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Use As Directed

Michael Leave a comment

Here where we are it is maple syrup festival time.  That’s one of our favorite times.  The only unfortunate part of it is that sometimes festivals overlap and we have to pick one. This year is such a year and we are picking the one with more variety and more vendors to maximize our festival festivities.  It so happens that the festival we selected is one where we have purchased a great deal of arts and craft items, not the least of which was a 5 foot wooden palm tree, a 4 x 5 foot painting, and a tricked out boogie board.  All in the same year if we recall correctly.

It also so happens that quite very recently, He of We changed cars.  No longer is there a large SUV with oodles of cargo space.  Now there is a simple mid-size sedan with a more modest payload.  It was early yesterday morning when He started wondering what we would do without the oodles of cargo space.  Apparently He wondered this out loud because Daughter of We picked that time to remind him, “But Dad, you once took a tree home in the Miata.”

And she was right.  This was not a five foot wooden palm tree but a four foot, live, ornamental flowering peach which now graces She of We’s front yard.  It was transported from store to home, about 12 miles, sitting on the floor in front of the passenger seat of the little two seat convertible that spends its summers being our get-away vehicle.  She spotted the tree and knew just where it should go.  Not having a proper way to transport it did not deter us.  We understood perfectly well that not having a roof means you can carry almost anything.  In the right orientation.  So, into the car it went, behind it on the seat She went, and altogether we went with She holding on to the trunk (of the tree, not the car) to its ultimate destination.

And what does this have to do with anything, other than it surely brought questions to the minds of passing motorists along our journey.  What it has to do is how often we do the opposite of what should be done and still come out just fine.  (That would be the Queen’s We, not necessarily just the us We.)

For example, Every recipe in the world that requires an oven somewhere during the process begins with, “Pre-heat oven to blah-blah degrees.”  Really?   Or does one turn on the oven, do whatever prep is necessary, toss in whatever is going there and says “Close enough, I’ll add 15 minutes at the end.”

Or how about vacuuming the stairs with the large, heavy, upright vacuum cleaner rather than looking for the hose, the extension wand, and the attachment, and then remembering how to put it all together.

All owner’s manuals and most gas pumps warn against “topping off” the gas tank.  Has anybody actually ever seen anybody else calmly pulling out the nozzle when the automatic shut off shuts off?  It we did that how would we ever be guaranteed an even dollar amount at the pump?

Just because we have gotten away with these doesn’t mean you should make it a practice of ignoring the safety rules.  So don’t!  But if you ever see a little red Miata motoring down the highway with a tree sticking out the top, that might not be the best time to remind us to do the same.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

They’re All Mad -or- How to enjoy March Madness even if you don’t like basketball

Michael Leave a comment

Today starts a new season.  No, not Spring.  Well, Spring does start today but that’s not it.  The new, big season is college basketball championship time, AKA March Madness.  Between now and April 8 (that’s the day after the championship game), every local newscast, every national newscast, every newspaper, every Internet news site, and every sports outlet will have at least one story about the NCAA basketball tournament even if there isn’t a participating college within hundreds of miles of the reporter.  Why?  Why not?

The thing about the NCAA tournament is that it pervades all of America.  It goes on forever.  Underdogs win games.  One bad night can send home the tournament favorite.  Four good nights can put a nobody on the college basketball map.  Everybody talks basketball for these three weeks.  But you don’t like basketball, don’t understand basketball, and can’t tell the difference between a Gonzaga and a Hoya.  What are you to do?

Here are our suggestions on how you too can enjoy March Madness without knowing anything about basketball.

You have to have a bracket.  Everybody needs a bracket.  It is the starting point for all discussions between now and the championship game.  We hear you now.  What’s a bracket and where do I get one?  Find any sports site, click on NCAA (they all have it somewhere on a navigation bar) find Bracket Challenge, Bracketology, Tournament Challenge, or something that looks like that.  Print that out, fill it out, and post it on your wall, in your cubicle, alongside your computer monitor.  Make it prominent in your workplace.  It doesn’t matter who you’ve picked, it matters that you’ve picked.  Now you’re in the game.

There are so many teams, so many games, how do you pick the winners?  This is the easy part.  Nobody picks winners.  The discussions are all about how the discussers are disgusted because their teams lost.  You can pick losers just as easily and have fun with it.  Here are some ways to pick your winners (or losers) even if you know nothing about basketball – like most people but who are afraid to admit it.

Pick your cities.  You may not know the colleges but you probably know where they are.  Often their locations are right in their names.  Cincinnati is right there.  Milwaukee still has snow.  Can’t narrow it down to a city?  Eastern Kentucky is close enough.  Find the location you’d rather be and there is your winner.

Pick your mascot.  Sometimes this takes a little research but a few clicks on the mouse and you’ll soon find that there are panthers, wildcats, and gators.  Pick your favorite animal.  Maybe you’re more into people or occupations.  Choose from among lumberjacks, colonels, or corn huskers.  Then there are those that defy definition including the shockers, aggies, and orange.  Which reflects the true you.  There’s your winner.

Go for the underdog.  Every bracket you can download includes the teams’ seeding or ranking for the tournament.  The higher the number less favored that team is to win that game.  Go big.  Pick nobody but the underdogs.  If you want to cut right to the chase, find at least three experts on three different expert sites.  Find the common team that those experts are appalled that the college actually made it into the tournament.  Any team that is so bad that nobody can say anything nice about must really belong.  Pick that team as your overall winner.

Work the color pallet.  A couple of clicks to get some pictures or video clips and you can get a good read on what colors a team’s uniforms are.  Pick the ones that match your mood, match your style, or match your kitchen.  Sounds like a winner to us.

So there are our picks on how to pick your picks.  Of course it isn’t scientific.  Neither is trying to pick a winner based on this season’s performance.  Get into the game.  This is going to be fun.  Or at the very least, maddening!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

The Twittering of America

Michael Leave a comment

Not too long ago we posted a post that posed the thought that everything has turned large.  (See “Large is the New Small,” February 3, 2014).

We have rethought that thought and now think that we think there is one thing not so large anymore.  America’s attention span.

In the course of her everyday business, She of We often sends out forms to be filled out.  But she always makes sure there are detailed instructions so one doesn’t get lost along the way.

Invariably, the first 2 or 3 of those are followed to the letter and then after that the recipient fills in whatever, wherever, and for who knows whyever as he or she wants.

In the course of his everyday business, He of We often presents training sessions on new or changed company policies.

Just last week he presented such one and began as he always does with “This information comes from the new policy on blah-blah-blah.  You will find a copy in your packet.”

Within the first five minutes, one of the attendees asked “is this stuff some new policy or something?”  Within the next five someone else asked if she could have a copy of the policy.

Have you noticed how many commercial breaks on TV are no longer the standard two minute breaks?

Now they stretch over as much as six minutes and even in the shorter ones, there will always be at least one commercial repeated within that break.

What has happened that all of a sudden people aren’t paying attention anymore?

We’ve come to the conclusion that they are still paying attention.  But only to the first 140 characters.

Somewhere we’ve also created a new vocabulary for old symbols.

Years ago (like maybe two), when calling a phone with an auto-attendant, prompts would include things like, “Please enter your account number followed by the pound sign.”

Today, Mr. Attendant invites you to press the “Hash Key” when finished with your entry.

We’re fine with micro-blogging.  It’s entertaining, brings people together who wouldn’t otherwise, and fills up lots of time that would otherwise be used doing work.

We just don’t want people to stop at 140 characters if the information runs to a few hundred words.

So that’s our thoughts for today.  Some of the paragraphs are more than 140 characters.  Feel free to split them if you think you might be mi

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Seven Days

Michael Leave a comment

There are seven days until Spring!  Yes, we know it snowed overnight.  Yes, we know the temperature fell to about eight degrees this morning.  Yes, we know that the northern half of the United States still looks like it’s in the Ice Age.  The good news is that we really still are in the most recent Ice Age and regardless of what it looks like outside, Spring will be here in seven days!  Hey, forgive us if we want to be a little fanatical about it.  You try hanging out in a freezer for five months and not go a little stir crazy.

Even with the new snow and single digit air temperatures there are signs that Spring really is coming.  Locally we actually had a day with the air temperatures higher than sixty degrees!  Now that we are finally getting some warmer days along with the colder nights, sap is running to make our real maple syrup.  Trees are budding out.  Crocuses are starting to push their way through where the soil isn’t completely frozen.  Stores have given up on St. Patrick’s Day decorations and expanded the Easter displays.  Daylight Saving Time is in place in the places that observe Daylight Saving Time.  And non-fat people are starting to wear shorts.  (Ok, so most of them are Mr. Machos trying to prove that they still have the legs of a high school football star – they don’t – but it’s still a sign of Spring.)

What will you do to see that Spring is welcome at your place next week?  We have a few suggestions.

  • Open a window, open a door, let some fresh air in the house.  It might be cold fresh air but you’ll feel fresher for it.
  • Buy some fresh flowers. (No, fresh is not necessarily going to be the theme.  It’s just a coincidence.)  Find a vase, a ribbon, and a place of honor and see Spring bloom before you.
  • Women, buy new espadrilles.  Men, new boat shoes.  When the Spring rains come do your imitation of Debbie Reynolds and/or Gene Kelley and put those new shoes to work.
  • Buy a hat.  Both of you.
  • Put the top down, open the sun roof, or crank down the windows on your way to work tomorrow.  Don’t worry if it’s still not the warmest day of the year so far.  We’ve gone topless in snow squalls and lived to tell about it.
  • Go fly a kite.
  • Make this year’s resolutions.
  • Grow something from seed.  Flower, herb, veggie.  When you are harvesting it later this year you’ll remember that you started it all yourself.
  • Eat something outside.  It could be a full meal of yours that you have prepared.  It could be from a food truck that you wonder how they prepared that in there.  It could be a hot dog on a stick.  Get outside and let your memory recall all of last year’s al fresco moments while you get ready for this year’s.

That should take about a week and before you know it you’ll be getting ready for summer.  But that’s a post for a different day.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Bells and Whistles and Hot Tubs, Oh My!

Michael Leave a comment

We have figured out how to take the pulse of the American economy.  Go to a home and garden show.  Around here, one knows that Spring is just around the corner when the annual Home and Garden Show fills up the local convention center.  This isn’t your garden variety garden show.  This is a big deal around here.   The organizers claim over 1600 exhibitors covering nine acres of floor space selling everything from asphalt to yard barns.

Well, we stopped by and spoke with some of those 1600.  Over the years we’ve gotten some unique items at the show, ordered some great buys at the show, and picked up a dud or two at the show.  (It happens.)  One thing we always try to do before getting into a buying frenzy is find out how much we’re talking about apropos whatever the vendor before us is hawking.  Just like we won’t wait at a restaurant longer than 15 minutes before being seated, we aren’t going to wait for a pitch for an iron priced at $99.00.  Yes, we saw one of them – “the last iron you’ll ever buy” was the pitch for this one.  We know that’s not true.  First of all, if it’s the last iron we’ll ever buy, what will they sell us next year?  And secondly, that $17 iron we talked about a couple of years ago is still going strong.  (See, “I Went to a Home Show and All I Bought Were Nacho Chips,” March 8, 2012.)

Here’s what we found out this year.  Bells and whistles must cost a bundle.  We stopped at a booth where they were selling free standing roof structures for decks and patios.  The kicker to these was that the roof was actually a louver system that opened to allow light and air through but closed when the sun turned to clouds and then it didn’t let rain through.  “How much?” She of We asked.  “$8,000 for the 8×10 section you see here.”  We must have shown some alarm at that figure which is quite possible since that was more than the combined total that we paid for both of our decks.  “Of course this one has all the bells and whistles.”  “And if we rang our own bell and blew our own whistle, how much?”  “Oh, about $5,000.”  That’s $3,000 worth of bells and whistles.  If there is a $3,000 whistle out there, we’d like to see it.  While there, He of We noticed the vendor’s contact list on his podium/desk and it had quite a few names on it.  Someone out there is thinking that $8,000 for what is essentially a blind turned on its side is a bargain.  Who are these people?

Another thing we noticed while perusing the garden area of the home and garden show was the number of vendors selling hot tubs.  Many of them were also double dipping into the world of high temperature settings by offering a variety of personal saunas.  There were twenty vendors listed with hot tubs, pools, and saunas set up in the “outdoor stuff” zone.  Many displays were marked “Sold” which we’re not so sure of, but it made for a compelling reason to stop and look for that “Home Show Special” sign among the ones not so marked.  Sometimes that is not a bad deal.  That’s how we got ours several years ago.  We will tell you that the prices listed today and the price we paid 5 years ago did not resemble each other at all.  Today’s prices were reaching well into the five figure range.  And again the contact lists were filled.  And again, who are these people.

Yet another thing we noticed.  Admission to the show for children under 6 is free.  For those between 6 and 10 the price is a measly $4.  Why would you want to take a small child or push a stroller between thousands and thousands of other shoppers across 9 acres of exhibits?  Leave them at home with a sitter.  Please.  If you were to tell Mom exactly how far she was walking she’d probably want to stay home too.  We think we figured out why all of these kids were at the show.  They are, after all, free.  Sitters cost money.  So if you have to do a little saving to be able to afford the $3,000 trampoline what better place than to drag a kid to but the very place where he or she can try out the $3,000 trampoline before you commit to charging it – er, we mean buying it.  Once more, who are these people?

So what did we learn?  There’s clearly no economic crisis in America.  If we can afford $8,000 blinds complete with $3,000 worth of extra bells and/or whistles, $12,000 hot tubs, and $3,000 trampolines, we can do it without having to go on strike to raise the minimum wage.  If you need to save a little bit, find an event where children get in free and then take them there over and over again.  The more you spend on your admission, the more you save on theirs.

And let’s not forget that $99 iron.  It could be the last iron you’ll ever buy.  Until next year.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Surprise! Beyond the PDA

Michael Leave a comment

No, we’re not talking personal digital assistants.  Are they even still out there?  What we’re talking about are public displays of affection.  In general, when tastefully done (which unfortunately isn’t all that often), PDAs are just fine.  Walking hand in hand down the street, arms linked while strolling through a park (yes, people still stroll), an unexpected kiss in an elevator.  Even She and He have displayed affection publicly.  The most public was being caught on the Kiss-Cam at an NHL game in front of 17,000 of our newest, closest friends.  We later found out that there were some among those 17,000 who knew us before our 15 seconds of fame and wanted to know how we managed to end up on that video screen.  Just hanging around acting like a couple we supposed.

These are true displays of affection.  Not the almost public displays of erotica that some seem to think are perfectly acceptable.  And not the newest wave to hit coupledom, the public displays of surprise engagements.

Now that the Olympics are over and the NHL is back to its regular schedule, we’re certain there will be several “Will you marry me?” messages on hockey scoreboards across the league.  You couldn’t get through the football season without seeing someone proposing, along with the requisite surprise response, on the Monday morning news.  And if the asker happens to be a celebrity, the sky and/or television schedule is the limit.  Talk show hosts have lost control of their own shows when someone gets into his head that he is going to use that show as the spring board to domesticity.  Since we brought up the Olympics, it too has been the site of several proposals.  Before the 2010 Winter Games, torchbearer Ryan Clarke proposed to his girlfriend as he ended his torch relay run.  Then as the 2010 games were underway, America skier Billy Demong proposed to his longtime girlfriend after winning a gold medal in the Nordic Combined.

Where do these people come from?  We recently heard the story of a high school junior who rented a billboard to ask his girlfriend to the prom.  If he’s starting out using a public forum as big as a billboard to ask a girl to a dance, imagine him in another 10 years and what his marriage proposal may be like.

We’re not so certain the “surprise” proposals are either fair or surprises.  It seems that it would be almost cruel for someone to turn down such a public display.  We’ve often seen the very public proposal on the news and the answer has never been “No.”  We suppose that’s because nobody wants to be branded as the cold hearted you-know-what when someone makes such a grand gesture in front of so many.  Someday, someone may say no and the habit will start to die out.  Who wants to take the risk that the outcome might not be what one wants?  That sounds almost too much like reality.

The real reality of it is that of all the possible public displays of affection out there, if you’re going to end up on a scoreboard somewhere, make it on the Kiss-Cam.  It’s easy. It’s fun.  And you get your 15 seconds of fame.  Just hang around and act like a couple.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Eat the Chicken

Michael Leave a comment

Sometimes you run across a story that just won’t quit.  Such is the news that hamburger is soon to be as expensive as steak.  Over the past month we’ve seen this story in the local evening news, the morning news, the weekend news, the national morning news, the Internet news, and in two newspapers.  We’ve even heard it on the radio.  We’re guessing it’s getting close to the time that our next burger will require a home equity loan.  Maybe we should start from the beginning.

The news media and/or the cattle industry started priming us to expect higher beef prices last summer.  The drought, which may or may not have already happened, was resulting in less prime grazing land and thus smaller, lighter beef cattle. Eventually that morphed into farmers were keeping less cattle so those that were grazing would be well fed.  By the end of the year, as the well fed cattle made it to market, they weren’t as fattened up as they should have been and they sold off for less than expected.  And that meant that our consumer prices had to go up to make the differences.  In a nutshell.

Prices go up, prices go down.  We know that when one is dealing with food that itself has to eat before it becomes food, whether livestock or agri-stock, variables such as the weather will create variables in the ultimate market price.  Pigs went through the same pattern last year and that is why we now have $4.00-$5.00 per pound bacon.  It doesn’t explain why the price of pork chops remained essentially unchanged.  After all, it is the same pig.

Back to the cow.  The most popular cut of beef is not cut but ground.  Whether ground chuck, round, or mixed source, whether 85%, 93%, or 97% lean, Americans buy more ground beef than in any recognizable cut.  Thus the headlines that hamburger is soon to as expensive as steak.  Nobody said all beef prices are going up, just that ground beef is following the trail blazed by bacon.  This makes us wonder once again that it is all the same cow, or steer, or whatever.  How long before pot roast is out of reach of the average American family?  Will filet mignon no longer be the center point of a celebratory dinner, giving way to Salisbury Steak?

Not to be outdone by the western cattle farmer, the eastern dairy cow farmer has now announced that due to our most recent bouts of inclement weather, the dairy industry is faced with less nourished dairy cows and we should expect a gallon of white milk to soon rival the price of a good white wine.  Here too, less water means fewer cows and fewer cows mean less milk and nobody has suggested that butter, cheese, or Klondikes will also experience a sudden price increase.  Only with the most common cow product will the dairy industry be milking the public.  (Sorry.)

I suppose we’ll just have to wait things out.  In the meantime have a breakfast of pricey bacon with a glass of pricey milk, a lunch of a pricey hamburger with a pricey milkshake, all wrapped up with a dinner of a pricey meatloaf and a cheap bottle of wine.

Or, we could have chicken.  Seems the weather hasn’t bothered the poultry group much.  Yet.  But then, what’s it cost to feed them anyway, chicken feed?

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

You’re Making That Up!

Michael Leave a comment

There is no question about it, this winter has been everything a winter can be.  Cold, snow, ice, wind, frozen fog.  Frozen Fog?  Yep, this winter has been everything a winter can be.  Cold, snow, ice, wind, and new made up weather terms to keep you tuned into the local news station because their predictions are more dire (or maybe more ridiculous) than the competition.

Everybody over the age of 1 can remember when winter was just cold.  Summer is hot, fall is windy, spring is rainy, and winter is cold.  It’s a pattern.  We’ve had temperatures in single digits for days in a row and we managed to have them without a Polar Vortex.  Let’s consider the Polar Vortex.  Not only are they making up weather, they’re not doing it well.  As far as we can recall (and we checked a dictionary to make sure) a vortex involves spinning, whirling, or twisting, like a whirlpool.  During our encounters with the Polar Vortex, the only spinning we saw was the spinning of tires on icy roadways.

When it wasn’t cold enough for a Polar Vortex we had an “Anomalous Jet Stream.”  We think they meant that the jet stream, which has something to do with the boundary between Caribbean Island Weather and Cold Canadian Weather, dipped closer to St. Thomas than to St. Lawrence.  We suppose “anomalous” works, it meaning out of the normal way of things.  Couldn’t they have just said that cold weather will push further south than usual?

Yesterday’s headline read “Winter Turns Into Category 5.” Clearly it was a slow news day.  The article went on to say that a Category 5 Winter is the most severe winter than one can experience.  Really?  We’re used to things like hurricanes being category this or that.  Big single events that have clearly defined features of severity.  If there is a Buick flying through the air, the wind responsible is pretty severe.  How do you measure several months of weather?  We’ve had winters with more snow, colder temperatures, and a greater variety of precipitation – ice, hail, sleet, and so on.  What happens if the next 3 weeks of winter turn out to be clear and sunny with temperatures in the upper 70’s.  Does it suddenly become a Category 2 Winter?

Our favorite new weather we heard came in a forecast last week.  Frozen Fog.  As it was, the weather person got that wrong and the following overnight and morning had no fog, frozen or otherwise, so we didn’t get to experience Frozen Fog firsthand.  We were looking forward to that.  It conjured up the picture of a sheet of ice suspended over the earth that would crack and shatter as we plowed through it with our cars on the way to work.  Perhaps before the winter is over we’ll finally get our opportunity to break the Fog Barrier.

Yep, there is no question about it.  This winter has been everything a winter can be.  Cold, snow, ice, wind.  Why can’t everybody leave it at that?  You didn’t see the Groundhog making up weather.  Six more weeks of winter he said.  Period.  No Frozen Fog for Phil.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Our New Favorite Sport

Michael Leave a comment

For another four years the Olympics are over.  Well, four for the Winter Games.  The summer Olympiad will be around in just a couple.  One of the best things about the Olympics, winter or summer, is that we get to see sports that we’d never see anywhere else.  There are some sports we suspect that are designed specifically for the Olympics.

Some competitions you aren’t going to see anywhere else without doing some hard digging.  How often do you get to see curling, the biathlon, or the skeleton.  In the summer you could look for a while and not find competitive badminton, judo, or canoe slalom on a Saturday afternoon sports show.   Our favorite new sport (or new to us) is the Snowboard Cross.

You all know Snowboard Cross.  It’s Motocross without the trail bike.  Six Snowboarders come down the mountain at the same time, over bumps and lifts, around bends and turns, and try not to wipe out thus sending themselves and half of the remaining field into the side barricades.  That part always happens.  We didn’t see one heat, men or women, that saw the entire field make it to the finish line standing up.  Now that’s competition!

We’re not quite sure how this got added to the Olympics.  There are other snowboard events that seem to tie in very well with the “faster, stronger, higher” image of the games.  For example, the Parallel Slalom pits two snowboarders together in a snowboard version of the Super-G.  Very civilized as far as “falling off a mountain” event can be.  Then there are some events like the half-pipe that are reminiscent of the junior high school boy’s dream of winning the Olympics by being the best skateboarder in the neighborhood.  But the Snowboard Cross, that’s the right cross between mayhem and competition that makes you sit on the edge of your seat simultaneously wondering, “How do they do that?” and “You’ve got to be nuts to do that.”

One of the local sports commentators moaned on the opening day of the Winter Games that they should do something about the sports choices and put in more competitions that people care about like hockey and get rid of the ones that nobody wants to see like curling.  What he really was saying is that he has no imagination and no respect for anybody who dares like something that he doesn’t.  If he was a true sports “expert” he’d have been in front of his television every broadcast minute and drunk in the variety of competitions presented at the Olympics and no place else.

Perhaps your favorite new sport isn’t one of the Olympic events either.  But maybe it’s influenced by what’s happened over the past two weeks. The luge reminds us of an old fashioned snow shovel race.  Sort of.  And there are lots of things you can do with a snow shovel besides ride on one.  There could be competitive snow throwing – how far, how high, high flat, and/or how even can you make your driveway lining snow piles.  Or maybe you’re more influenced by the bob sled.  Dig out that old Flexible Flyer, find three of your closest friends, and see how fast you slide off your roof, over the front lawn, across the street, through the neighbor’s freshly made snowman, and into his garage.

It’s hard to imagine that with so many different sports at the same time that one cannot be fascinated with the sport itself.  Is it something completely new – or new to you?  Is it something that reminds you of your youth?  We know we’ve been moved by what we’ve watched during these competitions.  They gave us the opportunity to look at other parts of the world and see what those people think of when they think “faster, stronger, higher.”  We’re certain that with an open mind even Mr. Cynical Sports Show Host would have discovered a new favorite sport.  Maybe even Snowboard Cross.  After all, how often can you find a junior high school boy’s fantasy come true complete with real gold medals?

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Misunderstood Olympics

Michael Leave a comment

The winter games of the Olympics are almost over and we realized something the other day that we hadn’t given much thought.  As we were watching the women’s bobsled competition we decided that we have no idea what the people in the bobsled actually do.  We’re certain that it takes skill, stamina, and strength, but that’s about it.  Does the brake man (or perhaps the brake person) have to do any braking along the way or is her job just to keep a low profile and stop the sled when it gets to the bottom.  Does the other person (and we don’t even know what to call the person who sits in the front) actually steer the sled or is it more like the sleds of old where one just torques one body and the sled goes in that general direction.  It all looks like fun – perhaps at half the speed they are travelling – and we enjoy watching it but we really aren’t certain of what we are watching.

There are other winter events that have us scratching our heads.  Take the various relays.  In the summer games, a relay has a clear handoff.  In track the hand off is quite literal as the runner of one leg passes the baton to the runner of the next leg.  In the pool, the swimmer must clearly touch the wall with everybody watching before the next swimmer is off for his or her leg.  But in winter there seems to be less formal transitions.  In the cross country skiing relay the skier finishing up a leg slaps the back of the next skier.  What if it’s a miss, not a hit?  And through all of the winter gear and bibs and what have you that they are wearing, are we even certain that the slappee feels the slapper’s slap?  The speed skating relays are just too chaotic to even think about.  It looks like every skater from every team, and maybe even a few extra, circle the track waiting for a push on the backside.  That’s when they know to get into gear and spend a couple laps figuring out who gets pushed next.

We understand snowboards and half-pipes.  We were a little confused when we saw the competitors on actual skis on the half-pipe.  Where were we when they invented that game?  We missed the memo or surely we would have commented on the relative dangers of flipping and twisting while wearing five foot long skies just waiting to get hung up on the rim on the way down.

We love the grace of anybody doing just about anything on ice.  Yet even though we hear the explanation every 4 years we still don’t know why there is pairs skating and ice dancing.  Something about lifts and turns and syncopated motions.  They are both beautiful but can you really take something seriously when it has a compulsory movement called the “Twizzle?”

Regardless if we understand them all or we don’t, we’re still watching and we’re still enjoying and we’re still rooting for our team.  Someday we’ll figure them all out.  It only took us 12 years to be able to watch curling with the confidence that we actually know what they are doing out there.  If we can mentally master curling we can certainly figure out a twizzle.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?