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Get Ready for the Biggest One-Day Sale All Weekend Long

Michael Leave a comment

Happy Fourteenth of July, our country’s newest holiday.  It must be.  There are sales going on and everybody knows the way Americans mark holidays is through sales and clearances. 

Last Thursday the advertising supplements of almost every store that advertised in the supplement touted their “Last Weekend of Our Fourth of July Sale!”  It was so big that the Sunday advertising supplement had a bunch of ads from that same bunch of retailers that all screamed “Last Week of Our Fourth of July Sale!”  Car dealerships are quite adept at celebrating any one holiday for an entire month. They are now in the middle of their Independence Day Specials that “end August 2.” 

It shouldn’t surprise us that stores are taking 14 days to hold a Fourth of July Sale.  Macy’s regularly has a One Day Sale with special savings on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  The real question here is are there really enough clueless people for a major retailer to have a 3 day One Day Sale and not think twice about it.  Or are we all so desensitized to advertisements that they can call an August Clearance the After Christmas Sale and argue quite convincingly that August is after Christmas.

It’s even gotten the amateur advertisers following suit.  The local volunteer fire company is holding its annual carnival this month and sent out flyers to every household in the township.  Stop by the Carnival the flyer reads.  It goes on to say that festivities start Friday at 7pm, “and beginning earlier.”

It’s a good thing that the Carnival will begin even earlier.  That way people can be there for the opening ceremonies and still have time to hop over to Macy’s for the Friday night kick-off to this Saturday’s One Day Sale. 

Hmm, we’re wondering… if the boss gives you one day to complete a project, can you take 3, 14, or 30 days to work on it?    

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

It’s Two, Two, Two Vehicles in One

Michael Leave a comment

Due to circumstances beyond his control, which are almost all circumstances, He of We took a different route to work one day not long ago.  It took him past an apartment building’s parking lot where facing the street was the shiniest, brightest, chrome-iest, mid-80’s Chevy El Camino.  A car/truck that few ever give a second thought to but was always around from its first release in 1959 until the last one rolled off the assembly line in 1987.  If it seemed like there were a lot of them on the roads there was even a GMC version produced from1971 through 1987 called first the Sprint then later renamed the Caballero.

The El Camino was a cool vehicle.  It and Ford’s Ranchero were the SUVs of the 60’s and 70’s.  It was a car when it was people hauling time, a truck when it was stuff hauling time, but it wasn’t a dowdy station wagon any of the time.  If you asked most American men who were gasoline-fueled teenagers then, they would be able to tell you quite a bit about these early utility vehicles . They could quote horsepower ratings, top speed, payload, wheelbase, and similarities and differences between these light duty pick-ups and the cars they were based on.  Perhaps even with more clarity than they could describe their own garage built hot rods.  That’s because that’s what gasoline-fueled teenage boys did back then.

Although it’s been over 25 years since an El Camino sat in a new car showroom, 35 years for a Ranchero to do the same, every once in a while one shows up on the road.  They are reminders that the “crossover” vehicle segment did not begin with the Toyota RAV 4.  (There were similar vehicles built in the 1930’s but they never made it through World War II.)  If you happen to be reading this in Australia or South Africa it’s possible that you might see a brand new car/truck drive by.  GM’s Australian division Holden still produces an El Camino type vehicle called the Holden Ute in Australia and the Chevrolet Lumina Ute in South Africa.

Perhaps someday the El Camino will return to American roads.  When it does (ok, if it does), it might be enough of a draw to create a new generation of gasoline-fueled teenage boys.  Now if we can only bring back malt shops and sock hops.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

More things that make us go “Hmm”

Michael Leave a comment

These were some of the things overheard or read over the last week that made us go hmm. 

An article released by the Washington Post discussed the rise of non-dairy milk products.  We’re not so certain you can call soy “milk” a milk product but we suppose it sounds better than “plant-based, non-dairy dairy-substitute beverage.”  Anyway, in this article, the author contends that the plant-based products are the fastest growing segment of the dairy beverage industry segment.  In two years it has doubled its market share.  If you continued to read and did a little extra research you would find out that plant-based, non-dairy dairy-substitute beverages’ market share rose from 3% to 6%, a 100% increase.  Of course it’s the fastest growing segment.  It’s the only growing segment.  Every other beverage has already been at the top for a few generations.  If dairy-cow milk products rose a modest 10%, that would make milk’s market share 104%, clearly impossible.  Anything other than milk, the cow-type, is going to be the fastest growing segment.  Hmm.

That same article postulated why the plant-based, non-dairy dairy-substitute beverage was growing at such a phenomenal rate.  Because it tastes good.  Actually it’s not the plant-based, non-dairy dairy-substitute beverage that tastes good; it’s the flavored, plant-based, non-dairy dairy-substitute beverage that tastes good.  We’re pretty certain that if you took the vanilla flavor out of the soy “milk,” it would taste much like a hot and sour soup without the hot or sour.  Hmm.

While reaching for a gallon of milk (cow-based), He of We overheard a man on his cell phone while standing in front of the creams, half-and-half, buttermilk, and other milk products at the store.  “Are you sure 8 ounces is a cup?” he was saying.  “There isn’t anything on the carton that says so.  Maybe I should get a big carton.”  A pause.  “Well if you say so, but if you run out don’t expect me to come back out here for more heavy cream just because you’re too stubborn to admit that 8 ounces might not be a cup.” Hmm.

Further on down the aisle, He was at the deli counter and asked for a half pound of Colby cheese.  The counterperson plopped some slices on the scale and it registered 0.45 pound.  “Is that close enough” asked the cheese seller or do you want me to take a slice off?”  Hmm.

In the television news there was a story about the rising cost of cooking out. Actually, it was about the rising cost of the food most of us put on the grill, that is, beef and pork. The story mentioned that the rising costs of beef and pork could increase the cost of a backyard cook out by as much as 20% from last year.   They made no mention of the relative cost of charcoal or bottled propane. They did suggest that to keep the cost of cooking out down we should consider not cooking out as much. We’re not certain because we aren’t the ones important enough to be on television, but it seems that if the cost of hamburger meat used to grill a burger outside went up, it also went up if you use it to broil that same hamburger inside. Hmm.

This one was heard on a radio commercial for vodka. It claimed that the advertised product is gluten free. Of course it is. The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics advices that all distilled spirits are gluten-free. It also seems to us that if you’re really required to worry about the gluten content of anything, who would be one diagnosed with celiac disease, you’re probably not going to be drinking much vodka, with or without gluten. Hmm.

We know that you can believe everything you read on the Internet (just ask anyone who works for the Internet). We suppose that goes for TV, radio, and newspapers, too. Hmm, we’ll get back to you about supermarkets.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Rockets Glaring Red

Michael Leave a comment

It would be too easy to write up a quick post on the Fourth of July and what it means to us.  Instead, here’s a quick post on what it could have meant to us.  Actually there were two big holidays this year that fall into this “could have been” category:  Independence Day and yes, Groundhog Day.

Groundhog Day is a big deal around here, “here” being the very tight confines of our residences and work places and mostly only when we are there.  Somebody has to keep up a tradition.  Type “Groundhog Day” into our search box and see how many posts will pop up.  It’s so special that it’s the only topic that hosts our only post of a photograph.

What made it very special this year is that it fell on a weekend.  Legitimately that could have meant a trip to the rascal’s lair so we could have seen for ourselves how this ball of fur became the world’s greatest meteorologist.  True, you need a good 3 or 4 year advance plan to get a hotel room but a slightly worn, rented RV could have done the job.   But He’s health just wasn’t going to cooperate and it was a plan better not even brought up.

And now, it the same year, the Fourth of July sits on Friday just begging to be the start of a terrific three day weekend.  Where we live is a pretty good place for fireworks.  Some of the best are put on several times a year within a handful of miles from either of our houses.   But it is the Fourth of July.  No matter how good the ones in our own backyards may be, doesn’t the thought of seeing the display at our nation’s birthplace in Philadelphia or exploding over the same Fort McHenry that Francis Scott Key kept in sight before writing the words for the Star Spangled Banner make you want to check hotel reservations (or RV rental agreements)?  But again, no good cooperation from that package of skin and bones that he keeps dragging around every day.

Strangely, the two holidays aren’t that dissimilar.  It’s because of the actions taken on the Fourth of July some 238 years ago that we can make fools of ourselves on the Second of February.  The cynic in all of us is going to raise its ugly head and ask if that’s the only thing we can relate freedom to, some silly fur-lined frenzy.  Actually, no, it’s not.

We’re quite thankful for the freedoms we have and for those who continue to work to keep them for us.  In fact, He was one of those for some years some years ago doing just that.  So maybe that’s why when we talk about what freedom means to us we’re willing to take a few liberties with our liberties.  Be as serious as you want this weekend and be mindful that freedom doesn’t come easy.  Be as thankful as you can be for those who aren’t going to get to see the artificial displays that we’ll Ooh and Ahh over. But if you really want to thank those who are doing the hard work so you can enjoy the rockets’ multicolor displays, do something special with it.

Maybe make plans to go visit your favorite rodent or your favorite spot on the beach.  And go ahead and selfishly enjoy them.  That’s what they are there for.  The ones making sure they are won’t mind.

We think that because of the cycle of leap years between now and then that Groundhog Day and Independence Day will both be on weekends again in a mere five years.  Maybe if we start planning now…  Hmm.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Mobile Philosophy

Michael 4 Comments

In the past we’ve written about how people have expressed their personal thoughts on vanity plates (UDNTSAY, April 2, 2012) and in their homes (Walls O’ Wisdom, March 19, 2012).  There’s another place where people are articulating their point of view, a license plate frame.

Most people who have a frame around their license plates have their favorite sports team, their former college or university, the dealer from whom they purchased their car, a pet they love, or the brand of car they have.  But every once in a while we get behind a motorist whose frame is quite thought-provoking.

The thing about license plate frames is unlike bumper stickers there is a limited space to deal with.  Not as restricted as a vanity plate but unless it’s going to use a very small font, there aren’t a lot of letters available.  They are sort of the Readers’ Digest versions of the Walls o’ Wisdom.

The other thing about license plate frames is that except for those decrying the car dealer, favorite sports teams or animals, or place of matriculation, there aren’t many of them.  But the ones that are there tell a tale.

Some that have appeared in front of our windshields include:

Hit Me.  Ex-Husband in Trunk.  It’s interesting that it specifies Husband.  Is the solicitation of ex-ocide gender specific?  Perhaps wherever this former wife bought her plate there is an Ex-Wife in Trunk version for the other half.

Don’t Follow Me. I’m Lost Too.  No explanation if the frame owner is referring to his or her way to a physical place or a state of mind.

To Bee Is To Do.  Buy Honey.  We’re not sure where to go with that one, but we like the sentiment.  Honey is good.

Do I Look Like I’m Having a Good Day.  This was complete with frowny faces in the corners.

Grandma’s My Name.  Spoiling’s My Game.  Does it need any more explanation?

Just like the walls of wisdom and the vanity plates, these frames tell us something not just about the frame owner but about ourselves also.  There’s something to smile about for each one, even the ex-husband.  And if you can smile while being lost, being sweet, or being cantankerous, it won’t be a long trip.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Sights Unseen

Michael Leave a comment

Our most recent post noting that the days have now begun to get shorter (very slightly, but shorter) notwithstanding, tomorrow is National Sunglasses Day!

Probably National Sunglasses Day is the brainchild of one, another, several, or all of the sunglass companies to sell more sunglasses.  We wonder why a company would have to encourage the purchase and use of sunglasses in the middle of summer.  That’s one of the best times for them.  But we digress.

People who bother to write about these kinds of things (present posters excluded) seem to relish in mentioning that 14th century Chinese judges shielded their eyes with smoked quartz so as to not give away their emotions.   Not unlike 21st century poker players who do just about the same thing although more probably with hundreds of dollars designer glasses.

However, all those writers (again, present posters excluded) fail to mention that even before written records were made, Inuit hunters were wearing goggle type shields made of walrus ivory to protect their eyes from the harsh rays of the prehistoric sun.  Since that is after all the same sun we stare at, we should take a cue from those northern hunters and shield our eyes when we are outside because sun damage really isn’t cool.  Take it from the breakfast sausage people’s television commercial – didn’t anybody ever tell you not to stare at the sun?

Even on cloudy days you can experience some sun damage to your eyes if they aren’t properly protected.  A light or amber tint can help filter UVA and UVB rays (just like a sunscreen) without impairing your visual acuity.  The same goes for needing protection at dawn and dusk.

National Sunglasses Day might come at the end of June but your eyes need protection during the winter months also.  So if you’re going to invest in a new pair of sunglasses tomorrow, make it a double, pick up a sun visor clip for your car, mount one of your new pair on the clip, and be ready for some stylish protection whether day, evening, June, or January.

The last thing you want is to make your visual searches return sights unseen.  While you’re protecting your skin from those harmful sun rays don’t forget to pamper your eyes.  You can’t rub sunscreen onto your eyeballs but you can go out and pick up some physical protection.  And look cool while doing it!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

It’s All Downhill From Here, Or Is It?

Michael Leave a comment

Summer came a few days ago.  On June 21 at 6:51am EDT, the sun was closest to the Northern Hemisphere that it will ever get during the year, or the Earth’s axis was tilted toward the sun at the most extreme angle that it will ever get during the year, or the day was the longest that it was going to be on any day during the year.

That’s a lot of ways to define the start of summer.  But then you also have those other people who claim the summer solstice isn’t the start of summer but the middle of summer and that just confuses things even more.  We just wait for the weather people to tell us when summer arrives each year and then we know when to start singing the blues.

What?  Who’s singing the blues?  And why?  Let’s take a look at this.  The start of summer is on the longest day of the year.  That means every day after that is getting shorter.  Not so much that you’d notice it.  But it’s happening.  Next thing you know, well, if the next thing you notice is 180-some days away, is that it is the shortest day of the year.  And that it’s cold outside.  We just spent five of the past six months avoiding the cold outside.  Finally around the end of May we started getting consistently warmer temperatures.

Those warmer days meant pools were opened, gardens were planted, grass was fertilized (not every summer chore is a fun one), grills were fired up, convertibles were taken out of storage, and shorts were worn – even by non-fat men.  Surely one day three-quarters of the way through June can’t mess up all those plans, even if it does mean that June 22 had just a smidge less daylight than June 21.

Say what you will but we’re planning on still spending a lot of the next 60 to 90 days on summer time fun.  Toward the end we might have to cram some of those activities into days with less daylight, going from 18 hours to twelve.  But anybody who ever ate a tomato fresh from the garden will tell you that it is all worth it.

When the days start getting less than 12 hours long then we’ll prepare for the upcoming assault by winter.  But the best part of that is that sometime, about three-quarters of the way through December, the days start getting longer again.

That means another summer is just around the corner.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Handicap Hate Crime

Michael 2 Comments

We’ve never actually said who we are, where we are, what we do, and other such identifying characteristics.  It wasn’t necessarily intentional.  It just never came up.  After a few years and a few hundred posts it became something just not said.  This week something happened so heinous we may change that just so we can make sure nobody ever, never, never, ever patronizes a particular store.  But first, a story.  And with apologies, a somewhat longish story.

Recent events have slowed He of We from his usual vibrant self.  There are days when his vibrancy is right up there but none so up there that he can vibe without the help of a cane, and not for more than a couple hundred feet at a time.  Thus he has entered the ranks of the temporary handicapped placard people.

All of We (He, She, Sons and Daughter) have always respected the wheel-chaired icon.  So much respect goes to those who are somewhat diminished but still find it in themselves to continue to work, shop, and play that even now, if He of We finds himself in a particularly good day and there is only one spot outlined in blue, he will leave it for someone else and find a relatively close general parking place.  So much respect goes to those in need that when He sees someone in obvious violation of the perk (for example, the youngster who drops a handicapped person off at the door, tells him or her that he’ll come back to the door for pick-up when he sees him or her emerge from the store, and then goes off to take a handicapped spot to wait at), He of We offers to put said violator in compliance with the rules if he doesn’t move.

But we digress.

Earlier this very week on a particularly trying day, he needed to stop at a local grocery store for a handful of items.  This was not the store he usually patronizes but it was one whose weekly ads he scans for that phenomenal loss leader that makes stopping after work worth the few minutes to wander along the dingy aisles.  This particular store has their handicapped spots around the corner from the main entrance.  Those immediately in front of the store doors are general parking.  Fortunately this store is so poorly patronized that at least one of those spots is always available.  Not that day.  So for the first time he parked in one of the three designated spots around the corner, displayed his placard, struggled out of the driver’s seat, crossed the parking lot, and snatched a buggy on the way in.

He noticed the shopping carts were new from his last visit there.  He also noticed that at the inside of the front of the cart, in the place where most supermarkets would make hay with advertisements, these carried a warning.  Yes, a warning.  “Warning,” it said, “the wheels on this state of the art shopping cart are designed to lock and render the cart immobile if the cart is removed from the security perimeter of [name of store]’s  parking lot.”  He supposed it made some sense.  The store is in an area just as urban as sub and he imagined that many very local shoppers push their laden carts all the way to their apartments and return with them on some future shopping day.  But not his problem.  He had specials to exploit.

He proceeded through the dingy aisles, made his few purchases, paid his bill, and because of the weight of the items purchased, elected to leave the now bagged products in the cart and wheel it to his designated parking spot.  You can see where this is going, can’t you?  He got about five feet from his car, absolutely right in the middle of the travel lane, and the wheels locked.  And boy, did they lock.  That cart was not going anywhere!

It would not budge forward.  It would not budge backward.  There appeared to be no obvious switches.  Worse, there was no audible alarm so no one came running to help (or to prosecute).  Not even the buggy boy who at about 20 feet away was apparently far enough not to hear the plea for help.  So he, in his not fully capacitated state, did what he could do.  He removed his bags, one by one, trekked them to his car, and left the disabled cart right in the middle of the travel lane.

As he pulled away he checked his rear view mirror and saw that the buggy boy had finally noticed the unattended shopping cart and was attempting to corral it back with the rest of the herd.  Actually what he was doing was dragging it, kicking it, slapping its handle, and probably swearing at it but since it was at least 20 feet away from anyone, nobody heard his calls for help.

We think we’ll continue to leave our location a bit of mystery.  Actually, it’s not that much of mystery but in fairness to the store we’ll just stay “those reality blog people” and give the store owners more benefit of a greater doubt than they undoubtedly deserve.  Perhaps the store owners didn’t know that the lot designer had a thing against handicapped people or that the security system installer didn’t realize that those blue spaces around the corner from the entrance would ever actually be used, or that the shopping cart salesperson hadn’t might have bamboozled them with carts that randomly proved their mettle.

We’ll just say that if you are anyplace where the handicapped spots are some 30 to 40 feet from the door and you have to cross the path of 6 to 8 general parking spaces, including 4 that are immediately in front of the entrance, go shop somewhere else.  The $4 savings on 12 K-Cups just isn’t worth it.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Oh oh, I-con You See

Michael Leave a comment

Overheard in a break room at work:  “Is it supposed to rain tonight?”  “I saw a picture of raindrops on the news this morning.”  “I saw a lightning bolt for today and raindrops for the rest of this week.”

On a conference call of managers discussing a new time management program for He’s company one manager complained, “the icon for bereavement and for vacation days is almost the same.  Can’t they change one?”

Transcript of a real conversation:  “What’s your sister’s number?”  “Let me check my phone.”

It started innocently enough.  A picture of a red triangle inside another red triangle appeared on the dashboards of cars all across America, all across the world!  No explanation. No late breaking news on any of the major stations.  Oh sure, if you were to read the owner’s manual it would mention that this was the switch to activate the hazard/warning lights.   Otherwise, it was up to the owner to find this out but randomly pushing the button.

Before long another button showed up on the dash with what might be a picture of a snow flake.  (You’d have thought American car makers were distributing their products around the world.)  It might also be a picture of the sun which would indicate to the driver that if the sun was up and got the inside of the car hot, pushing this button will relieve the discomfort by chilling the air before blowing it into the passenger cabin.  Clearly even the authors of the owner’s manual were unsure of which (snowflake or sunshine) this button represented because they just showed a replica of it and defined it as “air conditioning.”

Whether snow or sun this opened the gates for icons to take over other aspects of American life.  Soon weather forecasts would be taken over by pictograms; applications would have descriptors rather than descriptions; photos would appear on phones instead of phone numbers.

Words are becoming a precious commodity.  So precious that some of those applications represented by pictures of things that have nothing to do with the applications’ intents actually limit the number of characters, and thus the number of words, a user might use.  This could be a good thing in that if one can’t come up with more than 25 or 30 words to make out of 140 or so characters then one must come up with alternatives to represent whole words with one, two, or three letters.  And now icons have exploded the use of abbreviations.  (But that’s another post for another day.)

But where were we?  Do you know if it’s supposed to rain today?  Let’s check the pictures on TV and see what they say.  Hmm, we wonder what’s going to happen to weather forecasts on the radio.

🙂

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

What MPG Does Your Cup Holder Get?

Michael Leave a comment

Sometime in a different century when mini-vans only held 7 passengers and only a couple of manufacturers even made mini-vans, one of the Chrysler divisions (that was back in the days when Plymouth was more than just a rock) highlighted in their advertisements that their mini-vans sported 10 cup holders.  This was in a vehicle that sat only seven people.  Why would any vehicle need more cup holders than passengers?

There are a few people who can manage to get from Point A to Point B and keep nothing in their cup holders other than sunglasses, spare change, or dust.  Those people are to be envied.  Last evening He of We was getting himself ready for the drive to work this morning and had to make sure that there was a bottle of water chilling in the refrigerator for that ride and that the travel mug’s lid was somewhere close to the travel mug, all while pondering if he should leave a few minutes early for a breakfast treat on the way in that would include a large iced tea.  Let’s see, that’s a 3 cup holder requirement for only one rider.

Not to be outdone, Daughter of He routinely leaves the house every morning with a coffee and a smoothie.  Another multi-cup cup holder needer.  (Someday we’ll explore the current smoothie world.  Back in the day when seven passenger vans sported 10 cup holders, smoothies called up images of fruit blended with ice or ice cream and were prone to cause cold headaches.  Today those same called things include nuts, berries, grains, seeds, yogurt, and juices.  They still have fruit but no ice cream.  What fun is that?  But back to the cup holders.)

This got us to thinking.  Just how many cup holders are there out there?  Out there being on the driveway.  He’s chariot has 8 cup holders and five seats.  Four of those cup holders are in the front seat.  The front seats that hold two people.  That’s two cup holders per person up front.  The still means that if He and Daughter of He were to car pool, there could be some days one may have to ride in the back just so there will be enough holders for all the cups.

So that brings us to the real quandary of this.  These two aren’t alone in their liquid refreshments commute.  He knows that because he has seen the occupants of other vehicles’ cup holders in his work’s parking spaces.  They are just as crowded.  So the question is: are all these people really drinking all that much just to get to work?  Is it a daily test of bladder control in preparation for the morning meetings?  Or is it just to have a variety available to match the commute’s traffic mood?  (And if it was going to be for that reason, why aren’t more of those cups holding a good shot of bourbon?  Um, passenger side only!)

Those guys in Detroit back in that former century might have had something.  Nobody talks of engine displacement or horsepower anymore.  Wheel size that once seemed so important is today’s unknown.  Gas mileage always shows up on the ads but it’s just a number to compare models.  The number of air bags pops up in commercials more often than price but neither of these is a big selling point.  Will they really make or break the deal?  But watch a dealer try to sell a car without a cup holder.  It might not be on the spec sheet but it will get asked about during the test drive!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?