Over the last two or three weeks I’ve seen at least a half dozen TV shows and movies that featured a scene where a parent treated a child to a lunch, a shopping day, or some trip or event that ended with the child asking, “Seriously, why are you being so nice to me? You want my kidney!!!” I mentioned this to my daughter on our way out to lunch. She didn’t comment. Hmmm.

If you don’t know or don’t remember reading it, my daughter is one of those being evaluated as a potential kidney donor for me. She didn’t have to be asked and I treated her to many lunches before my body demonstrated a need for spare parts. Likewise are my sisters going through the evaluation process and I’m not sure I’ve ever treated either to lunch, maybe an occasional birthday brunch or holiday dinner but not a random, middle of the day, full on lunch. Even a friend of my daughter has said he would be willing to go through the process when he found out I was in need. And not one of them was asked.

The story is actually one years in the making. I had been teetering on poor kidney function for a few years. The Wegener’s granulomatosis (GPA) had over a dozen years to work on marginalizing those organs. Drugs and diet had been keeping me functional. Unfortunately function slipped to the unreasonable level and I entered dialysis about 2 years after I had been diagnosed and treated for bladder cancer. The rules at the transplant center called for a 5 year cancer free window before I would even be considered for a transplant.

Image: National Kidney Foundation

Everyone knew the date I had been declared “cancer free” and as the 5 year anniversary approached they seem to take for granted that they would celebrate by scheduling donor evaluation appointments for themselves. No bribing needed.

I think of all this today, Valentine’s Day. This is love. Love isn’t a card, a greeting, or a thought. Love isn’t a saying or a feeling. To truly love someone we must do for one. Love is an action. Love is in doing. Love is in the work.

I love how these people are working for me. I know I’ll never been able to work as hard at loving them.

Happy Valentine’s Day!