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Serving Is a Verb

Michael Leave a comment

We’ve managed to be at restaurants three times over the past 8 days. That’s quite unusual for us even in the best of times. Given that lately we’ve been held to a restaurant visit once every couple of weeks, it’s absolutely extraordinary.

We start on Easter with the She and the He families hitting separate emporia for a holiday buffet. Oddly enough, even though we were eating out, He had to still bake a ham and boil some eggs to have leftovers throughout the week. We may have to revisit that someday. We ended the week at a Sunday brunch at a well-known television chef’s restaurant. A bit of a modified buffet with an antipasti bar up front and a dessert bar to finish with served entrees in between.

Now what can you say about serving at a buffet? Keep the patrons’ glasses full of their preferred beverages, keep the tables clear of empty plates, and generally make certain they guests feel welcome. Admittedly there are some servers for whom even buffets are too much of a challenge, just as there are some restaurants that have difficulty meeting the buffet challenge. But these were upscale establishments with professional servers and their mission was to make you want to go back for a full service meal and go back soon. Mission accomplished.

But then we had the meal in between. It was at one of our favorites that had been much neglected by us. Neglect isn’t the right word. Due to uncontrollable circumstances it had been much un-patronized by us. That’s better. During our absence they changed the menu just a tad, changed the drink sizes a wee bit, even changed the portion sized of the side dishes a touch. Nothing dramatic. Just enough to make you go hmm when the courses came out. We are certain had we had one of our regular servers we would have been forewarned of the changes. As it was, we were waited on by one we had never met and were as new to her as she to us.

It started quite positively. We stood at the hostess stand where the host greeted us and immediately sat us at a table for two. And a good thing it was that we weren’t two minutes later because the next party of two ended up with a 45 minute wait for a table. But we didn’t and we immediately sat and were almost immediately greeted by the new waitress. She welcomed us, didn’t say a word about the day’s special that were scrawled on a chalk board on the other side of the waitress stand, but did take our drink orders and told us she would be right back. And right back she was our complimentary basket of chips and salsa. After ascertaining we weren’t yet ready to order she said she would be right back with our drinks and indeed was right back with half of our drinks and a promise to be right back again for our order.

What seemed like just about when the couple behind us finally got their table did our waitress return for our order. Either she realized it had been about 20 minutes since she said she would be right back again or it was He’s inquiry of the host as he walking by if our server had left a forwarding address before she left on her vacation that prompted her return. But back she was and she took our order and even managed not to have the appetizers and the entrees come out together. A big plus in our world.

The plusses continued until we got to the end of the meal. Even with the newer portion sizes there was, is, and probably will always be too much for one seating and she offered take-out containers for our leftovers. Two boxes came out, one for each of our leftover entrees but nothing for the appetizer that was still on the table and still had a ways to go before one could consider it gone. Regardless of how many containers came out, that would usually signal the end of the evening for most restaurant patrons, leaving nothing left to do but pay the check and make one’s way through the parking lot and then home. All of that self-paced except for the paying of the check, requiring a check to pay, that the waitress claimed she would be right back with. Eventually it made its way to the table, cash was plopped in the little leather book and then there it sat. And sat. It may still be there for after a while we moved on to the self-paced portion of going home and went home.

Will we return? Of course we will. We’re getting used to the fact that there are fewer restaurants with professional servers. We would prefer that of those who rely on whomever they can get to be the face of their establishments stress upon those faces that serving is a verb. It’s not just carrying a plate from kitchen to table. If you’re looking for that kind of job there are plenty of them in one’s own home.  If you should find yourself in that position, smile, go out of your way, make yourself memorable in a good way, and remember, “I’ll be right back” has its limits.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Things That Make You Go Yum

Michael Leave a comment

Ah, the signs of spring are with us.  Thunderstorms, hail, sudden downpours.  Actually, these are good things.  They all get the land prepped and ready for the real signs of spring – gardens!  We (that’s She and He) have different approaches to our gardens.  Where She has a green thumb and can make rocks bloom, He has rocks for thumbs and can hardly grow dandelions.   But somehow throughout the summer, there is bounty to be had at both households.

We began our spring ritual last weekend.  That’s where we sit on our respective decks and think out loud of what we’re going to be planting.  We usually begin with the pretty stuff; hanging pots, flower baskets, blooming plants based on time, duration, and color of the good stuff.  That segues into the veggies.  Tomatoes, beans, spinach, onions, zucchini. Cabbages, lettuces, peppers, and potatoes. And don’t forget the herbs.

That’s a lot of stuff for a couple of yards just barely outside the city limits. How do we do it? She starts out with a few things in pots and various other containers on her deck. But then, since She has that green thumb, she also takes a more diverse path. Who’s to say the front yard can’t be a vegetable garden also. Think of some of your veggies. Lush greens, colorful blooms, all the things you want in a showpiece. And show she does. It’s not unusual for neighbors to stop by her driveway and catch her as She climbs her front steps, lavish her with planting praise, and ask for help in selecting flora for their front yards.

He keeps his gardening to pots hanging around on the deck. Some of them literally hanging, suspended from posts and rails. Small tomatoes on small plants in small pots yield big harvests of big flavors. Towers of terra cotta pots hold a variety of herbs. Beans climb up trellises mounted to the rims of planters. All very compact and all providing veggies through the summer.

So why are we telling you this anyway? Because it’s spring! It’s time to start working with the world around us and harvest the best stuff on earth, the fruits (or veggies) of our own labors.

If your goals are bigger than little flower and vegetable plants, tomorrow is Arbor Day. Don’t just sit there. Go plant a tree!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

(Did we ever tell you of the time we took a tree home in the front seat of the little convertible?)

Smile, You’re Protected From Candid Camera

Michael Leave a comment

Before we begin please let us assure you that we are all for the presumption of innocence, civil rights, and the protection of privacy. But every now and then something comes up that makes us go more than hmm. Something that we’re certain Tom, John, Ben, and the gang in Philadelphia in 1776 really hadn’t had in mind.

Somewhere in Pennsylvania there is a young high school sophomore who has been the target of bullying. The school district in which he is currently a sophomore claims it takes all manner of precautions and discipline to provide a safe environment for its students, including protection from physical, verbal, and psychological abuse dealt by bullies, not unlike the rest of the country.

This young man had claimed to be the victim of a bully since the school year began. He brought his concerns to his mother who in turn brought them to the school per the district policy. Yet the bullying continued. The young man’s mother couldn’t even confirm if her concerns were ever addressed with the “alleged” bully and/or the “alleged” parents of said “alleged” bully. The district claimed that would be an infringement on the “alleged” bully’s “alleged” privacy if they were to disclose if they spoke with him or his parents about the “alleged” conduct.

Let’s fast forward to this spring. Young man has had enough of the bully and not having any positive response form the school decides the best way to convince them that he is being victimized is to show them the victimization. And so, with his cell phone, he records the bully bullying him. He takes this recording to his mother who takes it to the school who promptly has the young man arrested and charged with wiretapping for recording the “alleged” bully without his consent.   About a week later the young victim is actually convicted under the wiretapping statutes of Pennsylvania and ordered to pay a fine and court costs, hopefully unlike the rest of the country. At least he didn’t get jail time.

Fast forward again a few weeks. There is discussion over this. The district attorney’s office gets involved and decides that perhaps this wasn’t the best outcome and asks for the conviction to be vacated. However, it will stay on his record until he requests, and pays the attending court and legal costs, to have his record expunged. The school district is not in any hurry to apologize and actually stands by its decision to have the young man charged since it wants to provide a safe environment for its students including the expectation of the right to privacy, apparently the “alleged” privacy of the “alleged” bully. And public opinion is pretty much split 50/50 on who is right and who is righter.

So we suppose the next time you’re walking through a store, or a parking lot, or used car establishment, or perhaps a bank or post office and you see the sign, “Smile, You’re on Camera,” you have the right to say, “No, I’m not.” Of all his inventions, it’s a shame the camera wasn’t one of Ben Franklin’s. Then we’d know for sure.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Made With Pride

Michael Leave a comment

Last week She of We spent a day at the self-proclaimed basket capital of the world. (We’ll wait while you look it up. We can’t tell you everything!) Among the acres of baskets, table accessories, wrought iron, pottery, and more and more baskets were acres of baskets, et. al. signed by the constructing craftsman. That takes pride in one’s work to put one’s signature on it.

Signing work is nothing new. Proof marks, builders’ marks, foundries, and forges have through the years identified themselves proudly on the goods turned out by their artisans. It is through these marks that many of today’s antiques treasures can be confirmed treasure and not just old. But not so much today. Now it seems that along the assembly line a robot pastes a sticker somewhere inside your car that claims it was “Made with Pride” by whatever union local finished it up. No name, no signature, not even an “Inspected by No. 7” graces that finished product.

Back to the baskets. Or more appropriately, to the weavers. Can you imagine the quality of hand made products if everyone who had a part in their construction claimed their piece of the work? Can you imagine the quality of machine made products if everyone who had a hand in prepping, aligning, calibrating, and finally running the machines claimed his or her responsibility for that assembly? Companies are always talking about accountability but other than that limited warranty everyone prints on the package (and in real small print), just what are they taking account of?

The basket weaver, pewter smith, wood wright, or one of many other artisans knowing he or she is at the top of the game and is really making it with pride will take accountability. So much so that he or she wouldn’t think of not signing the work.

Maybe your work isn’t of the type that you can literally “sign” what you do, but you can work with that same amount of pride that at the end of the day you can proclaim that your work is worthy of your mark. Would you rather be a sticker hidden inside the door frame just waiting for a recall to happen, or would you rather be a signature, as large as John Hancock’s, proclaiming to the world that what just happened you will always recall as your best? (We’ll wait while you decide. It shouldn’t take long.)

Yep, we thought so.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Written with pride by She and He.

 

And If You Order Now…Part 2

Michael Leave a comment

Some time ago we supposed, “We believe that with two you have a spare.  With three you have a collection.” (See ‘With Three You Get Collections,’ Jan. 9, 2012). Hold that thought.

When we last left our heroes, we were wondering how America has managed to create so many different ways of separating one from one’s money without leaving the house. And wondering beyond that if the trend might ever reverse.

We think we have some other trends that have to reverse first. Some time ago, He of We was at a financial seminar where the focus was keeping one’s money. One of the exercises the 30 or so attendees took part in was a card count. Not as in blackjack. As in credit cards. Not debit cards. Not insurance cards. Credit cards. With those 30 or so attendees there were 187 credit cards also in attendance. That’s at least 6 per individual. That’s a collection. If you add in the debit cards there were 245 cards hanging around in purses and wallets. If you run the math you’ll see that is more than one debit card per person. That might be a spare. The whole kit and caboodle is definitely a collection.

Let’s go back to January of 2012. We also said that collections are not rational and just a little obsessive. You might say that makes sense if we are speaking of coins or art or other objects of value and beauty. But credit cards? Yep, even them. Having six credit cards is not rational and a bit obsessive.   It is also empowers the marketers to continue selling to those who haven’t left the house.

The only way on-line shops, infomercials, magazine inserts, and television shopping networks work are if they accept something other than money. The ready availability of credit and debit cards is their ticket to your bank account. According to the Federal Reserve, credit card balances now total nearly $857 billion. With an average of just about 13% interest on that balance, Americans are paying just about $110 billion a year in credit card interest. And since we all seem to have a collection of them, once one is maxed out we can move on to another and never miss the opportunity to buy that $400 purse.

So there we go again with the purse. Is it so terrible that someone sells and someone else buys a $400 purse? No, it’s not. We’d just prefer to see that if someone is going to buy it for $400 that someone has to reach into her, or his wallet and pull out four $100 bills to pay for it. Then it will mean something. But that’s a different post for a different day.

If you too are concerned about the rollercoaster of remote shopping you too can do something about it. Break up your collection and get back to using money. If Capt. Kirk was able to figure out how to do it, you can too.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

And If You Order Now…Part 1

Michael Leave a comment

A local television station recently reported on new shopping sites that lower your costs. Television shopping channels are comparing their prices to those in brick and mortar retail outlets. Infomercials are offering “free” or dramatically reduced trial periods. What do these all have in common? Boy are they expensive!

Selling products remotely is nothing new. You can go back to the sixties and find record clubs that offered 10 albums for a penny. Selling music on TV was a staple then. And the penny sale was the hook they all baited to get you into a long-term arrangement. Get your 10 albums now and agree to buy a certain quantity over time. Don’t like that idea? How about get your 10 albums now and never have to buy another one ever, period. But you would get an album or two every month “on approval.” If you wanted it, you kept it and sent them money. If you didn’t want it, you sent it back by a certain date.

While the record clubs were fine-tuning their pitches, home shopping was starting to take off. The earliest versions were the televised equivalents of the print ads found in the Sunday supplements of every major American newspaper. No longer were you limited to a picture and your imagination about how something worked. Now you could see it in action on your TV screen. The prices were reasonable even though shipping was extra, and you could always count on some special bonus if you ordered a certain dollar amount, usually a “surprise package.” Woohoo.

But the real money was still around the corner. The televised department store. Entire networks were set up to do nothing but sell. All of them had some catchy 3 letter name so they sounded like real television networks. And they all started out as economical alternatives to going to the mall. It’s two in the morning and you’re bored. Let’s go shopping! It won’t cost any more than going out and you don’t have to get out of your jammies to do it.

And here we are today. Television shopping networks, infomercials, print ads, and on-line stores. Somewhere we’ve lost the record clubs but we have Hulu+ instead. No longer are they content with competing with the brick and mortar outlets, they want to be better. Now there are high end fashion sites with real couture. Accessories from shoes to bags to scarves to belts. Jewelry from costume (a few pieces here and there), to this week’s favorite gemstone. We’ve seen purses over $400, rings in four figures, and a dress suited for a red carpet. Don’t worry about the price. There are payments available. Without interest. Is a one-time “Holy Cow” hit to your debit card out of the question? Just make 4 easy payments of “oh-my-gosh” instead and it’s yours.

Do we begrudge those businesses making money. Of course not. Do we begrudge those who buy a purse for more than their weekly salary to carry around in it? Absolutely not. Do we think things are getting out of control? For sure!

In the original Star Trek movie, when they return to the 1940’s Capt. Kirk says to Mr. Spock, “They are still using money.” We’re pretty certain that’s a statement that we never want to make. How do we stop this roller coaster? Part 2 is coming.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

If You Give a Teen a Penny

Michael 3 Comments

This weekend we finally got to it, the annual Maple Festival where we picked up a trinket or two, saw grain being milled into flour, and bought a year’s supply of locally produced maple syrup. It was a success.

One of locally produced items we weren’t able to get at the festival was local honey. Another one of our food extravagances. If you’ve never had locally produced honeys, syrups, relishes, and such you are missing something special.  Spend the extra dollar and spoil your taste buds.   But we digress. One of locally produced items we weren’t able to get at the festival was local honey. Fortunately we found a farmer’s market just a bit outside the grounds where local relishes, piccalillis, mustards, and yes, honey are available. We stopped in and explored the greenhouses. Then we perused the shelves, made a few selections, and dropped them off at the counter while we continued our search of local treasures. After a while we were set to finalize our purchases and move on to lunch.

She went first, splitting the bounty on the counter in front of the cash register which itself was in front of a brand new, first day on the job, high school student and part time helper. She already was a little confused (she the helper, not She of We), and asked if everything wasn’t all together. Her mentor explained that it appeared we had separate piles and would be checking out separately. And so she began to ring through Pile #1, collected the debit card from She, punched the requisite buttons, generated a receipt, and bagged up the bounty. And all went well adding to the success of the day.

Next up was He. It wasn’t difficult to determine which pieces were his since they were those that remained from Pile #1. Pile #2 was soon rung into the register and a total announced. $15.76. He dug into the pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill and a penny, offered them to the brand new, first day on the job, high school student and part time helper and watched her turn into the proverbial deer in the headlights. High beams even. She stared so intently at the cash in her hand it brought to mind the Amazing Kreskin and can she bend the penny with her mind. Apparently her mind wasn’t up to the task. The penny stayed as it was, where it was, until she asked, “What’s the penny for?” Her mentor suggested that He didn’t want to walk around with a pocket full of change. She suggested she punch $20.01 into the cash register and see what happens. He shook his head trying valiantly not to call the brand new, first day on the job, high school student and part time helper a dolt. (Somehow he succeeded but it gave him a headache.)

Somewhere along the way we’ve read in papers that standard test scores for reading and math are improving at staggering rates and today’s high school graduates are even more prepared to enter the world than those of say, 30 or 40 years ago. Apparently somewhere along the way math questions have eliminated all to the right of the decimal. And with it, went our pennies.

If you give a teen a penny, she’s going to ask what it is for. When you tell her what it’s for she’ll not believe you. She’ll check a nearby mirror to make sure she isn’t frowning. She’ll refresh her makeup and then remember she owes you change. Chances are she’ll still have that penny and ask what it is for.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

No Friends in Close Places

Michael Leave a comment

About a week ago we went to the movies. We hadn’t been there for a while, there was a movie playing that we wanted to see, and it was showing at a time we were able to see it. We got there in time for the coming attractions (we’re never sure why but we almost always do) and thus had plenty of time to pick out some good seats. So we thought.

There were already quite a few taken, or to put it another way, there weren’t all that many left to choose from. But choose we did and over the half hour that the upcoming trailers took we watched as many couples filed their way past us and the remaining two inside seats on our row. All of those many couples found other seats for them to park their seats and we breathed that sigh of relief that we could leave our popcorn and soft drinks and jackets as they were. Until the opening credits of the movie. That’s when the two old ladies ambled up the aisle, squinted in the darkness, pointed beyond us and started moving in. They weren’t even going to wait for us to make passage room for them. The movie was starting and they wanted to sit down!

Things like that happen. We’re usually ok with them when they do. It wasn’t until these two worked their bulks past us and plopped into the seats next to She that we realized they weren’t just a couple of old ladies. They were a couple of old ladies wearing old lady perfume. Now this was a somewhat quirky movie which means it required just a little thought to keep all of the characters and subplots tied together. That’s where the popcorn comes in. Popcorn ties thoughts, but that’s a post for a different day. One thing popcorn does not do is provide a fragrance free zone safe from old lady perfume. So for two hours and some-odd minutes we lost bits and pieces of the movie because our brains were too intent on a) figuring out why these two old ladies would venture out drenched in old lady perfume knowing they would be in close quarters; and b) what was that scent anyway? It even drove us out before we could read the entire closing credit crawl which often times is the best part of the movie, particularly quirky ones, particularly when one is distracted by old lady perfume.

For a few dollars more we could have had the reserved seating in this theater. We rarely do because there is rarely a need. We’ve discovered the need. A quick glance behind us revealed many seats were available in the high rollers section. So that did it for us. Next time and every time, that’s where our seats will be seated.

Although we couldn’t confirm it, we’ve been wondering if perhaps the two old ladies might have been working for the theater, creating the demand for those seats while the supply was amply available. Probably not. Even in a big corporation like the one running those screens we just couldn’t see how the local manager would be able to justify that much old lady perfume when the end of the month bills came in. Nor find a couple of old ladies to sit through two-plus hours of a quirky movie. Old ladies don’t do quirk. They do musings. Probably about perfume.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

‘Tis The Season

Michael Leave a comment

Play ball! It’s time for America’s pastime to join apple pies and Chevrolets for another round with the boys of summer. It’s baseball season!

We know it’s only March but you have to get started early so you can fit all the regular games, all the playoff games, and all the championship games and still finish up before it starts snowing again.

No, we’re not going to whine and whimper about how long the season is. If that’s what they want to do, let them do it. It’s not a crime for a business to make money. You have to keep your product in front of the consumer to do that. What we find a little amusing is how much all of the seasons now blend. And we don’t mean winter and spring!

If you live in the right city you can right now see major league baseball, hockey, basketball, indoor football, soccer, professional golf, and tennis. Horse racing and boxing are always available. Nascar is in high gear. (Sorry, we couldn’t resist.)

If you expand your sights to include college you can pick from the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, Women’s Basketball Tournament, and Men’s Hockey Tournament. We just missed the Women’s Hockey Tournament (Clarkson beat Minnesota for the championship last weekend). And then there is the NIT Basketball Tournament.

If you can’t find a sporting event on TV this week it’s because you don’t have a television. Is that a bad thing? (Umm, all the sports, that is. Not, not having a TV.) Probably not. Finally a time of year when one gets to watch, follow, and cheer for what he or she wants to watch, follow, and cheer for. A time of year when all sports are created equal. Everything except football.   But that’s a wimpy sport anyway.

We’re going to go check out the ponies.   We’ll see you at the Seventh Inning Stretch.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

True Lies

Michael Leave a comment

It’s been twenty years since Arnold Schwarzenegger kept the fact that he was a spy from his movie wife Jaime Lee Curtis in True Lies. She really wasn’t lied to as much as just not told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Not unlike a lot of stuff that’s going on now.

Even though it’s Spring and we are still getting legitimate bad weather, we do find ourselves with clear skies and no snow every couple of days a week. The weather forecasters, now used to a season’s worth of viewers hanging on to their every isobar must crave the days when something on their radar screens actually shows potential “Severe Weather.”   No problem. If the local forecast has no precipitation nearby, they just bring up some neighboring radar. And, voila, there we have the greens, and the blues, and the whites, and the greys we are used to seeing and they can say with all honesty, “This storm could dump another couple of inches before it’s all over.” Just because it’s 200 miles away doesn’t make it untrue.

Recently a sales brochure showed up in the mail. We think it was a sales brochure. It had glossy pages, colorful pictures, and big fonts declaring “$10 off!” But it never said $10 off what. Of a regular low, low price? Off an already discounted price? Off the manufacturer’s suggested retail price (AKA modern fiction)? There was no indication of what the starting or final price was or is. Ten dollars off, true. Cost to you, who knows.

Fine print is annoying in print ads usually requiring a good strong magnifying glass. Fine print on a television ad is basically useless. It’s at the bottom of the screen, still requiring a magnifying glass even with a 50 inch picture. And just as you are ready to focus in, it disappears. But now we have to deal with fine print on radio ads! If after the ad you hear a breathless individual who manages to speak at an annoying 720 words a minutes all in a near whisper, assume that everything you just heard clearly in the body of the ad has now been modified, restricted, or limited. The ad was absolutely true. You can indeed get cell phone service for 87 cents a month. However, the additional access, roaming, internet, texting, calling, receiving, and bill paying fees add up to $220 for the life of the contract unless the phone company decides to raise any or all of them.

These are just a few examples of today’s true lies. You can come up with many more if you think about it for thirty seconds or so. True? Absolutely. Misleading? Even more so. And it doesn’t take a spy to figure out what’s wrong with those pictures.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?