Page 100 of 121

Winter Rules

Michael 2 Comments

Golf may have the most famous set of winter rules of any year round sport.  Not many people understand them but when one hears “Winter Rules” one almost always thinks of golf.  However, when we think of winter rules we think of our set of rules – fashion rules.

We’ve done fashion rules before.  (See The Real Reality Summer Wardrobe Rules for Real People (July 30, 2012), Dressed for Success (Oct. 11, 2012), Summer Fashion, Summer Rules (June 27, 2013) or type “rules” into the search bar.)  We’ve never delved into winter fashion rules.  It’s because it gets so cold around here we’re just happy to get from Point A to Point B with little concern of how others are dressed to make the trip.  Until this year.

This year has been one of the coldest and one of the snowiest winters we’ve seen.  Yet somehow people have managed to crush the fashion rules barrier like never before.  We’ve threatened to have cards printed that say “Leggings are not substitutes for pants” to pass out to the most egregious violators.   But that’s only the tip of the iceberg.  (Pardon the seasonal pun.)

There is a good place to start.  Let’s poll the ladies who are reading this.  Fast forward six weeks.  Would you wear nothing but a blouse and pantyhose to work?  That isn’t too far off the mark when a woman yanks on her stretchy leggings (black, brown, white, or (shudder) patterned) and then tops it off with a top that falls just about at her waist.  She’ll pull on a pair of furry boots, drop a rhinestone pendant hanging to about her navel and calls it office appropriate for below freezing temperature weather.

There is a subset of the female winter rules violator who concentrates on footwear.  For cold, snowy days we’re fine with boots.  We’re fine with leather shoes.  We’re fine with athletic footwear that will keep one’s feet dry and warm.  We’re not fine with ballet flats, open toes shoes, backless shoes, or clogs with holes all over them particularly when whomever is wearing such poor choices has the nerve to complain that somebody should do something about all the snow and slush in the parking lot because now her feet are cold and wet.  Somebody had the chance to do something.  The shoe selection committee!

Men aren’t getting off easy here either.  For some reason, men seem to think that single digit air temperature means it’s finally cold enough to wear that windbreaker that they bought last spring unsure of actually when windbreaker weather is.  This is not the same man who wears his ever present hoodie everywhere – inside, outside, at the desk, to meetings, to lunch with clients, and at the dinner table at home.  Usually he has to always wear his hoodie because it takes his concentration away from his legs being so cold because he is wearing shorts.   Inside, outside, at the desk, to meetings, to lunch with clients, and at the dinner table at home.  And most probably running shoes without socks.  You can tell they are running shoes because he is always running from a car to a building.

So now that we’ve exposed the violators – well they’ve exposed themselves – what are the rules to go with these violations.  Rule #1 – don’t do that.  Rule #2 – don’t do that tomorrow either.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Odds On Favorites

Michael 3 Comments

The PowerBall and MegaMillions jackpots have been up again.  The Super Bowl was just a little while ago and word has it that in Las Vegas you really could bet that the first score would be a safety.  Around here everybody is betting on whether the weather will ever rise above freezing again.  What do these things have in common?  They all have odds of winning, or in the case of the last one, not freezing.

Once upon a time we took statistics to determine odds and what’s significant and what isn’t.  In fact, He of We recalls an assignment that required the fledgling statistician to determine the odds of him or her passing the course.  That was cruel but the odds weren’t all that bad.

When the PowerBall people reconfigured the number of numbers available to draw, the odds of winning went from something like one in a gazillion to one in infinity.  Yet people still win.  That got us to thinking.  If you stop to think about what are the odds of something happening the odds are pretty good that you will end up with a headache.  Don’t even think of gambling.  Just think of life.  What are the odds you’ll get to work on time every day next week?  What are the odds that you won’t slip on an icy sidewalk?  What are the odds that you’re next paycheck will be in the bank before you next have to fill up your car’s gas tank?  Everything has a chance that it will or will not happen.  Not that it might or might not.  It either will or it will not.

That led us to a most profound revelation.  The odds of anything happening are 50/50.  Or even of not happening.  Everything in life boils down to a 1 in 2 chance.  Either it will or it won’t.  It doesn’t matter if some world class statistician determined the odds that the first play from scrimmage in the Super Bowl would result in a safety were 6,000 to 1 or that the odds that Finland will win the women’s hockey gold medal in the Olympics are 16 to 1. There’s a headache starting to happen.  There are only eight teams in the women’s tournament so shouldn’t the greatest odds be 8 to 1?  It doesn’t matter.  The real odds are 50/50.  Either they will win or they will lose.

So now that we’ve shared our profound revelation with you, you can bet with confidence on next year’s Super Bowl, this year’s Olympics, or tomorrow’s weather.  Everybody deserves the good odds and you can’t get much better than 50/50.  Actually even that can be reduced to some pretty good odds.  Either you will or you won’t.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Sorry, We’re Closed

Michael Leave a comment

There’s another cold spell coming.  This morning’s local newscast had the crawl across the bottom of all the schools and activities delayed or closed because of the snow and cold.  And tomorrow it gets colder.

In our part of the world, two hour delays are very popular for schools.  We don’t recall having delays when we were in school.  Either you went or you didn’t.  We don’t recall buses either.  We walked to school.  Through the snow.  Uphill.  Both ways.  (Actually He of We had to cross a little valley between home and school so he really did get to walk uphill both ways.  Just in case you were wondering.)

We suppose schools use delays so the day still counts as one of the 180 school days our state requires while giving a break to those waiting for a bus.  It’s a good idea when there is snow.  Those two hours give the road crews a chance to get the streets in shape for the school bus.  And when the temperature pre-sun-up is in the teens they give the air a chance to warm up post-sun-up so the children aren’t quite as cold.  We’re somewhat confused though as to exactly the benefit of a two hour delay when at 7:00 it’s 3 degrees and at 9:00 it’s 5 degrees.  Seems they might want to rethink that.

But we didn’t intend to write to about school delays this morning.  It’s those other things.  The closings.  And not schools.  Among the school delays and closings there are always other closings.  Day care centers, adult activity groups, even Meals on Wheels.  These confuse us even more.  Shouldn’t these services be the first ones to make certain they are up and running when it’s single digit air temperatures with wind chills below zero?

If the Meals and Wheels don’t get through because of the cold do we want our older neighbors navigating their own ways to the local diners for lunch in that same cold?  We understand many of these services are themselves manned by older volunteers but they also have paid staff to direct and control activities.  Perhaps these should be the days those staff members take control.

There are always fire departments that march across the crawl and say “closed.”  We know that’s not true.  We’ve seen the news stories about fire fighters fighting fires in artic conditions.  Exactly what’s closed when a fire department is closed?

When a day care center closes because of inclement weather where do the children go?  Most of them stay home.  They stay home with the parent who should be at work but can’t be because there is no place to put the child.  Of course there is always the chance that anyone can call off unexpectedly due to illness but when a string of cold, snowy days stretches across most of a week, the ones left alone at work grumble a lot.  The question has to be asked, if the day care center is just the ticket for dual working parent families when it’s 70 degrees and sunny, why is it not when it’s 7 degrees and falling?

We realize that when the weather gets bad it gets bad for everybody.  Yet there are some essential services we seem to be missing as essential.  Helping neighbors and fulfilling obligations should be at the top of somebody’s list.  Just saying no isn’t the answer.  On the other hand, there are certainly those who serve better when absent from work than present.  But hey, we can’t all be bosses!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Happy February

Michael Leave a comment

For such a short month, February is packed full of special observances and holidays.  It started on February 1 with National Freedom Day celebrating the release of slaves.  Abraham Lincoln signed the 13th Amendment outlawing slavery on February 1, 1865 and in 1948 Harry Truman proclaimed February 1 as National Freedom Day.  Then we moved on to February 2 with the most useful holiday of the year, Groundhog Day.  (We understand there was supposed to be a football game on that day also but only one team showed up.  And for that they wouldn’t let the NHL schedule any hockey games.  Go figure!)  Add Valentine’s Day and Presidents’ Day and you would think for a month with only 28 days those few events would be plenty.  But no, February has to be an over achiever.

There is no way we can list all the February observances.  A cursory search of the Internet revealed 382 special days, weeks, and months starting on Feb. 1 with Freedom Day and not stopping until you get to National Tooth Fairy Day on Feb. 28.  Some are well known and widely celebrated.  February has traditionally been Black History Month and now that you know the origin of Freedom Day it makes sense.  With Valentine’s Day stuck right in the middle of it, February is a natural to host American Heart Month.

But even to a couple of confirmed quirks like us, we are confused by some of the observances.  For example, although the entire month celebrates National Hot Breakfast Month (and buried within is Pride in Food Service Week), the first Saturday of February each year is set aside as Ice Cream for Breakfast Day.  Not to be outdone by the heart, February also covers other illnesses and maladies including among others National Cancer Day, Week, and Month (all three!), HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, Toothache Day, Low Vision Month, and World Day of the Sick.

There are happy celebrations also.  Take a Child to a Library Day, Laugh and Get Rich Day, and Give Kids a Smile Day are just a few.  And don’t leave out the pets.  Every week has several animal related observances and some time during every February you will be able to watch the Westminster Dog Show.

We’re wondering if they’ve gone too far.  With so many observances will people find themselves waiting for their special day/week/month and lose the meaning of the really important days?  Of course, every day is important to somebody.  To us, the most important day is the one you’re living today.   Not to say that Curling is Cool Day isn’t cool.  It just isn’t as cool as making it from morning to night with a good plan of doing it again tomorrow.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Large is the New Small

Michael 2 Comments

A while ago He of We stopped at a pizza shop new to him.  It was late, he hadn’t had dinner, didn’t feel like making dinner, always wanted to try this pizza, so it seemed like a good idea.  He walked up to the counter and with all the confidence of a starving man said, “I’ll take a small pepperoni.”  “We don’t have small.  Only large and extra large.”  Hmm, a quandary.  So he asked for the smaller of the two and it was confirmed that would be the large.

We might have stumbled on to something.  Although we don’t have the statistics at our fingertips, we are pretty sure Americans are getting bigger.  They seem to be compared to what we recall from our youth.  Could it be because there is no more small?  At He’s work cafeteria there is no small soft drink.  Although not as excessive as the big 32 ounce mega-mugs many convenience stores sell as their standard drink size, it is still disconcerting that one has to buy twice as much liquid refreshment as one wants because of limited sizes.  Many fast food restaurants only have small beverages to go with their small kid size meals.  Everything else is upsized.

It’s not just food and beverages that have grown.  In this age of tighter fuel economy and higher gas prices, cars are growing.  Friend of Daughter of He recently bought the small SUV Chevy Equinox, which is every bit as long and wide as He’s older mid-sized GMC Envoy, whose replacement the Acadia is as large as his previous full size GMC Yukon whose new replacement wouldn’t even fit into the garage which is why he ended up with the Envoy.  There is something wrong here.

Or perhaps not.  If everything small is now large it saves us the embarrassment in front of friends and family of wanting the wimpy size.  At the same time, it allows up to be superior to friends and family by not having to settle for the wimpy size.   We ask for the smallest available and it will be larger than whatever anybody else already has.  Then if they want bigger they can go and order the compact which will be bigger still.  And so on, and so on, and so on.

Now that we have that all sorted out we’re left with only one other question.  What happened to medium?

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Dat’s a Nice Burs

Michael Leave a comment

In the 1983 movie “Trading Places” a creepy man sits down next to Louis Winthorpe’s fiancé Penelope Witherspoon, points to her handbag and says, “Dat’s a nice burs,” which we believe translates to “that’s a nice purse.”  Very appropriate because Penelope was played by Kristin Holby whose daytime job was an Yves St. Laurent model.  YSL was big into purses in the early 80’s.  Actually, everybody was then.  And they still are now.

In was just this past weekend that our local weather turned bad enough that everybody who is anybody stayed indoors.  She of We took advantage of staying inside her doors by spending time with several of the home shopping channels.  She enjoys shopping on television, out of catalogues, and through the Internet and she has figured out the good, the bad, and ugly of no-touch purchasing.

It seems over this weekend all of the shopping channels were featuring — purses!  Not just any bags.  No these aren’t the $40 variety that a lady wouldn’t mind being seen with while at the same time wouldn’t mind when the local bus drives by too close to the sidewalk and the only thing between that geyser of water it just launched and the lady with the handbag is the handbag.  These are the bags that everybody will be looking for this season (as the shopping hostess will shortly proclaim) and can be yours for the one time, never to be seen again, super special price of only $327, or $109 in three easy payments.  The good – take advantage of that easy pay option.  There’s no interest, no extra charges, no hidden fees. That’s borrowing money for free!  The bad – that purse is over $300!  Even in free money that’s a lot of money.  Leave it on the screen.  The ugly – compared to the retail stores, that’s actually a good price.

When did purses get to cost as much as 1980’s vintage refrigerators?  With all the company monogramming and logo-ing on just about every offering, why are you paying them to do their advertising?  And the one we couldn’t resist asking, if you buy a $300 purse, how much could you possibly have left to put in it?

Another disturbing trend being broadcast on the shopping channels, in commercial spots, and as stand-alone infomercials is skin care.  We’re both old enough to remember when skin care was a jar of cold cream.  Today it’s a billion dollar business coming $100 at a time.  Serums and oils and creams made of fruits, vegetables, sea water, and the occasional cold cream base are everywhere.  For them to work their magic you must buy the whole set.  And the whole set runs well over $100.  But that’s ok.  Buy now and they are willing to charge you only $39.95 for that vital full kit.  But buy now and you are also agreeing to an automatic shipment of the whole kit every month at the regular price.  One hundred dollars of skin care products every month.  Now there’s a budget buster.

Watch out for more “too good to be true” deals out there.  Like, did you know that the gold dangling bracelet on the screen up there may be gold plated resin?  Someone out there is coating plastic bracelets, pendants, and earrings with a bit of gold and calling it gold plated jewelry.  It sounds good but do you really need a $90 plastic ring?  A great price for gold.  Not so great for fake.

We know every woman wants flawless skin, a nice bauble on her finger, and for someone to come up to her and say “Dat’s a nice burs.” Our suggestions are find a jar of cold cream, keep you purses under $50, and get the good jewelry.  Be a critical thinker before clicking away a few hundred dollars because someone is telling you it’s a good deal.  Don’t be a sheep.  Be unique.  Start a trend.  Buy what you need, not what someone else tells you that you absolutely have to have.  Now get out there and shop.  Or stay in there and shop.  It’s not going to snow forever.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Return to the Paper Standard

Michael Leave a comment

Who hasn’t heard of the debit card fiasco at Target?  That story broke almost immediately after its discovery in December and still commands news space today.  Just as the most furious of the stories were waning about Target we heard that Neiman Marcus had a similar breach only this one was three months before its news release.  And just this past week we have heard that Michael’s card processing program was also a victim sometime last summer.  At least Target had the good sense not to hide its problem for six months.  We’re still not going to use our debit cards there ever again but we do appreciate their notice.

A couple of years ago we commented on how the lack of using real money has desensitized us to the true costs of many everyday items.  (See Paper or Plastic, Feb. 23, 2012.)  Then we said that money no longer seems to mean terribly much for many people.  Make your selections.  Swipe your debit card.  If you happen to swipe more times for more funds than you have money in the bank many bankers have overdraft protection pulling funds from savings accounts or automatically debiting lines of credit.  The bankers love that system.  What they collect in account fees and overdraft fees is more than enough to keep them from ever having to shop at Target.  In 2012 banks collected over 29.5 billion (with a B) dollars in overdraft fees.  That’s $29,000,000,000.00 charged to people who didn’t have enough money in their accounts in the first place.

There are certainly times when checks and debit cards are appropriate.  You could pay a bill with a money order if you could find someone who still writes money orders.  The banks still do for hefty fees.  Dropping a check in the mail is still the easiest way.  And if you want to do your banking by internet or through monthly auto-drafts, the debit card is indeed the way to go.  But maybe it’s time to rethink everyday shopping using money.  You remember money?  A funny shade of green, pictures of presidents and statesmen, can go through the wash relatively undamaged when you forget that it is in your pocket.   That money.  Real money.  Money that means something to you when you see it disappear into a cash register never to come back to you but that’s ok because you traded it in for something you really wanted or needed and you won’t have to keep one eye on your on-line bank account to make sure nobody else is using your money.

A couple of years ago we closed a similar post with, “Never actually seeing cash get handed over person to person has clearly kept rising costs out of sight.  Not recognizing the consequences of this lack of concern has clearly put us out of our minds.”  Today the rising costs aren’t just at the register.  Today we see the rising costs in losing control.  It makes one wonder who will be the next retailer to call a press conference over a security breach.  And how it will be our fault for not keeping better watch of our money.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Nobody in the Middle

Michael Leave a comment

Not so many days ago, He and She were watching television by telephone.  That’s when we’re each watching the same program, in this case movie, at our own houses while discussing the proceedings by phone for the duration.  It’s a perfectly acceptable alternative to side by side viewing when either of us is quite comfy staying right where she or he (or She or He) might by, and/or neither of us wants to go out in the cold and snow.  There are added benefits.  Either of us could also read the paper, play a computer game, or watch the deer outside the window and not distract the other.  On particularly hungry days it’s also possible to eat a full meal without the other being wise to the extra caloric consumption going on so long as the meal doesn’t consist of crunchy tacos.  Surely we’re not the only ones who do something like that.

But we digress.  We were watching an old movie starring among others, Patricia Neal.  A very young Patricia Neal.  A 1950’s vintage Patricia Neal.  Whenever we watch old movies we seem to end up playing that game “I wonder what ever happened to her.” Or him.  Although we could recall other movies featuring a young Patricia Neal, neither of us could recall anything in which she was featured after the late 50’s other than an occasional coffee ad on television.  She had entered the dreaded Middle Age Zone, one from which there is no available film character regardless of the talent of the star.  Not until card carrying members of the Screen Actors’ Guild pass through the donut hole and become older, character actors do we ever see them again.

We know that most movie goers are young adults and most young adults want to see other young adults on the big screen.  But there are some older (over 35) people still with disposable income who go to the movies.  Must they also be content watching children cavort in digital splendor?  Surely there is room somewhere for a middle age character other than mom or pop for 10 or 15 minutes throughout the movie.  (That’s twice we used the word “surely” so you know we really mean it.)

It is still acceptable for “older” actors to be featured in movies.  A great example is “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” which starred nobody but older actors.  These are people everybody relates to.  The older movie goer remembers them as young actors when the movie goers themselves were young.  The young movie goers saw the older actors hosting Saturday Night Live a month before the release of the movie.  And even the middle age movie goers sort of remember their parents speaking of these people as fine actors or their children recounting how cool they were on SNL last week.

There are exceptions.  “It’s Complicated” featured Meryl Streep, Steve Martin, and Alec Baldwin well past young actorhood but not yet in their golden years.  You might say they were smack in the middle of the Middle Age Zone.  These sorts of movies are rare but when they come along they are usually quite entertaining and end up making somebody quite a bit of money.  Never a bad thing in business.

So why doesn’t somebody exploit these people while they are traversing the donut hole from youngster to eccentric?  That could be the question of the decade.  Or at least for a few more years until a few more of our favorite former young actors join the eccentric crowd and we can now answer, “I wonder what ever happened to her.” Or him.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

How to retire on a million dollars a day

Michael Leave a comment

We know our reader demographics fairly well and unless there might be a huge chunk of you who have retired early we’d say most of those who read (and write) these posts are quite some time from taking a permanent vacation.  At least by American standards which are now reaching closer to not beginning until age 67 and certainly even later for those with birth dates from the 1990’s.

Not so long ago on one of the television financial “news” programs, the hostess repeated her oft told opinion that if one plans on a happy and successful retirement, he or she must have at least a million dollars in a retirement account.  Even though we aren’t close to retirement we also aren’t close to having a million dollars in any account, particularly not one that will be left untouched for quite a few years yet to come.  Had we a million dollars in all of our combined accounts we’d probably die of shock and never get around to the retirement anyway.

Where, we would like to know, with houses costing hundreds of thousands of dollars, cars costing tens of thousands of dollars, and bacon costing $4.00 a pound, does one manage to cut back sufficiently to save a million dollars.  We suppose if we were a television host and hostess and making six or seven million dollars a year, we could easily scrape up a million in 40 years of working.  We might even save a few bucks from the radio shows, books, syndicated newspaper columns, and commercial endorsements.  We might be able to save a million dollars for every year of retirement.  Maybe for every day!  But we aren’t.  And we suspect if you are reading this (please, we mean not to pry) you probably aren’t saving at that rate either.

As we said, we aren’t close to retirement ourselves but we know many people who have retired.  Some at the traditional retirement age, some a little earlier, some a little later.  The one thing they all had in common is that they didn’t have a million dollars saved and yet they have managed to live happy and successful retirement lives.  How does one do it living in such abject poverty that comes with having less than a million?  Let’s start with having the big things paid for before hitting retirement.  The mortgages are gone.  New car warranties of 10 years or 100,000 miles are used in entirety.  Clothes last for more than one season.  Dinners out are held to no more than once a week, sometimes even less.  Vacations are instead long weekends.  Credit cards are for true emergencies.  Better still, hard won savings are for true emergencies.  Frugal is not a bad word.  It can be done.

Will anybody ever really need a million dollars to retire?  Probably to the financial pundits who in their working lives are making six or seven million dollars a year, a million seems to be the bare minimum.  Thank goodness they’ll still be eligible for social security.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Entertainment on Demand

Michael Leave a comment

January is half over and we’re still working on our respective home budgets for this year.  Oh, they’ve been done for months but during that time everything we buy from applesauce to Zagnuts has gone up thus requiring, as Congress would say, a re-opening of the spending plan.

Some things you just can’t do without.  Electricity, water, sewage, and gas come to mind.  Somebody somewhere is saying they do quite well with wood burners, wells, and a septic tank.  Congratulations.  Feel free to spend what you’ve saved on Riddx.  But as we were saying, some things you can’t do without.  Fortunately, these utilities are basically on demand.  You probably pay a minor monthly line charge on all of them but the bulk of the bill is based on usage.  Turn your lights off when you’re not in the room and your electric bill goes down.  You pay for what you use.  Just about everything is like that.  You pay for the groceries you buy to eat.  You pay for the water you run through your taps.  You pay for the clothes you’re planning to wear.  If you want to save, you buy less.  If you’re feeling generous to yourself, you buy more.  All except one.

The cable bill.  What is it about television that has us held hostage to hundreds of dollars a month whether we use it or not.  And don’t think you’re getting away with anything if you have satellite instead of cable.  It’s the same thing.  So are the movie services like Netflix and Hulu.  Every month someone is sucking money out of our checking accounts for services we may or may not have used.  Sort of like “just in case” we want to watch the news, a hockey game, or a re-run of Gilligan’s Island.

Our cable bills are more each month than our electric, gas, water, and sewage combined.  Is this right?  Even when you pare away the “basic plus” channels, the movie channels, and the special packages the bill for entertaining oneself is ridiculously high.  And there’s nothing we can do about it.  We could eliminate cable altogether and if we could find a store that still sells antennae we’d lose most local sports, all but 25 year old movies, and get to watch the local news with two shadow figures.  Losing Gilligan’s Island might be the only good thing that would come of that.

We think there should be a meter on the television just like on the water line.  If you watch something you pay for the time you’re watching.  If you instead are relishing in a hot shower you pay for the water you use.  Then you can have a glass of that wine you bought with the intention of drinking, sit in your comfy chair with a reading lamp turned on and being paid for while reading the book you purchased just for that purpose.  All without the cable company sticking its hand in your checking account.

That’s what we call on demand!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?