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Free free, free free free!

Michael 2 Comments

I have been meaning to give you a kidney transplant update and thought today would have been a good day for that but something more important came up. Ahem, attention. To all responsible in some way for the pricing of goods and services, “free” means “not costing or charging anything.” Again, thanks go to Misters Merriam and Webster and yes I am still trying to figure out who is who.

Why am I on to this again? Because I have that kind of time, and that kind of time has finally pushed me over the edge. It’s late in winter, or early in spring, and neither is giving any ground. I’m sick of being either inside or out only for dialysis, doctors, or church. Obviously church people and doctor people are really nice folks but I really can use some time outdoors. (Dialysis people tend to be nice too but I am a little less disposed to calling anybody stuffing needles the size of bucatini into my arm pleasant people to be around.) If it’s not way too cold for a brisk walk (winter’s doing) the wind is blowing a gazillion miles an hour (spring’s contribution) or they are both huffing and puffing, threatening to blow my hovel down. So, I spend most of my time not spent at dialysis, doctors, or church, spent inside with the television on for company. I figured I really needed company when one day while talking to my plants I, with much deserved huffiness, turned on a heel, stalked out of the room, and slammed the bedroom door when they gave me the silent treatment. Collectively! The nerve of them! After all I’ve given them – water, sunshine, more water, a little fertilizer now and then. I mean really, who do…. umm ….

So I’m back to too much time in front of the TV and there are only so many movies you can sit and watch that eventually you have to resort to commercial channels and they include commercials. And the ones that play early in the morning or late at night are what you expect when the ad rates are significant less than the Super Bowl pregame show. They are the As Seen On TV ads.

Like me, maybe you are not too young to recall those early “Not Sold In Stores” television commercials. They were really things you would not find in any store. A knife that cuts through steel toed boots. Lithuanian language records. Combination fishing rod/compass. Unique products that even if you knew you’d never need, want, or use like a clothes iron that plugged into your car’s cigarette lighter, you were going to watch that commercial all the way through – just in case. Who knew, by the time they got to the end maybe you decided that you really did need a hand cranked camp stove that could boil water and provide the upper body workout your exercise routine was lacking. And their premiums were real premiums. Not a commercial ended before the announcer excitedly added, “And if you order now, we’ll include an ice crusher absolutely free!”

FreeToday’s late night answer to the famous towel that can hold 12 times its weight is neither not available in any store nor likely to have you waiting for the commercial’s end for any reason other than that your program is that much closer to returning. And there are no more premiums. Where did all the ice crushers go? No, now if you “order now!” what do you get? Another one of whatever they are trying to get rid of. If I don’t need one battery powered ear wax vacuum I certainly don’t need two, especially not for “free! just pay an extra fee.”

I particularly resent the copywriter who puts “free shipping,” “we’ll send you a second absolutely free,” and ” “just pay a separate fee” all in the same ad. At least if there was a shipping charge for the first I could talk myself into understanding the “separate fee” for the second, but when the first is going out with “free shipping” what first fee is there that we’re not being told about?

Okay, so now that I have gotten that out of my system perhaps the next time around I’ll update you on my kidneys. I promise, it will be free.

 

Cereal Killer

Michael 5 Comments

They are magically delicious. They are often the first real solid foods you eat. They’re great. They are the stuff dreams are made of. Wait! No, those are jewel encrusted golden birds from Malta. But that other stuff, yeah, that they are. And they are cereal.

Today is National Cereal Day. Look, every day is something and today the needle points to those grains used for food, often breakfast, such as wheat, oats, or corn. (Thank you Mr. Merriam. Or Mr. Webster. Can anybody tell those guys apart?)

Can you imagine your life without cereal? Probably not. Even if you aren’t a cereal eater now, you once were. Hot, smooth cereals like cooked creamy rice or wheat are often a baby’s first step from “baby food” to the stuff in the house everybody else eats. Those round oat thingies (Cheerios by name) are most toddlers’ favorite snack and few parents of the youngsters leave home without them. And you confirmed anti-cereal zealots, don’t tell me you don’t have a canister of oatmeal or a box of corn flakes somewhere in that kitchen with the idea that they are just to make cookies or to bread chicken.

cerealI’ll admit I’m not a big boxed cereal eater myself today but I have a decent chunk of pantry space devoted to the foodstuff. Hot cereal is different. I always have multiple containers of old fashioned oats on hand for breakfast, lunch, sometimes dinner, often cookies, just as often bars, and occasionally muffins. But those other cereals usually end up masquerading as “a heathy snack.”

Oddly my favorite cereal from childhood rarely visits my old man kitchen. And it wasn’t even a typical kid brand like Cap’n Crunch. My favorite cereal growing up was plain corn flakes. I’d have a bowl of flakes with a half a banana sliced into it and whole milk. The banana’s other half would go into my school lunch unless somebody got to it first for another breakfast add in. That was breakfast more days than not until I set off for college.

I tried to look up the most popular cereal. I found 5 polls all published within a month of each other, and all wildly different. I guess the most popular depends on where you are, what company is sponsoring the poll, or how honest you feel like being when asked if you prefer Kashi or Fruity Pebbles and your whole pilates class (or bowling team (no judgement here)) is listening.

So we’ll do an informal poll. What is your favorite cereal? Ahh, still no judgement.

 

 

A Word From Our Sponsor

Michael 1 Comment

Recently I saw something on line that said something like “All the drug ads on TV like for the first 10 seconds tell you its name and then like spend the rest of the time like daring you to take it.” Like I said it was on line. Like what did you expect? But, it raises a good point.  No, not that drug manufacturers are daring you to take their product. Why isn’t everything else advertised like that?

First a little background about prescription drug advertising on TV, in magazines, on-line, or anywhere else they are targeted “direct to consumers” — it shouldn’t happen. Back in the days when drug companies were run by people with pharmacy degrees and hospitals were run by people with medical degrees, marketing was pretty straight forward. Drug companies got approval from the FDA for a drug which included its official product information and that included what had to be mentioned in all marketing material. This included but was not limited to indications (what it is used for), contraindications (when it should not be used), warnings (what might happen if dosed and monitored inappropriately), and side effects (adverse or unexpected reactions that occurred in more than 0.1% (1 in every 1000) of the participants in post-approval/pre-marketing controlled drug studies). The material was typically presented in pages of information and a presentation lasted anywhere from 30 to 50 minutes. The target audience was doctors and pharmacists who spent years studying these things, understood the language, and often challenged the information as presented by the marketing team, also people with health care related degrees or experience.

Then about 20 years ago drug companies started hiring people with business degrees to run their business. They may have had a background in selling fast food french fries and thought there was no reason prescription drugs shouldn’t be sold the same way. This ignored the fact that they were now targeting an audience of people who could not legally walk into a store and buy their product without a prescription. The FDA, medical organizations and pharmacist organizations disagreed with direct to consumer advertising, not because they wanted to “control” the prescription drug market but because it was establishing a dangerous environment. But the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), made up of business people, said sure, why not, it will create competition and keep prices down. Recognizing that the FDA had regulations requiring what information had to be present in marketing material, the FTC thought those were good things people should know and that’s why there is now a demand for fast, low talkers to do the voice-over for prescription drug ads on TV.

AdNow, back to my premise, if it’s such a good idea why not make all advertising follow a similar structure. With that understanding, I now present the way consumer goods and services should be advertised. In the spirit of the FTC mandate I’ll just note the disclaimers. The creative teams can use the rest of the 15 second spots however they would like. Please note that some of the required language might mean the advertising budgets may require some expansion to reflect longer ad time buys and since we know that companies don’t spend money they cannot recover, there may be a corresponding increase in product pricing.

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Fast food french fries (with or without bacon)
Do not take if allergic to potatoes, oils used for frying which may change without warning, or pigs if using the bacon version. May cause high cholesterol including high good cholesterol and high bad cholesterol. Do not take if using blood thinners. People with high cholesterol, high blood pressure, uncontrolled diabetes, excess body fat, or uncomfortably tight clothing should consult the fry cook or counter person before consuming french fries. May cause bloating, nausea, headaches, or weight gain. Do not continue use if you notice ankle swelling, excess sweating, or shortness of breath after eating. If taking with bacon do consume if you are vegetarian, vegan, or kosher.

Light beer
Do not take if allergic to beer or any ingredient in beer. Do not take if also taking blood thinners, analgesics, antibiotics, sedatives, anti-depressants, narcotics, illegal drugs, or drugs used for diabetes or high blood pressure. May cause inebriation which can lead to embarrassing questions or answers, karaoke or karaoke style singing, chair dancing, and  loss of bladder control. May cause double vision, slurred speech, or drooling. Do not operate a car, heavy machinery, or juke boxes. Consult spouses, partners, or significant others if you cannot remember where you parked. I’d you do not remember where you parked and stumble upon your vehicle, do not drive. Tell yout server if you become nauseous. Quickly.

All-season radial tires
Do not use if allergic to tires. Requires proper inflation and periodic monitoring. Do not use if bald (the tire, not you), bulging around the middle (again the tire), or if taking beer, wine, or liquor (that’s you). Doing “donuts” in the parking lot will decrease usable wear.

Medical Marijuana
[You know it will only be a matter of time before it or “Recreational” varieties are directly marketed. Oh quick, what’s the difference between medical and recreational opiates. Uh huh.]
Do not use if allergic to marijuana. May cause you to impersonate medical personnel. Is not a cure all. Notify your dispensary of…well it really doesn’t matter because they aren’t medical people and won’t have any idea of what you are talking about anyway but notify first responders and emergency room personal that you take “medical” marijuana when they ask you about drug use.

Cauliflower rice
Do not use if allergic to cauliflower. May cause gastric bloating or flatulence. Do not take if using blood thinners. Although not intended as a weight loss product, cauliflower rice may cause a feeling of fullness decreasing any pleasure in eating. Not intended as a replacement for pizza crust.

Political Ads
What you are about to hear is a lie.

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If you agree this is a good idea please write to your congressman or senator. They can use a good laugh too.

 

 

Make Mine Rare. Or Not

Michael 10 Comments

Today and tomorrow stretch the limits of diseases. Today, as it is every year on the last day of February, is Rare Diseases Day and tomorrow, as does every March 1, begins National Kidney Month one of the most common medical conditions. I am one of the chosen who get to experience both up close and personal.

Rare diseases and kidney diseases share more than just the cusp of the second and third months of the year. What makes a rare disease a rare disease changes a little from country to country. In Europe a disease or condition affecting is considered rare when it affects fewer than 1 in 2,000 people. In the U.S. that consideration is extended to those disorders affecting fewer than 200,000 people in total. Either way, that’s not a lot of people for a disease. There are over 6,000 conditions listed as rare diseases by the National Organization for Rare Diseases (NORD) and Rare Diseases Europe (EURODIS) affecting over 30 million people. Meanwhile, kidney disease affects over 30 million Americans alone. Coincidence? Maybe not.

RDDayIf you go back far enough all diseases have been rare at some time. The more common conditions like diseases of the kidneys didn’t become less rare because they affected more people. They became more common as those treating them spoke with others treating similar conditions comparing symptoms, patient histories, disease progression, and constants in presentation. Often when enough data is collected it becomes apparent the rare disease wasn’t as much rare as unrecognized. Treatment options and the responses then get shared, refined, retried, and publicized and the goal shifts from just education and proper diagnosis of the disease so difficult with the rare ones to effective treatment and some day eradication of the disease.

Obviously a disease becoming “common” doesn’t automatically mean we know enough about it to say were well in the way to effectively treating or possibly eradicating it. If it did we’d need far fewer fun runs every weekend. The National Kidney Foundation may not face the recognition challenge like NORD and EURODIS but treatment improvements are still badly needed and 30 million people can attest that eradication is not just around the corner.

NKmonth

Sometimes, whether rare or common, the patient gets lost in the struggle to recognize or combat the disease. The rare disease sufferer often suffers in silence while it’s “clear” to his and her friends and coworkers that it’s all in his head or she just complains a lot. The End Stage Renal Disease patient “fortunate” enough to be able to still work is made to feel guilty that he might be a little slower on the day after dialysis even though he got a whole half day off for it, or that she never wants to take a real vacation, just a weekend here or there when she can work it around her dialysis days.

If you know one of the 30 million people with a rare disease or one of the 30 million people with kidney disease or maybe one of each or one with both take some time today and tomorrow to learn what they go through, what they need, or how you can help. If you feel generous, a donation to one of the hundreds of organizations looking to educate people on, or advance recognition and treatment of one the diseases affecting your friend can’t hurt.

But if you’re feeling really generous, give a call to your friend and say, “Hi, can I do anything for you today?” That could be the rare treat that really makes a day.

What I Did On My Lost Day

Michael 2 Comments

I’m a day late. I’ve been a dollar short for years so that’s not news but the lost day is something I really tried to avoid. I knew yesterday was going to be a potential for not posting so I was going to get something written and scheduled on Wednesday so there would still be some words for you on Thursday. I’m still not so sure why but I felt I should. Unfortunately there was a power outage here Wednesday evening. That’s pretty rare for these parts and I took it as an omen that what I was going to post wasn’t worth the time or energy. I hadn’t given it a thought that my energy provider would have agreed with me so dramatically. Anyway, there would probably still be time on Thursday even considering what I had on tap for me.

Yesterday I had a simple, quick procedure at the hospital. Nothing medical is ever simple or quick but those words are used relative to what could have been. Still it wasn’t quite the whole day lost and I should have been able to write but for a couple issues.

The procedure was scheduled for 12:30 and took about 25 minutes. That should have left a great deal of the day except it didn’t. Here was the actual schedule starting Wednesday evening.

Wednesday
6:30pm – dinner
8:00 – consider a hot snack since I won’t be able to eat after midnight.
8:02 – electricity goes out
8:03 – stub toe in kitchen trying to make peanut butter sandwich
8:04 – apologize to neighbor for language
8:10 – find chair in living room, sit
8:11 – boredom sets in
8:45- give up hope of snack, go to bed

Thursday
12:35am – startled awake by lights, tv, furnace, abruptly coming back on
3:05 – return to sleep
8:00 – wake up, throw away coffee made before remembering restriction not allowing food or drink after midnight
8:40 – finally settle on appropriate “loose clothing” per instructions
9:15 – ride to hospital arrives
9:35 – clean up coffee cup and plate from coffee and danish ride has while waiting time to leave for hospital
9:45 – leave for hospital
10:25 – arrive at hoping outpatient registration
10:30 – assigned to room, put in silly hospital gown, stuck for IV, labs drawn
10:45 – wait
11:44 – transported to procedure room
11:45 – wait
12:20pm  – sedated
12:25 procedure (yay!)
1:00 – return to room for recovery
1:02 – first food since Wednesday evening (graham crackers and ginger ale (yum))

BOC1

1:11 – enjoy remaining sedation
2:00 – discharged
2:45 – stopped at pharmacy for prescription
2:46 – wait
3:05 – pick up prescription
3:15 – arrive home
3:20 – nap while daughter makes dinner
4:30 – dinner
5:00 – turn TV on for evening news
5:01 – fall asleep in front of TV
10:30 – wake up and go to sleep

Friday
8:57am – Wake up
9:00 – wonder what I missed for the last day

And that’s why you’re getting Thursday’s post now. This is it. Have a good day.

 

 

 

Dance of the Year

Michael 6 Comments

Happy Not Really Presidents Day. Yeah, yeah, I sound like a broken record (under 30s ask a real adult) but there is no such holiday. Never was. Should never will be. I guess the United Kingdom celebrates the Queen’s birthday but does anybody else set aside time for the collective past chief executives whoever they may be. Neither do we. Today is Washington’s Birthday (although it really isn’t, that’s Feb. 22) because he did a bunch of stuff that got this USA started. The other 44 are just hangers on.

If you want a good discount on a car, mattress, or living room furniture, today is your day. If you want to relive my in-depth look at the weirdos who have occupied 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., check out last year’s post. If you want to really celebrate something special, keep reading.

Today is, in addition to a federal holiday, the day after Thon. Thon is the Penn State IFC/Panhellenic Dance Marathon, a year-long fund raising effort to combat childhood cancer. The money raised is donated to Four Diamonds at Penn State Children’s Hospital. How much? Since 1977 THON has raised more than $157 million for Four Diamonds. The Four Diamonds fund offsets the costs of the pediatric cancer care not covered by insurance and provides other services such as specialty care for the mental, emotional, and spiritual needs of the children and their families. Research and medical support are also funded by Four Diamonds.

Maybe today should be a federal holiday because of Thon and other student groups across the country. Surely there are other similarly focused almost adults, but Thon is the poster child for these poster children. The largest student run philanthropic organization in the world, Thon has over 16,500 student volunteers participating in the year-long effort and more than 700 dancers took to the floor for this weekend’s 46 hour marathon.

For years, starting every fall, “canners” would fan out across Pennsylvania and beyond collecting coins at business entrances, sporting and cultural events, and traffic intersections. Mini-Thons, alumni, business partners, and “Friends of Thon” have helped but the physical canvassing raised a huge percentage of the total donations. This year was the first when due to safety concerns, canning was officially banned. Instead crowd funding and THONvelopes replaced the corner canners presence. And still they added to the “over $157 million.”

THON2019They’ve raised over $157 million. How much more? Add another $10,621,683.76 from this weekend. That’s short of the $13.4 million record from 2013, and far far less than say the $700 million donated to St. Jude’s Hospital last year but Thon’s overhead is probably a little less also. And you can’t argue that is still quite a total for a bunch of kids just helping out another bunch of kids.

So if you have a few minutes between mattress shopping and you’d like to justify your day off with something worthy of celebration to celebrate, now you do.

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Photo by Patrick Spurlock | Onward State

Acts of Love

Michael 4 Comments

Over the last two or three weeks I’ve seen at least a half dozen TV shows and movies that featured a scene where a parent treated a child to a lunch, a shopping day, or some trip or event that ended with the child asking, “Seriously, why are you being so nice to me? You want my kidney!!!” I mentioned this to my daughter on our way out to lunch. She didn’t comment. Hmmm.

If you don’t know or don’t remember reading it, my daughter is one of those being evaluated as a potential kidney donor for me. She didn’t have to be asked and I treated her to many lunches before my body demonstrated a need for spare parts. Likewise are my sisters going through the evaluation process and I’m not sure I’ve ever treated either to lunch, maybe an occasional birthday brunch or holiday dinner but not a random, middle of the day, full on lunch. Even a friend of my daughter has said he would be willing to go through the process when he found out I was in need. And not one of them was asked.

The story is actually one years in the making. I had been teetering on poor kidney function for a few years. The Wegener’s granulomatosis (GPA) had over a dozen years to work on marginalizing those organs. Drugs and diet had been keeping me functional. Unfortunately function slipped to the unreasonable level and I entered dialysis about 2 years after I had been diagnosed and treated for bladder cancer. The rules at the transplant center called for a 5 year cancer free window before I would even be considered for a transplant.

HeartAndKidney

Image: National Kidney Foundation

Everyone knew the date I had been declared “cancer free” and as the 5 year anniversary approached they seem to take for granted that they would celebrate by scheduling donor evaluation appointments for themselves. No bribing needed.

I think of all this today, Valentine’s Day. This is love. Love isn’t a card, a greeting, or a thought. Love isn’t a saying or a feeling. To truly love someone we must do for one. Love is an action. Love is in doing. Love is in the work.

I love how these people are working for me. I know I’ll never been able to work as hard at loving them.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Script Girl

Michael 2 Comments

February might be my favorite month. It’s certainly in the top ten. (I can do without March and its schizophrenic weather patterns and August’s unending humidity. The rest are okay.) February is among my favorites because of the Academy Awards. Quite honestly I don’t think I could possibly care less who goes home with an Oscar this year. I love February because of the old winners.

I love old movies and there is no better time to get a fill of them than in the month leading up to the Oscars. Whether your film love is for musicals, thrillers, book adaptations, war, epics, comedies, or tragedies you will find it on a small screen near you in February. February is when movie services and networks go all out to rake in the viewers with past nominees and winners. The good movies. The ones produced before Hollywood decided America needed a conscience and it was the perfect choice. These are the ones you watch and say to yourself, “they wouldn’t do that today.”

Something else about those old movies they don’t do today is the credits. (Hmm. Some things else are the credits?) I’ve bemoaned the state of movie credits before but it never rears its ugly head as much as now when the screens are filled with the elegance of crediting those who deserve credit and not every Tom, Dick, and Harriet who come close to the set or is close to the financiers.

Buried in those early credits is another thing “they wouldn’t do today.” Among the actors, director, producer, editor, cameraman, set designer, and costumer, almost always is “Script Girl.” Sexism notwithstanding, the title was gradually changed to Script Supervisor in the 60s and 70s, long before males entered the role. But for years, and as long as February remains Oscar Movie Month, for years to come, “Script Girl” was how the continuity expert was defined around the world. Literally.

AdmitOneJust over the weekend I was watching the 1974 Best Foreign Language Film winner, François Truffaut “Day for Night.” (Reading maybe as much as watching as my French comprehension was never as good as my high school grades suggested. Hooray for subtitles.) As the credits rolled (before the movie as they should be) after the acteurs, among the équipage, and before the producteur and the réalisateur was “Script Girl,” just like that, en anglais, capitalized, and in quotes.

And what does this “girl” do. At one time she or he, although then it was almost exclusively she would be the director’s secretary and would record information about how of each scene was shot, prompt actors, and often write notes to be used in publicizing the movie before it’s release. Today the Script Supervisor also keeps notes of wardrobe, props, set dressing, hair, makeup and the actions of the actors during shooting to assist the editor in maintain continuity during and between scenes. Thus when the hero enters a scene with a half full cup of coffee it doesn’t turn into a can of ginger ale 24 seconds later in the final cut.

I’d love to stick around longer and talk about old movies but there’s only 17 days left to February and my DVR is filling up. I have to catch up on some classics today.

To Tell the Truth

Michael Leave a comment

I hate liars. Everybody tells a little fib now and then. (That’s the best cauliflower rice dough pizza. You can’t even tell it has no gluten, cholesterol, fat, calories, taste, or appreciation for a life worth living.) But outright “I know this is blatantly false and I’m saying it only because I want to trick your ass” falsehoods are just wrong. And professional lying like done by every politician and used car salesman since 1959 is the worst.

Those professional liars are getting really good at it. Much of their lying is so subtle we don’t even recognize it as not true. Take the word “free,” a perfectly good word. I think if you ask anybody what the word means you would be told “enjoying personal liberty as in freedom” or “given without cost.” Lexicographers would differ. Well … not so much differ as embellish, just like the liars. Dictionary dot com list 40 definitions for “free,” Cambridge English has 24, Merriam Webster 20, and even the venerable OED lists 14 definitions of the word. That’s why people can take a perfectly good word like “free,” put it in front of another word like “shipping” and feel justified telling you how much it will cost to ship your purchase if it doesn’t meet a minimum amount spent.

The local supermarket where I do most of my grocery shopping has taken to telling the truth. I must tell you, it confuses me sometimes. If you join their loyalty program you get a weekly e-mail offering some incredible value at not just a ridiculously low price but almost always free. A couple weeks ago this deal was a case of their bottled water for 49 cents. This week it’s a can of Coca-Cola for free. And they really mean free. Not with the purchase of another can. Not with a minimum total spent. It’s free. You go into the store, grab a can and take it to the checkout lane where someone will scan the can and scan your loyalty card, then the cash register will total up $0.00 and off you go. Of course they hope you buy something else but you don’t have to. Free means free.

exchangeAnother perfectly good word is “exchange.” This word even has the dictionaries agreeing there is little room for ambiguity. “An act of giving one thing and receiving another (especially of the same type or value) in return” is the number one definition in the Oxford English Dictionary, and except for references to where stocks are traded and a short conservation or argument, every reference to “exchange” is pretty much the giving and getting of something similar. Our general use of the word confirms that. Next week, if next week was fifty years ago, elementary school kids across the country will hold a “Valentine Exchange” at school and everybody gives and gets happy heart shaped cards. (Who knows what they do today.) Just a couple months ago at Christmas time you may have participated in a “Holiday Gift Exchange” at work when to keep in the spirit of exchange a dollar amount was stipulated. Even businesses know that to be an exchange a transaction must be of equal value. Gold and jewelry exchanges all over swap fresh money for old gold at a specifically noted “rate of exchange.”

So when I got a card in the mail from the local Chevy dealer saying it was time to exchange my 9 year old Malibu for a new one I rushed right over!

[sigh]

 

 

 

But It’s Just One Day Off

Michael 2 Comments

Somebody figured out that 17 million people did not go to work today (Monday, Feb. 4) in the US specifically because of the Super Bowl. Maybe they had over-celebrated the winners. Perhaps they were overcome with despair for the losers. Maybe they were replaying their favorite commercials on YouTube. Or they were just big immature babies and felt they needed a day off because of the killer hangover from a 9 hour tailgate party.

Seventeen million people are a lot of people to call off at one time. The current American workforce stands at about 154 million. That means 11% of that group just blew off their responsibilities for a football game. Not to play in one. Not to go to one. Not to watch their children in one. But to recover from one. No, not to recover from playing in one. To “recover” from watching one.

That’s dedication. (Sarcasm!) I hope they remember today three months from now when their request for extra days off to extend their upcoming vacation is denied. Or six months from now when they try to turn a Tuesday Fourth of July into a five day weekend and are docked for having already used up all their sick days for the year. Or ten months from now when their Christmas bonus is light, or non-existent. Or next week when the bosses figure out they did just fine with 11% fewer people.

BWings“You mad?” you say? Sort of. More disappointed about what people have come to think is important enough to put their welfare at risk and not just by taking an extra day off. The average super bowl party host will spend as much as the average American family spends on Thanksgiving but mostly on chicken wings and beer. About 1.3 billion chicken wings were consumed Sunday, washed down with 325 million gallons of beer. Some of that beer found its way into people with a history of bad judgement around alcohol. Drinking violations by repeat drunk drivers ordered to stay sober jumps an average of 22% on Super Bowl Sunday, compared to usual Sunday violation rates. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) puts Super Bowl Sunday among the deadliest traffic accident days with other “holidays” like Cinco de Mayo and St. Patrick’s Day.

Super Sunday? Sorry. I don’t see it. But I almost took today off. Fortunately I had a good talk with myself and convinced me to post today anyway. Now everybody go on and get back to work. The other 89% can’t keep it up without you forever.