Category House and Home

Drive By

Michael Leave a comment

It’s been over two years since we posted anything about people driving their cars into buildings. (See Drive Through Service, Drive Through Part Two, Drive Around Please, and Drive On.) And there is a good reason for that.  When we started that little series it was almost cute the things drivers were getting themselves into. But lately it’s been tragic.

For at least the past year there has been a car driven into a home or business at least once a week with horrible consequences. Cars, trucks, and big rigs have plowed into doctors’ offices, hairdressers, fast food restaurants, convenience stores, banks, a do-nut shop, and private homes. Each time, someone has been injured and buildings have been rendered uninhabitable. One intrusion resulted in a fatality.

Some of the collisions might have been caused by snow-covered, icy, or wet roads, but many of them happened in 70 degree, dry,calm weather.  When is wasn’t dry or calm, the drivers should have taken extra care.

So they haven’t been fun, haven’t been innocuous, haven’t even been cute. Why bring it up again? As a reminder to please be careful out there. Just because a car’s speedometer goes up to 120 mph is no reason to try and get there. Just because your phone is ringing doesn’t mean the caller won’t be there when you’re parked. And just because they zoom about in the commercials they really mean it when the put those teeny words across the bottom of the screen that say “Professional driver, do not attempt.”

Take your time, keep alert for hazards in the road, and hang around as long as you can. We want you to be reading us for a long time.

That’s what I think, How ’bout you?

They’re Making Things Up – Again

Michael Leave a comment

You might remember when couscous was exotic or kale was a salad bar garnish.  I like both of them.  There’s not much better a healthy snack than kale tossed in a tiny bit of olive oil, roasted at 425 degrees for 15 minutes or so, then sprinkled with some parmesan cheese. And couscous makes a nice break from rice or potatoes. Yes, these once obscure food items have made their way to my pantry.

But just because I’ve accepted these is no reason for “those people in charge of things” to make up new food.

Exhibit 1: Quinoa. It’s not real food. It’s not even included in most spell-checkers. And it costs a billion dollars a pound.  We’ve accepted couscous. Isn’t that enough for hard to spell grains?

Exhibit 2: Ghost Peppers. Have you ever seen one of these toxic, glove required, don’t touch your eyes for 3 days peppers. That must be why they are called ghost peppers – no normal human has ever seen one. Habanero peppers are plenty hot enough.

Exhibit 3: Chia Seeds. I really don’t understand these.  I thought they were only good for growing hair on Homer Simpson molds but Daughter of He puts these in her morning smoothies before leaving for work. They are still in the glass on her return. And they cost something like two billion dollars per pound.

Exhibit 4: Coconut Flour. Water, yes. Milk, yes. Sweetened shreds, yes. Flour, really?

So come on important people! We’re just getting used to couscous, kale, and hanger steaks (that’s a post for a different day). You can stop making up new food now. The old stuff is plenty good enough to pack on the pounds.

That’s what I think. How ’bout you?

A Spring and a Miss

Michael Leave a comment

I missed the coldest winter we ever had and the snowiest February we ever had (I think or else it was really, really close). I didn’t mind that at all. But then Spring came and I kept on missing stuff. I sort of minded that.

We started out by missing the Home Show. I hadn’t missed a home show for probably a dozen years.  And I always bought something that you couldn’t find anywhere else. Odd looking but really cool holders for my herb pots on the deck. Lids of all sizes that really work to make my food storage cups useful again.  Of course there were other things we just got a good laugh out of like the $99 iron. Oh well,they’ll be back next year.

I also missed the Maple Festival. We’ve written about that before. It is THE PLACE to get your local syrup and honey.  No log cabins there, just the real stuff.

The local jazz festival changed venues and time this year.  They managed to schedule it right during my unavailable period. The nerve of them! It was at this festival a couple of years ago that She of We found a fellow high schooler now a featured jazz singer. Amazing how small the world really is.

There’s still quite a bit of Spring to go and every week the paper has pages of interesting things to see and do. I’ll just have to make sure to leave a little time available so I don’t miss it all. After all, what good is a Spring if you can’t connect with it?

That’s what I think. How ’bout you?

Alert, Alert, We Need More Lerts

Michael Leave a comment

Even if you’ve been in a cave (or hospital) for the past few months, you must have noticed all of the food recalls lately. Everything from ice cream to baby food tainted with everything from bacteria to broken glass has been pulled from supermarket shelves.  I have to say thank you to the consumer protection people for picking up on these and protecting us from danger and disaster.

I also have to say, ok consumer protection people, let’s stick to the disasters. Among all of the life threatening issues, a local supermarket chain recalled 17 items because they did not include “contains dairy products” on the labels.

What were these products? Two types of rolls made with butter, two cream pies, prepared ham and cheese and turkey and swiss sandwiches, and a variety of cheeses?  Who does not know that butter, cheese, and cream (cream!) are made from milk. Well, except for the cream which is milk.

One would think that if bad things happen to a person when that person has a dairy product that the person would know for sure the list of foods he or she shouldn’t take. And no store should be forced to find room in the deli counter for a sign on each cheese that says “contains dairy” regardless of what a good personal injury lawyer says. We won’t even bring up how to label where cream comes from.

Recalls to protect us from dangers, disasters, and death and good things.  Recalls protecting the stupid from their own stupidity should be recalled.

That’s what I think. How ’bout you?

Swing Your Partner

Michael 1 Comment

Did you ever run across something that is just so bizarre you can’t stop watching?  Then you are ready to experience the world of tractor square dancing.  Go ahead and re-read that sentence all you want.  It really does end with “tractor square dancing.”

I don’t know when I first ran across this spectacle (there really is no other word for it).  I think it might have been some 10 years ago when my mother was sick and I would spend afternoons with her so she wouldn’t be alone.  It was this time of year and our state was holding its annual farm show which was televised on the statewide cable network.  Yes, I know this is January.  Yes, I said farm show.  No I don’t live in the southern hemisphere.  Yes, this is getting sillier by the paragraph.  Anyway, on television back then, in the middle of the afternoon, there were soap operas, Jerry Springer shows, or silly cable programs.  Neither my mother nor I were farm people, animal people other than the occasional house pet, prize winning produce people, and certainly not tractor people.  Yet between choosing among soaps, Springer, or Farmville, tractor square dancing caught our attention.

There was a couple year period when I thought I might have successfully detoxed from the phenomenon.  Again, it was about this time of year and I was on the phone with She.  Our televisions were on and the inevitable “What are you watching?” was asked.  “The farm show.”  “Haven’t seen that for a while.  What’s on?” “Tractor square dancing!”  Another victim — err, fan.

That was when I gave up and made it a point that every January I would click my way around the TV remote until I landed on the Tractor Square Dance event.  Four “couples” of antique tractors in a dirt arena, do-si-do-ing and allemande-ing under the direction of a dance caller just like a regular square dance but this one powered by John Deere and diesel.

I see you don’t believe me.  Go to your favorite search engine and type in “Tractor square dance.”  Among the 300,000 or so returns you will find plenty of clubs dong it all across the country.  And videos!  Watch the videos!  But don’t blame me if you get addicted.

Although not even a regular (?) square dance person, tractor square dancing is so out of the ordinary that I considered it (albeit briefly) for inclusion on the bucket list.  Apparently there is a group not that far from me that is always looking for new drivers.  No experience necessary.  In fact, no tractor necessary either.  They keep their own stable of antique tricycle configured contraptions.  I’m pretty good with a riding lawn mower.  How hard could it be?

Now, that’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Buy, Save, Repeat

Michael 2 Comments

Congratulations!  You are about to discover a sure fire way of making money at home.  No, it’s not stuffing envelopes or even the twenty-first century equivalent, sending out serial e-mails.  No, it’s not completing surveys or even the old-fashioned equivalent, convincing patsies that they can make money by giving others their opinions.  It’s not coupon clipping, rebate responding, or cyber shopping.  It’s insurance!  Specifically, auto insurance.

Lately my mailboxes, old-fashioned and new-fangled, have become repositories for solicitations to change my car insurance.  I’ve had the same insurance for over 20 years and they say that is when one should seriously consider switching.  Complacency builds and what was a bargain then can be a wallet buster now.  So I took a good look at some of the offers and discovered that there indeed was money to be saved.  In fact, there was money to be made.

Every offer had some huge savings that I was overlooking.  There were savings of $400, $450, even $500 to be had.  There were premiums as low as $19 per month.  There were offers of 75% off of what I am currently paying. It didn’t matter if it was a big company, little company, on-line only, or multi-service.  The insurance version of the name brands – Liberty Mutual, Travelers, Nationwide – were represented.  The ones nobody had ever heard of but sounding like the name brands – Safeco, National, 21st Auto – were there.  The ones with cute ads – Farmers, GEICO, Progressive – were in on it too.  Everybody wanted to save me money!  Everyone from Allstate to State Farm had cash to offer. How nice of them.

So, here is the plan.  Step one, switch to one of the low premium companies.  The best plan is to replace my current insurance with one that has a monthly premium of the low, low price of $19.  Once that’s established, trade it in for 75% savings over my now new cost for a newer, lower, lower outlay that comes out to the remarkably low, low, even lower as in less than $5 per month.  Now, switch to the dollar savings that range from $415, to $450, to $500 for a total savings of $1365.  Subtract the $5 premium payment and we net an income of $1, 360!  There are enough companies offering these fantastic savings that we can do this at least three times for a total money haul of over $4,000.  That’s a used car.  Not a very good one but a car just the same.  And where there’s a car there’s a need for car insurance.

Car insurance, – a sure fire way of making money at home.  Buy, save, repeat.  You gotta love it!

Now, that’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Those Who Can, Do

Michael Leave a comment

The latest community college non-credit course catalog is out.  We have taken advantage of our community college offerings for years.  Dance classes, photography classes, pasta making classes, wine pairing classes, even Italian for tourists classes have seen us on their rosters.  Subjects that were just plain fun.  But this semester, things aren’t headed in the direction one usually associates with adult education.  Certainly not with Just Plain Fun.

There are still some courses that are useful, practical, and add to the enjoyment of everyday living.  Gardening classes, painting classes, and writing classes are still being offered.  The more casual language classes seem to be a casualty of downsizing.  No longer is there “[Insert Your Favorite Foreign Language Here] for Tourists.”  If you want to learn “How to Play [One of Any Number of Previously Offered Musical Instruments Other Than Guitar or Piano]” you’ll have to do it at the local music academy.   Fortunately, “Freshwater Fishing” is still offered.  (No, that isn’t a typo.)

Perhaps I should explain the “Italian for Tourists” class.  You’re probably saying to yourself, “I’ve read every post these people have put on this blog.  There are trips to Puerto Rico, to maple festivals (whatever those are), unspecified distant time zones, and Niagara Falls.  There are trips by plane, tram, car, and shuttles.  There are no trips to Italy.”  And you would be right.  There are no trips to Italy.  But there have been trips to southern Florida and the general concentration of Italian speakers there is eclipsed only by that of Spanish speakers.  Not that anybody actually speaks Italian there.  But I digress.

There are some new offerings in the community college Community Education Catalog this year.  For the more sensitive type there are now offerings in “Chakra Balancing,” “Contacting Your Spirit Guides,” and “Psychic Development.”  Another new offering is “Turn Your Pain into Peace.”  I read the course synopsis and nowhere is bourbon mentioned.  If you’re going to turn pain into anything, bourbon is pretty much essential.  Of course without any home beer making, wine making, or spirits making (the potable type, not the ones that require guides), the essentials seem to have become superfluous.   That must be why they no longer call it “adult education.”

There is one new course that sounds interesting – The Business of Blogging.  According to the course description you turn a blog into a profitable business.  Hmm …

Now, that’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

It’s a Pizza Revolution – err, Resolution

Michael 2 Comments

It’s still too early for New Year’s Resolutions for me.  If you want to know why, look back two posts.  However…if I owned a pizza shop I would be building a new bandwagon to hop on with a dandy.  Pizza palaces, parlors, purveyors, and other who have you’s need to seriously get hold of their coupons.

While cleaning out the old coupon keeper and unpinning overflow restaurant coupons from the coupon board, a myriad of pizza coupons bit the dust – expiration date speaking.  Besides the fact that it is remarkably easy to make your own pizza, it is remarkably hard to figure out pizza coupons.  Even the big national chains are getting into the “let’s make this so confusing that nobody will ever want to redeem our coupon or take advantage of our special” craze.  And that’s just plain crazy.

Let’s start with those national chains.  Two pizzas at $5.99 each.  What a deal.  Oh wait, only Monday through Thursday.  Still a deal.  And it comes with two toppings.  On two pizzas.  Now hang on.  Just to whom are they marketing this great special of theirs?  How often does a family of one want two pizzas?  How often does a family of four want two pizzas?  While we’re hanging out with that family, have you ever tried to get four people to agree on two pizza toppings?  Sometimes you can’t get one person to agree on two toppings!  So let’s cross the street to the other chain.  Any large pizza for $7.99.  But we’re back to two toppings.  Unless you want bacon.  Then it’s $12.99 for one topping.  Don’t confuse that with the “Any Pizza for $11.00” deal.  It all depends on do you want carry-out or order on line.  While we’re at it, do you drive to work or carry your lunch?  Sheesh.

Since those guys are no help let’s visit a local shop.  I have a coupon from one for a large pizza with one topping, a twelve inch hoagie, an order of breadsticks and a bottle of cola.  Too much for your family of seventeen?  Another shop has one large pizza with one topping for only $10.  If it’s Thursday you can get two toppings on that large pizza for the same $10.  And if you like that you can super-duper size it to five large pizzas with one topping for only $45.  You can use the savings for your co-pay at the cardiologist.

An interesting thing about these specials is that all of the coupons specify no substitutions and to mention the coupon when ordering.  Why?  It’s not like these are secret savings to special card carrying members of the “I Like Your Pizza Parlor” club.  These come every week in every newspaper, hard copy mailings, e-mail blasts, on the Internet, on their Facebook pages, and taped to the top of the box when you actually do order something.  Substitutions?  Who understands the offer to begin with!

Does it really have to be that confusing just to get a pizza?  Tell you what to do the next time you have a pizza craving.  Take four cups of flour, a cup and a half of warm water, two teaspoons salt, one teaspoon sugar, two tablespoons oil, and a pack of active dry yeast.  Mix the yeast in the water, add the sugar, let it go to town for 5 minutes or so.  Add half of the flour and all of the salt to the water.  Get your hands into it and slowly add the remaining flour then knead it for a couple of minutes.  Put it in a bowl coated with oil to let it rise for about an hour.  Shape it, put it on a lightly oiled pan, brush it with oil then top it with however many toppings you want.  Bake it at 400 degrees for 10-15 minutes.  After you finish your pizza, call your local pizza shop and tell them to stuff it.  And you don’t mean the crust.

Now, that’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

The Last Minute – A Special Piece of Real Reality

Michael Leave a comment

Regular readers know that Real Reality strikes on Mondays and Thursdays.  If you didn’t know that it doesn’t make you irregular.  You just have to read more often.  And/or more regularly.  Anyway, for this to show up on a Wednesday you know it must be something special.  Well, tomorrow is something special so that could make today special too.  It certainly makes today down to the wire.  (No race track analogies in 2015.  Three in a row are plenty for any couple of years!)

Regular readers also know that in Realityville, Christmas Eve is not a shopping day.  Christmas Eve has enough of its own tasks and charges.  You have had plenty of shopping days going back to Black Friday Eve (aka Thanksgiving).  Ask any major retailer.  If you’re not done by now you are on your own.  But don’t bother asking any major retailer.  They lie.

Back to Christmas Eve.  Don’t you have more Christmassy things to do today than shopping anyway?

There are Christmas Eve dinners to attend to.  Is the most recognizable Christmas Eve dinner the Feast of the Seven Fishes?  Perhaps so.  An Italian tradition on a day that Italian Catholics abstain from meat, this vigil meal will be served in many households.  In Eastern Europe, many cultures add a couple more meatless dishes to their Christmas Eve dinner to make nine or eleven choices.  Russians prepare twelve selections of fish and grains.  In Germany and Austria, Christmas Eve may be spent preparing carp, potatoes, and salads for dinner after sundown.

You’re not a big eater you say?  Then you’ll probably spend today wrapping all the presents you carefully selected and bought with plenty of time to get under the tree before Christmas.  Did you know that, television families with piles of beautifully wrapped presents under their trees weeks before the big day excepted, most holiday wrapping happens on Christmas Eve.  Much of the gifts planned for destinations outside the home if not wrapped sometime on Christmas Eve, usually during cooking breaks, are wrapped the day before and sometimes the day of the planned giving.

If you happen to be reading this in Sweden you aren’t wrapping your gifts today.  You’ll be unwrapping them since the day you exchange Christmas presents is today!  That would be in Sweden and many other countries where the wrapping happened yesterday in anticipation of exchanging them on Christmas Eve.

In Australia where it’s nice and warm today, many people will be out caroling this evening.  While singing they will light candles together hoping for a clear night that their light can join the stars.

And if your wrapping and cooking and eating and singing all get done early and you are still looking for something to do besides more shopping, today would be a good day to thank God for getting us all through another year.

Merry Christmas.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Giving Thursday?

Michael Leave a comment

It’s been a week around here.  Quite a week.  Quite a month.  We made it through Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, and Giving Tuesday.  And let’s not forget the days leading to and away from these occasions.  What do they have in common?  Giving with a side of Guilt.  We can all admit it.  If it wasn’t for the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas, a lot of us would never get the chance to declare “Charitable Contributions” on next year’s tax return.

Around here one of the local television stations has been for years a major sponsor for an annual Thanksgiving food drive. For weeks they would broadcast PSAs encouraging donations to the local food bank to build the coffers as strong as possible for a special Thanksgiving distribution.  They even convinced a local bank to match cash donations physically made at the bank.  The day before Thanksgiving they announced the total amount raised.  An impressive amount but the amount isn’t important.  What is important is that even then, after all the food was packed, the turkeys were ready, and the meals were being prepared, people wanted to know if they could still donate to the food bank.

It was on Thanksgiving morning that the news programs all led off with interviews of volunteers at missions, shelters, kitchens, or what you will call them who open their doors to feed the poor and homeless.  While the organizers told of the number of men, women, and families who would stop in both to serve and be served, the cameras panned the pans of turkey, stuffing, vegetables, soup, and pies.  And on each TV station the intrepid reporter would ask if they had enough volunteers for that day if someone wanted to stop by to help.

The evening newscast on Giving Tuesday made certain that viewers realized that even though it was late in the day there was still time to hit the Internet to find a worthwhile charitable organization to accept donations.  They also had stories on the Salvation Army’s Red Kettle Campaign, the local clothing drives, and the donations car dealers would make to various associations if one test drove or bought a vehicle.

All of these had some sort of sense of urgency to them.  It was as though those who were responsible for these various drives knew that if the public didn’t get around to giving now it could be another year before people gave of their spare change or their spare time.

It might be that this is the time when wallets are opened more regularly but most people recognize that there are hungry people in May just as there are in December.  That a dollar donated to the free energy fund in spring still heats the water as it does in winter.  That a light jacket in April is just as appreciated as a warm scarf in January.

The needy have no season.  Unfortunate circumstances can befall any one any day.  If you didn’t get the chance to donate to your food bank, coat drive, or other charity this week, there will always be time.  It might have a catchy ring to it but Giving has no special day.  If you missed last Tuesday there are 364 other days to pick from.  And we believe that most do.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.