In the 1983 movie “Trading Places” a creepy man sits down next to Louis Winthorpe’s fiancé Penelope Witherspoon, points to her handbag and says, “Dat’s a nice burs,” which we believe translates to “that’s a nice purse.”  Very appropriate because Penelope was played by Kristin Holby whose daytime job was an Yves St. Laurent model.  YSL was big into purses in the early 80’s.  Actually, everybody was then.  And they still are now.

In was just this past weekend that our local weather turned bad enough that everybody who is anybody stayed indoors.  She of We took advantage of staying inside her doors by spending time with several of the home shopping channels.  She enjoys shopping on television, out of catalogues, and through the Internet and she has figured out the good, the bad, and ugly of no-touch purchasing.

It seems over this weekend all of the shopping channels were featuring — purses!  Not just any bags.  No these aren’t the $40 variety that a lady wouldn’t mind being seen with while at the same time wouldn’t mind when the local bus drives by too close to the sidewalk and the only thing between that geyser of water it just launched and the lady with the handbag is the handbag.  These are the bags that everybody will be looking for this season (as the shopping hostess will shortly proclaim) and can be yours for the one time, never to be seen again, super special price of only $327, or $109 in three easy payments.  The good – take advantage of that easy pay option.  There’s no interest, no extra charges, no hidden fees. That’s borrowing money for free!  The bad – that purse is over $300!  Even in free money that’s a lot of money.  Leave it on the screen.  The ugly – compared to the retail stores, that’s actually a good price.

When did purses get to cost as much as 1980’s vintage refrigerators?  With all the company monogramming and logo-ing on just about every offering, why are you paying them to do their advertising?  And the one we couldn’t resist asking, if you buy a $300 purse, how much could you possibly have left to put in it?

Another disturbing trend being broadcast on the shopping channels, in commercial spots, and as stand-alone infomercials is skin care.  We’re both old enough to remember when skin care was a jar of cold cream.  Today it’s a billion dollar business coming $100 at a time.  Serums and oils and creams made of fruits, vegetables, sea water, and the occasional cold cream base are everywhere.  For them to work their magic you must buy the whole set.  And the whole set runs well over $100.  But that’s ok.  Buy now and they are willing to charge you only $39.95 for that vital full kit.  But buy now and you are also agreeing to an automatic shipment of the whole kit every month at the regular price.  One hundred dollars of skin care products every month.  Now there’s a budget buster.

Watch out for more “too good to be true” deals out there.  Like, did you know that the gold dangling bracelet on the screen up there may be gold plated resin?  Someone out there is coating plastic bracelets, pendants, and earrings with a bit of gold and calling it gold plated jewelry.  It sounds good but do you really need a $90 plastic ring?  A great price for gold.  Not so great for fake.

We know every woman wants flawless skin, a nice bauble on her finger, and for someone to come up to her and say “Dat’s a nice burs.” Our suggestions are find a jar of cold cream, keep you purses under $50, and get the good jewelry.  Be a critical thinker before clicking away a few hundred dollars because someone is telling you it’s a good deal.  Don’t be a sheep.  Be unique.  Start a trend.  Buy what you need, not what someone else tells you that you absolutely have to have.  Now get out there and shop.  Or stay in there and shop.  It’s not going to snow forever.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?