Category Humor

Move Along Please

Michael Leave a comment

We’re starting to notice something in the stores that we’re patronizing.  There are crazy people out there.  Allow us to explain.

Just a few days ago we were in a grocery store.   Not one of the mega marts that has everything from fresh dragon fruit to Lint Lizards.  This was a much smaller version that had everything from soup to nuts as long as you didn’t mind the canned variety of either.  It’s not unusual in either version’s produce section for people to shake, sniff, thump, or rattle the offerings in search of the freshest of the fresh, or in mid-March to find the least out of season depending on the origin of the well-travelled fruit or vegetable.  And at the meat display one will check out the marbling of the well fatted full grown steer.

On our trip to that store on that day we were in search of ground beef.  Not much you can tell from ground beef that isn’t on the label – its pre-grinding primal cut, fat content, weight, price, and the date ground, hopefully matching the date to be purchased.  Yet there in front of the entire display of ground beef, shopping cart angled to extend across the complete linear footage was a lady carefully examining each package of ground beef.  Well, perhaps not each package but several of them, and each of them quite carefully, looking them over as if to determine that the fat content printed on the label wasn’t what her eyes were able to discern.  We wanted to say “Move along lady, it’s all from the same cow and whatever you’re making isn’t going to be that fabulous or you’d be up at the other end where the cows are a little more put together. “  But we didn’t and eventually she found one that had the color, size, shape, or fat content of her liking and we snagged ours.

It was on that same trip that He of We decided it was time to spend a couple of dollars on our retirement plan, also known as the Power Ball.  So he stopped at the window where some young man was robotically entering the numbers of the daily number players into the state lottery computer and exchanging “Sure Thing” dollars for “Can’t Miss” numbers.  The line moved quickly, most of the hopefuls hanging their hopes on the quick pick versions of their numbers du jour.  And then there was just one in front of He of We.  And that one began with “Gimme Big Four, 1-2-3-4, fifty cents straight, 40 times,” and the young man punch the number in once, hit the quantity for 40 and we waited while the machine printed out 40 identical tickets.  “Anything else?”  “Yeah, gimme the Daily, 1-2-3, a buck straight, 40 times.”  Again we waited for the little machine to gasp out 40 more identical tickets.  “Anything else?”  And this was when He of We said “No, you’ve reached your limit.  Are you trying to make certain that if you should in your wildest fantasy actually hit both of those numbers that by spreading out your 60 dollar wager the IRS won’t figure out you’ve won around $20,000 because you did it 50 cents at a time!?  Now, move along please.”  Well, actually He of We just thought that and breathed a sigh of relief when the big spender asked for one more pick but more conventionally taking just the one wager and then passed a handful of bills to the still robotic young man.

Yet another shopping outing of ours put us into the main aisle of a national chain of stores that claims to provide items for the bedroom, bathroom, and other rooms beyond those two.  It seems odd that almost half of the store is dedicated to kitchen items and that kitchen isn’t in the store’s name but then we didn’t name that store so what do we know?  In that main aisle we stopped to peruse one of the several clearance shelves.  It is quite thoughtful that the store tags its clearance items with the reason for the item being on clearance.  ‘Last one,’ ‘demo,’ ‘returned,’ ‘only 1 of a pair.’  All very helpful.  But one of their reasons was “broken.”  It was there that we noticed that many of the items on the shelf were tagged with that very reason.  A clock was broken.  A storage box was broken.  A lamp was broken.  It would seem that if an item is broken, that to sell it means the store doesn’t place much value on its customers’ intelligence.  It’s almost as it they are saying, “If you make it cheap enough, people will buy anything.”  And from the picked over look that the clearance section had, it seemed that many people had at least semi-seriously considered many of those items before deciding to move along, with or without encouragement.

So we’ve noticed that not only are the customers getting a little batty but so are the shopkeepers.  Actually we don’t mind a little insanity in the shopping place.  It makes for some lively dinner conversation and provides us with a bit of caution to not be too batty out there ourselves.  But then, as long as you don’t dally and keep moving along, not many will notice.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

The Happiest Place in the World

Michael 5 Comments

With our most sincere apologies to Walt Disney, the Disney parks together or separately are not the happiest place on — well, they have it copyrighted so you might think it’s so or else how could they, but we really don’t think so.

We have been thinking about happy places and where the happiest place in the world is.  We asked some friends and relatives, and some who are both where their happiest places might be.  We got beaches, favorite vacation spots, fabulous restaurants, designer shops, and even not yet invented places.  All good choices and all somebodies’ happy places.  But not universal.  One man’s beach may be another’s sun burn spot.  The jeweler who boasts the happiest place two days before Valentine’s Day may be someplace entirely different the weekend after.  A designer bag coup for one could be a mark of arrogance to another.  And while life-size Snow Whites and Gastons may be awe inspiring to certain youngsters, others may cower at the sight at a six foot tall mouse or a Pooh who is big enough to hold the young one cradled in his arms at night.

Happy places all perhaps.  But happy places to all?  Not on your life.

You must suspect by now that we have someplace particular in mind.   We do.  No, it’s not one of our vacation spots nor a favorite getaway location.  It has almost nothing to do with fabulous purchases that may be the envy of most who we will meet in a morning elevator ride to the office.  It’s not a specific spot in nature nor a non-specific spot where they do unnaturally good things to some favorite foods.  Nope, it’s none of those.  Where in the world could it possibly be?  It’s the dollar store!

Yes, the dollar store must be the happiest place in the world.  Not one of the imitation dollar stores that are dollar stores only because they have the world “dollar” in their store name.  Copyrighted or otherwise.  We mean the real dollar stores, the ones where everything’s a dollar, every item, every day, every trip.  Where 5 dollars buys five items (tax extra).  Where there are no express lines because no one can buy twelve items or less in a trip around those aisles.  Where there are things that haven’t been seen on retail shelves since – well, since the last dollar store stocked up.

How did we come to this conclusion?  We were recently in need of a couple of gift bags.  All things being equal, all gift bags are equal.  After years of unscientific research we have come to the conclusion that the $1.00 gift bags found in the dollar store are the same color, construction, volume, and with the same rope handles as the $6.99 national card store gift bags.  So to the dollar store we went, armed with the color and style of the bags we wanted and a twenty dollar bill for all the other stuff we’d find there. 

We pulled up in front of our local dollar store, just a spot or two away from the door.  As we were undoing our seat belts and planning our shopping strategy, we noticed several shoppers coming out of the store.  Not a single one was empty-handed.  Not a single child was being warned to wait until they got home.  Not a single shopper was not broad faced smiling, content in the knowledge that bargains had been had that evening.  Bargains indeed, and every one of the a dollar.

Once inside the magic continued.  There was not one screaming child.  Why should there be?  If a child wants a carrot colored and shaped baseball bat there is one hanging prominently on the wall.  Give it to the kid.  After all, it’s only a dollar.  There was not one couples complaint.  If he wants a 16 ounce tumbler and she wants the red wine goblet, get them both.  A set of 4 each will still return you change from your 10 dollar bill.  Can’t decide between the St. Patrick’s Day shamrock head band and the Easter Bunny ears for the family pooch?  Don’t decide, get ’em both.  And don’t fret that the doggie usually makes dinner out of one or the other.  They’re only a dollar!

We tell you now, the proof is in.  The happiest place in the world isn’t inhabited by six foot tall mice.  The happiest place in the world is your local dollar store! (Does anybody have change for a fifty?  There are some limits to happiness.)   

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

The Price of Popcorn

Michael Leave a comment

“I’ll see your two small popcorns and raise you a medium soft drink.”

“You’re bluffing.  There’s your medium drink and I’ll raise you a soft pretzel.  With honey mustard.”

Over the past several years we’ve done remarkably well seeing all of the Academy Award nominees.  Not necessarily in the same year they are nominated, but eventually.  And we’ve done remarkably well seeing entertaining movies also.  They aren’t always the same you know.  But every so often there comes a critically acclaimed movie that ends up walking away with all the awards that we also like.  Those are the two- popcorns-two-drinks movies. And then there are those that everybody says we have to see so we do.  Usually they end up walking away with all the awards and frankly, we wouldn’t even waste the price of a box of Milk-Duds on all of them put together.

Sometimes the movies are the big hits.  And sometimes they are the big flops.  But hit or miss, we still go to see them.  And when we’re there we never go in without our popcorn.  We invite you to join us as we place value on today’s film offerings based on concession stand items.

It makes sense.  You can see a movie any day of the week, any time of the day and the price varies.  The movie doesn’t.  The winners are winners on Tuesday afternoon just as much as they are on Friday night. If it’s a dog, it barks every time it’s played.  First run, second run, it’s still either running away with it all or just running away.  Just because we have to pay $4.00 more after 4:00 it doesn’t get 40% better.  Nope, there is no correlation between the admission for a movie and how good is that movie.  So when some smarmy film critic says, “It wasn’t worth the price of admission” what admission are we to assume?

Yet with all the variances in how much a theater will charge to get you into the seat, they know their gold standard is what is so prominently displayed well before you make your way to those seats.  The concessions!  Popcorn is popcorn and it’s $10.00 for a medium one of them any show, any day, any time.  Not long ago we were at an afternoon showing of one of this year’s best picture nominees.  It was a matinee so we got in for the low, low price of $14.00 for the both of us.  Two small popcorns and drinks later, He of We had dug out another $20.00.  We were almost outraged that the snacks cost more than the main dish.  But a few weeks earlier we were at the evening showing of a movie that we enjoyed but will never have “Oscar Winner” on its DVD cover.  Admission for two?  $24.00.  Popcorn and pop for both?  $20.00.  Here we have our measure of comparison!  Not admission. 

We paid more for what was put out as fluff, marketed as fluff, and played as fluff than we did to see the award winning performance in a movie everyone has talked about since it was released months ago.  Had we watched those two movies on the opposite days and times that we did, would we have instead gotten what we paid for?  It’s too hard to tell.  Every mathematician will tell you that solving simultaneous equations went out with the IBM 200.  One variable.  Period.  And that variable is the movie.  For sure.

So here is our gold standard for clear movie worth.  If after you see the movie you first thought is, that wasn’t worth the price of the popcorn, you won’t be watching it when it comes out on your cable company’s Movies On Demand list.  Not even the free one.  On the other hand, if your initial reaction is “that was worth more than the biggest, saltiest, butteriest popcorn, I’ve ever had,” and you wish you had even more, you’ll be back next week for an encore. 

It only makes sense. The price of admission goes up, goes down, goes half-off, and gets the Entertainment Book coupon special all to put seats in those seats.  And it’s all to get you in the door. Once you’re through those doors they bring out the big gun. The ultimate money-maker. The true measure of entertainment success. Snack food!

That’s because sometimes the movie is the attraction, and sometimes it’s there just to accompany the popcorn.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

An Oscar Winning Performance

Michael Leave a comment

The Academy missed an award last night.  That was the best performance by an individual or individuals who are supposed to be care givers but clearly don’t care.  The nominees were:

Your doctor who said you really needed to lose about 10 pounds between appointments and on your way out asked you if you’ve been to the new seafood house off the interstate.  But he lost his edge when you returned 6 months later and measured out only an 8 pound loss.  He had the chance to chastise you for the un-lost pounds, instead he said was that you did well and you’ll get those last two pounds in another month or two.

The second nomination was a group effort that went to the local nursing home administration in total for their performance before the local television news reporter when refusing to answer questions on air about the apparent loss of 3 residents who wandered away from the facility and hadn’t been seen for 2 days, the alarm being raised only after a family member of one of the missing elders reported the situation to the police.  In what looked like a lock for this award the group lost their opportunity to take home the gold when it was discovered that the administrator had already disciplined, fired, and reported to the state licensing boards the entire nursing staff that was on duty the day the three just walked through a door that was supposed to be locked but was left open so staff memebers could sneak outside for a smoke break.  They further fell from consideration when after they found the trio they not only welcomed them back without trying to blame the oldsters but then gave them a month’s stay for free.

The third nominee was a dark horse, your very own auto mechanic who said on three different occasions that he couldn’t find the same noise you heard every time you turned left on a gravel road.  Just when everyone was certain that he was going to charge you an arm and a leg for each visit and double dip by charging the warranty company as well, he found the problem, made a call to some mechanic friends of his, fixed your problem for parts only, then reported the issue to the manufacturer who is now recalling all 5 million models for the same safety repair.  In a surprise move, the National Transportation Safety Board awarded your mechanic the Silver Torque Wrench for unrelented test driving.

And the winner is…your dentist.  This supposed integral cog of your health care team takes the first five minutes of each of your semi-annual visits to harangue you for not flossing, not flossing enough, not flossing with the right kind of floss, or not flossing correctly, while scraping at your defenseless teeth with a metal probe the size of Rhode Island, refusing to let you inhale for periods of up to 3 minutes, and then telling you on your way out that he no longer takes your insurance, payment is expected immediately, don’t forget to make your next appointment, and please, have a nice day.

Congratulations!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Credit Where Credit Is Due?

Michael 1 Comment

Over the last couple of weeks, we’ve seen a lot of movies.  It must be winter.  It’s much more comfortable sitting in a cozy theater nibbling on popcorn than speeding around an ice skating rink at 15 miles per hour in 15 degree weather.  Then again, maybe we just like movies better.  For whatever reason, over the last couple of weeks we’ve seen a lot of movies.

You’ll remember that a couple of weeks ago we wrote about watching a television network’s idea of the greatest movie ever filmed.  We disagreed with that but we watched it all the way through.  It was from the 1940’s so you really didn’t have to watch it all the way through to read all the credits.  They were all in front of the movie, some before the title, some after, and all of them taking a grand total of about a minute to read.

The movie that we saw most recently was filmed in the 1990’s and was nobody’s pick of the greatest movie ever filmed but not a bad story.  We stayed at the end of the movie to read the credits all the way through.  That took about 7 minutes.  Then there was the last of the new releases that we saw in the cozy theater with the popcorn.  It was nominated for a bazillion Academy Awards and someday will be on somebody’s list of the greatest movies ever filmed but we’ll probably disagree with that also.  We stayed all the way through to read those credits and those took about 15 minutes to read. 

So where are we going with this?  We aren’t sure either but we wonder who all these people are.  Some of them clearly have something to do with the movie.  That might be the Third Unit Director.  Director of any unit should have something to do with the movie important enough to get noticed.  But Assistant Paint Foreman?  We’re not kidding.  How about Catering Auditor?  We don’t doubt that somewhere in the making of this movie somebody audited the caterer’s invoices.  And for that they are mentioned at the end of the movie.  Hmm.   

Many people are involved in bringing you your morning newspaper.  There are the writers, the editors, the publisher.  These peoples’ names are prominently mentioned so you can ooh and ahh over them.  And several people are required to get you your semi-annual teeth cleaning.  There is the dentist and then there is the hygienist, and the office receptionist.  You probably won’t see the name of the person who services the dental chair on your dentist’s statement any more than you’ll see the person who changes the oil in the car of the person who delivers you newspaper noted on the masthead.  Yet aren’t these the equivalent of the catering auditor? 

So we have to ask, are we being too generous with the credits for those who work in the movies, or not generous enough with those who really make a difference in our lives.  We wonder about that.  We really do.

 

The Real Reality Show Blog

Based on life as noticed by Both of We
Created by Both of We
Written by Both of We
Edited by She of We
Typed by He of We
Proofread by She of We
Posted by He of We
Heavy duty thinking by Both of We
Snacks by Both of We
Naps by whoever gets there first
Audited by ———– hey do we audit this?  Didn’t think so.
Music by whoever is playing in our heads at the time
Produced by Both of We

This has been a We Production
in association with
The Real Reality Show Blog People

 

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Mutts That Matter

Michael Leave a comment

Were you one of the 17 bazillion people who watched the Westminster Kennel Club dog show on television this week?  We haven’t seen the actual ratings figures but it seems that at least everybody in the United States watched it.  At the very least, everybody either of us has spoken with over the past couple of days had watched it.  Why not?  Dogs are cute.  Two nights of dogs strutting their way around Madison Square Garden in the doggie version of Project Runway is indeed must see TV. 

While glued to the set for those two nights we learned a lot.  The Labrador Retriever, even though geographically challenged and originated in Newfoundland rather than Labrador, is the most popular AKC breed in the United States.  There are about 11,000 Labs registered here.  Very impressive numbers.  But the large breed was not wearing the blue ribbon when the show was over.  That went to the diminutive Affenpinscher, the breed’s first win at Westminster, beating out 2,500 entries.

There is a local animal shelter just about a mile away from He of We.  We have stopped by often to drop off a donation, ogle at the pets, or adopt a dog.  That particular shelter has adopted out over 2,500 animals last year, more than were entered the Westminster show.  About half were dogs.  That’s just one shelter.  If 11,000 registered Labs makes that breed the number one breed in the country, think of how many of America’s really most favorite dog, the Shelter Pup, there are out there.  We think they deserve a show also.

It would be a bit different from the AKC sanctioned events.  Since 80% of the dogs adopted from shelters are mixed breeds you couldn’t have standards and conformity judged.  But you could judge fun, energy, intelligence, and affection. Picture this, a round of pound puppies march around Madison Square Garden and The Cutest into the finals.  Another round of scraggly scruffies now takes center stage and The Ugliest is selected.  Other rounds pick out the Hairiest, the Baldest, the Best Trick, the Longest Nap, and the Best Dog Kisser.  Each of these seven “Group Winners” now moves on to the Best We Know final round!

Here audience participation is not only encouraged, it’s mandatory!  The crowd cheers as each group winner marches around the stage,  past the TV cameras that flash the four leggers strutting their stuff onto the Jumbotrons  And out of these, the one with the loudest crowd approval wins the coveted Blue Ribbon, a lifetime supply of Milk Bones, and the title of Mutts That Matter, the Best We Know. 

Now that’s puppy love!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

I Would Do Anything – Not!

Michael 1 Comment

She of We’s youngest went skiing last weekend.  Even before he called in the injury report we decided we don’t want to go flying down a mountain on skinny pieces of fiberglass with nothing between us and the ground but Under Armour, down filled puffy ski jackets, and 17 inches of snow.  As we thought more of it, we definitely don’t want to go skiing towed behind a boat at great speeds with nothing between us and drowning but flimsy swimwear.  And thus was born the Hole in the Bucket List.  As in, if we put this on a list and it fell through a hole in that bucket before we got around to kicking it, we wouldn’t miss it at all.

It’s a simple premise.  Think of what you haven’t done, don’t really want to do, and could live your entire life without ever doing it.  There are lots of things you’d never want to do.  Periodontal surgery is one that She of We would like to get through life without ever having experienced.  That might be a bit difficult to put on the Hole in the Bucket List because it might not be completely up to her.  Circumstances may say someday she’ll have to.  However, going on safari is another of her unwanteds that clearly makes the Hole in the Bucket List.  It’s something that though many would love to do before they shuffle off this mortal rock, it’s something she could care less for.  Others are running a marathon, running with the bulls, and having any parts of the body other than the ears that already are pierced.

He of We’s Hole in the Bucket List centers on unsupported flight.  His list includes parasailing, cliff diving, and bungee jumping.  Rappelling, rock climbing, and parachuting would also make the list but people in the military made him do those already.  Although he lived through them they aren’t likely to ever make a return for him.

Now, we too can be adventurous.  Regular readers know that we have as much fun, quite often more, than the next guy.  And if you think riding around in a miniature roadster on an interstate highway at the speed limit with the top down (sometimes in the rain) doesn’t catch our collective breaths, you’re very mistaken.  It is that there are limits to what we feel we need to fulfill our lives.  Alligator wrangling is outside those limits.

What’s on your list?  Add a comment, pop your least favorite, indeed least thought of pastime on it, and we’ll see just where we won’t be going.  No task is too trivial to be Hole in the Bucket List worthy.  Something you’ve never done, aren’t likely to be doing, and could care less if you ever do even though others might consider it a point to take before they are taken away.

Now let’s see, we also have no bull riding, or tornado chasing, or visiting pyramids outside of Las Vegas. Really.  No.   

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Just Because You Can

Michael Leave a comment

In our last post we questioned the need for a digital video recorder to record 20 bazillion hours of programming 555 shows at a time.  Ok, perhaps we exaggerate a bit.  Whether 20 bazillion or 2,000, that’s a lot of dreck – umm, hours.  And a tool that can make that happen is a wonder.  As in, we wonder what they were thinking when they cooked that one up.

 “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” 

The “Just Becauses” are many in the world.  Do you recall not long ago the electric belt being peddled on TV.  Oh, they didn’t call it that.  It was called a muscle stimulating ab belt and it was to get your ab muscles exercising whether they wanted to or not.  Zip a jolt of electricity through a muscle and watch it “exercise.”  Right.  And if you believe that we have a backyard sauna box to sell you.

Do you have a lot of hair that needs the special shampoos and conditioners?  We’re not going down that aisle.  We’re going down the one next to it where the hair dryers are.  If you have a lot of hair and you can’t hold your hair dryer for as long as it takes to dry all your hair, you can be the proud owner of a gooseneck stand that will hold any hand held dryer and position it to anywhere around your head.  Now how about a comb with a pivoting head or an extended handle? 

Did you brush your teeth?  As often as you should?  For as long as you should?  Did you know you can buy a singing toothbrush?  Not just for kids.  Adult versions will keep you brushing as long as you should with a different tune every morning, afternoon, evening, and bedtime.  Uh huh.

The kitchen doesn’t want to be left behind in this glorious celebration of “Just Because.”  We know that kitchens are very personal places.  Many of our friends have slicers and dicers, blenders and bowls that we don’t always understand but won’t disparage their right to slice however they like.  But a hot dog slicer?  Marketed to prevent children from choking on hot dogs, this elongated egg slicer takes the place of — well, it takes the place of a knife.  And it comes with a warning to be used only by adults or with adult supervision.  Hmm.

You don’t even have to buy a “Just Because.”  If you have cable or satellite TV and you’re using one of their remote controls, you hold a “Just Because” in your hand every time you change the channel.  Do we really need 53 buttons on that remote?  (See Button, Button, They Have Too Many Buttons, Dec. 3, 2012, in Humor.)  Yes, “Just Becauses” are everywhere.  Outdoor accessories, clothing, storage solutions(?), toys, and tools. 

If you can’t walk through a mega mart or giant home improvement store without stopping in some aisle and asking yourself, “really?” then you too can sport the bumper sticker “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”  And as soon as we finish this post we’re going to see if we can’t get a few hundred thousand of them printed up.  We’re thinking $19.95.  We’ll see you in Aisle 3.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

5 x 2,000 = 0

Michael Leave a comment

It was an okay start to the weekend.  It was cold and there was a call for some snow.  But by the time Both of We were in the same house, about 2 inches of that snow had fallen and the other 3 or 4 that was coming was coming quickly.  It seemed, even though there were more than a few destinations to where we could have headed, the sofa and a television would do just fine for this weekend.

When we turned on the set one of the first sights we saw was a commercial for one of the satellite TV programmers’ DVR that can record up to 2,000 hours without losing a single digit out of all those digital files.  Shortly after that was a commercial for another satellite provider’s DVR package that allows you to record up to 5 programs at the same time.  Clearly those guys have more to pick from that the 1,100 channels we had at our remote fingertips.

It’s the time between the Academy Award nominations and the Academy Award recognitions so every channel that had anything among its offerings remotely movie-like would be running Oscar Month specials.  We saw promos for the best movie ever coming to a TV near you before this year’s glittery statuettes are awarded.  Unfortunately it’s hard to get the programmers from American Movie Classics, Turner Classic Movies, Arts and Entertainment, TruTV, Disney, History, BET, Comedy Central, and the Golf Channel to agree on the best movie ever.

We did watch one network’s offering of its idea of the best movie ever (we disagreed) and sometime during the weekend we also watched a couple hockey games, some cooking shows on PBS and on commercial television, WipeOut, lots of syndicatedtwenty-year old situation comedies, a horrible horror film offered at midnight, news, the Puppy Bowl, another movie, and very unusual presentation of an early 1950’s recording of a full orchestra performing all Strauss, all the time.  No Super Bowl but we did watch the commercials on the Internet.

Neither of us has the requisite satellite provider to be able to record up to 2,000 hours of what we watched this weekend.  Fortunately we rarely watch 2,000 hours of television in one sitting.  (Does anybody realize that 2,000 hours of television at 4 hours of television watching per day every day is almost 11 months of TV?)  We tried to figure out what 5 shows we’d record all at the same time and decided we couldn’t find 5 shows that were playing all weekend that were on our “we can’t miss these at any cost” list. The only hour and the only show we might have considered wanting to record was maybe the Johann Strauss concert or possibly one of the cooking shows that had an interesting recipe for pizza dough that neither of us had seen before.  But then on further consideration we decided Strauss had too schizophrenic a style for us and we already have two favorite pizza shops that do it for us.

So it seems that the programmers, both computer and marketing, have managed to violate the Number One Rule of Inventions.  Just because you can, doesn’t mean that you should.   

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

We’re real, and we’re spectacular!

Michael Leave a comment

It’s back in the news.  Reality shows are being found unreal.  We entered that fray with our first post.  We didn’t then and don’t now like the reality they show us knowing that their reality is everybody else’s novelty.  The surprise shouldn’t be that someone suspected these were in fact scripted shows.  The surprise should be that a producer found six Amish youths who just happened to leave their communities and ended up in the same hotels in NYC all at the same time.  Or that three very different people including a goat farmer from the same NYC knew how Houdini relieved himself of a strait jacket.  Oh that they thnk so little of us that they believe that we believe these are really real.  Real?  Umm, we don’t think so.

We, however, are very real.  We are THE Real Reality Show.  What you get with us is what we are.   Yes there are times even our children cringe at that statement but that’s us.  We went back and looked at some of the things we’ve written just to be sure.  Yep.  That’s us.  And there’s even more.

We were reminded how real we are while watching television one evening last week.  Regular readers will have noticed that we come to a lot of conclusions while watching TV or while eating out.  Well, we watched a commercial portraying a couple putting together their hostess gift in the car outside the house, then donning reindeer ears, marching up the sidewalk, and then joining the party.  Together we looked at each other and said, “that’s us!”  We certain we’ve done that.  It’s just that it’s so like us we don’t even know we’re doing it.

And there are others.  Nobody but us would take advantage of the laws of physics and drive down an interstate highway in the pouring rain in a convertible with the top down absolutely certain we’d not get wet.  Not because of the laws of physics as much as “just because.”

Nobody but us could be driving down yet another highway while listening to a football game on the radio, hear a touchdown, and do a perfectly (yet still quite extemporaneously) choreographed end zone dance complete with foot stomps and hand claps while He of We’s daughter sits in the back seat wondering why she just doesn’t live with her cell phone permanently set to record video .

Nobody but us could spend two hours in a 20 year old game room playing 40 year old arcade games at one of the area’s finest ski resorts in the wee small hours of the morning feeling every bit as worldly as Richy Rich in his own playroom.  And every bit as lively as a 10 year old millionaire.

Nobody but us would invite a few friends to the house for cocktails and canapes and hire a singer musician to play for us because live is always better than recorded.  And get him 3 new gigs from others who’ll be wanting to do the same!

So as you read our tales twice a week, every week, be secure in the knowledge that this is one reality show that is really real.  No scripts.  No gimmicks.  No pay day.  So we take a little bad with all the good.

That’s what we think.  Really.  How ’bout you?