There is a weekly feature in one of our city’s newspapers where a local celebrity is interviewed in a basic high school journalism class format. You know – what’s your favorite movie, which is your favorite local sports team, what would you find in your glove compartment, what song always gets you on the dance floor. And even though the questions are pretty kitschy, it can make for some interesting reading on a light news day. Of course nobody ever answers all of the questions. Some almost famous people don’t want you to know that their first concert was Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, so the “official” answer might be “Oh, I don’t go to concerts.” And many of them also don’t go to the movies, watch TV, dance when or when not anybody is watching, own glove compartments, have a favorite food, or a celebrity crush. But one thing every one of them has is a secret vice.

Now that’s odd. If you were to stop the average Jo and/or JoAnn on the street you’d find that most of us have a TV, go to movies, read books, and even sing in the shower. But asking for a secret vice is like asking if they know any good government secrets. Nobody would dare reveal his or her secret vice. Let me ask you, can you keep a secret? So can I!

That’s the difference between the famous and the ordinary. In a bid to appear just as ordinary, the famous fall over themselves trying to do something that the ordinary would never do. (I know, that’s a weird sentence but I tried writing it 4 or 5 different ways and believe it or not, that’s the best sounding one of the bunch.) See, the famous people want to appear to be just one of the average Joes, or JoAnns. They share their secrets with everybody and then when the tabloids make a big deal out of it they get all huffy.

So to make the famous people feel like one of us non-famous folks I’m going to do something I’d never ordinarily do. I’m going to reveal my secret vice. This will make any famous people reading this feel much better about connecting with ordinary people. My secret vice is…shhhh, keep it to yourself now…my secret vice is rippled potato chips with French onion dip. Always eaten alone. Never shared. One chip after another each dipped in that cool, savory, bitey flavored cream cheese based condiment until every last one out of the one pound bag is gone.

Wow! I feel so much better now. Almost famous even.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?