I was working on a blog post for the foundation when a thought occurred to me. Let me give you some background. That post is about the carrots and the sticks we use on ourselves. It began with a package sent to a friend. When I asked a few days later what she thought of it she said that she hadn’t opening it but was saving it as a reward for herself when she completed a project she was working on. And there that post begins down the trail of why we incentivize our happiness with promises of work completed rather than the other way around. If you want to see how that ends, it will hit the ROAMcare website in a couple weeks. Until then, let me tell you some of the things I thought that I didn’t write.

You see, days went by, a week went by, then a week and some days went by and then project was not much nearer completion than before the first days that had gone by. The project ran into snags. Other work encroached. Another job came up. The package remained unopened.

Perhaps this is something we’ve learned along the way to becoming mature adults. As children we were likely subject to bargains such as “If you get ready for bed I’ll come in and read you a story,” or “You can have dessert when you eat all your vegetables.” As we got older, we may have heard, “You can get a driver’s license when you get better grades,” or “You can go to the dance when you can buy your own dress/suit/dancing shoes.” Even as adults we tell ourselves things like “I’ll take a break when I finish this order.” We’ve grown up with the enticement of a reward for completing a task.

The all wise and famous “They” say a mark of maturity is to be able to defer gratification. Another sign of maturity is unconditional respect for others. “They” don’t say what to do when the objectives conflict. If you decide you that you won’t make your favorite dessert until you complete a project and if the project completion Is delayed, only your joy is interrupted.  When another enters the equation is it fair to defer their gratification also, to take away their joy when they cannot assist on the side of the equation to improve the situation. Or is that when respect trumps deference.

The point of the blog that someday will appear on the ROAMcare site is that decision should never have to be made. We should not go through life bargaining with ourselves to be able to enjoy life.

There are still those who feel participation awards for children eliminates their sense of accomplishment when there are no winners or losers. The argument may be valid on a baseball diamond or tennis court, but not in life. In life, living is the reward. There is no part of life that is a reward for doing something. The reward is being able to do something because you have mastered how to enjoy life. When my life is over and I look back at what I have done, I will feel much better being able to say I participated and not worry so much much if I won.

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If you haven’t had a chance to visit ROAMcare yet, stop by, refresh your enthusiasm and read our blogs or check out the Moments of Motivation archives. Everybody is always welcome,