Category Holidays

We regret to inform you…

Michael Leave a comment

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. Whether on-line or a hard-copy catalog, people are still looking at colorful pictures, picturing loved ones in those colors, and sending off credit card numbers and waiting for packages on the porch to be there to greet them every day after work. Neither of We is any different.

Sometimes the operation is as smooth as we just described it. Every now and then an e-mail pops up that says, ‘Sorry, we regret to inform you that something bad happened and you won’t get your gift until May’ dashing hopes of holiday cheer and now wondering what to get Uncle Ed. She of We had just such an e-mail a bit ago. Well, actually, no, she didn’t. She got an e-mail not at all like that. This is what she got.

Unfortunately, we have to inform you of an error the fulfillment warehouse made which resulted in your order not shipping. Nope. Nada. None. It had not shipped as of yesterday. We are so sorry for this error!

We have confirmed that the warehouse has now fixed the error and your order will be en-route to you as of Monday 12/7 if it is not already.

Of course, the big question is: Will it arrive by Christmas? YES – you will receive it in time!

Don’t you just love it? ‘Dear customer, we made a mistake and you weren’t getting anything but we fixed it and now you will get it. And on time.’ No blaming the slowness of the mail. No blaming the foibles of electronic transmissions. No blaming volume or “this unanticipated popularity of our items.” Nope. We messed up, we fixed it, it’s on its way. And with cheerful punctuation!

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. And ‘tis the season for occasional disappointment. We think it’s good that somebody out there takes a light-hearted approach at their job. Why be so serious? Especially when it comes to punctuation!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Welcome to Black Cyber Month

Michael 1 Comment

Here we are, a week past Thanksgiving and we’re still seeing Black Friday ads.  Forget Cyber Monday.  Since they’ve declared this to be Cyber Week we’ll see those ads until Dec. 23 when with overnight expedited far from free delivery you too can have that present under the tree on Christmas Eve.

We have nothing against Black Friday or sales in general.  We like sales.  Some of our best buys have been during sales.  Of course some of the better ones haven’t been but that’s a different post.  What we have against this shopping period is the barrage of ads that accompany the sales.  It seems everything is on sale and that’s probably why Americans are expected to spend $590 billion dollars between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  But what’s wrong with the other 333 days of the year?

Maybe people aren’t shopping so much on those other days because the selection now is so diverse; nothing can compare to it during the rest of the year.  Just this morning, He of We got an e-mail ad for laser tattoo removal (Save Over 75%!).  He has no tattoos but is considering it for a gift. 

Maybe people aren’t shopping on those days because it’s now that we see the lowest prices we’ll get on some basic items.  On Cyber Monday morning on one of the national network news shows, a consumer analyst called Cyber Monday her “socks and underwear day” because the prices are so good and with free shipping she can buy a year’s worth of these staple items for what she’d normally pay for a couple of packages at full retail. 

We have to admit that if it weren’t for the Thanksgiving to Christmas shopping period we’d not receive some of our favorite mail of the year – the holiday gift catalog.  It’s a little too early to find the most outrageous potential gift item but keep reading and we’ll soon revisit our favorites for this year like we did last (see “Buy the Way,” December 1, 2011 from LIFE).  In the running are rechargeable illuminated wrenches with stand ($79.95) and the home cellulite smoother kit ($1,500 plus shipping).

But then, what better stocking stuffers are there than socks and underwear?

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

…or is it…

Michael Leave a comment

Thanksgiving came early this year.  Actually it was absolutely the earliest it could possibly be.  Even as early as it could be, among other holiday traditions across America we still saw live trees strapped to the top of cars barreling from lot to house to have the annual Weekend After Thanksgiving Decorating Tradition take place.

That reminded us of last year’s post, “Is it live…” and so we re-present it here.

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This weekend was the weekend after Thanksgiving and we were out on the road, but not for a big after Thanksgiving shopping spree.  No Black Friday deals for us.  But out we were and there were stores visited, restaurants patronized, the public encountered, and stories to be told.

We could talk about how traffic laws in our state seem to have become traffic suggestions, and not very well taken suggestions.  We could talk about how waiters, waitresses, and bartenders no longer associate the term “service industry” with their chosen (or fallen into) profession.  We could even talk about how somewhere in between “May I help you?” and “Happy Holidays!” this year’s crop of shoppers and clerks are ruder than we’ve seen for quite a few years. 

Today we’re going to talk about that never ending holiday controversy, live or artificial.  On a day that begins its date with “November,” cars with live trees tied to their roofs began their journeys to becoming kindling. 

And so we debated.  Live trees smell good.  Wet charcoal does not.  Pre-lit artificial trees completely fulfill that designation only for Year One of its proclaimed 20 year lifespan.  Live trees need watered every day and there is no graceful way to crawl under the long, low hanging branches with a plastic bowl of water stretching to reach the reservoir into which the tree has become permanently attached (note for tree removal day).  Live trees don‘t need watered daily if one owns an old male dog who can’t hold his water until you get home from work.  (Live trees smell good.  Dog drenched carpet does not.)   Live trees come in thousands of shades of green found only in nature.  Artificial trees come in light green, dark green, and pink.  Artificial tree branches can be re-arranged so every ornament, no matter size or shape, can be placed exactly where you want it.  Live tree branches bend, release, and fling your Lenox collectible ornament through three rooms before smashing into the curio cabinet filled with the Swarovski crystal collection.

Did we resolve the debate?  Can two people who are dodging speeding drivers in search of big bargains list all of the pros and cons of live versus artificial?  No, it will take thousands of trips over many years to complete the list.  Until then, feel free to take your own side of the debate and decorate with whatever best reflects your style and family life.  But please do us a favor.  If you’re planning on live, remember that a cut flower cannot live in a vase for 5 weeks.  A live tree cut from its roots and left in a cup of water won’t last that long either. 

Keep your tree fed, watered, and happy.  If you’re planning on artificial, remember that just because you can erect one in each room and mount thousands of lights on them that you still risk tripped circuits and melted plastic – hot, fire prone melted plastic. 

Don’t be a newscast waiting to happen.  The only smoke anyone should see on Christmas Eve is from the stump of the pipe held in Santa’s teeth while encircling his head just like a wreath.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

 

Thank You, Again

Michael 1 Comment

This year there will be a group of WalMart stores that when the others open after Thanksgiving dinner, they probably will not.  It was big news in our area that workers in these stores will be the representatives protesting having to work Thanksgiving Day.  It filled part of the front page and some minutes of on air news time on the days leading to Thanksgiving. 

We were in a your basic average retail discount department store the night before Thanksgiving picking up some last minute items to make our feast festive when we found out that chain will open at 7am on Thanksgiving morning.  It got us to thinking about how many people work on the holidays now.  It wasn’t always and probably never really has to be.  But even if you closed all of the stores and malls and outlets there would still be many at work.  Last year we paid them our thanks.  We can’t say it any better this year so we’re going to say it again.

Think way back, back to the day when all of those stores were closed on holidays, Sundays and most other days after 5.  But even then there was a corps of people who knew that when the holidays came around they were just as likely to be at work as they were on any Tuesday afternoon.  To these people we say, “Thank You!!!”

Thank you to…   Firemen, policemen, paramedics, and ambulance drivers.  First responders of every kind.  The members of our armed forces.  Hospital workers.  Priests, ministers, rabbis, and other men and women “of the cloth.”  Newspaper production and delivery people, reporters, television and radio engineers, producers, directors, and on-air personalities.  Toll collectors, train engineers, pilots, co-pilots, flight attendants.  Bus drivers and taxi drivers.  Air traffic controllers, airport security, baggage handlers, and airplane maintenance.  Train station and bus depot ticket sellers and collectors.  Hotel receptionists and housekeepers.  Restaurant cooks, servers, bus-people and hosts/hostesses.  Bartenders.  Electric company, gas company, telephone company, water company, sewage company, alarm company, and cable company repair and emergency service employees.   Tow truck drivers, snow plow drivers, and street repair people on a moment’s notice.  Commercial truck drivers and freight handlers.  Couriers.  Nursing home, personal care home, retirement home and home health care workers.  Security guards.  Heating and air-conditioning technicians, plumbers, and electricians when they least expect it.  Gas station attendants and clerks at convenience stores with convenient hours (yes, retail stores but they have always been open).

Did we miss anybody?  We’re sorry if we did.  Please feel free to add them in a comment, extend the list, and keep the thanks going.  We’re also sorry if we couldn’t come up with the official job title or this week’s most politically correct reference.  In our experience, most of these people care more about the service they are providing than the name they are called.  That’s why most of these people are in jobs that risk being scheduled or holidays, weekends, evenings, and nights.  They are the ones likely to do something for you and then say thank you more than they expect to be told thank you. 

Please, don’t forget these folks.  Someday you’ll want to thank them.  Now would be a good time.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

 

Sincerity, Thy Name is Pumpkin

Michael Leave a comment

Yesterday was Halloween.  You can’t tell it from where we live.  We’re in the vast portion of the country between the Mid-Atlantic and the Northeast.  More recently known as Superstorm Sandy’s Playground.  The local officials aren’t eliminating Halloween but they are postponing it.

A lot of postponing went on the past few days here and probably across most of the country.  If you mess around with plane and train schedules on one half of the country, the other half is pretty much going to be in disarray also.  When most retailers have their headquarters in the storm zone, distribution is slowed, sales strategies stay buried on someone’s computer, and ads don’t get approved.   Almost all of our coal is brought to or carried over that eastern U.S. surface, some of which is 14 to 20 feet underwater.  Let’s not even think of how it is below the surface.

Yep, lots is delayed, lots has to be rebuilt, lots is going to be different. 

But what isn’t going to be different is a child’s awe at a pumpkin’s smile glowing from within.  What isn’t different is how many children get their first taste of independence when they pick up their treat bag and get to walk up and down the street on their own.  With an older brother or sister.  And don’t cross the street.  And be back by 6:30.  But still they are on their own.  What can’t be different is a child’s look of amazement as the treat bag is tipped onto the dining room table revealing the kid equivalent of a pirate’s booty and worth even more.  What won’t ever be different is a child’s first laugh when Charlie Brown looks into his bag and says, “I got a rock.”

Yep. Lots is still the same.

Charles Schulz’s little gang is always there to teach us something.  Who else can teach us how to duck a baseball batted back over the pitcher’s mound, how to make a feast out of toast and popcorn, how to decorate a Christmas tree, and how to turn a rock into a Halloween treat?  Those little guys have a lifetime of wisdom to pass on to us youngsters.

Yep, lots is going to be different. 

Here’s hoping that the only thing different for you is that when you went looking for your own Great Pumpkin this morning is that your pumpkin patch was sincere enough last night.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

 

Some Gave All

Michael Leave a comment

Happy Memorial Day!  If you really think about it, that is just so wrong.  For over 140 years, Memorial Day marked the day when Americans honored first those who died in the Civil War, then those who died in any war, then those who died.  The common theme is death.

Death, while just about always somber does is not always unhappy.  Many families due to distance or other circumstances only re-unite on the occasion of a death among them.  Quite often what began as sorrowful turns into a true celebration of life.  But “Happy Memorial Day?”  It still seems wrong.  Since the Americans started fighting as Americans in 1775, over 1.5 million Americans ceased being so other Americans would benefit from their sacrifice.

Sometime today the television news people will broadcast film of a cemetery lined with miniature American flags decorating simple crosses or markers.   Sometime today thousands of marchers will step off on a parade that will end at a memorial site where a bugler will play taps.  Sometime today you will open your Internet news or your local newspaper and see a picture of a color guard highlighting a member from each of the armed services.  Sometime today almost everybody will shed or stifle a tear because each of us knows somebody who played a part in us still being at liberty to watch TV, wave at the parade, or just explore our world. 

And sometime today we’ll forget why we celebrate today and just celebrate.  We’ll have cook-outs, play soft ball, reunite with family and friends, and have a good time.  And somewhere, 1.5 million souls will look down and smile, knowing what began as sorrowful turned into a true celebration of life. 

Happy Memorial Day!     

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Six Weeks

Michael 2 Comments

Happy Groundhog Day!  For over 225 years Phil has been the reigning prognosticator of Punxsutawney Pennsylvania perusing his property for signs of his shadow to predict the waning winter’s weather.

What began as an adaptation of Candlemas for the local farmers not too distantly removed from their German homeland now brings an estimated 30,000 people to the Pennsylvania home of Punxsutawney Phil for 4 days of planned events highlighted by the shadow sighting on national news broadcast across our homeland. 

Now here we could tell you all the different things one can do in Phil’s little hamlet.  Who will be playing, singing, dancing, and crafting.  We could guess how many television cameras will be in use.  We could compare the last 2, 5, 10, 25, 100, 150, or 200 predictions and the actual results.  We could talk about the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club or The Inner Circle.  But really, you don’t need to hear from us if last year’s prediction was on the money or how much money the park vendors made. 

Nope, we’re just going to marvel at all that has become of our little rodent friend and all of his friends living in the sunny or shadowy mountains on the edge of the Allegheny National Forest.  Phil has his own official souvenir web-site.  The Inner Circle (those are the guys who pull him from the stump, we mean help him from his hollow) have an annual formal ball.  There are 60 chapters of the Groundhog Club from California to Florida and chapters in Canada, England, and Iraq.  There’s even an Internet chapter.  (The Bluegrass Chapter of Louisville, Kentucky was chartered on Feb. 2 2002, that’s 02-02-02.  There’s a lottery number waiting to be played!)  Other than the iconic “Groundhog Day” movie there isn’t much in the way of multimedia for our little friend but we did find 5 songs celebrating Groundhog Day including “Groundhog Blues” by John Lee Hooker. 

Unlike Candlemas in the 17th century we really don’t need Groundhog Day to tell us if we’re almost done with winter and can breathe a sigh of relief over our dwindling food and firewood supply or if the cold will stay with us for another 6 weeks and challenge our larder.  Groundhog Day in the 21st century is a time when grown men dress in formal attire and play with field animals, when people gather to figure out just how long Phil Conners (Bill Murray’s character in “Groundhog Day”) was stuck in Punxsutawney, when people get married in Phil’s Wedding Chapel  by the mayor of Punxsutawney (weddings on the half-hour, call ahead to get on the schedule), when it’s ok to be seen in public with a hat on your head that looks like a groundhog emerging from a tree stump.

It’s a time when it’s perfectly acceptable not to take yourself too seriously.  And we could probably use six more weeks of that.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?