day. Hop over to organdonor.gov to find out about how organ and tissue donation works and how to register to donate. Ah, the gift of giving your heart to someone. Now that’s true love. And nobody will throw beads at you.
 
 
GTHeart