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You Get What You Pay For

Michael Leave a comment

Around here every summer there is a one day outdoor jazz festival and a weekend long blues festival.  Quite often there are on consecutive weekends.  This year they were on the same weekend.  We hate to miss either since jazz and blues are two of our three favorite genre, the third being almost everything else.  We also hate to miss either because they are free.  Sort of.  The jazz festival is free if you bring a donation for the local food bank.  The blues festival’s first night is also free with a donation to the same food bank.

Around here a lot is “free.”  Just in the past year we’ve gotten free discount coupon books (for a blood donation), had two free glasses of wine (for a donation to the local cancer society), had a free buffet (for a donation to a local hospital), saw a free movie (another blood donation), and sat through a free evening of songs by two of the best vocalists between the Atlantic and the Pacific (another donation to fight cancer).

Here’s the funny thing about these “free” events.  Somewhere between the giving and the getting, we found a great blues band, some excellent wine, a couple dynamite appetizer recipes, an up and coming jazz trumpeter,  a new passion for Saturday matinees, and two of the best vocalists between the Atlantic and the Pacific. 

There were even some truly “free” events we stumbled across.  Summer evening movie nights in the local park, big band concerts at the county park, free skate at an outdoor ice rink to celebrate the season, access to that 400+ mile bike path that rolls through 3 states and the District of Columbia, a drive along the back roads through the dappled sunshine in an open convertible.   Oh, one way or another we paid for these – from taxes to gasoline, nothing is really free.  Is it?  No matter how you look at it, if it didn’t involve the transfer of folding money from a pocket to an outstretched hand to us it’s free and free is a pretty good price.

Another thing free is, free is an opportunity to see more of the person you’re sharing free with.  You know that sometime during the event one of you will turn to the other and say, not too shabby … considering what we paid.  And from there a whole conversation ensues about the event, the venue, the surroundings, the other participants, the planners, the doers.  You soon find yourself quite engrossed in each other’s observations and each other’s opinions, and each other’s memories, and each other.  So engrossed you don’t really care why you are there, just that you are there.  And that “you” is plural.

Whether the beneficiaries were those who rely on the food bank to make it from meal to meal or us recharging our batteries joy riding from there to here, there’s a different word that describes all this free stuff. 

It’s not free.  It’s priceless.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Clean Up on Aisle Ten

Michael 3 Comments

She called last weekend.  It was the first weekend in November and She was out shopping in one of our favorite stores.  Yes, it was a remainder store.  Hey, we love ‘em.  Remainder stores, dollar stores, restock stores.  The place that goods that won’t die go to be bargains.

But I digress…She called Him and said it was close to an international incident.  While shopping in one of our favorite stores she encountered others that one would have thought were shopping.  And they may have been shopping but what was very evident was that they were also shouting.  Yes, shouting from one side of the store to the other in some foreign tongue, something not easily identifiable but foreign for sure.  Did the fact that they knew that probably nobody in the store knew their language give these shouters license to intrude on the other shoppers’ shopping Zen?

At first it was somewhat alarming.  When you don’t know the language you don’t know if a shout is an expression of shopping joy over finding Anne Klein at 95% off or a scream of alarm about a raging inferno in women’s outerwear.  But it kept going on so it seemed more conversational.  Just your basic conversation between two parties who had lost their cell phones.  At a loud volume.  Very loud.

And that’s when the potential international incident raised its head.  After 5 or 6 volleys between the screamers She couldn’t take it.  “Geez!  A little store etiquette!”  She was annoyed, and not too quiet about it.

And that got us on our digression –annoying shopping things.  It was the first week of November.  Halloween had just passed.  Veterans’ Day was not yet here.  Thanksgiving wasn’t even on the shopping list.  But as early as it is the store – a leftovers shop! – was in full Christmas regalia complete with Silver Bells, White Christmas, and Rudolph’s red nose playing on the intercom.  At that high volume that gets you right in the comfort zone screaming Christmas is coming!  Shop now because the bargains you see today won’t be here tomorrow!!  Buy early!!! Buy often!!!! Buy, buy, buy!!!!!  It had that hidden message behind music just a little too loud and a little too fast that says get shopping, get spending, now go home and make room for others!  And if the subliminal message isn’t enough they have to punctuate it every 12 minutes with their in-store announcements.  “Attention shoppers, buy now because the bargains you see today might not be here tomorrow!  See the specials in aisle one through 14.  Stop at our service desk for a flyer of everything that’s on sale!  Today only, everything is on sale!”

And is it only us that when we work our way up to the cashier we’re greeted in 21st century cashier monotone, “hellohowareyoudidyoufindeverythingyouwerelookingfor” while he/she/to be determined scans the first 8 items.  When we hand over our cash how do we get our change?  Bills first, coins sliding off the top, and a very heartfelt “There you go.”  When did “There you go” become synonymous with “Thank you!”  Listen up cashiers, the phrase you’re looking for is “Thank you!” (Emphasis added.)

Some annoyances we expect, some are new every year, but know that we’re entering the annoying zone, and we’ll all be stuck here for the next eight weeks. 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Really? Real Reality?

Michael 1 Comment

Welcome to the Real Reality Show Blog.  By now you’ve got to be thinking, “what is Real Reality?” and not a sentence too soon we might add.  Let’s start with what isn’t.

What isn’t real reality is what everyone else is forcing you to believe is reality, or at the very least, real.  Reality shows are far from so far from reality that it’s sometimes easy to think of them as really being sort of real.  The producers know that you know that what you are seeing isn’t what Ordinary Joe and Jane are doing, seeing, buying, driving, watching, vacationing, or living.  But it might be close enough to reality that you might actually believe that you could be there on that screen.  Yeah, right.  And two rights make a wrong.

No, real reality is what we really have to do, see, buy, drive, watch, and whatever else.  The thing about reality shows is that they need to hook you into believing that you’d rather be there.  The thing about reality is that it really isn’t all that bad a place to be anyway.  Might as well rather be here.

We’ll show you the fun stuff that really real people do.  And we’ll do it for pennies on the dollar compared to the reality show versions of fun.  We’ll also show you the things real people think about and how “They” (you know “They,” first cousin to “Them”) need you to believe that They know better than you and you will believe everything They tell you to believe because you’re stupid, They told you.

We probably have a better idea but we probably won’t ever get it patented or marketed or out to the world to make life easier for you.  But we’ll try to tell you what it is and how we got to it.  If the best we can do is to get you to think of some better ideas too, that’s not such a bad thing.

What we aren’t is a rant.  We also aren’t political, religious, theatrical, bleeding hearts, or heartless clods.  We’ll talk about religions and politics, we’ll get a little dramatic, we have our favorite charities and we’ll acknowledge others.  Sometimes we’ll get a little excited, almost passionate, but we try to be at least a little bit more constructive than just ranting about things. 

We also aren’t politically correct.  If you get all bent out of shape because we aren’t using this week’s watchword when addressing this month’s favorite minority, get over it.  We don’t take ourselves so seriously that we’re convinced that whatever we say will change thousands of years of oppression, confirm millions of years of persecution, ease hundreds of years of harassment, or be remembered for more than a handful of minutes.  Oh yeah, we don’t take you seriously either.

If things go well we’ll do this a couple times a week.  If you find yourself really interested in the things we put out there, let us know.  We don’t know what we’ll do with it but we’ll tuck away that somebody out there liked something. 

Oh yeah, who are we?  We’re us.  A couple who’ve been around the block, been to a few rodeos, aren’t at our first circus, been there done that, and done it – umm, do it with a little extra … just because.

Now, that’s what, or who, or both, we are.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Trick, Treat, Really

Michael Leave a comment

A funny thing happened this year on Halloween.  It rained.  We still sat out in the driveway handing out treats to the little ones (and some bigger ones) that braved the elements for a free peanut butter cup.  But that rain kept some of the smarter ones indoors, knowing there’d be a Halloween next year.

The cool thing about sitting out in the driveway on Halloween is that you get up close and personal with the treaters.  You get to see them in their natural element – the costumed herd …pack? …covey?  They spread out in front of you.  You aren’t forced to see them in that single file parade as they squeeze into your open doorway.  You see the parents who are brave enough to walk up the driveway with the young ones.  You get to wave to the parents who are brave enough to let their young ones walk up to you alone.  You get to hear the kids talk and sometimes say more than “Trick or Treat…Hot Tamales! Cool…Love your costumes.”  Did we mention we get dressed up to sit on the driveway?  (Actually at least one of us gets dressed up and goes to work like that all day.  It’s a thing, what can I say.  But not the funny thing.

The funny thing that happened on Halloween was that it rained.  Yes it rained and the treaters weren’t in their usual droves.  They more or less sputtered.  There would be a small herd(?) of them, then a pause.  Then there would be mini pack(?) of them, then a pause. There would be… you get the idea.  Lots of time to sit in the rain at the top of the driveway, under the tent (we might be a little nuts but we aren’t crazy), watching the world go by.  And what did we notice as the world went by?  Where are all the cool costumes?

We don’t mean the portable blow up with its own battery operated fan sumo wrestler costume.  We don’t mean the matching Bam Bam and Pebbles costumes.  We don’t mean the hot dog or the M&M or the Darth Vader.  We mean the really cool ones.  The ones you and your parents made yourselves when you were 10 and you didn’t have all the imagination sucked out of you by the most recent computer game.  You remember them – the bunch of grapes made out of purple balloons and a hunk of green fabric for the stem.  Maybe a radio made out of a cardboard box the size of a small refrigerator that you couldn’t hold a treat bag when you had it on but you wore it anyway.  You just made your best friend who you couldn’t go trick or treating without carry your bag.  Or how about the year you spread ashes over your face, called it a beard, found your dad’s oldest lawn mowing shirt, got some jeans, and went as a hobo.  Today you’d be chased down the street by a TV crew doing a future award winning special on the cruelty of children making fun of our homeless brethren.  Back then that was just cool.

No imagination any more.  But the kids come by it honestly.  After a couple hours sitting in the rain (under our tent) we hauled everything into the garage, freshened up our costumes, and headed out to the corner tavern for a round of appetizers and an adult beverage.  What did we find?  Three other couples.  None in costume.  Fourth year running.  On the only day of the year that we are encouraged to be somebody else nobody wanted to.  Bet there were a lot of people at work the next day wishing they were anybody else.  Take a couple minutes once a year to be somebody else.  You’ll be better at who you are for it.

That’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?