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One For The Ages

Michael Leave a comment

Yesterday was a big day in the sports world. In America’s sports world. They played a football game. There were no unsportsmanlike conduct penalties, nobody left the game concussed, no spectator was arrested, nobody was caught cheating, and no player was charged with abuse. It was a remarkable game. We’re talking about Puppy Bowl XII!

For the past several years the Puppy Bowl has been the top rated non-sports broadcast on Super Bowl Sunday. (Super Bowl Sunday – I wonder how many people say that with as much, or even more, reverence as Easter Sunday.)

Back to the Puppy Bowl. What started as a diversion to keep the little ones out of the big ones hair when prepping for THE big game has now become an event of its own. Last year, over 10.4 million people watched Puppy Bowl XI. Over 110 million folk watched last year’s Super Bowl but that’s still a bunch of people, not much less than how many watch Big Bang Theory every week, watching what is basically a two hour infomercial for adopting rescue animals.

I think it’s become successful because it’s so cute. I bet more people want to go out an adopt a pet after seeing the Puppy Bowl than after seeing one of those depressing humane society ads. Who wouldn’t want a new best friend who loves running around in packs, playing with toys, and giving big sloppy kisses and just asks for a daily bowl of kibble in return? (Yes, there is a catch but that’s an easy enough one to deal with.)

Now, about that other game that was played yesterday, can’t we just have the commercials without all that other hoopla going on?

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Outdated

Michael Leave a comment

You know, I’m not so sure this is exactly what Punxsutawney Phil had in mind when he predicted an early spring on Tuesday. Yesterday I was driving about and I passed a restaurant whose marquee proclaimed “Patio Open!” Indeed it was a warmish day but it is still February and I was driving north of the Mason Dixon Line. I had a look at the patio as I motored past it. Those chairs were metal! I don’t care if it is a warmish February, if you are sitting out there you will have a less than warmish behind.

It made me wonder, was that restaurant really ready to relegate patrons to the refrigerator? Or perhaps had the owner not updated the signage since last April? It’s been known to happen that not everybody stays as up to date as one might. I offer these observations.

The local mega-market adjusted its hours last year. I recall when the signs went up. One sign in particular. “The Beer Department will close at 9pm effective January 20, 2015.” After more than a year it’s time to retire that sign.

The corner fruit market has two signs in the window proclaiming its operating hours. One is headed “Summer Hours” and the other “Winter Hours.” There is no notice of when each becomes effective, or for the half-empty crowd, is no longer valid.

Hanging on the door to my doctor’s office is a sign reading, “Effective July 1, all billing will be handled by XYZ specialists.” Does that mean they are giving patients a very long notice or that they have forgotten to take it down?

And let us not forget the cheery voice every time you try to call bank, insurance company, hospital, auto mechanic, or piano teacher, who has greeted callers with, “Please listen carefully as our menu items have changed,” since 1996.

Expiration dates shouldn’t be just for milk.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

The Groundhog and the Chicken

Michael Leave a comment

One thing that makes this country great is our sense of tradition. Granted we’re homing in on only 240 years of tradition and not the thousands you see in Europe or the tens of thousands in the very cradle of civilization but I’m still quite happy with our couple hundred years. And now it’s under attack – and it’s under attack by some of our very own people, the marshmallow peeps people who are trying to take over the groundhog’s God-given right to tell us when spring will begin.

Yes, the folks at Just Born Candy, makers of those cloyingly sweet, overly sticky, artificially colored candy barnyard animal facsimiles are trying to dethrone Punxsutawney Phil as Pennsylvania’s, as America’s, as the world’s number one prognosticator of the commencement of Spring. For 230 of America’s 239 springs, Phil has been the constant by which people have determined whether it’s safe to venture out or remain sheltered for six more weeks.

So universal is Phil’s attraction that official chapters of the Groundhog Club are found across the globe. So loved is Phil that over 30,000 people visit the small town of Punxsutawney situated in western Pennsylvania not far from the Allegheny National Forest to catch a glimpse of Phil emerging from his tree stump on Gobbler’s Knob.

Now the eastern Pennsylvania candy-makers claim their mascot is the true sign of the coming of Spring coinciding with the arrival of their marshmallow Peeps in stores. What a bunch of greedy hogwash if you’ll excuse my frankness. Those silly, sickly sweet confections are in the stores year round. There are peeps masquerading as marshmallow ghosts, Christmas trees, hearts, cherries, bunnies, and snowmen. Phil knows when his job is done he gets to take a well-deserved rest and chill out for the rest of the year content in the knowledge that he doesn’t have to try to invade our lives lest we forget his contribution to society.

Peeps versus Phil. How ridiculous! We’re supposed to substitute a fake chicken for a real groundhog? Ludicrous. Who ever heard of a ground chicken? Hmmm, ground chicken. Now that might be worth pursuing!

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Clearly you can tell I’m more than a bit passionate about Punxsutawney Phil. So much so that the only picture in the entire blog is of him, sort of. That little guy has made it into close to a dozen RRSB posts making him a Real Reality frequent flyer. See his debut – and his “picture” – here (Six Weeks, Feb. 2, 2012).

They’re At It Again

Michael Leave a comment

About a year ago I posted a post where I posited that we all could make a nice piece of change by buying car insurance (see “Buy, Save, Repeat,” Jan, 15, 2015). There’s another opportunity out there just waiting to be taken advantage of – cell phone service.

Yesterday’s haul of junk mail included six (6!) offers of fabulous savings just waiting to be doled out in exchange for trading in my current cell service. Offers included a flat rate offer of $20/month and another of $30/month, one with a free phone and one with two free phones, one with a new phone, one with savings of up to 60% off, and one for half of whatever I might be paying now.

I did a little figuring and if I trade in my phone for the new service with 2 new phones then switch to the $20/month plan for each of those then take 60% off and finally move on to the half of what I would then currently be paying I could get service for $6/month and end up with an extra phone that I could sell.

Makes you wonder how these guys stay in business.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Cockle Warming Time!

Michael Leave a comment

There’s so much that today’s post could talk about – Winter Storm Jonas coverage is wrapping up, the Super Bowl stage is set, the NHL All Star Game is just a week away, we are approaching the RRSB’s 400th post, how to celebrate National Opposite Day –  but what we will talk about is something really important. Today is National Irish Coffee Day. (Those of you in other nations, feel free to consider yourselves one of us today.)

So, everybody, put down that morning coffee you have going and let’s re-start the day and do it up right. Brew up some good strong coffee and pour about six ounces into a warmed mug, add an ounce and half of Irish Whiskey and teaspoon of brown sugar, then float about an ounce of heavy cream on top. You have now made the classic Irish Coffee.

The origin of this cockle warmer is not quite so distinct as the main ingredient. Most barkeeps attribute it to Joseph Sheridan, an Irish restauranteur who “whipped up” a collar of whipped cream to top a hot coffee/whiskey combination for weary travelers arriving on a wet, cold, dreary night at his Limerick establishment. The story goes that someone asked if they were drinking Brazilian coffee to which Sheridan replied, “No, it’s Irish coffee.”

Now all that happened in 1942 but recipes for the drink have been traced to Irish High King Brian Boru who ruled from 997 to 1014.Since most people agree that coffee was not “discovered” until the 11th century and didn’t reach Europe until the 15th or 16th century, Brian might have had less to do with Irish coffee than some give him credit for.

In addition to Irish whiskey, people have been adding all sorts of adult beverages to coffee including Scotch whisky, rum, vodka, gin, tequila, and various liqueurs. There are variations of Martinis, Cosmopolitans, and Margaritas starring espresso and other bold coffee blends. Then there’s my personal favorite – Kentucky Coffee made with dark roast coffee, bourbon, and a splash of honey.

However you take your coffee, take it today with a healthy dose of whatever you have measured in “proof” and raise your mug to Misters Sheridan and Folger. Long may they weave!

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Water, Water Everywhere

Michael Leave a comment

I like to keep a bottle of water on my nightstand. Actually I’d like to keep a bottle of wine or fifth of bourbon but I used up my alcohol life allotment about 15 years ago and I’m trying to cut down. So I keep water there instead. I’d keep a glass of water on the nightstand but I know I’d knock the thing over more than I’d drink from it so that’s not a good option for me.

This water bottle doesn’t have to be filled with bottled water. I’m just as happy with tap water and I’ll do the unthinkable and re-use a bottled water bottle for a week or so. Thus a six pack of fresh mountain spring water might last me a couple of months. Now I don’t do this because I think it’s foolish to pay good money for water when you can get it free out of the tap. For one reason that water coming from the tap isn’t free.  But the biggest reason why I do this is because I’m basically lazy. I don’t want to add “water” on my weekly shopping list. It’s bulky, it’s heavy, and I have limited storage space.

Last week I did have “water” on my shopping list. I don’t care much what type of water I get; I’m more concerned with how sturdy the bottle is. Thus I have no brand loyalty when it comes to bottled water. And thus I found myself in the water aisle and suddenly realized how much water there is there. I suppose I always knew but this day was the day it finally hit me – there’s a lot of freaking water out there. I walked it off. I paced along 36 feet of shelving devoted to water. Each section held 6 shelves for over 200 linear feet of crystal clear, mountain spring, or factory generated, bottled water. And that’s just the plain water. My shopping list specified only “water” so I hadn’t included the vitamin water, sparkling water, soda water, flavored water, mineral water, or seltzer. Just water. Wow.

Someday I have to meet whoever first came up with a marketing plan for bottled water. That person is very good!

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Progress

Michael Leave a comment

Surely you must remember this scene from the movie The Money Pit. Tom Hanks returns to the house after the remodelers’ first day to holes dug in the yard, the building ravaged, and mounds of dirt, gravel, and debris. “Those guys were work animals!” says the foreman. Until a few months ago, I thought that was just a scene in a movie.

Down the road is a dead shopping center. It’s been closed for so long that all that was left were the parking lots and hard-scrabble surfaces where the buildings once stood. It was a flat, level plot of land, its only feature a sign declaring the property, all 21 acres, for sale. In fact, it had been sold and bought some years ago. The new owner leveled all of the former buildings and began awaiting the necessary permits. Finally the wait was over. Progress was about to ensue.

Some months ago work began. In came the heavy equipment and they dug some holes and made some piles. Those included mounds and mounds of dirt, gravel, and debris. Work animals they were. I noticed last week that the big machines were gone. The holes were filled I guess with what made up the mounds of dirt and gravel which were now also gone. It is a flat, level plot of land, its only feature is a sign declaring the property, all 21 acres, sold and now the future site of … a shopping center.

Progress is ensuing.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Two all beef patties, special sauce, etc., etc.

Michael 1 Comment

I love sandwiches. I alluded to that in a post last year (Sandwiched Between Here and There, June 4, 2015) but never came right out and actually said so in public. Well public, I love sandwiches.

I suppose if it wasn’t for that card game back in 1760-something I would have to invent it myself. If you read this blog religiously over the past year you might think I had a hand in its invention in a former life. I say that because just over the past year I’ve referenced sandwiches in seven posts. Considering that I only post twice a week and that half of last year I was in the hospital and posted only 95 times in 2015, seven posts is a big chunk of my on-line presence for 2015. And the biggest contribution I made to society was my feeling about sandwiches. Not even any good recipes (meat, cheese, condiments, bread) (chips on the side), just…feelings, nothing more than feelings.

When you get down to the nitty and gritty of great sandwiching you see that the love of sandwiches is pretty universal. Or sure, the first thing you might think of is the classic portable meal the Fourth Earl of Sandwich is rumored to have called for (meat, bread) (no word about chips). But a sandwich is so much more than that – it’s a wrap, a taco, a burrito, a calzone, a Stromboli, a gyro, a falafel, a muffaletta, …. Oh I could go on and on (as if I haven’t already) that’s how strongly I feel about sandwiches. They are just plain, old-fashion, good eating.

So now that you know how I feel about fine dining, when you come to visit plan on a stop at the neighborhood bar and grill for a cold one and a hot one (frosty adult beverage and two-handed manwich at the bar) or a hot one and a cold one (soup and sandwich daily special at the grill).  We’ll get along just fine!

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Now See This

Michael Leave a comment

We’ve made it through the first full week of the new year. Already I’ve come up with some observations.

Happy Trailers
The Oscar nominations come out later this week. Over the past several decades I have seen hundreds of movies. I think two of them have been Oscar winners. I guess my tastes don’t jive with the nominating committee. How do you decide what movie you want to see? If you’re like most of the world you let the trailers be your guide. The thing about trailers is that they are about as relevant to the movie as a cover blurb is to a book. They make everything sound exciting but they have little to do with the movie. Then you go see the movie and get disappointed. I say, stay with the fluff. If you go into it with no expectations you can’t be disappointed.

Snow Business
As I write this it is snowing. That shouldn’t be surprising considering how far north I am. But this year there hasn’t been any snow. Well, there has been very, extremely very, almost as verily very as you can get, very little snow this year.  Last month I spent a week in New Orleans, about 1,100 miles south of here and it was warmer here than there then. Some people might say that I should quit complaining and enjoy the unseasonal warmth, especially when you consider the harshness of last year’s winter. It’s just that I sort of like the snow. It makes it pretty out there.

Dance With Me
It’s time again for my state’s annual farm show and that means tractor square dancing. First you have to wrap your head around having a farm show in January where it’s usually so cold that I just questioned the lack of snow. I don’t know. I’ve lived in the city my whole life but they’ve been doing a winter farm show here for 100 years now and it seems to work for them. Anyway, it’s my one chance to get to see tractor square dancing on TV. It’s so bizarre you can’t help but watch it. (I even devoted an entire post to the phenomenon. See “Swing Your Partner” from Jan 22, 2015 for more. Go on. You know you want to.)

A Sticky Situation
I’m out of syrup. I finished it yesterday. That might not be a big deal to some people. Go to the store and get some more. Can’t do it. I have to admit, I’m a syrup snob. I have only had local syrup bought at a local maple festival for years. The first one of three nearby fests doesn’t happen until April 2. I suppose I have to do a search of farm stores and locally owned corner markets to find some. Don’t judge me. Some things are best when made closest to home. Maple syrup and wild flower honey are two.

Wise Guy
To add to my list of sayings I’d like to see hanging on my wall, as seen recently on a t-shirt (I told you it was warm here), “It’s Not Broken. It Just Needs Duct Tape.”

It’s going to be one of those years.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

It’s a Great Time to Be a Nerd

Michael Leave a comment

Did you hear the news? The folks behind Lumosity have been fined $2 million for deceptive marketing practices. Seems their ads claim their brain training had proven ability to increase brain function and ward off degenerative brain disease. Problem was they had no proof of that proven ability. You would think that a company touting its ability to increase cognitive function would know that proof is required to prove “proven” competency. Any geek can tell you that. Clearly this is a nerd-challenged company.

If any of those responsible for this marketing boo-boo are reading, please take a bit of advice from this ‘Proud to be a Nerd’ nerd. People want to be recognized for being smart. If you want to sell more subscriptions, toss in some bragging rights. How do I know? All you have to do is check the TV listings.

Suddenly, nerds are the in-crowd. Jeopardy has always been a huge hit. I remember watching Jeopardy in a bar, during happy hour, everybody shouting out questions, some even correctly. (Trivia nights continue to be a hot draw at many local watering holes.) The History Channel recently debuted a new series, The Smartest Guy in the Room. This show pits two of three everyday Joe’s (a bartender, a doorman, and a teacher’s aid against each other to solve challenges designed by the third. Did I mention that all three have IQs greater than 140 putting them in the genius range? Lifetime is resuming its series where twelve child geniuses compete for a $100,000 scholarship.

Geniuses abound in television world and they make it look so fun or exciting that we all want to be like them. Who hasn’t wanted to be Doogie Howser or Angus MacGyver (yes, he had a first name)? From the gang on The Big Bang Theory to the team at Scorpion, geniuses routinely entertain and amaze us. Clearly, being smart has some benefits.

Those Saturday mornings spent at student debates, speech competitions, science fairs, and math challenges have already increased out brain function and hopefully will ward off dementia. And without any monthly subscription fees (except for cable TV).

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?