Category House and Home

The Just Because You Can Syndrome

Michael Leave a comment

He of We took clock inventory last weekend.  He found 7 digital clocks for which he was responsible to changing to Standard Time.  Of those, 5 require selecting AM or PM as part of the time.  One of them is the coffee pot and you can select when you would like it to turn on.  The others have no calendar function, no auto starts, no reason to tell the difference between morning and night.

It’s more of the Just Because You Can Syndrome.  You know what that is.  Just because something can be done doesn’t make it a great idea to do.  For example, there is a suitcase out there with a TSA approved lock.  But then it also has a pouch wherein you secure your key for said lock and this one locks with a key that you can carry on your keychain that you will have to surrender to the conveyor belt at the security.  So now you have two locks.  One that protects the contents of your suitcase unless it is one of the randomly selected, and one that protects. . . nobody is sure.

So, what do these locks have to do with clocks.  Nothing, it was just a cute story.  But back to the clocks.  If there is no reason to tell day from night, why do so many clocks want to be set so.  It would seem the extra electronics would make the clock more expensive.  Or perhaps it’s a way of having the expensive without it being very expensive. 

Before we leave this tale there is more to He’s inventory.  Last weekend he found 7 digital clocks under his roof.  It wasn’t until Tuesday that he noticed two others.  Those are on the wall mounted control pads for the two garage door openers.  Yes, if you want to see the current time and temperature (temperature even!) all you have to do is come over and check out his garage door openers.  A most necessary function for a switch the allows the garage doors to raise and lower.

By the way, yes, they also require AM or PM to be selected.  Just because it can isn’t a reason to do.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Fallen Back

Michael Leave a comment

If you live anywhere in or out of the United States that recognizes Daylight Savings Time then you probably know we lost that gem yesterday morning at 2am.  If you missed it, consider this your reminder.  He of We recalls an employee who wasn’t scheduled to work until the Tuesday after a time change (which change he doesn’t recall) and said employee showed up an hour off shift.  Makes you wonder what he did for those two days.  Or not.

This past Spring we spoke longingly for the entrance of DST (see Springing Forward, March 7, 2013 in House and Home).  We noted then that the vast majority of people respond positively to light.  That’s about to change with the big change.  We’ll soon be making our ways to and from work in the dark, rooting for the morning paper in the dark, and hoping that lump was just the morning paper that we hadn’t retrieved when returning to our driveways in the dark.

In fact, we think some of the negative change has already happened.  Have you noticed more people over the past several weeks asking if that week’s Saturday was the one when we turn our clocks back?  Were people starting to grumble about the shorter days before the big hour-long shortening?  In our neck of the woods (which is really our neck of the suburbs) the last day of Daylight Saving Time saw sunset at 6:15pm.  That’s quitting time, not sunset time!

We appreciate the extra end of day daylight that DST gives us.  There are probably just as many who appreciate the extra start of day daylight that Standard Time provides.  Or not.  And then again, they could be wrong.  Sorry about that.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Relatively Speaking

Michael Leave a comment

Not long ago we mentioned we had a small handful of wedding events over just a couple of weeks.  We know the story that implies if it weren’t for weddings and funerals, nobody would ever see any relatives.  We also know there are some relatives who are probably best left uncovered except for the special occasions.  Then there are other relatives who can’t be put away.  Ever.  And then there are those who fall into the “Over there, two tables away, in the blue dress.  Who is she?” category.  Those are today’s topic.

One of our events was a rehearsal dinner.  What was once a nice, civilized way of getting some quality time with the happy couple, their parents, and the rest of the wedding party has grown up to become a mini-family reunion .  Some of the other but still closer members of the family are now joining the traditional rehearsing folk for an extra dose of fellowship among family members.

Whether at the newly expanded rehearsal dinner, the traditional family reunion, the now in season graduation party, or the unconstrained Christmas open house, we are finding ourselves in more situations wondering, “Over there, two tables away, in the blue dress.  Who is she?”

We have the solution.  Of course we do.  We never bring up something for which we don’t already have an answer.  That’s one of the perks of knowing the question before anybody else.  The solution of course is the use of name tags.  Yes, we know that some families already have discovered this and already use name tags.  These are different.  These include the connection between guest and point person of honor.  For example, at our attended function, She of We’s name tag would read “She, Aunt of Groom.”  At a graduation party, one might read “He, second cousin of father of graduate.”   At a family reunion where there is not always the central character that drives the reason for the party, there are always characters enough who everybody in the extended family will know or remember.  There it might read, “He, son of Cleo, the older one who took that job on the barge when everybody said she was being an asp for doing.”

On the other hand, as long as the party isn’t too big, sometimes it’s fun to wonder, ““Over there, two tables away, in the blue dress.  Who is she?”  This is especially true when the entire  table gets involved with the discussion of just who she is.  It’s exceptionally especially true if there is somebody at the table who knows the lady in the blue dress and the others can convince him or her that is wrong and the lady in the blue dress is really someone else.

We know some people will just go up to the lady in the blue dress, politely handle some obviously needed introductions, and go on to apologize for not remembering right from the start. Some would say that’s the right thing to do.

Yeah, but being right around the relatives is sometimes overrated anyway.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Family Time

Michael Leave a comment

For the first time in a long time She and He were not out in public as the We’s.  We were out in public, just not together.  It’s an unusual feeling, but then, we’re not your usual couple.  Not only were She and He not doing our things together, even the Children of We were off doing their own things, sometimes in completely different states.   Let’s take roll.

He of We is mostly responsible for the disparate activities in WeLand this weekend.  He set out for the waters of Lake Erie with Friend of He and three others on their annual fishing trip which precedes the annual Fish Fry and the annual how high can you get your outdoor flame contest.  Actually, that is not a sanctioned competition and only happened one year.  The fishing trip happens every year and there are no she’s connected to any of the he’s there there.  So that started out the weekend early Friday with He of We and Friend of He blazing the trail for the others to follow, getting licenses, checking into the hotel, and timing the route from hotel to dock so we know what time to leave in the morning to be there at 5am, our assigned departure time.  The trip was wildly successful with the fisherpeople maxing out in record time.  So fast were the limits caught that when the group returned to the dock there was actually a wait for the cutters and cleaners to come in and turn the haul into groceries. But even with an early return, getting up at something after three in the morning made for needing much sleep the rest of Saturday and Sunday and therefore few she’s saw anything of any of their he’s who were part of that group.

So there you have the impetus for the We-free weekend.  But there were still others among us who managed to spend their weekend times without the rest.  For example, Daughter of He spent her Saturday in running gear running past those who would be lobbing powder-based paint at her and the others taking part in another annual event, the Color Run.  The Color Run is too hard to explain here but it involves people who run a fairly normal 5K fun run circuit except they are clean at the start and look something like bad graffiti at the finish.  Daughter of She was doing this about 150 miles from home so that shot her day with any other family members.

Sons of She weren’t there to put the family in family time either, both taking part in one of their many shared interests, golf.  For two brothers who act like brothers as much as two brothers can act like stereotypical siblings, they have remarkably similar interests.  They both golf, they both enjoy the presence of a pool in each of their respective backyards.  They are both fond of eating out but with different partialities.  She of We often has told the story of them as mere toddlers in restaurants, the older would order for both of them with “I’ll have the steak and my brother will have the shrimp.”  They both like vintage toys and as we found out for the first time last week, they both like being at the racetrack.  But this weekend they were both golfing and even if they both managed to keep all four wheels of the carts on the cart paths and no errant drives found their ways through either’s sun roof (both potential topics for this very post), it would still be a full day affair because that’s how they do it.  Whether separately or together.

So now you see why She of We was We-less through the weekend.  Before it was over, the Children of We did manage to find their respective ways to the respective parents and made less than token appearances, because that’s what our kids do.  And She and He of We managed to find some hours together either by phone or by text to keep each other up to date with their We-free Weekend because that’s what we do.

Even if none of us were able to get any of ourselves together for just a weekend it would be fine because we happen to know that for this small group of people, all adults, all with their own lives, we still keep it together.  For us, any time is family time, and all the time is quality time.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

But a House is Not a Home

Michael Leave a comment

We aren’t rich.  Barring a hit on the PowerBall we’ll never be rich.  Our investments taken together aren’t very interesting.  In fact the only interest bearing accounts we have are our televisions on account of we’re interested in old TV shows and cable has them.  We like little extravagances like motoring in the countryside in He of We’s little convertible but it’s 15 years old and was bought used 12 years ago.  We have some spectacular accessories in our houses because we were able to buy them in remainder shops, on sale, or on sale in remainder shops.  Our most recent extravagances are the little fountains we bought for our respective decks.  On sale.  Our wealth is in each other, our families, and our friends.  And we’re happy with that.

But boy we’d love to be rich some day.  For whatever reason we have taken to Sunday afternoon drives in said little convertible through the said countryside which is really the wooded borders between affluence and more affluence.  We like to look at the big houses and the way they aren’t as well landscaped as ours which we do ourselves.  It was on one of these drives that we sort of got lost.  We almost always have a good sense of where we are.  Whether it’s in a subdivision or an unincorporated township between hither and yon, we know how to read legislative route signs, can tell east from west, and have lived where we live for the better part of our adult lives.  The best part of our adult lives has been since we met each other but that’s a different post.

On this trip we were lost.  We knew from the signs that we were closer to more affluence rather than your garden variety affluence and when we drove past the horse farm we finally had most of our bearings back where they belonged.  In fact, it was just past the horse farm that He of We turned left onto a road we had never even heard of yet alone been on.  To the right of the car was a garden variety Mini-Mansion (not to be confused with a McMansion which isn’t one at all and yet again a different post).   And that’s when He or We mumbled, “Oh.  My.  God.”

“It nice, isn’t it?  A little plain though,” She of We responded.

“No, not there,” He of We literally stammered.  “Up ahead.”

And up ahead was just the peak of a roofline that screamed castle.  As we climbed the little knoll, more of the roof, or of the roofs came into view, then the stone, and the windows with their beveled glass and cross-shaped mullions, and the second floor windows, and the first floor cap, and the doors and fence and the biggest house, by far the biggest house we had ever seen.  There was a fountain in front that wouldn’t be out of place in front of a Las Vegas casino.  As we drove past we saw appendages angle from the back corners and out buildings larger than most of the Mini-Mansions that shared this short street.  We were in the land of million dollar houses and this made them seem small, very small.

We really needed to find out more about this building that was larger than most country club club houses in the area.  And find out we did.  Later, when we got home, the county assessment site obliging told us that we had been parked outside a 34 room, 30,000 square foot home with 12 bedrooms, 21 full or half baths, sitting on 6+ acres and valued at $9.5 million.

But back on that road, as we rounded our way around the cul-de-sac, another car approached.  A dark car.  A black car.  With dark windows.  Black windows.  The kind of car that would make you think Guard Patrol.  He of We did think it and thought it out loud just as She of We was saying “Slow down, I want to take pictures.”

“But it’s a patrol car,” He of We said.

”No it isn’t.  And if it is, what can they do.  Stop here, I have a good shot.”  And we stopped.

The black car circled behind us, stopped, then slowly pulled alongside us.  Slower still they passed us, pulled in front of us and stopped.  The heavily tinted window slid down.  And then the passenger leaned out the window and snapped some pictures of her own.  Just another sightseer in the land of more affluence.  Right there, in front of us.

And in front of that structure, among the million dollar houses, in our little car, we looked at each other and said, “Nice fountain.”

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Don’t Pick in Public!

Michael Leave a comment

Its’ ok to do it, but don’t pick it in public where other people can see you.  No, we don’t mean your nose.  If you want to pick your…. But we digress.

We know it’s ok, there’s even a television reality show about it.  Picking.  Picking stuff. Picking what’s basically other people’s cast-aways.  Do you pick?

We had this discussion the other day.  Is picking, um, too picky for some?  There are different degrees of picking.  The most basic picking is cruising the neighborhood the night before garbage day and picking your pick of the good stuff.  We’ve probably all seen this, often with our own stuff.  He of We has had chairs, a recliner, even an electric stove picked from his driveway before the garbage team had a chance to wrestle them into the back of the truck.  Some things disappear the moment they hit the curb (bar stools, stained cushions, dated finish, still serviceable), some things sat for days mostly because the garbage guys couldn’t lift it into the truck and He of We didn’t want it back in the house (faux NordicTrak skiing exercise machine, like new).

This would make He of We the pickee and has no problem with others picking about his stuff, that is his discarded stuff.  She of We is theoretically fine with being a pickee or a picker, although there has not been a midnight drive through suburbia on Garbage Eve, hence the theoretical.

If you stop to think about it, not many people should be anti-picking.  Particularly today in the land of reuse, recycling, or repurpose we should preserve as much as we can.  Neither of us grew up with silver spoons nearby and both were used to hand-me-overs from relatives and neighbors.  When our families were done with the whatevers, they took another turn about.  It was picking without the pick-up truck.

Today’s picking doesn’t have to be a clandestine canvass ‘round the cul-de-sac.  There are legitimate picking outlets.  The web-site of the aforementioned television show notwithstanding, you can pick in heated or air-conditioned comfort, depending on your location and calendar.  We know them as rummage sales, flea markets, thrift stores, and (minus the air-conditioning) garage sales.  There are even stores that do big business recycling architectural and building supplies.

Is it ok to do it?  And that reminds us, have you ever been stopped for a long time at a red light and looked around at some of the other nearby drivers.  Does it look to you too like some of them just got caught with their fingers up………. But we digress again.

So is it ok to do it?  It would be un-American not to!  Go ahead and pick that up and get your lesson in today’s 3 R’s – reuse, recycle or repurpose.  Now, for those who are really serious, He of We has a couple more exercise machines around the house.  Like new.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Blame It On The Blinds

Michael Leave a comment

You’ve heard us say it before, weekends are special for us.  Since we don’t have scheduled days off Monday through Friday, we pack a lot into the other 29% of the week.  Sometimes, we don’t start packing until well after we intended to.  Now we have something to blame our late awakenings on.

Some time ago, He of We decided he needed new curtains in his bedroom.  It just didn’t seem to right to get new drapery without changing the other pieces.  So now there are new curtains, new rod, new tiebacks, and the piece most culpable for us losing several hours every weekend, a new blind.  Whether roll-up, push-up, mini, or vertical, blinds are the key to sleep duration.  When He of We selected his new blind it was of the room darkening variety.  And a killer room darkener it is.  Tight to the sides and top of the frame and to the sill on the bottom, there are some 1700 square inches of ‘hold back the light we’re sleeping late this morning’ between him and Mr. Sun.

This is the same set-up on the window during the other days of the week that don’t interfere with bounding out of bed, doing all those morning get ready for work things, and aiming the four-wheeled vehicle down the road.  All before 8am.  But on the weekend, it’s a different story.

On a typical Saturday morning, about 11:00 or 11:30, He of We will call She of We to set the agenda for the day.  Over the course of conversation, someone will ask what progress has made on the mental lists they drafted the night before.  When it’s time for He of We to recount his morning, “Um, I made myself breakfast,” is the unfortunate all too common response.  Why the failure to perform any useful task with less than an hour before the crack of noon.  Now we know why.  Blame it on the blinds!

This can be the remarkable new defense for anybody faced with an unmet deadline, an unfinished task, or a not yet started chore.  Find an inanimate object and shift that blame!  Didn’t get the grass done?  The gas tank was empty.  Term paper not started?  Can’t type with a bandage wrapped around a finger.  Still haven’t started that new exercise routine?  Traffic lights between home and gym were all red.  Every day.

So there you have it.  The world’s permission to overlook, neglect, ignore, or just plain forget stuff.  Just don’t do it with anything important.  It might be a dandy excuse but you still have to hug your special someone, smile at least once a day, and always say “I love you.”  But the next time you miss your tee time, or your tea time, go ahead and blame it on the blinds.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Shopping Without a List

Michael Leave a comment

It’s a Friday evening and we have to decide what to do with the weekend.  It’s not like we’re ever devoid of activity on the weekend.  We’re never devoid of activity on the weekend.  We’re never devoid on the weekend.  That’s the problem with our weekends.

We don’t live together and we both work full weeks during the week.  We know some lucky pups who work 10 or 12 hour days and get an extra day off every seven.  We don’t.  If we want to see each other on a day that doesn’t start with “S” we make a date.  Otherwise, it’s weekends are us.

Since we both run full households we need stuff.  Thus most weekends include shopping.  And shopping means multiple stores. We could probably do everything in a Walmart.  We understand most people can do everything in a WalMart.  In fact, we seem to recall a movie about doing everything in a Walmart.  But, believe it or not, our immediate environs are WalMart free.  And we wouldn’t have the discipline to do all day in a Walmart.  She of We once had an experience so bad at a WalMart tire center that we couldn’t even write about it.  He of We is convinced that local saboteurs scuttled the plans for a WalMart some 3 miles from his house and he worries every time he gets too close to one that landslides will bury him not unlike Vesuvius buried Pompeii.   So instead we go from store to store knowing the stops with the best buys on staples and the chances for better deals on surprises.

As we enter each store He of We asks the same question.  “Do we need a cart?”  Sometimes he gets an answer.  Sometimes he gets just a look.  Each time he pulls a cart from the line of them inside the entrance door.  We don’t shop with a list.  We shop with a purpose.  Although just different enough to be almost annoying, we each have a pattern of how to attack a store.  She of We does the up and down from right to left with the side spurs covered only if there is a known needed item or a clearance rack before getting to the end.  He of We moves in about the same manner except that every third or fourth aisle he gets distracted by shiny objects from a row over and detours toward it, usually pushing the cart leaving She of We to wait wherever he left her at the time.

Sometimes we stop and take note of what we’ve put into our cart.  Often we’ll think twice about an item or two and return it to its former shelf sitting space.  Usually these were the shiny objects previously mentioned.  Sometimes we get all the way to the checkout line and decide we’ve much more shopping to do and head back into the stacks.  Always, before we check out we prepare ourselves for the payment experience.

You’ll recall, we don’t live together.  Everything in that cart has to be delegated to an address.  He moves to the front of the cart, always goes first, pulling his shoppers card from the quick release clip on his key ring.  He offloads his items from the basket, from the child seat, from below, sometimes hanging off the side if it might be a shovel or shepherd’s hook.  While that is going on, She of We prepares herself and pulls her card from her purse. Noticing that He of We has completed his transaction she hands her items over to him and onto the counter they go.  As the cart empties of yet to be scanned purchases, bags of already paid for pieces replace them.  Slowly She, He, and the Cart of We move forward through the check-out lane until She of We’s purchases are totaled and she runs her debit card through the scanner.

A quick run to the car where the cart is unloaded in the rear of the vehicle of the week and it’s off to store number next. Yep, we shop with a purpose.

We really need a new past time.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Accessories For Your Accessories

Michael Leave a comment

Everybody with a cell phone, please raise your hand. If you have a case or holster for it, keep your hand up.  A blue tooth or earbud/mic combo, please continue holding your hand up.  If you have more than one charger as in house and car or house and office, please keep your hand raised.  Continue to hold your hand up if you have removable chip, stick, or minidisk for data and pictures.  And lastly, if you have a car mount, keep your hand up.  Is your hand still up?  Congratulations, you have fallen victim to the accessory demons.  It’s ok, we have also.

We first found the accessory demon in the Sunday advertising supplement some months ago.  It wasn’t enough to have a tablet or iPad or reader, with or without a nice protective case and ear phones to listen while you read or write or sort pictures.  Nope, that was when we saw, and even on sale, the iPad pillow.  Yes, it is possible now to read or write or sort pictures with or without listening to music while not having to hold said device.  Plop tablet in pillow, plop person on couch, plop pillow on lap, now veg.  In hands-free comfort – except for the touch screen sweepy finger.

The device demon does not live just in the electronics department.  All those with a barbeque grill, please stand up.  If you have a thermometer, a grill light, a three sided grill brush, an electric starter for gas or charcoal, a chimney starter (charcoal only please), an aftermarket rotisserie, a smoker box, or a fish, vegetable, corn on the cob, hot dog, chicken or pizza specialty holder, please remain  standing.  We thought so.

Are there any campers out there?  We recently saw a tent advertised featuring 2 rooms, sleeps eight, and two rear closets, available for the low, low price of $179.99. (Neither of We’s bedrooms has two closets!)  On the same page or following pages we saw the air mattresses, pillows, camp stoves, lanterns, mesh chairs, folding tables, coolers, and canopies that, for only 2 people, added up to another $410.  Apparently getting away from it all is cheap.  Getting away fully accessorized isn’t.

Someone out there in the world of long ago, when the book was first invented, said to him or herself, “Self, I think I’ll invent the book mark.”  That marketing master’s descendants have never given in.  With each invention comes the accessory.  The best of them invent the “can’t live without” accessory.  Many have thought they could beat the accessory demon by not accessorizing their accessories.  They would put their phones on a nearby table when not in use and hold them in their hands to the side of their face when using it.  That they would gauge the heat of the charcoal by holding an open palm six inches above it and the doneness of the burger by touch.  That they would camp under the stars on a bed of pine needles.  Yeah, right!

The only way to beat them is to give up our phones and tablets and grills and tents and everything else we can’t live without.  Once you figure out how to do that be sure to write about it.  We’ll read your report on our tablet, the one in the protective case, with the detachable keyboard and snap on night light, the one over there on the table next to the MP3 player we’re downloading music onto. Uh huh.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Did we mention the bell, basket, lights, and speedometer for the bicycle? The over-shower organizer, tissue holder, shower gel dispenser, or talking scale for the bathroom? The steamer for the closet? The four-way lug wrench for the car? Wait, we’re not done! How about the electric coskscrew? The power juicer? The Clapper!? Ok, we’re done.

 

 

Apology Accepted

Michael Leave a comment

It’s the first of the month and for us that means cell phone payment time.  In the past we’ve been known to complain about the lack of customer service we almost always get from banks, insurance companies, the cable company, and assorted utilities. Well we’ve discovered one service that we find quite customer-friendly.

Both of We have the same cell phone carrier.  We’re not ones to drop names but someone will ask and we’re quite happy with it so why not share.  Our service is the one that comedians seem to relish poking fun at for their customer service and we don’t understand why because we’ve received stellar service from ours.  Ours is Sprint.

Both of us arrived at Sprint separately, after horrendous customer service disasters at the hands of our previous carriers, the two biggest and fastest and bestest carriers of them all.   At least that’s what they say.  They don’t say that they are the worst customer oriented companies in the phone service marketplace.  So bad are those two, or perhaps just so big are those two, that when Each of We told our former carrier that we were leaving them, we were actually told to go right ahead and leave.

So why do we think Sprint is so good.  Both of We have had issues that required warranty service or contract questions and all of those issues were handled quite conscientiously and quite handily by human beings.  One minor point is that we did once tried to pay a bill to a human being and the idea of money seemed a little confusing to her so we stopped doing that.  What we do is pay on line, at a kiosk in the store, or most often by phone.  That’s not surprising.  Probably close to 99% of all phone users do the same.  What we notice every month when we pay is that we get a happy recorded voice who guides us through their menu of do you want to pay your bill, this is how much you owe and do you want to pay that amount, and finally do you want to use the same payment method as last time?  That’s all.  No enter your 12 digit account number, your 10 digit phone number, your 5 digit ZIP Code.  No user names.  No passwords.  Just 3 questions, a couple of quick pushes on the number 1, and then the pleasant voice says, “Your payment has been accepted.  Please be aware that it may take up to 15 minutes to be recorded throughout our system.”  Other companies say that it will take up to 3, 7, or even 10 business days to credit your account so please write down this very long confirmation number and plan on someone calling you later to ask for more money.

Anybody who has ever checked out his or her bank account on line minutes after making a phone or computer payment knows that within those same minutes that payment has already been syphoned out of the bank.  Why aren’t all of those payments just as immediately posted as paid at the company that is doing the syphoning?  Yet the one company that almost immediately posts the payment apologizes because it’s not as immediate as they would like it.  Maybe that’s something the other companies can figure out how to do just as fast while they are figuring out who’s the fastest of them all.

Can you hear us now?

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?