Category Holidays

Corn Sweet Corn

Michael 8 Comments
Darn that pumpkin spice craze. The real flavor darling of the season rightfully should be Candy Corn. You read that right – Candy Corn. Capitalized Candy Corn because it is something special.
 
Candy Corn is not only the perfect candy dish filler but it is also a perfect food and a superfood all in one. It’s a perfect food in that it contains the four basic food groups – water, sugar, corn syrup, and artificial colors and flavors. It’s a superfood because it is fat free, low calorie (compared to a bag of chocolate bars), and tastes better that kale. And Candy Corn has it’s own day that isn’t even Halloween orThanksgiving. Take that, kale!
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Candy Corn has been around for a long time, and contrary to some thinking, it isn’t the same corn every year you see in the stores. You would be confusing Candy Corn with fruit cake. Candy Corn first hit the confectioners’ shelves in the 1880s. It wasn’t until after World War II that it become really popular but like all things genius, Candy Corn took a while a catch on.
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As far as candy goes, Candy Corn is a healthy snack. Umm, healthier snack. Each serving, officially 15 pieces or one generous handful, is fat and cholesterol free, low sodium, and contains 22 grams of sugar and only 110 calories. Unlike real corn it is also fiber free so they’ll be no uncomfortable bloating if you should go wild and eat an entire bag in one sitting. Not unheard of, let me tell you!
 
Thirty-five millions pounds of Candy Corn are made each year. That’s nine billion (9,000,000,000) kernels. Give or take a few. Candy Corn sales will bring in $340 million this year! That’s not chicken feed, which incidentally was Candy Corn’s original name. Those numbers are just the commercial production. Candy Corn is easy to make at home with recipes abounding on the internet even from the likes of celebrity chef Alton Brown, no fancy molds required. 
 
You still have a couple days to get ready for the biggest fall holiday, October 30, National Candy Corn Day! Whether you make your own or buy a bag, celebrate responsibly this year with Candy Corn!
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Just the Facts Ma’am

Michael 3 Comments
Welcome to Columbus Day 2019! The holiday everyone loves to hate!!! Personally I’m not thrilled with any holiday outside of Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and the Fourth of July. All the others are just excuses for anybody who works for the government to get an extra day off.
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Columbus Day is also the holiday everyone loves to demonstrate their knowledge of “the facts.”
  • Christopher Columbus didn’t discover America, Amerigo Vespucci discovered it, that’s why we call it America.
  • Christopher Columbus didn’t discover America, Leif Erikson discovered it 500 years before either of those Europeans.
  • Nobody discovered America, there were already people living here!
  • Columbus was a criminal, slave trader, tyrant, and probably didn’t like dogs.
All sort of true (except maybe about the dogs) and all sort of not true, or at least inaccurate. If you’re looking for who actually first landed on the American mainland, whether North, South, or Central, that probably was John Cabot (surprise!) who landed in modern Canada in 1497. Columbus didn’t reach the South American mainland until his third voyage in 1499, and Vespucci landed in South America in 1500. Although the Vikings were known to have reached what is now Greenland as early as before 1100 their presence on mainland America has not been clearly documented before the 16th century. Columbus’s crimes are well-documented, but in 15th century Europe everybody who ran afoul of royalty would be accused and convicted of something, many of those some things quite routine for the rest of the populace.
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20191014_152221The “fact” most people seem to get the most mileage from is that Columbus could not have discovered America because there were already people living here. Again true, there were people living here, but then not true because that’s not what a discovery is. That would be like saying Neil Armstrong discovered the Moon because when he landed on it there were no people there. Of course the discovery of the Moon happened hundreds of thousands of years ago when the first eyes looked to the sky one night and saw a a big round, bright object. It isn’t whether people were here or not, it was a discovery for the Europeans because they did not know that this “it” was here. That discovery led to greatest period of trade and colonization that the world had seen yet or since.
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But of all the facts, suppositions, non facts, and inaccuracies, the one of most importance today is this – you can stop wondering when the mail is going to come.
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The Fruits of Our Labor

Michael 2 Comments

Hello! I would say “Happy Labor Day” but to those who know the origins of the day that would be just as offensive as wishing those who understand the meaning of that spring holiday a “Happy Memorial Day.”

I wonder if even the organizers of big labor know why we have today. Last month a new group voted to be represented by a labor union in their quest for more equitable treatment in the workplace. Those were the local librarians. They are now represented by, and pay their dues to, the same union protecting the interests of that other maligned worker, the part time graduate assistant. No, I’m not making this up.

According to the U. S. Department of Labor, “Labor Day is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.” Noble sounding. Actually Labor Day is a commemoration of when 10,000 workers took unpaid time off to march from City Hall to Union Square in New York on September 5, 1882. They weren’t looking for lower deductibles for their health insurance or a guarantee 5% raise every year without a corresponding 5% increase in productivity. They were protesting 12 hour workdays over 7 day work weeks with preteen co-workers. They were protesting violence in the workplace ending in deaths of employees and employers over working conditions that would have resulted in their deaths anyway. They were protesting not having a life while at the same time not making a living. They were truly under appreciated, maligned, and frankly endangered.

Please take a moment today to pray for those killed in the 1800s so 59% of the American workforce can have today off with pay. Just don’t try to return a book to the library.

(In case you’re wondering, the union representing graduate assistants and librarians – the United Steel Workers. I guess even union officers have to find creative ways to continue living the life to which they’ve become accustomed.)

 

Under It All

Michael 5 Comments

Please bear with me as I try to control myself today. You know how excited I get over special days and holidays. You also know that at least in America, every day is “Something Day.” We have the big ones like Christmas Day, the socially aware days like Blood Donor Day (June 14), the fun ones like Ice Cream for Breakfast Day (first Saturday in February) and the fun ones with a little more activity to work off those celebratory calories like Dancing Day (April 29). Today may seem a day more aimed to a specific special interest than most but it’s a day most of us can well relate to. It is National Underwear Day. Yes, that is a thing. At least in the US. Citizens of other countries may want to consult … I’m sorry, I have no idea who you would consult to determine when your country celebrates Underwear Day. Chances are it doesn’t. Feel free to join us!

Sometime at the start of the century a some marketing people at the e-tailer Freshpair thought it would be cool to celebrate unmentionables. This was genius on their part since Freshpair e-tails nothing but unmentionables. What better thing for them to mention. So after years, months, weeks, or perhaps hours of planning, National Underwear Day was introduced to the nation on August 5, 2003. Ten years later they discovered they set their sights too low and instead should have introduced World Underwear Day to the World.

It was at the 2013 celebration they invited everyone to meet at Times Square in New York City to break the world record for the largest size gathering of people in underwear. Just underwear. I suppose everywhere people gather they are in their underwear but this gathering was for people just in underwear. Or maybe underwear over outerwear. I don’t know, I didn’t get there for that gathering. Who did get there were 800+ people all in their underthings. If you are wondering, that did not break the record which was set on September 24, 2011 when 2,270 participants gathered at the Utah Undie Run in Salt Lake City, Utah wearing only underwear. That’s a lot of skivvies.

Although people have been wearing layers of clothes since the ancient Romans, underwear that we would recognize came around in the 1800s when both men and women started wearing undergarments that resembled pants. Prior to then, although men had been wearing something resembling shorts since the Middle Ages, women wore simple shifts under their dresses until long pant like underwear was introduced at the beginning of the 19th century. Have you ever wondered why we refer to them as a pair of pants or or why panties is plural? (are plural?) The first examples were actually two separate legs that were pulled on separately then tied together at the waist.

Back to the celebration…what will you do to mark National Underwear Day? Whatever it is, wear that wear with pride and try to keep it clean. We’ve progressed as a society with unmentionables so mentionable that they appear in the Guineas Book of Records. No word on if another attempt will be made to break that record but rest assured, wherever you are, most of those around you would qualify.

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Not My Underwear

Happy Independence Day

Michael Leave a comment

Happy Fourth of July. Interestingly nobody seems to call it Independence Day any longer. That’s because we are mostly a confused group of people. That’s we from the USA. you other we people (as opposed to wee people which would probably have somebody somewhere in the Good Ole U. S. of A. organizing a protest) might or might not but that’s not for me to question because even if you have your own freedom of speech, well that’s yours, not mine.

Anyway, what ever happened to Independence Day? I even conducted my own experiment and earlier this week asked 4 people “Do you have any plans for Independence Day?” I got 2 “What? Oh, do you mean the Fourth of July?” one “Wasn’t that last  month?” and one “What I do every weekend,” which was actually confusing since the holiday is not on a weekend day making me wonder if the respondent did not know what Independence Day is, did not know when Independence Day is, or is planning on a four day weekend because by gosh by golly if the holiday is on a Thursday then it is truly and justly our God given American right to make it a four f-ing day holiday! I will be the first to admit that is a small sample size (unless you already brought that up to yourself while you were reading those preceding sentences so then I’ll be the second to admit it) but it’s clear (to me at least) that 50% of the country is confused (see, I told you), 25% is clueless, and 25% is out for him or herself at all costs.

A quick check of the local paper confirms this. In the last couple weeks there have been 2 separate instances of people pressuring a charitable organization from presenting the fundraiser “Drag Queen Bingo” and a non profit, privately held library from holding a “Drag Queen Story Hour,” reading program in the children’s section. These are the confused people. They are confused because the same people who had been quoted in the articles as saying (I’m paraphrasing here) we can’t expose our children to such aberrations were expressing love and acceptance of all people at the opening of the “Pride Parade” four weeks earlier. Agree or disagree. It confuses people when you do both.

A suburban community Fourth of July parade is being protested by a group organized by a local man to “shed light on the District Attorney’s failure to represent certain victims of violent crimes.” The organizer of the protest has just been released from prison where he served a 4-10 year sentence for aggravated assault, a violent crime. I would say he and his followers are on the clueless end of the “what’s wrong with this picture” spectrum.

For this year’s example of one out for one’s self we must turn to the national news. I was unaware that the colonial flag was symbolic of slavery and racism but then I wasn’t around 243 years ago so I can’t say for sure what they were thinking when they wrote the Declaration of Independence. Oh wait, nobody alive today was there either, not even a badly coiffed ex-football player.

Happy Birthday America. I’d suggest a stiff drink with the cake and fireworks.

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Color My World

Michael Leave a comment

First the good news. I’m out of the hospital. Now the bad news. We are in a color rut.

While I was in the hospital my daughter would bring get well cards that popped up in either of our mailboxes. I don’t know about anybody else but I have hard time with cards in the hospital. There’s so little room to begin with and what space is there is loaded with stuff. Hospital stuff. Bags and bottles, water and tissues, and those funny machines you breathe in on to keep you from getting pneumonia. But it was nice to see them, read them, and call the well wishers when I had a few moments. But the cards went back home so they would not be lost or thrown away.

When I got home I had a chance to take them all out and really read them and the notes so many had added. Then my daughter noticed it. “Are they color coding greeting cards?” She had observed, and observed correctly, that the vast majority of the get well cards were contained in yellow or some shade of yellow envelopes. There were also about half as many white, two brown, and one lowly blue card cover.

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Naturally this led to other occasions and what is used to wrap those greetings. Some were easy and unanimous (although with only two of us participating in the survey, unanimity was hardly conclusive). Envelopes for St. Patrick’s Day cards while we aren’t certain why they exist exist in green, usually swaddling a card portraying a drunken cartoon leprechaun or somebody presumably more than a little tipsy wearing beer goggles. Yellow envelopes when not paired with get well cards wrap themselves around Easter cards. Valentines come with red envelopes, Hanukkah cards are festooned in blue, First Communion, Confirmation, and Wedding cards get white envelopes, and Halloween cards, which confound us as much as St. Patrick’s Day cards, are distributed with orange envelopes. And although we’d think a black envelope for a sympathy card could catch on, they always seem to be in a plain white wrapper.

Some cards have standard colors but more than one. Christmas cards can be counted on the be in red or white envelopes with an odd green cover tossed in now and then. Thanksgiving is usually celebrated in brown or other earth tone shade although an orange envelope apparently left over from Halloween may pop up. Baby shower cards have the predictable pink or blue or the unpredictable white enclosure.

And some cards make no sense at all. Although you can almost count on a Mother’s Day card being in a pink envelope, a Father’s Day card might be in almost any color cover. And birthday cards exist with a rainbow of choices of envelope color.

I suppose somehow it all makes sense and although it’s rather formulaic it’s the system we’ve gotten used to. My question is who responsible and if I want to corner the market on Waffle Iron Day cards (which is coming up on May 29) do I have to submit an envelope color proposal before I willy nilly make them maple syrup amber?

 

A Prayer for Memorial Day

Michael 2 Comments

SoldiersCrossLord, today we honor the memory of those men and women who have given their lives for their compatriots in the cause of freedom.

 They have worked, fought, and died for the heritage of freedom, brotherhood and honor.

Teach us the true meaning of peace and freedom, that the real battle must always take place in ourselves before it will be won in families and nations.

Make us keep your memory and pray for the peace and freedom of the whole world.

Happy Holidays

Michael 3 Comments

Happy Easter Monday the day after Easter to Roman Catholics and most Christians, Holy Monday the second day after Lazarus Saturday and day after Palm Sunday to Orthodox Catholics and many Eastern Rite Christians, Chag Sameach as we are at the Fourth Day of Passover or Pesach to the Jew Communities, an early Ramadan to Muslims whose holy month starts in just under two weeks on May 5, a late New Year which was April 19 to Theravada Buddhists, and again a late Hanuman Jayanti celebrating the birth of Hanuman one of the prominent heroes of the Indian super epic Ramayana also on April 19 per the Hindu calendar. My apologies to all if I got any dates, names, or reasons wrong or I missed anybody completely.

I bring this up because it’s worth bringing up. All diverse peoples all taking time out from a hectic time of year, just as seasons are changing and schools are ending and graduates are starting new lives and gardens and yards are being tended for the first time in a while and probably bunches of other stuff that you’re doing and I hadn’t written down. These aren’t new celebrations. None of these were thought up by a greeting card company or a marketing firm. Frankly, if you are celebrating one of these you probably aren’t paying much attention to any of the others. Yet together, within a 2 week period almost all of the world will be celebrating as they have been celebrating for millennia. And they will be, and I dare say most of us will be, celebrating religion.

For all that the world has given us it is our religions that live on. They are our collective identities. The sources differ, the customs differ, the names differ, but the reason is one. To each of us there is a path, a way, a trek through ourselves to a greater end. Don’t talk about politics or religion at the dinner table we are cautioned. Politics yes, never talk about politics. Blech! But religion. I’m not so sure about that. I think if we saw beyond our own and looked not at how others celebrate we would find what we celebrate is quite well known to each of us and we might find that each of us is reflecting in and perhaps even a part of the one across the heretofore forbidden common table.

I use the word celebrate very specifically. Not that we worship or to whom we pray or what we venerate. We celebrate. Our religions offer us community, stability, an anchor that contributes to our sense of purpose and fulfillment, to our well-being, and to our need to belong and to share. Religion makes us who we are. And it makes us happy.

I think some of that happiness is defined by religion itself. If you think narrowly that happiness is defined by possessions, religion won’t make a difference to you. But to those of you who include things like friendship, accomplishment, guidance, peace, and comfort in the Top Five Ways to become Happy, religion has those. It doesn’t hand them out. You aren’t baptized and immediately become the ultimate guide to peace and tranquility. There is work involved on your part. But it opens the path and begins the build up of happiness. Religion provides the structure to achieve the goal.

Somebody out there may be saying “Religion! Bah, humbug! All religion is good for is to strike fear of an unforgiving god in an unsophisticated person and ask for money.” I say those are they who have not experienced faith and are among the ones whose top ways to become happy are get money, get power, and get laid. And that’s fine if that’s what they want to believe. Just don’t tell me my way is wrong. And don’t be offended now when I see so many others celebrating and I wish the world collectively …

“Happy Holidays!”

Coexist

Letting the EGGS out of the Basket

Michael Leave a comment

For the most part American marketing and merchandising has made a mockery of holidays. Thanksgiving takes a back seat to Black Friday. Washington’s Birthday isn’t even called that so the Presidents Day car sales can be stretched over weeks rather than a single weekend. Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo vie with New Year’s Eve for most traffic accident honors. Flag Day is forgotten. Memorial Day and Veterans Day would be forgotten but for gratuitous Facebook posts. New Year’s Day is really Mattress Sale Day. The Fourth of July is as much about back to school sales as celebrating the winning of the freedoms that allow free markets and the free speech to promote them. And Christmas, Christmas is the poster child holiday for Freedom of Religion protesters and rejoinders. Yet for the same most parts, Easter has been left pretty much alone.

Maybe even crass marketers saw reason to shy away from the holiest of Christian holy days. Other religious groups have had similar high holy days spared the merchandising of their sacred events. There have always been Easter sales but not outright assaults on religious sensibilities. The quiet 1990s marketing of dresses and suits was not much different than the diffident 1940s Easter bonnets sales. They were almost presented as a service. “You have something special to do; we have something special for you to wear.”

We even made it partway into the 21st century not desecrating Easter. Much. But I fear that time is over. Over the past few days I’ve seen television commercials, opened hard copy and email promotions, heard radio advertisements, and even saw on-line banner ads touting EGGS-cellent opportunities, EGGS-traspecial specials, an EGGS-travaganza of savings, and EGGS-tra Savings on all your needs. Isn’t that clever the way they made all those cute little references to EGGS. And just in time for Easter because of course, EGGS were the main course at the Last Supper. But just in case you missed it, all those references to EGGS were just like that, in all caps, E-G-G-S. One stood out in its subtlety.

HOP on over for a BASKET of savings.
You won’t have to HUNT for the best deal
At our new and pre-owned
Springtime EGGStravaganza of Savings!

(Note how they used Springtime instead of Easter so it has universal appeal.)

eggsSo far I have resisted the urge to save hundreds, even thousands during this EGGS-tra special buying time of year. I’ll spend my special time in church rather than at the car lot. I just hope like the how the commercials for tax preparations all disappear in April 16 and how political ads vanish the first Wednesday after the first Tuesday after the first Monday of November, all the EGGS will find their way back into the basket next Monday. Until then, it’s really going to be EGGS-asperating.

 

 

Cereal Killer

Michael 5 Comments

They are magically delicious. They are often the first real solid foods you eat. They’re great. They are the stuff dreams are made of. Wait! No, those are jewel encrusted golden birds from Malta. But that other stuff, yeah, that they are. And they are cereal.

Today is National Cereal Day. Look, every day is something and today the needle points to those grains used for food, often breakfast, such as wheat, oats, or corn. (Thank you Mr. Merriam. Or Mr. Webster. Can anybody tell those guys apart?)

Can you imagine your life without cereal? Probably not. Even if you aren’t a cereal eater now, you once were. Hot, smooth cereals like cooked creamy rice or wheat are often a baby’s first step from “baby food” to the stuff in the house everybody else eats. Those round oat thingies (Cheerios by name) are most toddlers’ favorite snack and few parents of the youngsters leave home without them. And you confirmed anti-cereal zealots, don’t tell me you don’t have a canister of oatmeal or a box of corn flakes somewhere in that kitchen with the idea that they are just to make cookies or to bread chicken.

cerealI’ll admit I’m not a big boxed cereal eater myself today but I have a decent chunk of pantry space devoted to the foodstuff. Hot cereal is different. I always have multiple containers of old fashioned oats on hand for breakfast, lunch, sometimes dinner, often cookies, just as often bars, and occasionally muffins. But those other cereals usually end up masquerading as “a heathy snack.”

Oddly my favorite cereal from childhood rarely visits my old man kitchen. And it wasn’t even a typical kid brand like Cap’n Crunch. My favorite cereal growing up was plain corn flakes. I’d have a bowl of flakes with a half a banana sliced into it and whole milk. The banana’s other half would go into my school lunch unless somebody got to it first for another breakfast add in. That was breakfast more days than not until I set off for college.

I tried to look up the most popular cereal. I found 5 polls all published within a month of each other, and all wildly different. I guess the most popular depends on where you are, what company is sponsoring the poll, or how honest you feel like being when asked if you prefer Kashi or Fruity Pebbles and your whole pilates class (or bowling team (no judgement here)) is listening.

So we’ll do an informal poll. What is your favorite cereal? Ahh, still no judgement.