Category Humor

Scary Stuff and Other Frightening Things

Michael Leave a comment

What scares you? Are you like Franklin Roosevelt going about life fearing nothing but fear itself (which can be either all-comforting or all-encompassing depending on your particular bend)? Or are you like Charlie Brown troubled with real imagined fears (or imagined real fears) but most afraid of rejection by the Little Red Haired Girl? Or are you more likely to be afraid of those things that everybody else says are more afraid of you than you are of them (your fears, not everybody else)?

Well, fear no more about being besot with fearful fears and fearing nobody knows the fears that you fear.  Chapman University has released its 2016 List of Fears just in time for Halloween 2016 – or Election Day 2016 depending on that bend again. OK, it released it three weeks ago but it took me a while to find it. It took me two weeks to even realize it was out there to be found!ghost

What I found when I found it is that it’s actually kind of frightening to think about some of the things people are afraid of. Almost 22% of those survey are afraid of the government using drones within the country’s borders. They didn’t specify what they were afraid of those drones doing, presumably just hanging out and watching. Nearly sixteen percent expressed a fear of technology, specifically “technology that I don’t understand.” If I was in that group I’d be in huge trouble. I don’t even understand how a radio works and we’re talking nineteenth century technology.

The order people give to fears also makes one wonder. More people are afraid of having property stolen (25.5%) than of being the victim of a violent crime (19.4%). So much for “at least you weren’t hurt; you can always replace things” being words of comfort to a break-in victim. Same goes for those who are just slightly less afraid of ObamaCare (It certainly has problems but I’m not sure how you actually can be afraid of it) and credit card fraud (both coming in at 35.5%) than having a loved one being seriously ill or dying (35.9% and 38.1% respectively).

But it’s Halloween. Surely ghosts and goblins are on the list somewhere. Ghosts, yes (8.9%), goblins, no. But zombies strike fear in even more people than ghosts do (10.2%). Yet even with all the recent bad publicity, clowns are the second least feared item on this year’s list frightening 7.8% of those surveyed (and coming in a whole percentage point higher than the fear of others talking about you behind your back – something I’m not afraid of at all since I’m sure most of you do as soon as you finish reading one of these posts).

So what was the one thing most feared by Americans? From over 1500 responses to 79 identified fears, Americans most feared not some natural disaster, not some man-made disaster, not even some supernatural disaster. Over 60% of Americans (60.6% to be as exact as the survey said), are most afraid of corrupt government officials. Now, if you’re living in Denmark you probably can’t relate to the thought of government corruption but then you still believe in the boogeyman.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

To see the complete list of fears, click here. Oh, go ahead. Don’t be scared.

 

Just Like Mom Used To Make

Michael Leave a comment

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when I ask where your favorite food comes from?  Now, what is the first thing that you think of when I ask where the best food comes from? Although not mutually exclusive, they are also often not consistent.

Often, though not always, a favorite food is home cooking. This makes sense since you are your best personal chef. If not you then your mom, dad, spouse, child, significant other, or, for some, your personal chef knows what you like, how you like it, and makes it often enough and well enough that you probably have a recipe file full of favorites. But the best stuff is partly the best stuff because it isn’t done at home. It’s something you can’t make, can’t get the ingredients for, can’t master the technique of, is something special, is a treat, is made, served and cleared by somebody else.

My favorite food is pizza. Any pizza, though I have a soft spot for pizza margherita. I’ll make it, I’ll buy it, I’ll fashion it out of foods that probably shouldn’t even go together. Chicken, bacon, spinach, and ricotta with garlic ranch dressing come to mind. There’s something quite comfortable about pizza. There must be. It’s managed to work its way into a few handfuls of posts, including one devoted entirely to pizza.

Where do I feel the best food comes from? Mind you, not the best single dish I ever had but in general the consistently best food I can count on having at any given time. It’s not at home. I’m pretty good but I can screw up a meal on a frighteningly regular basis. (And I really have to move that smoke detector a little further away from the kitchen. The neighbors always know when I’m working on a stir fry.) The best food I ever and always have is at a little neighborhood diner. In general I like diners. They also have appeared in more than a few posts here including one that combined diners and pizza (before this one). But this particular diner is the best of the bunch. The gravy is a cardiologist’s nightmare (or dream if he happens to need to make a couple of boat payments), and everything has the option to include an egg on it, including the pizza. I have never walked out of there without saying to myself, “I’d order that again” yet have never ordered the same thing twice. I’ve tried to order the Reuben omelet twice but it’s only available on the second Saturday of the month and I usually sleep in on that one.

What’s your favorite food choice? What’s the best food to you? Are they the same? Try answering those questions without thinking. Just jot down the first thing that comes to your mind. Then give it some thought. You might find yourself spending more time that you think over that one.

And you might find me having pizza for lunch today.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Finding America

Michael Leave a comment

Happy Columbus Day. Sort of. Traditionally in the United States Columbus Day was established on October 12 commemorating the day when Columbus landed on what is now San Salvador in the Bahamas. But then the greater American tradition of moving as many holidays to a Monday to create 3 day weekends overwhelmed the quaintness of memorializing an event on the date the event happened so we are celebrating it on the second Monday of October, October 10 this year, instead.

Now we can contrast that with the traditionally traditional argument that we shouldn’t be celebrating a Columbus Day at all, on a Monday or a twelfth day, or an any day. We should instead recognize the contribution of Leif Erikson who landed on what is now Newfoundland almost 500 years before Columbus made his pitch to Ferdinand and Isabella. To that end we have Leif Erikson Day celebrated on October 9, every year. Nobody really knows exacnewworldtly when Leif wandered past Baffin Island so somebody picked that date because it is the day an organized group of Scandinavian immigrants reached New York City in 1895.

One thing that is certain is that even though Columbus made 4 trips from Europe to “The New World,” the only time he actually landed on continental soil he was somewhere around modern day Honduras, fairly far from Washington D.C. where all the fuss about what day to celebrate emanates. On at least two of those voyages, the first and the fourth, his expressed intent was to land on land bearing resemblance to Asia or India. On the second and third voyages he at least partly intended to colonize the islands he had previously visited. None of the four were huge successes but he did well enough to warrant all federal employees getting an extra day off and have a city in Ohio named after him, all from a country within whose border he never trod.

A bit less certain is if Leif even meant to sail past Baffin Island. Leif was the second son of Erik the Red, who established a settlement on Greenland in 980. We don’t know if he was born there or on Iceland from where the family moved, perhaps urgently. Around 1000, Leif Erikson sailed from Greenland to Norway, hung out with King Olaf I for a while, converted to Christianity, and was to return to Greenland to spread the new faith. Many believe that Erikson’s landing on the north coast of Newfoundland was due to missing Greenland on that return. Whether he missed it or intentionally detoured his return to find new lands for subsequent explorers, he eventually made it to the settlement on Greenland and never returned to the continent. But that one stop made him the darling of anti-Columbian agitators and gets him a day of observance and a presidential proclamation every year, all from a country within whose border he never trod.

Continuing to contrast, it can be argued that it’s inappropriate to recognize anybody’s discovery of America since there were already people living here. How they got here is somewhat fuzzy due to the lack of record keeping from 10,000 years ago but they came from Siberia, Australia, or the Middle East depending on your source and/or obsession.

Then again…archeologists can deduce American societal findings dating earlier than the 25,000 years ago that migration would have been practical and there are indeed native cultural formations.It could be that those who place original settlements in America to a time the world began its exit from the most recent ice age (and the beginning of global warming?) may be the ones who should get an extra day off in October.

Whatever camp you belong to, don’t look for mail this morning.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Falling in Line

Michael Leave a comment

It’s officially fall in my living room. I have the previously posted about fall peanut butter cups (see “Caution, Fall(ing) Pumpkin Ahead,” Aug. 29, 2016) and pumpkin spice Hershey’s Kisses (which in two years I’ve neither previously seen or really even wanted) spilling out of their candy dishes.  It won’t be much longer before I’ll start seeing the Fall Fifteen around my midsection. Certainly you’re familiar with the Fall Fifteen – every bit if not much immutable as the Freshman Fifteen yet not restricted to young college goers.

It’s no wonder that by the last week of December so many around the world consider “lose weight” a leading New Year’s Resolution candidate. We’re just barely into fall, not even to October, and cooking magazines, Internet sites, and television shows are expounding on fall 20160928_193516flavors, all of which come in hearty (aka “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing”) stews, soups, and sandwiches. From classic cassoulet to common casseroles, from homey hashes to homemade pot pies, calories are on the menu!

Just a week ago I was grilling salmon with peach salsa and roasted corn with fresh fruit for dessert and yesterday I was roasting a whole chicken with potatoes and beans, followed by a maple, brown sugar, spice cake with butter cream icing for dessert. That would make it about 150 calories versus 8,574. (I made those numbers up. You may recall just a few weeks ago I listed calories among those things I just don’t know. See “I Didn’t Know That,” Sept. 12, 2016.)

Often people will justify that by saying, “But winter’s coming. You have to prepare for it.” What are we, polar bears? The only prep we need to do is making sure the car has enough gas to get to the megamart. Well, and that we are appropriately attired for the weather, whether it’s weather out there or not. (See “Winter Rules,” Feb. 17, 2014.) But if that’s what it takes to get you to justify all the yummy soups, stews, casseroles, and roasted beasts, I say go for it.

As for me, I’ll just enjoy the extra calories and won’t even fret about putting “Lose Weight” on a New Year’s or any other resolution list. In fact, I resolve to enjoy all things fall. However, I do reserve the right to try the pumpkin spice kisses first.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Trust Me

Michael Leave a comment

Tonight, across America, viewers will be avoiding the season’s most unrequested multi-station premier of the new situation comedy, the U.S. Presidential Election Debate. Like all good comedies the magic starts with the scripts. Since this show was written primarily in Politispeak, the RRSB is thrilled to present to you this Politispeak-English dictionary. You may find it also handy for everyday use particularly if your day involves interactions with bosses, workers, children, parents, friends, siblings, enemies, or aliens (legal, illegal, or extraterrestrial).

 

We begin with some key phrases.

Connect the dots – I have no idea how these things go together but I’m pretty sure they are right, good, or otherwise suitable to whomever I am speaking so let’s go for broke and put all our eggs in one basket.

Hard work pays off -or- It takes hard work to get the job done – You do the work, I take the credit and/or reward, preferably monetary.

I approve this message – Although there is little if any truth in this message, my legal team tells me that there is little to nothing that anyone can prove is at all to completely untruthful.

I got your back – You really are gullible.

In all honesty – I have no idea what I’m talking about

No offense intended – You suck

People are our most important asset – People who agree with me are sort of tolerable; people who disagree with me are scum.

Together we can make a difference – I need your vote/approval to accomplish my personal goal. If you happen to get anything out of it, isn’t that a happy accident?

Trust me – Yeah, right.

What you think matters or Your opinion is important to me – You’re kidding me, right?

With all respect -Boy, you really suck!

With great power comes great responsibility – with great power come large book deals and obscenely high speaking fees.

 

In addition to key phrases, professional misleaders also rely on certain words to confuse, confound, or bewilder the listener.

Actually – “I haven’t given it any thought.” When a speaker uses “Actually” as in “this is actually what writers of the Constitution intended,” they are really saying “My advisers/handlers/trainers told me that this would be a good place to interject something thought provoking but I haven’t given it any thought myself.”  Everyday users probably recognize this as a common phrase uttered by spouses, partners, or persons otherwise of interest to yourself as in “That’s actually a good idea.”

But – Everything before the “But” is bullshit. Examples include, “You are the most wonderful person I have ever met, but I think it’s best if we never see each other again.”

Honestly – In its most basic meaning, everything after “Honestly” is bullshit as in “Honestly, I value your opinion.” Occasionally “But” and “Honestly” will be used together to create a compound incredulity. Thus, “I have the greatest respect for you but honestly I feel we need to explore this idea a little deeper” translates to “You suck and your idea does too.”

Really – When used to indicate degree of something positive as “I had a really good time,” the speaker means the opposite. To imply a good time was had, the correct phrase would be, “I had a good time.” Likewise, in Politispeak, “Really” interjected into an otherwise positive phrase such as, “I am really the best option,” means, “I question my own press releases.” Note that “Really” interjected in negative phrases can be successfully removed from the phrase without changing its meaning. “You really suck,” generally translates to “You suck.”

Seriously – When used as an adjective it means the opposite of what is being modified. For example, “This is a seriously important issue,” means “This has no bearing on life as we know it.” You may be more familiar with “this is seriously good coffee,” meaning “this coffee tastes like brown toilet water.” When used as an introduction, “Seriously“, connotes a desire for the listener to consider the speaker as a personal friend of the listener as, “Seriously, you can count on me.”

 

There you have it – the official, first ever Politispeak-English Dictionary. This is seriously the most fun I’ve had writing a post. I have researched this topic thoroughly but I’m sure there are some words or phrases I have left out. In all honesty, I value your opinion, so if you think of any really fabulous examples, add them in the comments section.  Actually I know our hard work will pay off and people will soon be able to completely understand what others are saying. Honestly, I look forward to continuing this discussion. Together we can make a difference. Trust me.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Pressing My Luck

Michael 1 Comment

Today marks the first day of autumn and the transition from those lazy, hazy days into the dark, blustery days. It’s a day to reflect on what I didn’t do on my summer vacation. I’ll warn you right now this post is just a tad long, but I think you’ll find it fun and interesting.

For the purposes of this discussion, the vacation season began on the unofficial beginning of summer in May sometime during the Memorial Day weekend and not the actual but much too late first day of astrological summer in June or the anticipatory but much too early first day of astrological spring in March.

Actually, for me, every day is a vacation. I have no urgencies in life nor engagements to keep but those imposed upon me by me. The list of things urgent or imposing this summer was pretty short. One thing both of those was wear long, adult-style pants. And save for a few hours in June, I didn’t wear long pants for the entire summer. It was a great summer to let your legs hang out. A pair of shorts, a golf shirt, some comfy footwear, and I was living the great outdoors. Adding to the comfiness of my summer attire comfy, it was iron-free.

I mentioned there were a few hours that I had to dress like an adult. As much fun as I had hanging out at the pool, using much less sunscreen that I really should have, there were a few hours in June that required a traditional shirt, tie, jacket, long pants, and uncomfy footwear. No, it wasn’t a wedding. It wasn’t a graduation. It wasn’t a life-event celebration of epic proportions. It wasn’t even a night of champagne, caviar, and cocktails at a mid-summer gala. Nope, none of those. For a few hours in June I dressed and acted like an adult in order to witness two evenings of my state’s daily lottery drawing.

You’ve probably seen them or something like them. Three or four machines blow some bingo balls around and then a vacuum cleaner sucks up a few numbered balls and somebody becomes rich. All in 35 seconds of bingo ball madness. You’ve probably never wondered if somebody is watching what’s going on there. Somebody at the state lottery office did more than wonder and required that each drawing be witnessed by a member of the public. That’s why they do it. Why I wanted to was because it seemed fun and interesting.

The 35 seconds of the actual drawing probably don’t need a “member of the public” witness. In my state each drawing is conducted under the eyes of two on-site lottery officials, two on-site auditors, two cameramen (camerapeople?), one floor director, one off-site lottery official, one announcer, one off-site auditor, and the two (yes, two) “public” witnesses. In addition, each ball is tagged with a RFID chip read by a sensor as it passes through the capture tube and transmits its ID number to a computer receiver. That confirms the number you see on TV is actually the number that got sucked out of the pack. And all that is just for those 35 seconds.

But the actually witnessing started a couple of hours before those frantic on-air seconds. It took three different people to disengage the alarm and unlock the room and cabinets where the machines and balls are kept at the television station where the drawing was held. Once inside, the witnesses select the machine that will be used for each game and the ball set that will be placed into the machine. One lottery official verifies the weights of the balls and the operation of the machines. Another official places the selected ball set into the chosen machine for a particular game. On the first night that I witnessed, six games requiring six machines and 16 separate ball sets were scheduled. Six machines out of a possible 12 were selected for the four daily number games and 14 sets of 10 balls each were picked from 30 possible locked sets. Four two additional games two machines out of a possible 8 and two different sets of balls (one of 42 and one of 47) were chosen from 6 possible sets of each. All of the ball sets were confirmed to be complete and properly weighted. Each chosen machine was loaded and confirmed intact. Then all the machines were moved from the storage room to the studio by lottery and studio employees under the eyes of the auditors and witnesses. And under the eyes of at least a dozen security cameras that I was able to spot plus who knows how many other.

Once in the studio each game was simulated three times to confirm proper operation and allowed the auditors to confirm that all drawn numbers were within appropriate randomness limits. Then a rehearsal was held, the 35 frantic seconds played out, a final round confirming each machine’s operation run through, the machines locked, returned to the storage room, and the sequence reversed where the machines were emptied and put into their places, the removed balls were re-weighed, reset in their cases and lock away and the three people locked the various cabinets and doors, and the alarm was reset.

Twenty-one hours later I returned to the studio for day two of my witnessing obligation which was more of the same except that there was one less game and thus one less machine and one less set of drawing balls required.

Because on one of those days I would appear on camera I had to be dressed at least a little less like Ernest Hemingway on Key West. And because the TV station where all this was taking place is about 200 miles from home, those clothes made the trip in a suitcase. So wouldn’t you know it, the only times I had to not only be in long pants and a real shirt I also had to iron them.

It was still fun and interesting.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

5-1/2 Reasons that Numbers are Better than Letters

Michael Leave a comment

Do you remember the Top 40 Countdown? Do they still have a Top 40 Countdown? Who decided on 40? Why not 50? Was it perhaps a conscious attack on the Top Ten? We all have some fascination with numbers. Sometimes that fascination becomes an obsession, sometimes a compulsion, and sometimes a headline writer’s dream.

I noticed something the other day while perusing the headlines on a national news web-site. Once I got past the REALLY BIG BANNERS IN LARGE, BOLD FONTS, about half of the headlines were counting something.  22 Terrible Songs by Terrific Artists, 5 Hottest New TV Shows, 7 Things that Trigger Alzheimer’s. Again, once you get past the REALLY BIG stories, these are the articles that get mouses clicking. Why is that?

I proposed these reasons why we are fascinated with numbers.

1. Numbers are universal. There is no question that numbers are everywhere. And wherever they are, they are almost always the same. “Five” might be “five,” “cinco,” “cinq,” “cinque,” “fimm,” “viisi,” “besh,” or “ezinhlanu,” but “5” is just plain “5.”

2.  Numbers are easier to read than letters. Until they get really, really big, like 1,817,654,427,003 your brain sees, reads, identifies, and processes “117” much faster “one hundred, seventeen.”

3.  Numbers play favorites. Go ahead, ask someone what his or her favorite number is and you will certainly get an answer. Favorite numbers end up in passwords, on security keypads, on roulette tables, and being played in the daily lottery drawing. Ask someone what his or her favorite letter is and you will get a blank stare.

4.  Numbers are memorable. Spirit of 76, Apollo 13, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. All you have to do is think of the number portion and right away you know the significance of what you’re seeing. That’s why ATMs use PINs, not PILs.

5.  Numbers are pleasing to the eye. Seriously, numbers are attractive little devils. Rattle off 36-24-36 and everybody knows exactly what picture to paint in your imagination.

5-1/2. Sorry, there is no 5-1/2 but it sure did make the title of this post more memorable, didn’t it?

Numbers. As the Science Officer aboard NCC-1701 would say, “Fascinating.”

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

I Didn’t Know That (Ooops, corrected copy)

Michael 1 Comment

I recall a time when a graduate student would say something and by gosh, that was the way it was. It was sort of like the 1970s (ugh) equivalent of the Internet. You know darn well that 99.9% of what is on it would be disallowed in a court of law as hearsay, unfounded, or speculative, yet there is that part of you that is sure if you read it there, just as we used to be sure if we heard it from them, then it must be true.

There is no end to the things that I am sure are true. Well, that’s probably a bit overstated. I’m sure there is some end but I figure my end is closer than that end so to me it’s all endless. However, there are still some things that I don’t know that I want to add to the things that are true before one of those ends shows up around the bend.

For example, I know exactly where dust comes from. (If you don’t, don’t look it up, it’s disgusting! Ok, I’ll tell you. It’s mostly sloughed off skin. Yuck.) But I have no idea how I get dust inside a closed cabinet. Is that where the kitchen fairies who clean up the messes and put the dishes away hang out and let their skin hang out with them. If so, why are they just hanging out in my drawers and cabinets and not wiping the kitchen experiments gone awry off the counters and walls.

Another thing I can’t figure out is radio. I’m an educated person, a science educated person, who actually understands (and can spell) gluconeogenesis. I understand the theory of radio waves and how transmitters excite the air and receivers replicate the original wave patterns. But I have no idea how they know which is which. They say (“They” being the grad students of the 70s from whom I first heard this and “They” also being the Internet of the new millennium where I confirmed this just yesterday) that radio waves never stop. Whatever has been still is. So if everything ever transmitted – radio, television, cell phones, CB radios, walkie talkies, blue tooth, satellite radio, GPS, and the thousands of other things that I’ve forgotten or never knew about – is still floating around out there, how does my car always know what station to pluck out of the air for me? Personally, I think it’s magic.

They (there go them again) claim that it takes more calories to eat celery than celery contains making it a true negative calorie food. Assuming that you consider celery food. I’ll buy that because I can read how many calories celery contains (6 calories per stalk according to some sources) and how many calories it takes to chew, swallow, digest, and -ummm- eliminate celery (8 calories based on a University of Warwick study when extrapolated per stalk). I even know what a calorie is. That is, the energy needed to raise one gram of water one degree centigrade. And I know that the US FDA wants to require that calorie content of food be included in labeling, menus, even on vending machines. What I have no idea of is how you figure out how many calories a food has. Does burning that one stalk of celery raise one gram of water by six degrees? Or to make it more easily measured would you burn 1,440 stalks of celery to attempt to raise the temperature of one cup of water 240 degrees? And how would you even do that with a Quarter Pounder with Cheese or an Extra Crispy Chicken Little Sandwich, or a pack of Grandma’s Famous Chocolate Chip Cookies (the vending pack)?

So, in an Internet filled with people proclaiming all the things that they know, there you have a few things I am willing to admit that I don’t know. If you do, please feel free to add your comment and add to the things that I know and help me get the end a little further away from that other end. One thing though, even if you do know, I really don’t want to know how to measure how many calories are burned by digesting a bowl of chocolate moose tracks ice cream. Some things are best left a mystery.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Bridge for Sale

Michael Leave a comment

Labor Day has come and gone and you know what that means. No more white shoes or Seersucker! Uh, no. It’s the start of a new season. I don’t mean the change from unofficial summer to unofficial fall. What with meteorological autumn and astronomical autumn and autumnal equinox and the fall TVseason the last thing we need is any unofficial season. No, the period after Labor Day is the beginning of a new festival season.

Ok, those of you who have always suspected that I’m closing in on batty it’s probably official – or maybe even unofficial. I’ve been marking the seasons by the changes of festivals for years. Winter heralds holiday festivals, spring brings my beloved maple festivals, summer is the season for arts festivals, and fall is the time for covered bridge festivals. This should be nothing new for regular readers of RRSB. I’ve brought up the local covered bridge festival before. (See “Passages of Fall,” September 15, 2014.) (Come on, give me a little break. I’ve been doing this for almost five years. We’re going to revisit some things every now and then.)bridgeforsale

But let’s digress here for just a moment. Festivals have morphed terribly from the traditional definition. That is, “a day or time of religious or other celebration, marked by feasting, ceremonies, or other observances.” Modern festivals often include feasting, otherwise the corndog and kettle corn industries would be in shambles, but around here they’re known more for jamming as many hand-made and/or ersatz hand-made crafts, foods, clothes, and furniture into any open field and for the greatest concentration of the Square point of sale app per vendor per acre.

And that’s what I love about them! You can buy anything at a festival – and I have. Chain sawn eagle yard ornament? Bought one. Framed, numbered, signed pencil sketch? Bought one. Metal sculpted snowman family. Bought one. Commemorative newspaper front page parodying offspring’s eccentricity? Bought one. Hand-hammered silver jewelry ensemble featuring recycled place settings? Bought one.  Hand-made left-handed wooden kitchen utensil set? Bought one. Full scale carved wooden Jack-o-lantern? Bought two!

Oh sure, you can buy maple syrup at the maple festivals and real art at the arts festivals and traditional Christmas decorations at the holiday festivals. But you can get that stuff at lots of places. But where else can you find a four foot, hand carved, wading flamingo carrying a surfboard under its wing? What can I say? I live for kitsch.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Caution, Fall(ing) Pumpkin Ahead

Michael 2 Comments

Another week and it will be Labor Day, the unofficial end of summer. Sigh. But wait! The end of summer means Halloween will soon be upon us. In fact, Halloween candy is already filling supermarket shelves. Oh, Halloween is cool and all, but the best part of Halloween is the candy. Specifically, peanut butter pumpkins.

Summer is great, but something summer doesn’t have is its own Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Think about it. There are Reese’s Christmas Tree Peanut Butter Cups, Reese’s Valentine Heart Peanut Butter Cups, Reese’s Easter Egg  Peanut PBminiButter Cups, and the soon to be here Reese’s Pumpkin  Peanut Butter Cups. That covers fall, winter, and spring a few times over. What happened to summer? It’s a long time from Easter egg to Halloween pumpkin and I can’t wait.

I know some of you are wondering what the big deal is. It’s only chocolate and peanut butter for Heaven’s sake already. I say, for Heaven’s sake, it’s chocolate and peanut butter already! That’s a big deal! That’s like two of the four basic food groups in one bite. If we could add bourbon and bacon we could make it four for four! But I digress. It’s chocolate and peanut butter and if ever there was meant to be a match made in heaven, it’s those two.

(If you’re allergic to peanuts, please accept my apologies for being so excited about this. This well could be a greater vice for me than my otherwise reported secret vice (see Can You Keep a Secret, Aug. 3, 2015) only not kept behind closed doors.) (Sorry, digressing again.)

Now that the long hot summer is winding down, chocolate-and-peanut-butter-aholics can breathe a sigh of relief knowing those oval pillows of peanuttery chocolateness are close by. In the meantime, I think we need to check in with those people at Hershey and see what the deal is with summer. What’s wrong with a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Beach Ball?

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?