Category Humor

Let’s Stay In Touch

Michael Leave a comment

It’s much too early to make any New Year’s resolutions.  (If you haven’t already, you can see our thoughts on New Year’s resolutions at “Revolving Resolutions (Dec. 30, 2013), Resolving to Keep It Real (Dec. 31, 2012), Be It Resolved (Jan. 2, 2012), and/or Be It Further Resolved (March 22, 2012).)  However, it might be just the right time to make a New Year’s Eve resolution.

It was sometime last week when there were five people and four oh-so-smart phones at the table all at the same time.  This was He’s extended family and usually that group can never find any of their phones.  But for some reason, on that day everybody but one (and oddly enough that was the youngest of the group and a true card carrying member of the “Don’t Leave Home Without It As Long As It Is a Phone Brigade”) had his or her cell phone strapped, perched, or holstered onto his or her body or close by.  Miraculously, nobody’s phone made a peep during the meal which is why all of them were at the table at the same time.  But the site of all that electronic wizardry did start a story.  And so it went.

Once upon a time, staying in touch was easy.  If you wanted to speak with someone you called that someone.  Landline and then cell phone calls were an easy push button distance to just about anyone.  If nobody answered there was usually an answering machine or voice mail willing to take a message.  Even as home computing became the norm, e-mail was available and handy for sending large amounts of information or even sharing files.  And thus we managed quite well getting our lunches planned, our rides scheduled, and our points across.

And then the madness struck!

It was even before the smart phone revolution.  Texting.  At first, only the 13-18 demographic texted.  It made perfect sense.  Texts were free.  Calls were still charged by the minute.  Parents knew about every call made.  Parents cared less about texts.  They showed up on bills as numbers of but followed by NC – No Charge.  HW!  (How Wonderful).  As the 13-18 year olds aged, their favored means of communication improved.  Texts became faster and clearer.  And as the texting became easier, the parents and other fogies suddenly realized they too could be saving time and money.  What two better things are there to save.

With the time saved they all became users of Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Linked In, Skype, YouTube, and YouNameIt.  Many, many ways to stay in touch.  Then problems started arising when people started realizing they were on too many services to stay on all of them as much as they wanted.  And thus, each picked a favorite.  All different favorites!  But they rarely shared which was their favored favorite.  So if you want to reach your best friend you have call, leave a message, then text, then private message on Facebook.  At least one of those will be ringing, humming, or vibrating your recipient’s phone.  If all else fails, there’s always e-mail and maybe a landline phone call, possibly to the work number.

So what’s the resolution?  For the callee, everybody should resolve to tell everybody they really want to hear from how to reach them.  And don’t get miffed if someone picks the wrong means.  Stuff happens you know.  And for the caller, make certain you listen to all your contacts and somewhere mark their preferred means of…. No, how about once you send out the message you give your intended recipient enough time to get back before you…. No, make sure you’re using the right platform for the right…. No, how about don’t assume that your favorite means of being gotten hold of is everybody’s favorite…. Oh heck, was it really that important anyway?

Tell you what, have your people get hold of our people and we’ll do lunch.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Just About the Last Minute

Michael Leave a comment

 

It’s down to 3 (three!), 2 (two!), 1 (one!), Merry Christmas (!) and we are at the clubhouse turn.

The clubhouse is pretty appropriate here.  This year’s Real Reality of Christmas season started with “Let’s Go Clubbing” (Nov. 17, 2014).  In that post there is the outrageous suggestion that this year everyone would be consumed with cooking, baking, and decorating.  And that seemed to be a pretty fair estimate of outrageousness just as it is most every year, at least around here.  One thing it didn’t seem to be was all consumed with shopping.

Shopping was quite tempered this year from the lack of catalogs (see “The Great Annual Christmas Catalog Shopping Guide,” Dec. 15, 2014) to the lack of fellow shoppers (see “Next to the Last Minute,” Dec. 18, 2014).  We’re wondering might that be due to the lack of stuff.  It seems that every year there is more and more stuff that you only see at the holidays.  Advertisements bear this out.

Think about what you have seen recently on your television.  If it weren’t for the commercial air time between Thanksgiving and Christmas you would think nobody ever drinks liquor, sparkling wine, or pomegranate juice.  If not for those four or five weeks (and the week before Mother’s Day) jewelry stores would close.   Women’s fragrances, perfumes, and colognes appear not to be bottled except for this time of year (and that week in May).  Men’s fragrances are not even bottled this one time each year but they are dusted off and shipped to the stores who agree to build even bigger displays of the always more lucrative woman half of the couple version which are bought by the gift-clueless man half of the couple.  If the Christmas season did not exist, neither would DVD versions of “classic” movies and television shows.  And do we even have to mention Chia Pets?

In some cases it is not just the product that only appears at the end of all years.  Sometimes there are entire stores, even entire categories of stores that only show themselves during the Yule season.  In addition to the already noted jewelers, fitness equipment makers (infomercials excepted) and fitness centers, kitchen gadget specialists, and book sellers rarely make themselves known other than during this holiday period.

With all the extra time bought up by these specialties you would think that the routine advertisers might be a bit miffed.  They are, after all, missing out on a lot of chances to push their products.  Don’t worry about them.  As the number of Christmas movies and specials increase, even though there might be fewer numbers of ads for the commercial staples, the interaction between seller and sucker – err, customer – remains at least the same, if not better.  With some well-timed offerings and a new catchy jingle or two those companies will somehow manage to stay in front of the buying public until at least the Super Bowl.  There will always be enough people buying cars, beer, soup, and cell phones.

And do we even have to mention Chia Pets?

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

The Great Annual Christmas Catalog Shopping Guide

Michael 2 Comments

Nine shopping days until Christmas.  Go ahead and count if you like, that’s all that’s left.  Nine days.  Remember, don’t count Christmas Eve as a shopping day, there are just too many other things going on then.  Even if you do count it, that’s not a lot of days left and they almost got by without the Official Annual Real Reality Show Blog Christmas Catalog Shopping Guide.  (Yeah, we missed last year but you can find 2012’s here: “And If You Order Now…” (Dec 17, 2012), and 2011’s here: “Buy The Way…” (Dec. 1, 2011).  If fact, you might want to pull them up as quick references.)

As close as it is to the big day, He’s mailbox has been a virtual dearth of Christmas catalogs.  An honest to gosh absence of some of the biggest names – and prices – of the holiday shopping season.  So scarce are they that it will be almost impossible to top the $500 snow shoes from years gone buy, err, by.  (Ok, so they were only $470.  That was two years ago.  With inflation they have to be $500 by now or they really aren’t from a decent designer.)  True, one can always go on line to find the highest in fashion – and prices – but that’s just not the same as good old fashioned catalog shopping in a good old fashioned recliner preferably while drinking a good old fashion.  So to make up for the lack of the high end “Hammacher Schlemmer” type mailings we will make do with this year’s newspaper insert from “Five Below,” that fabulous outlet where no item is priced more than $5.00.

So let’s start with those snow shoes.  You’ll recall from 2012 that our guide was very high on picking up a family set of these offered in eight designer colors for the low, low price of $470 for the complete ensemble.  Probably not appropriate for outdoors use, Five Below does have Stompeez slippers that “come to life when you walk” at their top of the line price of $5.00, but that is for just one pair.  Outfitting the entire family will set you back a whopping $20.  But, it is Christmas.

A featured item in the 2011 guide was the double barrel marshmallow cannon with dishwasher safe magazines at a very reasonable $39.95.  The current Five Below insert really doesn’t have an equivalent item but it does include a goblet that will hold an entire bottle of wine.  Excess is after all, excess.  And it can be yours for the less than excessive price of again $5.00.

Nothing will ever compare with the $60,000 Optimal Resonance Audiophile Four-Way Three-Dimensional Soundstage Quality Speakers (each requiring its own amplifier, not included) from the 2011 guide.  Imagine where that is priced out today after three years of inflation and obligatory price increases.   We suggested then that if you can afford $60,000 speakers you are encouraged to make a quite generous donation to your local symphony, opera company, musical theater, or other organization requiring pricey speakers and pocket the extra $50,000.  Otherwise, Five Below has you covered here also.  Earbuds, headphones, sound capsules, and even plain old speakers are shown throughout their flyer for your choice at only $5.00 each.  Buddy, can you spare $59,995?

There you go, nine days and one catalog to fill out your “nice list” for this year.  It could be that some of you actually got the high end catalog is your mail boxes this year.  If so, don’t pass it around.  Just keep it to yourself.  It would be a shame if someone got snow shoes again this year.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Being Beholden

Michael 1 Comment

It’s here.  Or soon will be.  It is Friday, December 12, 2014, otherwise known as Ugly Christmas Sweater Day.  (And can somebody please explain why it’s ok to call it an ugly Christmas sweater but to be politically correct we have to wish each other happy holidays?) (But that’s a post for a different day.)  (Thank holidays.)

OK, Ugly Christmas Sweater Day has been officially going on for quite a few years but now seems to be really getting traction.  It could be because there are more television shows with ugly sweater themes, it could be because there are now television commercials with ugly sweater themes, or it could be that there are now commercials for ugly sweaters.  True, you won’t see them in prime time network airspace but they are there.  Plop “Ugly Sweater” into your favorite search engine and see what you get back.  One or two news blurbs and a lot of sales!  If you don’t want to buy you can even rent.

To be sure, Ugly Christmas Sweater Day is not at all about ugly Christmas sweaters any more than ugly Christmas sweaters are about ugly sweaters.  It’s a day to do its best to make you smile your smilest – err, your biggest smile.  🙂   Maybe even more than Ice Cream for Breakfast Day.  (If you forgot, that’s the first Saturday in February.)

To be even more sure, Ugly Christmas Sweater Day is to sweaters and sweatshirts and jerseys what ugly Christmas tie day is to ties and ugly Christmas hat day is to hats and ugly Christmas decorations day is to decorations.  It’s about the people who wear them and their exuberance for the holiday.  (Yes, the holiday – singular, as in Christmas, not the generic holidays – plural, for everyone too ashamed to admit there is something special that happened and is worth commemorating with all the energy befitting an irreplaceable occasion.)  (But that’s still a post for a different day.)  (Thank holidays.)

The people who celebrate Ugly Christmas Sweater Day aren’t interested in whether you think their sweaters are ugly.  Nor their ties or hats or Town Square Christmas trees.  They know they aren’t.  If they were they (the sweaters) would still be on the store shelves.  To them (the sweater wearers) they (the sweaters) are the most beautiful pieces of clothing they (do we really need to keep going) own.  Beautiful because they (sweaters) symbolize the joy and energy they (people) get to feel not just at Christmas but all year long.  Because, let’s even be most sure, you know darn well these are the same people who have an ugly Easter bonnet hiding in a closet for next spring.   And that’s just fine too!

Ugly Christmas Sweater Day, a new tradition worthy of being carried on through the next few generations, or at least the next few weeks.  And it’s so easy.  Find a sweater you think is just too cool to not be shared with everybody you pass on Ugly Christmas Sweater Day.  Wear it and share it.  Repeat.  Why should turkey be the only holiday tradition that returns for several days?

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

McYouWon’tBelieveThisOne

Michael Leave a comment

It was there for a while.  A little while to be sure, but to be sure, it was there.  Or they were there.  Those two words.  Those two words that are almost never heard at a fast food drive through window.  Thank you.  So rare are they that we were certain they had just been substituted by some unfamiliar phrase and thus we posted a page of translations one might find useful when pulling around to Window Number One (“The 21st Century Drive-Through Translator,”  May 8, 2014). Now, however, after a more recent visit to Drive Through Land, he is certain that those words, or lack of them, are iceberg tip zone.

It was a couple weeks ago that he was starved and needed something to eat and needed it fast.  Ahead of him he saw arches and pigtails and crowns.  Didn’t matter where he stopped, they were basically interchangeable.  He pulled into the first one and saw only one mini-van at the speaker.  This should be quick he thought.  Mini-van equals kids, equals kid meals, equals one-two-three ordering.  Wrong!

As he pulled behind the van and lowered his window he caught the sound of the lady ordering loud enough that she could have done so without the speaker set-up.  “…and a bacon ranch salad without the bacon.”  A pause presumably while she read the read-out on the speaker’s screen.  “Not a side salad.  A bacon ranch salad, hold the bacon.”  The response came through just as loud. “That is a side salad with ranch dressing.”  “No it’s not.”  Here is where he should have turned around and moved on to contestant restaurant Number Two.

Eventually the mini-van lady and the disembodied speaker voice came to an agreement of what kind of salad she was going to get (even though nobody really understands why these places serve salads anyway).  She pulled around to Window Number One and he gave his order which the headless speaker person totaled to $4.28.  He reached into his change cup, pulled out a quarter and three pennies, felt for a bill in his pocket hoping to snag either a five or a ten and was relieved to find a ten between his fingers, and made his own way to Window Number One, the very window where the mini-van was still stationed!

“…don’t ever change my order again like that.  If I ask for a salad I want that salad not a little side salad.  I know what you people make on those things.  Is that the phone number to call complaints to.  I’m dialing it now.”  And off to Window Number Two she went, probably misdialing all the way.

He took the now vacated place, the no longer headless voice repeated his total, and he passed over the bill and four coins.  The young lady in the window asked if he wanted his receipt, he said no thank you and waited for his change.  Instead of money she handed him his receipt (yes, the very one he said he didn’t need) and uttered those immortal words, “There you go.”  He continued to wait and when she didn’t get it he tried a verbal cue.  “Hmm, my change?”  “You gave me 28 cents,” she said.  “Yes,” he said, “but not with a four dollar bill.”

He looked up and saw that the mini-van was still at Window Number Two.  He wondered if the mini-van lady was ever a drive through worker.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

Everything Old Is New Again

Michael Leave a comment

It’s that most wonderful time of the year again.  Well, it’s that time of the year again.  That time when every department store has a CD player in the shape of a 1950s jukebox, every home improvement store has next to the high tech LED lights those big C-3 bulbs, and every video department has “Miracle on 34th Street,” “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “Frosty the Snowman.”  Yes, it’s retro time!

Retro is an interesting concept.  Can’t come up with an original idea?  Retro it!  Can’t come up with a winning idea?  Retro it!  Can’t come up with any idea that won’t get you fired before the holiday breaks?  Retro it!  And quite often it works.

There truly is more right than wrong when it comes to retro.  Consider these.  Look at all of the retro car designs that have hit the road in the past few years.  The underpinnings were new but the looks from the Chevy HHR to the Ford Mustang were based on clear winners from the past.

Check out some of the most recent movies to hit the big screens.  “Walk Among the Tombstones” released a couple of months ago is based on a Lawrence Block novel published in 1992.  The Bond flick “Casino Royale” from 2006 was written in 1967.  The upcoming “Imitation Game” is based on the 1983 publication The Enigma.

Entire television networks have been built around classic television shows from the 50s, 60s, and 70s.    Feel free to consider this as retro-programming.  Sometimes the networks will even run original commercials with the shows.  Now that’s retro!

Fashion, furniture, and architecture are rediscovering styles from a generation or two past.  Classic art is experiencing a resurgence in galleries and at auctions.  Even food is going retro.  The hottest meat in town is buffalo – that would be burgers, not wings.  And they are being sold out of trucks a la Mr. Softee.  Modern is taking some time off so we can appreciate what was.

Obviously there is much more right with retro than there is wrong.  It’s the seasonal stuff that one sees in catalogs and weekly ad flyers that give retro a certain queasiness.  You can’t even make a cheap imported CD player look like a classic jukebox let alone create the feel of a 1950s diner in your family room just because now you can play Lady Gaga in a plastic box with an arched top and blinking lights.  So let’s leave the retro to those who know what they are doing and how to develop it for today’s markets.

Now if you really want to gift your favorite bloggers with a 1950s style jukebox, type “Jukebox for sale” into your favorite search engine. Skip the results that start with “CD” and peruse the remaining offerings.  There’s a corner in the family room ready to go.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Let’s Go Clubbing!

Michael 1 Comment

The holidays are coming.  Some of the retailer advertisements would have had you believe that the holidays came a couple of months ago but with Thanksgiving rolling in next week and Christmas just another month after that, we feel pretty confident saying they are looming.  Soon all our free time will be taken up with cooking, baking, and decorating.  If you’re looking for that last piece of regularly scheduled insanity, this week might be your last chance.  And what better way to close out the insanity than with a weekend at the clubs!

No, not those clubs.  The shopping clubs!  Regardless of the level club you patronize it’s only going to get more frantic from now through Christmas.

To start, there are the classic shopping clubs.  To these you pay a fee for the privilege of being notified of special deals on special days for special people willing to wait especially for that special sale.  Usually only on-line, shopping clubs are clubs in the truest sense.  You have to be invited, you have to pay your dues, and you don’t get to order off the menu.  Gilt Group and Beyond the Rack are two popular shopping clubs.  Some clubs require a membership but without a membership fee.  These are the public pubs of the shopping clubs, usually divisions of other retailers and include Haute Look and Rue La La.

At the other end of the spectrum are the corner bar versions of our clubs.  These are the remainder stores.  Big Lots, Ollie’s, and Tuesday Morning are filled with bargains that nobody else needs, wants, or could sell.  Everybody is welcome and the discounts can be deep.  But be cautious while clubbing at the neighborhood tavern.  Not all of the deals are deals and not all of the merchandise is of the expected deep discount.

The most common of the clubs that will see high level holiday shopping sprees are the warehouse clubs.  Costco, Sam’s and BJs may be the only remaining warehouse clubs in the United States.  Here you pay a fee and buy in large quantities.  So large are the quantities that stand-up comedians have fed on the warehouse clubs since the Price brothers turned an airplane hangar into the first Price Club in 1976.  (If you’re wondering, Price Club eventually merged with Costco.)  You may not need a pallet load of toilet paper but if you want one, the warehouse clubs will sell you one.  Or more.

Yep, it will probably be the warehouse clubs that will be filled this week and weekend as zillions of Christmas lights, mountains of frozen appetizers, plentiful place-settings, hundreds of miles of garland, oodles of electronics, and the occasional occasional chair will be trucked out to pickups and vans and the shopping season opens with a round of clubbing more feverish than Saturday night at a mid-seventies disco.

And they even come with their own cover charge.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Second Class, All The Way

Michael 1 Comment

It was during the first week of November this year.  That’s when He’s mailbox saw its first Christmas card.  Just like other years it was from a fund-raising organization.  And just like other years it was indeed a real Christmas card.  Unlike other years it came seven weeks before Christmas – impressively early even by fundraiser standards.

We like Christmas cards here.  They’ve been bought and counted and soon will be signed.  Most will get a hand written note scrawled inside it.  They will be addressed and stamped and put out for the mailperson.  Not as many as in years past but all to the best of recipients.  The most deserving.  The crème de la crème. But none of that just yet.  Not until sometime after Thanksgiving, probably a couple of weeks into December.  Even at Christmas mail only takes a couple or three days to get just about anywhere.  That’s real First Class service.

And that reminds us…back in the day when our parents were sending out Christmas cards there was Second Class mail in the US.  What ever happened to it?   Way back then one could send a card or letter by second class mail.  It seemed the only requirement was that the correspondence could not be sealed.  In exchange for the risk of just about anybody reading your mail (not unlike a postcard), postage was a penny less than First Class mail.  That was when First Class mail was something like six cents.  Today’s USPS rate sheet doesn’t even include the words Second Class but there is something called First Class for Businesses that’s cheaper than retail (read “real people”) Frist Class at 38 cents versus 49 cents.  Hmmm.  We wonder.

Somewhere along the way the post office lost its way a bit.  They’ve lost their share of mail also but that’s not the point here.  It seems to us that whether its 49 cents or 38 cents or $5.75 (that’s for Priority Mail), it’s still a deal to get a letter to any address in the country.  The other guys charge at least $13.50 for two day service and they lose packages also.  Back to the post office, it has lost its way a bit.  Between some late deliveries and salary issues, and whether to deliver or not deliver on Saturday and the general ineptitude that comes from any government agency (they say they aren’t but they really are), some people are losing faith in the service.  But every year around this time more people are planning on counting on the USPS to send their Christmas greetings to the masses.  Not by e-mail, not by text, and certainly not at $13.50 a piece.  Nope, those cards and letters are going by the old stand-by, the post office.

Most of them will go out sometime after Thanksgiving, probably a couple of weeks into December.  With their flaps seals shut.  First Class.  All the way.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Up Next: Stoopid Tuesday

Michael Leave a comment

Only 52 shopping days until Christmas.  We could have sworn Black Friday was just a couple weeks ago.  Oh wait.  It was.  Seems around here stores have been advertising “Black Friday Prices” for their weekend sales for the past month or so.  Weekend sales, actually one day sales (with an extra preview day and sometimes an extra wrap-up day) are sweeping the country.  Everything is cheaper on Saturday.  It makes one wonder what those poor schmucks who work the weekend have to pay when they go shopping on Tuesday.

Tuesday has to be the pits, shopping wise.  We know about the weekend sales (actually one day sales on Saturday with an extra preview day on Friday and sometimes an extra wrap-up day on Sunday).  We know that on Monday there will be unadvertised specials to get rid of the “special purchases” brought in just for the more unsuccessful weekend sales.  Thursday is the day the buyers set out the stuff that will be on sale on the upcoming weekend sales and there will always be new discounts for the shopper willing to use his or her store credit card to reap those extra savings on this extra savings day.  Wednesday is the day that the grocery stores end their weekly specials so everybody is there picking up the items they said they would go back and get before the sale ended.  That leaves Tuesday as the only day that a retail store actually sells stuff at the full retail price.  Assuming that somebody actually goes shopping on Tuesday – Stoopid Tuesday.

But things will be a little bit better now that there are only 52 shopping days until Christmas.  Just in yesterday’s paper there were advertising supplements for trees, ornaments, lights, toys, and camping gear with their advertised prices good all week long.  But the ads for clothes, shoes, scarves, hats, gloves, outerwear, and underwear were noticeably missing having come out on Thursday for their usual weekend sales (actually one day sales on Saturday with an extra preview day Friday).  You can get a great deal on a crossbow this Tuesday but forget about finding any deals on a new winter coat until later in the week.

We hope you don’t have to work weekends so you too can take full advantage of the amazing “Black Friday Prices” at this week’s weekend sales (you know, the one day sales on Saturday with an extra preview day Friday) without the annoying wait for Black Friday.  But if you have to work this weekend remember, there are only 8 Stoopid Tuesday shopping days until Christmas.  That leaves you with 44 other days for the good stuff.  You’ll be fine.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Day After Day

Michael Leave a comment

Who knows how it happened but recently He of We’s e-mail box has been under a new assault of junk.  It’s not even good junk.  It’s mundane buy this, buy that, enroll in this class, give to this cause, apply for this job, have you thought about a cemetery plot lately?  Fortunately, hidden at the bottom, in the world’s smallest font, usually in the world’s least contrasting color to the background (ivory on white should be illegal) is the “unsubscribe link.”

We suppose most of us would prefer not to be regimented by time, day or year but unfortunately most of us are.  Work schedules, meetings and appointments vie for our attention along with their and other imposed deadlines.  It is the deadline or action time that confuses us most.  Sometimes the measuring of time makes sense as we described in “Apology Accepted” (April 1, 2013).  Other times those times make no sense and we said so in “Past Their Prime” (October 13, 2014).  But now we found a new one that is so quite arbitrary it also should be illegal.  Or at least make somebody feel bad.

Let’s take a little detour to the early days of the home computer.  We’re not sure how many of you might have been around for those challenges but challenges they were.  Everything was written in DOS and written in some weird reverse logic notation where yes meant no and no meant uh oh.  Deleting entire files was a daily occurrence.  Deleting files, erasing directories, reformatting entire disks and drives.  There was no stopping the carnage!

So now, let’s come back to the present and that “unsubscribe link.”  You really don’t want any more e-mails from that sender so you click on it.  At least twice.  Eventually it opens a web page.  There you click on another “unsubscribe link” sometimes having to re-confirm your e-mail address.  At least twice.  Then you click on “Yes” when asked if you are sure you want to do this.  Again, at least twice.  And then you get a message.  “We’re sorry to see you go.  Please allow 21 days for your e-mail address to be removed from our files.”

Twenty-one days?  What are they doing for 3 full weeks?  We know from history that you can delete a record in record time.  In 21 days they can remove all records of all e-mail addresses ever used to send anything to anybody.  From the beginning of computer time.  To be fair, some sites can actually get the job done in ten days.  Usually these are the same sites that will gladly sell you just about anything and guarantee next day delivery.  But it takes a week and a half to delete an e-mail from a list.  Yeah, right.  Let’s all stand and applaud their efficiency.

Twenty one days.  Talk about arbitrary.  Next thing you know, banks will be calling anything that happens after 3pm tomorrow.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.