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Careful Wishing

Michael Leave a comment

Sometime over the past week a first or second grader grabbed his “not usual backpack” on his way to school one day.  This wrong backpack had a toy gun in it.  Sometime during the school day it became the toy gun not in the backpack and he was ultimately sent home for violating the zero tolerance policy on weapons in the school.  We replayed that scene across several local school districts about a half dozen times since the beginning of the school year.  Apparently a lot of kids keep their toy guns in backpacks now.

Sometime over the past month a first or second grader grabbed his backpack on the way to school and when he got there he found his mother’s real gun in it.  A while before that another first or second grader pulled from his backpack at school his grandfather’s hunting knife.  Sometime between them yet another first or second grader discovered heroin in his backpack courtesy of his parents.

What do all these have in common?  Besides that all of the children were suspended per their district’s zero tolerance policy on weapons and drugs, all of them were phoned into one or another of the local news outlets’ “on your side” reporters who “went to bat” for the youngsters.  The claim was that they were unfairly disciplined either because of their age, what was found, or how what was found was put into the child’s backpack becoming the rallying cry for saving the children.

Another thing in common is that in these and similar incidents, the public was behind the reporters.  The vast majority of people who cared enough to express an opinion expressed that the children should not have been punished.  It wasn’t their fault that the gun – toy or real – ended up at school.  It wasn’t their fault that a knife, several inches long and sharp enough to slice through an animal hide popped out at the elementary school cafeteria inducing inferiority complexes among the standard issue plastic tableware.  It wasn’t the child’s fault that his backpack was the closest hiding place for drugs at home that didn’t get removed before the backpack left home.

They argue that zero tolerance certainly didn’t mean to include actions not within the students’ control and certainly not the actions of first or second graders.  Yet when the knife slashes 20 other students, or the gun is discharged and becomes the weapon holding a classroom hostage, even zero tolerance is too tolerant.

It seems somebody needs to revisit the various school districts’ policies.  At what age does accountability begin?  Are students expected to pay for the actions of their parents?  Is “zero tolerance” a policy or a catchphrase?

Most importantly on that visit, people have to make a decision.  Does zero mean zero?  And if it does, does it mean zero at all times.  How careful is one willing to be when one is wishing in today’s society?

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Confessions of a Lottery Winner

Michael 1 Comment

Before the numbers are revealed everyone says “If I hit it big I’m never working another day in my life.”  After the numbers are drawn and someone actually hits it big, at the interview on television he or she says, “It won’t change me at all.  I’ll still live in the same house, drive the same car, work at the same job.”  After the numbers are drawn and someone actually hits it big, on the phone with his or her boss, he or she says, “Take your job and shove it!”

We don’t know how we’d react.  The biggest hit we can remember is He hit a state drawing for $40.  That allowed him to shove his job for about four minutes.  But, He has had some other wins.  Not counting the occasional silent auction or charitable raffle with a top prize of a questionable line drawing or an equally questionable wine vintage, he’s hit it big at casinos and racetracks even if the PowerBall, MegaMillions, and state offerings have let him down.

Big might be just a bit of an exaggeration.  There was one night at a local harness track when he had a hard time picking a loser.  But since most of the bets were of the pedestrian $2 variety and most of the winners were favorites, the winnings didn’t tally very high.  And there was one trip to Las Vegas that ended up as a break even trip.  For him, breaking even isn’t far from winning.  But then when one seeks out nickel slot machines and $2 tables, winning isn’t far from breaking even.

So when it comes to games of chance, you could say that he is pretty lucky.  But his luckiest was last summer when he really hit it big.  It was just about a year ago when he was in a hospital bed and his doctor came in and said, “All the tests are back and there is no cancer.  We got it all.”

Since then there have been other days in the hospital.  There have been lots of pills and tests and scans.  But no cancer.  There have been days at work when he’d rather have been doing anything but be at work.  There have been days off where he’d have rather been doing something more constructive.  But there have been days.  Days that might not have been.

So if every now and then we miss a Monday or a Thursday post (or both), or it seems like one was particularly short or another somewhat rambling, it might have been one of those days.

But at least there are days.  Even if there isn’t a big lottery winner, having the day is winning enough.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Don’t Forget

Michael Leave a comment

Today, all across America people will wake up, raise their flags to half-staff, pray for and remember those who have sacrificed time, bodies, and lives from the earliest battles of the American Revolution for the very freedom that allows us to raise our flags, then return to them at noon and raise those flags fully as we look forward to continued freedom throughout our county.

That’s the ideal for Memorial Day.  The unfortunate reality is that this holiday as with all the others has become a reason for a day off from work, to complain about not getting a day off from work, another weeklong sale for every retailer from car dealerships to drug stores, and to raise gasoline prices.  Are we being cynical?  Maybe a little.  But…

You only have to have been watching television for the past two weeks.  At least a quarter of the ads have featured Memorial Day Sales.  Special deals, special financing, special purchases, special hours.  It’s all happening this day only but because the savings are so big they’re making this one day sale stretch over most of May and half of June.

Yet while all this was going on, where were the Memorial Day stories?  Finally on Friday the national news outlets squeezed in a feature to close the newscast spotlighting a returning serviceman or how flags are made.   The local news might have picked up two stories spotlighting a returning serviceman and a part of a highway dedicated to a World War II fighting unit.

Today will start with the local news repeating those couple of stories they’ve been playing all weekend long.  But then there will be parades and at the end someone will play Taps.  There will be an honor roll read, cemeteries will get visitors, churches will hold memorial services.  And some will have not forgotten and raise their flags to freedom.

You see, what society has forgotten, people will remember.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Too Much Information

Michael Leave a comment

“I just got those same plants at ‘Dirt Cheap Nursery’ and paid $30 less than you.”  That was the greeting She of We got as she rolled her cart into the checkout line with her bounty of spring flowers.

It wasn’t long ago that He of We was waiting patiently with a shopping cart of items soon to be paid for that someone passed by him and said, “I just got that [thing] at ‘Big Box Store’ cheaper.”

She of We is certain it’s some sort of affliction from which we suffer.  We seem to be the type of people that others just want to engage.  Everybody has at least one story that begins, “I was walking down the aisle and this lady came up to me, held up a sweater and asked if that color makes her look pale.”  We get that every time we’re in a store.  But it doesn’t stop there.  It continues on to why the lady is looking for a sweater, why that particular color called to her to begin with, how she had worn that color before and sometimes received compliments and other times disapproval, and had we ever used that mayonnaise made with olive oil.

People are now beginning to critique our price recognition skills.  They are most probably just trying to be helpful.  Unsolicited so but still helpful.  And that makes us wonder, what are we to do with all this information?  Do we bolt out of line and return the offending items to their former places on the store shelves?  Do we ask for proof in the form of an advertisement and/or receipt?  Do we challenge the price check person’s memory?  Do we smile politely and hope the line moves fast enough that we don’t hear from these people again?

We suppose we should be happy that we don’t project the impression that we’re not civil and will snap at anybody who violates our space – physical or economic.  It is better to be personable than to be disagreeable.  And someday, somebody might actually present worthwhile information.  (We question the $30 cheaper flowers when the total was only going to be about $70.)

Until then, we’ll continue to suffer our affliction.  If it makes others feel good, who are we to take that feeling away?  We’d like to mention though that we are getting tired of being part of the sweater shopping experience.  Jewelry.  Now that’s a different story.

And in case you’re wondering, the olive oil mayonnaise isn’t bad.  You should try it sometime.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Tell That to an Old Wife

Michael Leave a comment

It was just a week or so ago that She of We was working about in her yard and came into contact with some poison ivy to which she usually has a fairly severe reaction.  She rushed to wash off as much of the oil as fast as possible and suffered only a mild case.  This led to some talk of the oft told remedies for skin irritations and do they actually work?  We couldn’t let that discussion go without sharing it with you.

The first one we thought of for treating poison ivy was baking soda.  Actually, baking soda is supposed to work for a variety of skin issues not to mention stomach issues.  There’s probably come connection there.  Back to the skin, apparently baking soda will neutralize the oils in poison ivy and will relieve the itch of it.  To be doubly certain of it working, make a paste of the baking soda not with water but with vinegar.

A newer to us old wives’ tale involving poison ivy is to coat the area with olive oil.  We’re not so sure about this one.  Since the offending agent of poison ivy is an oil one would think that adding more oil to it would make it spread.  Those who support this action say the oil in olive oil lifts the oil from the poison ivy off the skin and makes it wash away easier.

Many people swear by grease cutting soaps, including mechanics’ soaps to lift the oil off the skin.  For those who don’t have fully stocked garages, Dawn dish soap appears to be very effective in removing the poison ivy oil from the skin.

For as much a reaction to poison ivy that She encounters, He has the same issues with bee stings.  His reactions can be so severe that his favorite remedy is to run away whenever bees show up.  Although it’s hard to run away from poison ivy, prevention is still the best treatment.  Wearing long sleeves, long pants, and gloves are the best remedy any old wife has come up with yet.  Not to be completely outdone, however, there are those who would also encourage a coating of a heavy barrier cream like zinc oxide over the skin to provide a protective lawyer between the skin and the plant.

So now that spring is here and it’s time to put our yards in order for a beautiful summer, go on out there and yank those weeds.  But remember, it can be a jungle out there.

*** A big word of CAUTION when dealing with poison ivy, bee stings, insect bites, or any allergic reaction – these can be deadly.  Home remedies only work if you are dealing with mild skin reactions.  If you become short of breath, experience swelling of the tongue, neck, or throat, or are dizzy, call 911 and seek professional help immediately.  ***

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Don’t Keep Them Down on the Farm

Michael 1 Comment

Around our part of the world May heralds the beginning of Farmers’ Market Season. The weather is breaking into a comfortable spring/summer pattern and the local growers are breaking out what they’ve been working on all winter.

Farmers’ markets get the buyer as close to buying local as one can get. When dealing with fresh foods, buying local is never bad.  And at our markets, fresh food doesn’t just equal produce.  Here we’ll also have farmers who prepare their own sausages, jellies, pickles, and even baked goods. A trip to the farmers’ market is like a trip to the market.

Now let’s take it yet an extra step.  At our markets we also have entertainment.  At one market in the city’s downtown, there will be a concert presented by the local opera company every week.  It will also showcase featured vendors every week.  And to round off prepared food choices, food trucks will offer their special provisions.

It wasn’t always like this.  Ten years ago the markets were apples, corn, greens, tomatoes, peppers, squashes in chip baskets stacked neatly in the backs of pick-up trucks.  Somewhere along the way they morphed into events people planned their weeks around becoming social occasions as much as opportunities to experience fresh food items.  Still the center of attention is the produce.  Now it has a full supporting cast.

Are we getting a little nutty over something as simple as local harvest?  Perhaps we are.  City dwellers and near suburbanites look forward to opening of the farmers’ markets as much as they do the opening of baseball season, swimming pools, and spring clearance centers. For months the only fresh ingredients we’ve had for our dinner recipes have been the herbs grown in small pots scattered about the kitchen.

A handful of fresh strawberries scattered over fresh greens with a fruity vinaigrette drizzled over it may not seem like much but after a few months of bagged salads it can be the crowning glory of the evening meal.  In a few weeks one will be able to assemble an entire royal feast.  And that includes the flowers on the table.

You can’t get any fresher than that.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

 

Multi-tasking To Go

Michael Leave a comment

We suppose the current politically correct term is distracted driving, but some people do it so effortlessly they consider it an asset rather than the liability that we as innocent bystanders see. It was only a few days ago that She of We saw what has become the new benchmark that bystanders throughout our city will be on the lookout for.

We don’t like to make excuses and the fault quite heavily lies on the doer, but the car manufacturer may be responsible for some of the odd behavior we see during each day’s rush hours.  If it wasn’t for tilt steering wheels it would be more difficult for someone to spread the morning paper out before himself to read on the way to work.  Yes, every morning He of We is passed at about the same spot on the highway by a man guiding his little Lincoln while eschewing the radio version of the news so he can read all about it.  Fortunately (?) he just reads and doesn’t attempt the crossword puzzle.  Smooth rides, cruise control, and lighted vanity mirrors make make-up application, though not new, popular.  They also facilitate a close shave (in more ways than one) on the way to work in the morning.  Texting might be an issue for the teen drivers but the over-achievers make use of the generous center consoles on which to mount their notebooks and laptops to extend their workdays.  On their slower days you can see them returning e-mails on their tablets giving the heavy workload some time off.

So none of that is particularly new and we and you certainly have seen much similar activity.  What could it have been that She spotted that was so out of the ordinary that it would actually prompt this discussion?  Well…………

The latest, the newest, the most unusual of all rush hour driving activities seen to date (drum roll please – and that would be very appropriate) is driving through town while playing a clarinet.  Yes, the full size woodwind, made famous by the likes of Goodman, Shaw, and Fountain, in the hands of one also using his hands to steer his minivan through downtown traffic.

It gives new meaning to the concept of “Swing!”

That’s what we think.  Really.  How ’bout you.

 

The 21st Century Drive-Through Translator

Michael 1 Comment

Some time ago we opined that “There you go” was not synonymous with “Thank you.”  We’re guessing others thought similarly and likewise made their concern known because we have noticed that every once in a while, we actually hear those two magic words when passing dollars through a window to conclude a drive by burger purchase. Unfortunately there are some rather unmagical words and phrases still floating about.

Let’s float.

 
There you go:  We think it means “Thank you” but that’s only because it’s the phrase we most often here after handing over money while receiving change, or it’s the phrase most often heard when most people would use “Thank you.”

 
I’ll get it later:  “Drive on. I’ll have someone go out and pick it up later.  No, you don’t get more,” said right after the coin portion of your change which has been precariously placed on top of the bills and receipt then thrust out the window in the general direction of your car spilling the change into the no man’s land between Window One and your car.  Usually followed by “There you go.”

 
Here you go:  Not to be confused with “There you go” this means “Whoa there fella, back up there” when you pull around to Window One, overshooting it by at most 3/4 of an inch causing the Windown One attendant to lean forward.

 
Did you have the large coffee?:  “I have no idea what order these orders are in.”

 
Read the menu, I’ll be with you in a minute:  This can have multiple meanings, the most common are “I’m in the bathroom,” and “What order are these orders in?”

 
Have a good day*:  We think it means “Thank you” when uttered by the Window Two attendant after passing your order through his or her window.  Or it could mean “Go on now but come back soon.”  *Pronunciation guide: Good pronounced “goot” as in “foot” making the phrase sound like “Have a goot day.”  We don’t know why.

 
You can express concern (aka complain) to management that you are being treated with less than what you’d expect considering you’re giving them money.  However, there are some unfortunate responses from management regarding the less than stellar presentation seen in Drive-Through Land.  Recently when She of We was met with rudeness by the employees and uncleanliness of the establishment.  She complained to management saying she would not stop and eat there again.  For her troubles she was presented with coupons for her next visit.

 

Apparently there is a need for a translator in that direction also.

 

That’s what we think. Really.  How ’bout you?

 

The Family That Plays Together

Michael Leave a comment

Sports are a great example of sibling rivalry gone good and good things passed on from generation to generation.

Start with the current Stanley Cup Playoffs with parts of the Staal and Sutter dynasties facing each other. They hope to join the 10 of 73 families who have played with or against each other for the cup. You don’t like hockey? Let’s move to the other playoffs going on, the NBA. There have been over 25 pairs of brothers playing in the NBA, 4 of them this season. A like number of fathers and sons have dribbled across the hardcourt.

Moving outside, 8 sets of brothers are playing baseball this year. There is even a set of umpire brothers out there, safely stated. Football is tops in family gatherings. In its history, 348 sets of brothers played in the NFL. And before researching this we came up just with the Mannings.  That put us 12 short of the brother sets who were on the field last season.

All of this was brought to mind when we sat down to watch this year’s Kentucky Derby. Brothers Jose and Irad Ortiz saddled up together, each for his first run for the roses. Had that ever happened before? In a sport where the horses could all meet at the same family reunion and where owners and trainers routinely qualify for a family plan, the riders mounting the stars of the show are quite often unknown outside the racing world. We found out that the Ortiz brothers will be the fourth set of brothers to have run in the 140 runnings of the Derby, the first in 30 years when Eddie and Sam Maple rode their mounts around the famed track in 1984. Other brothers appearing at Churchill Downs on the first Saturday in May were Chris and Gregg McCarron in 1976 and Angel and Milo Valenzuela in 1960.

There are a bunch of reasons to say family matters!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Making Deals With Ourselves

Michael Leave a comment

We’ve all done this.  Lay out the clothes you’re going to wear tomorrow morning before you go to bed tonight.  That’s a five minute savings, or in the vernacular, a half a snooze.  Not washing your hair this morning?  Fifteen minutes saves you two snoozes.  If you’re packing a lunch, pack it the night before and save at least one snooze.  Yes indeed, these are the deals we make with ourselves to get a few more minutes of bed time in the morning, when it seems to be more valuable than at the front end at night.

There are other deal makers we routinely hear of.  Some people will make a whole week’s meals on the weekend so when they get home during the week all they have to do is pull an offering from the fridge, stick it in the oven, and put their feet up for a half-hour rather than slaving over a family meal after slaving for the slave driver at work all day.  And then there are those who will pay their basic utilities – gas, electricity, water, sewage – once a year saving time from writing checks, going on line, or having to deal with “Press the pound key to return to the previous menu” every month.

These are normal deals that normal people make with themselves all the time.  But what if we expand the concept into other areas of our lives?  How much time can we save then?

The rise of quick oil change shops is already saving many a good chunk of time.  No couple of hours at a garage, now it’s a ten minute change.  But over a year that adds up to almost an hour, and that’s if you get at every oil change with nobody in front of you and having to wait though their ten minutes.  What if someone invented a 30 quart oil holder?  Every 3 months or so you push a button, the old oil drains into a holding tank, fresh oil is pumped into your crankcase, and once a year you empty and re-fill.

That daily status meeting with the boss eats up way too much time.  Both of you know it.  What did you do yesterday?  What are you going to do today?  How will this affect tomorrow?  We suggest that once a month is plenty of meeting time.  Five minutes of, “This is what I wanted to do last month and this is what I got done.  We’ll finish up this month.”  Meeting over!  Everybody gets an extra coffee break every day.  With luck the boss will never remember last month anyway.

If you think about it you can save hours every day, get home early, and put your feet up for way more than just a half-hour.  While you there, save some time by taking the time to imbibe in an adult beverage or two with the latest offerings out there, pre-filled glasses.  You don’t even have to pour your favorite tipple from bottle to glass.  That can save you at least enough time for a second.  And if you live in a community that recycles, you’ll be doing your part to keep the landfills empty.

Wow, efficiency and staying green while doing it.  Now that’s a deal.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?