Category House and Home

What Do You Think?

Michael 3 Comments

For the last two weeks I’ve been torturing myself. It started innocently enough with me making a shot of espresso. No, the espresso isn’t torturing me. I don’t make the best espresso but I’ve yet to poison myself or do permanent damage to my remaining insides. No that wasn’t it. What it was was the label. It taunted me into thinking in Italian. Or rather, trying to think in Italian.

I’ve heard the true mark of fluency is thinking the language you are speaking. Thinking in your native language, transposing to the interpreted language, then speaking (or hearing in the interpreted language, transposing, then understanding) works, but you miss the nuances that make any language magical. In its language of course. Now this is all theoretical because I haven’t thought in Italian in well over 50 years. And frankly, back then I wasn’t so good at it. Back then I wasn’t so good thinking in English!

So why the sudden thought to think in some language other than that in which over 100% of my conversations occur? (For the math wizards, I’m including those conversations in dreams.) It was that darn label. Medaglia d’Oro. All together now, Gold Medal. Even those without a non-food Italian word in their vocabulary can think that one through, with or without mental transpositioning. Clearly it’s all the general anesthesia I’ve been given lately that convinced me I could speak Italian again.

Okay, “again” is relative. The last time I really knew as sure as I could what people were saying when they were saying it in that language was 1963. ish. That’s when my grandma, my mother’s mother, the last of the nonne e nonni, passed away. And with her passed the custom of speaking Italian in the house but only English outside. Which was really good advice for even though the little town I grew up in was heavily populated with first generation Italians, the were from a variety of villages from 3 separate regions, each with its own dialect that could be almost as foreign as English. Thus English was the natural language to speak outside the home (imagine that) but Italian was fine for family conversations. As my generation entered school, English became the full time language taking a break only at large family gatherings on Sundays and holidays.

About 10 years ago I had a grand idea of refreshing my familial language and enrolled in “Italians for Tourists” at the local community college. It seemed to fit since there was also the possibility of a Mediterranean wine cruise and I thought it might be nice to be able to understand what was going on in at least one country’s vineyards. Well, that was a waste of $37!

With that failed experiment on my language resume it’s no wonder the last two weeks have been torture. I’ve finally come to realize that linguistic thinking, like playing nice with others, is learned easily in our youths but fades quickly when not in constant use. I think I’ll stop trying to think in Italian. And I’ll think it in English!

As for playing nice with others. That’s something I can keep working on in any language.

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Build Me Up, Margarine Cup?

Michael 5 Comments

Over the weekend I happened across a protracted online discussion regarding a new (to me) product by Melt (also new to me), uh, drum roll — butter (not new to me) (I thought).

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Apparently Melt’s “butter” is what us old guys call margarine. Except instead of corn, soybean, canola, or olive oil, it’s made of this year’s designer oils including coconut and sunflower.

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The discussion centered around that the product is labeled butter. Not butter substitute, not vegetable spread, not even “plant butter” ala Country Crock’s vegan spread. Butter. Unlike most of the European countries and Canada, the U.S. does not have a standard for what can be called milk, butter, or a variety of other dairy products. The “for” group pointed to almond milk, soy bacon, and veggie cheese. The “anti” group pointed to almond milk, soy bacon, and veggie cheese. The logic seems to be that each of those products specify its source in the product name and thus does not mislead the consumer.

Personally I have a problem with calling a non-dairy product butter, although I and millions of other carnivores do it routinely when we reach for that tastiest of all spreads, peanut butter. But again, peanut butter isn’t going to be mistaken for the stuff you create sauces with or turn to into cookies (peanut butter cookies, which also use butter butter, notwithstanding). We also confuse issues with the inaccurately named buttermilk, which unlike almond milk is not made with its modifier, and let’s not even talk about head cheese.

So what’s the solution to this confusion. If I had one I’d be chairman of a high powered, and high price, think tank, not writing a blog on a free domain. Maybe we should get back to calling things what they really are, like beef and pork and sausage. But then would even the most hard core meat eater go for “cow,” “pig,” and “your guess is as good as mine?”

 

Halt! Who Goes There?

Michael Leave a comment

I had all sorts of stuff I was going to ramble on about but I lost my complete train of thought when it was pointed out to me on last week’s post that the moon landing was JULY 20, not JUNE 20. I am so mortified. I can only imagine what you think of me. Alternately I can only imagine that nobody actually reads this drivel. Either way, it’s no wonder why I never saw anything celebrating its anniversary and I’m very sorry for misleading everybody.

Now on to today’s drivel. I know it had something to do with standing in doorways. I remember that much because I have a constant reminder of blocked doorways. You see, I’m not home right now. I was discharged from the hospital 2 weeks ago but I’ve been staying with my daughter at her house until I am strong enough to be back on my own. I’m getting there but every couple days when I think I’m making progress I have dialysis which beats me up like a nogoodnik beats on a shamus in a classic film noir. Sorry, I digress. As I was saying, there is a constant reminder there of blocked doorways and it goes by the name of Jingle, a part pointer, part husky, part bull dog, part Yeti 3 year old rescue who is convinced he is a 3 year old human. Except…

Except a three year old human you can deal with when every time you enter a room he bounds around you and stands in the doorway looking up at you mentally asking if this was the room want to go to, is it, huh, huh, is it. A three year old dog, who really should know better, not so much. A three year old human can be reasoned with, and barring reasoning he can be lifted and moved out of the way. A three year old multi-mix, especially one exceeding your lifting limit sevenfold, not so much. A three year human someday will grow into a four year human and then five and so on and so on and if today you don’t get your point across eventually he will understand probably when he is the one tripping over an impediment to room entry. A three year old canine living statue, who will only grow into a four year old living statue and then five and then so on and so on, not so much.

So I have this reminder it I’m not sure what the big story behind it is. I’m sure it was quite profound and may even change your outlook on the world around you. If I should remember I’ll jot it down somewhere and write a proper post about it. But not on July 20. That date is taken.

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Jingle and Penguin

Technologically Repressed

Michael 5 Comments

We’ve talked tech before. I’ve even admitted that I’m fine with many of the advancing technologies we have and continue to come up with, but there are a couple things I wish we hadn’t invented. Or at least not gone for in such a big way.

This really all started with a conversation I had with my daughter, a not quite 30 year old who makes her living only because we have tech-evolved as much as we have yet still hangs on to these few things from my past.

PDA devices and apps versus planners/calendars.

Planners are called planners because that’s what they do. They plan. Or help you plan.

This is what started our conversation. When I was discharged from the hospital I was sent on my way with home nursing and physical and occupational therapies. I had gotten off the phone with one of the home care givers and trying to sort out who was coming when. I had everybody’s visits, along with doctors’ appointments and dialysis sessions loaded into my electronic scheduler and that synced with my Amazon Echo to remind me each morning what was happening that day. (I told you I was okay with some new tech.) But it was only after I opened the actual calendar looking page of the calendar wannabe program did I realize that I had all three disciplines coming the same day and a total of 5 commitments over two days. My “assistant” gladly accepted the suggested dates and times knowing there were not overlaps but didn’t warn me of not only adjacent scheduling but of overwhelming (for me) scheduling. My daughter reminded me if I just used a book style planner or at least a page out of a calendar I could have seen at a glance that I was getting in too deep for the middle of the week. I would have sent her to bed without her supper but it is her house and she was cooking.

The point is, there are some things a calendar does better than all the electronic schedulers out there. Hung on a wall with nice big squares for each day, a calendar is still the best guarantee to efficient planning.

GPS versus an atlas or paper maps

No argument that for getting from Point A to Point B celestial guidance is the way to go. But when you want to know just where those points are in this great big world or what’s at Point A1, A2, and so forth, start unfolding that paper.

Anybody who uses GPS for directions for any appreciable time will run into problems. By problems I mean lost. Undocumented construction, flooded roads, accident clean up crews, or over height semis wedged in tunnel entrances or under overpasses turn Little Miss Turn By Turn into a one phrase wonder – recalculating, recalculating, recalculating.

Am I the only one who wonders after making a turn and hearing “travel north for 8 and 1/2 miles” to the next turn what I’m missing in those 8 and 1/2 miles? The on screen “map” clearly displays the traveled road in all its exact scale-ness but nothing around it. No town names, no points of interest, no “world’s largest ball of twine!” a mere hope skip, and jump at the third intersection to the right.

There is no better way to getting un-lost than to pull out an old fashioned map and see what landmarks are nearby or road names or route numbers that look familiar. Those same maps display a bounty of options that go around those unexpected obstacles. Only with maps can you take in the whole picture of the places around you.

Keep that GPS app on your phone. It has its place. This is a big country connected by oodles of 8 and 1/2 mile stretches. Some of them are pretty interesting places but sometimes you have to get off the the highlighted route to find them.

Music downloads versus LPs, CDs, even cassette tapes

I get it. You like a song, you want a song, you buy a song. No muss, no fuss, no waste. And no experimenting with songs from a the B Side. Not to mention all the great stuff on an album that never gets air time…if you can still call where they play “air.”

Beyond the songs that go unheard are the stories you found on the printed material – the album jackets and the CD inserts. If the songs of an album told a story, the liner notes painted the picture. Sometimes with a collage of real pictures. (You remember pictures. They are those things you call “images” but you don’t need a phone to see.) Often the notes even included the lyrics so there was never an excuse for belting out “Welcome to the land of flaming sex!” at a red light.

News sites verses newspapers

Printing material is expensive. Delivering printed material is expensive. Recycling printed material is sometimes more work than I really care to do. Still I’d rather pay for and read a paper held in my hands (on spread across the table) than read an article on line. Why?

I’m not so stuck in the old ways that I’ll say I prefer a real paper because “I like the feel of it in my hands” although that argument might work with books. I prefer the paper because I get more news out of it. Think of this. You get your “paper” on line probably through an morning email that says today’s “paper” is out there along with a handful of headlines with the articles’ first few sentences. So you scan those, see a few that are interesting and check them out. You read that one article led by whomever wrote the morning email and you click your way back to the email to maybe read one or two more in the came fashion. If you see that same headline on hard copy, you notice it, you read it, you follow the article to its “continued on page,” where you notice another headline or maybe a picture that looks interesting or complements the article you just finished. You read that one and the pattern continues. Soon you are turning pages, reading commentaries, arguing with letters to the editor, laughing at the comics, not believing the comeback the home team made in the 11th inning.

People who says “I can get all the news on line” might but never really do. What news they read is often because somebody else decided that was the news they should read.

 

So there you have it. My wishes for things that wouldn’t go away. Not because I’m old and set in my ways even though I am old and can be set in my ways, but because they are just plain better. Because I say so is why. Sheesh. Kids today!

 

No Business Like Shoe Business

Michael 2 Comments

Have you ever had a day when to want to say something but are sure it will unwarrantedly ruffle someone’s feathers? You don’t mean to. You really just have a thought you want to express but, particularly in the now when every thought, let alone action, regardless of intent is either forgiven or vilified depending on the political affiliation (real or perceived) of the thinker and/or actor, you hesitate. So I’ve been very concerned about bringing this up but I just can’t hold it back any longer. Where the hell are all the brown shoelaces?

I don’t need new shoelaces right now but there is a pair (are a pair?) (no, is a pair) fraying and will surely and shortly break. I’d like to be proactive and have the replacement on hand if not actually on shoe before that happens but I can’t find laces for brown dress shoes. White for athletic shows yes. Hundreds of any length and thickness imaginable. Thick black laces in lengths clearly for boots most probably fitted with steel toes are everywhere. Those rawhide looking things for hiking shoes hang on racks by the score of scores. Some places seem to begrudgingly devote a hook, maybe two, to black laces appropriate for dress shoes, but brown…um, nope. Not out there.

I think it started with Casual Friday. I never understood that. Why should somebody making an appointment with a banker, broker, car dealer, or human resource manager on the last day of the week be made to feel like the appointment maker has already started on his or her weekend? Why do Tuesday appointments get treated more formally than those who scheduled on Friday? I guess others felt the same way because it seems there is no more Casual Friday. It is now Casual Week. (I think I also once mentioned an off shoot of this. That is, why everybody who has anything remotely to do with medicine now feels the need to wear scrubs. If I hit the next billion dollar Power Ball jackpot and feel the urge to endow a hospital nephrology department, I do not want to meet with an administrator in a Looney Tunes scrub top to discuss my multimillion dollar gift. Just putting that out there.) Anyway, that’s how it all started – when men shed their suits and ties.

Women can be just as casual but a woman knows there are times when “dress” means more than the garment. And still have them in their closets. The garments that is. (That are?) I am certain if women’s dress shoes required laces there would be sufficient stock from which to choose.

BrownShoesI guess we men just lost our will to dress up. And stores responded. The Men’s Department yielded space to The Active Male, Sports and Leisure, and You’re Only as Young as You Feel departments. And the space they gave up used to be occupied by shoelaces for dress shoes. Even brown. Well I want it back! I want that space that used to hold tie bars and pocket squares. I want a belt that isn’t reversible. I want shoes that need polishing. And I want brown shoelaces!

I sincerely apologize for feathers that have been ruffled and trust this won’t result in some social media frenzy. But one last thing … if you should happen to have knowledge of brown shoelaces appropriate for a men’s dress shoe with 4 eyelets please email me their location. I will not share your information.

Thank you

 

Free free, free free free!

Michael 2 Comments

I have been meaning to give you a kidney transplant update and thought today would have been a good day for that but something more important came up. Ahem, attention. To all responsible in some way for the pricing of goods and services, “free” means “not costing or charging anything.” Again, thanks go to Misters Merriam and Webster and yes I am still trying to figure out who is who.

Why am I on to this again? Because I have that kind of time, and that kind of time has finally pushed me over the edge. It’s late in winter, or early in spring, and neither is giving any ground. I’m sick of being either inside or out only for dialysis, doctors, or church. Obviously church people and doctor people are really nice folks but I really can use some time outdoors. (Dialysis people tend to be nice too but I am a little less disposed to calling anybody stuffing needles the size of bucatini into my arm pleasant people to be around.) If it’s not way too cold for a brisk walk (winter’s doing) the wind is blowing a gazillion miles an hour (spring’s contribution) or they are both huffing and puffing, threatening to blow my hovel down. So, I spend most of my time not spent at dialysis, doctors, or church, spent inside with the television on for company. I figured I really needed company when one day while talking to my plants I, with much deserved huffiness, turned on a heel, stalked out of the room, and slammed the bedroom door when they gave me the silent treatment. Collectively! The nerve of them! After all I’ve given them – water, sunshine, more water, a little fertilizer now and then. I mean really, who do…. umm ….

So I’m back to too much time in front of the TV and there are only so many movies you can sit and watch that eventually you have to resort to commercial channels and they include commercials. And the ones that play early in the morning or late at night are what you expect when the ad rates are significant less than the Super Bowl pregame show. They are the As Seen On TV ads.

Like me, maybe you are not too young to recall those early “Not Sold In Stores” television commercials. They were really things you would not find in any store. A knife that cuts through steel toed boots. Lithuanian language records. Combination fishing rod/compass. Unique products that even if you knew you’d never need, want, or use like a clothes iron that plugged into your car’s cigarette lighter, you were going to watch that commercial all the way through – just in case. Who knew, by the time they got to the end maybe you decided that you really did need a hand cranked camp stove that could boil water and provide the upper body workout your exercise routine was lacking. And their premiums were real premiums. Not a commercial ended before the announcer excitedly added, “And if you order now, we’ll include an ice crusher absolutely free!”

FreeToday’s late night answer to the famous towel that can hold 12 times its weight is neither not available in any store nor likely to have you waiting for the commercial’s end for any reason other than that your program is that much closer to returning. And there are no more premiums. Where did all the ice crushers go? No, now if you “order now!” what do you get? Another one of whatever they are trying to get rid of. If I don’t need one battery powered ear wax vacuum I certainly don’t need two, especially not for “free! just pay an extra fee.”

I particularly resent the copywriter who puts “free shipping,” “we’ll send you a second absolutely free,” and ” “just pay a separate fee” all in the same ad. At least if there was a shipping charge for the first I could talk myself into understanding the “separate fee” for the second, but when the first is going out with “free shipping” what first fee is there that we’re not being told about?

Okay, so now that I have gotten that out of my system perhaps the next time around I’ll update you on my kidneys. I promise, it will be free.

 

Cereal Killer

Michael 5 Comments

They are magically delicious. They are often the first real solid foods you eat. They’re great. They are the stuff dreams are made of. Wait! No, those are jewel encrusted golden birds from Malta. But that other stuff, yeah, that they are. And they are cereal.

Today is National Cereal Day. Look, every day is something and today the needle points to those grains used for food, often breakfast, such as wheat, oats, or corn. (Thank you Mr. Merriam. Or Mr. Webster. Can anybody tell those guys apart?)

Can you imagine your life without cereal? Probably not. Even if you aren’t a cereal eater now, you once were. Hot, smooth cereals like cooked creamy rice or wheat are often a baby’s first step from “baby food” to the stuff in the house everybody else eats. Those round oat thingies (Cheerios by name) are most toddlers’ favorite snack and few parents of the youngsters leave home without them. And you confirmed anti-cereal zealots, don’t tell me you don’t have a canister of oatmeal or a box of corn flakes somewhere in that kitchen with the idea that they are just to make cookies or to bread chicken.

cerealI’ll admit I’m not a big boxed cereal eater myself today but I have a decent chunk of pantry space devoted to the foodstuff. Hot cereal is different. I always have multiple containers of old fashioned oats on hand for breakfast, lunch, sometimes dinner, often cookies, just as often bars, and occasionally muffins. But those other cereals usually end up masquerading as “a heathy snack.”

Oddly my favorite cereal from childhood rarely visits my old man kitchen. And it wasn’t even a typical kid brand like Cap’n Crunch. My favorite cereal growing up was plain corn flakes. I’d have a bowl of flakes with a half a banana sliced into it and whole milk. The banana’s other half would go into my school lunch unless somebody got to it first for another breakfast add in. That was breakfast more days than not until I set off for college.

I tried to look up the most popular cereal. I found 5 polls all published within a month of each other, and all wildly different. I guess the most popular depends on where you are, what company is sponsoring the poll, or how honest you feel like being when asked if you prefer Kashi or Fruity Pebbles and your whole pilates class (or bowling team (no judgement here)) is listening.

So we’ll do an informal poll. What is your favorite cereal? Ahh, still no judgement.

 

 

A Word From Our Sponsor

Michael 1 Comment

Recently I saw something on line that said something like “All the drug ads on TV like for the first 10 seconds tell you its name and then like spend the rest of the time like daring you to take it.” Like I said it was on line. Like what did you expect? But, it raises a good point.  No, not that drug manufacturers are daring you to take their product. Why isn’t everything else advertised like that?

First a little background about prescription drug advertising on TV, in magazines, on-line, or anywhere else they are targeted “direct to consumers” — it shouldn’t happen. Back in the days when drug companies were run by people with pharmacy degrees and hospitals were run by people with medical degrees, marketing was pretty straight forward. Drug companies got approval from the FDA for a drug which included its official product information and that included what had to be mentioned in all marketing material. This included but was not limited to indications (what it is used for), contraindications (when it should not be used), warnings (what might happen if dosed and monitored inappropriately), and side effects (adverse or unexpected reactions that occurred in more than 0.1% (1 in every 1000) of the participants in post-approval/pre-marketing controlled drug studies). The material was typically presented in pages of information and a presentation lasted anywhere from 30 to 50 minutes. The target audience was doctors and pharmacists who spent years studying these things, understood the language, and often challenged the information as presented by the marketing team, also people with health care related degrees or experience.

Then about 20 years ago drug companies started hiring people with business degrees to run their business. They may have had a background in selling fast food french fries and thought there was no reason prescription drugs shouldn’t be sold the same way. This ignored the fact that they were now targeting an audience of people who could not legally walk into a store and buy their product without a prescription. The FDA, medical organizations and pharmacist organizations disagreed with direct to consumer advertising, not because they wanted to “control” the prescription drug market but because it was establishing a dangerous environment. But the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), made up of business people, said sure, why not, it will create competition and keep prices down. Recognizing that the FDA had regulations requiring what information had to be present in marketing material, the FTC thought those were good things people should know and that’s why there is now a demand for fast, low talkers to do the voice-over for prescription drug ads on TV.

AdNow, back to my premise, if it’s such a good idea why not make all advertising follow a similar structure. With that understanding, I now present the way consumer goods and services should be advertised. In the spirit of the FTC mandate I’ll just note the disclaimers. The creative teams can use the rest of the 15 second spots however they would like. Please note that some of the required language might mean the advertising budgets may require some expansion to reflect longer ad time buys and since we know that companies don’t spend money they cannot recover, there may be a corresponding increase in product pricing.

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Fast food french fries (with or without bacon)
Do not take if allergic to potatoes, oils used for frying which may change without warning, or pigs if using the bacon version. May cause high cholesterol including high good cholesterol and high bad cholesterol. Do not take if using blood thinners. People with high cholesterol, high blood pressure, uncontrolled diabetes, excess body fat, or uncomfortably tight clothing should consult the fry cook or counter person before consuming french fries. May cause bloating, nausea, headaches, or weight gain. Do not continue use if you notice ankle swelling, excess sweating, or shortness of breath after eating. If taking with bacon do consume if you are vegetarian, vegan, or kosher.

Light beer
Do not take if allergic to beer or any ingredient in beer. Do not take if also taking blood thinners, analgesics, antibiotics, sedatives, anti-depressants, narcotics, illegal drugs, or drugs used for diabetes or high blood pressure. May cause inebriation which can lead to embarrassing questions or answers, karaoke or karaoke style singing, chair dancing, and  loss of bladder control. May cause double vision, slurred speech, or drooling. Do not operate a car, heavy machinery, or juke boxes. Consult spouses, partners, or significant others if you cannot remember where you parked. I’d you do not remember where you parked and stumble upon your vehicle, do not drive. Tell yout server if you become nauseous. Quickly.

All-season radial tires
Do not use if allergic to tires. Requires proper inflation and periodic monitoring. Do not use if bald (the tire, not you), bulging around the middle (again the tire), or if taking beer, wine, or liquor (that’s you). Doing “donuts” in the parking lot will decrease usable wear.

Medical Marijuana
[You know it will only be a matter of time before it or “Recreational” varieties are directly marketed. Oh quick, what’s the difference between medical and recreational opiates. Uh huh.]
Do not use if allergic to marijuana. May cause you to impersonate medical personnel. Is not a cure all. Notify your dispensary of…well it really doesn’t matter because they aren’t medical people and won’t have any idea of what you are talking about anyway but notify first responders and emergency room personal that you take “medical” marijuana when they ask you about drug use.

Cauliflower rice
Do not use if allergic to cauliflower. May cause gastric bloating or flatulence. Do not take if using blood thinners. Although not intended as a weight loss product, cauliflower rice may cause a feeling of fullness decreasing any pleasure in eating. Not intended as a replacement for pizza crust.

Political Ads
What you are about to hear is a lie.

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If you agree this is a good idea please write to your congressman or senator. They can use a good laugh too.

 

 

What I Did On My Lost Day

Michael 2 Comments

I’m a day late. I’ve been a dollar short for years so that’s not news but the lost day is something I really tried to avoid. I knew yesterday was going to be a potential for not posting so I was going to get something written and scheduled on Wednesday so there would still be some words for you on Thursday. I’m still not so sure why but I felt I should. Unfortunately there was a power outage here Wednesday evening. That’s pretty rare for these parts and I took it as an omen that what I was going to post wasn’t worth the time or energy. I hadn’t given it a thought that my energy provider would have agreed with me so dramatically. Anyway, there would probably still be time on Thursday even considering what I had on tap for me.

Yesterday I had a simple, quick procedure at the hospital. Nothing medical is ever simple or quick but those words are used relative to what could have been. Still it wasn’t quite the whole day lost and I should have been able to write but for a couple issues.

The procedure was scheduled for 12:30 and took about 25 minutes. That should have left a great deal of the day except it didn’t. Here was the actual schedule starting Wednesday evening.

Wednesday
6:30pm – dinner
8:00 – consider a hot snack since I won’t be able to eat after midnight.
8:02 – electricity goes out
8:03 – stub toe in kitchen trying to make peanut butter sandwich
8:04 – apologize to neighbor for language
8:10 – find chair in living room, sit
8:11 – boredom sets in
8:45- give up hope of snack, go to bed

Thursday
12:35am – startled awake by lights, tv, furnace, abruptly coming back on
3:05 – return to sleep
8:00 – wake up, throw away coffee made before remembering restriction not allowing food or drink after midnight
8:40 – finally settle on appropriate “loose clothing” per instructions
9:15 – ride to hospital arrives
9:35 – clean up coffee cup and plate from coffee and danish ride has while waiting time to leave for hospital
9:45 – leave for hospital
10:25 – arrive at hoping outpatient registration
10:30 – assigned to room, put in silly hospital gown, stuck for IV, labs drawn
10:45 – wait
11:44 – transported to procedure room
11:45 – wait
12:20pm  – sedated
12:25 procedure (yay!)
1:00 – return to room for recovery
1:02 – first food since Wednesday evening (graham crackers and ginger ale (yum))

BOC1

1:11 – enjoy remaining sedation
2:00 – discharged
2:45 – stopped at pharmacy for prescription
2:46 – wait
3:05 – pick up prescription
3:15 – arrive home
3:20 – nap while daughter makes dinner
4:30 – dinner
5:00 – turn TV on for evening news
5:01 – fall asleep in front of TV
10:30 – wake up and go to sleep

Friday
8:57am – Wake up
9:00 – wonder what I missed for the last day

And that’s why you’re getting Thursday’s post now. This is it. Have a good day.

 

 

 

To Tell the Truth

Michael Leave a comment

I hate liars. Everybody tells a little fib now and then. (That’s the best cauliflower rice dough pizza. You can’t even tell it has no gluten, cholesterol, fat, calories, taste, or appreciation for a life worth living.) But outright “I know this is blatantly false and I’m saying it only because I want to trick your ass” falsehoods are just wrong. And professional lying like done by every politician and used car salesman since 1959 is the worst.

Those professional liars are getting really good at it. Much of their lying is so subtle we don’t even recognize it as not true. Take the word “free,” a perfectly good word. I think if you ask anybody what the word means you would be told “enjoying personal liberty as in freedom” or “given without cost.” Lexicographers would differ. Well … not so much differ as embellish, just like the liars. Dictionary dot com list 40 definitions for “free,” Cambridge English has 24, Merriam Webster 20, and even the venerable OED lists 14 definitions of the word. That’s why people can take a perfectly good word like “free,” put it in front of another word like “shipping” and feel justified telling you how much it will cost to ship your purchase if it doesn’t meet a minimum amount spent.

The local supermarket where I do most of my grocery shopping has taken to telling the truth. I must tell you, it confuses me sometimes. If you join their loyalty program you get a weekly e-mail offering some incredible value at not just a ridiculously low price but almost always free. A couple weeks ago this deal was a case of their bottled water for 49 cents. This week it’s a can of Coca-Cola for free. And they really mean free. Not with the purchase of another can. Not with a minimum total spent. It’s free. You go into the store, grab a can and take it to the checkout lane where someone will scan the can and scan your loyalty card, then the cash register will total up $0.00 and off you go. Of course they hope you buy something else but you don’t have to. Free means free.

exchangeAnother perfectly good word is “exchange.” This word even has the dictionaries agreeing there is little room for ambiguity. “An act of giving one thing and receiving another (especially of the same type or value) in return” is the number one definition in the Oxford English Dictionary, and except for references to where stocks are traded and a short conservation or argument, every reference to “exchange” is pretty much the giving and getting of something similar. Our general use of the word confirms that. Next week, if next week was fifty years ago, elementary school kids across the country will hold a “Valentine Exchange” at school and everybody gives and gets happy heart shaped cards. (Who knows what they do today.) Just a couple months ago at Christmas time you may have participated in a “Holiday Gift Exchange” at work when to keep in the spirit of exchange a dollar amount was stipulated. Even businesses know that to be an exchange a transaction must be of equal value. Gold and jewelry exchanges all over swap fresh money for old gold at a specifically noted “rate of exchange.”

So when I got a card in the mail from the local Chevy dealer saying it was time to exchange my 9 year old Malibu for a new one I rushed right over!

[sigh]