Some people think the best way to fall asleep is in total darkness and complete silence.  Not here.  We find it much easier to fall asleep to somebody droning on about something.  The 11:00 news is usually good for that.  Flip the television on, tune to one of the favorite local news shows, set the timer for a half hour, and slumber will come long before the weatherman traces his first isobar.

That’s the way it used to be for He.  Now he’s up every couple of hours and every couple of hours it becomes a new chore to fall asleep.  With the modern multi-hundred-channel cable system it should be easy enough to find a droner somewhere, but as the hours get later the choices for an electronic sedative get fewer.  This was a conversation He had with himself a few nights ago.

“Ok, let’s see what we have here.  Oh good, four Duck Dynasty episodes until the paid programming comes on. If I don’t fall asleep at least I’ll have something to watch for a while.  No, I can’t watch that.  I’ll get wrapped up in whatever they’re doing and actually want to watch it.  Oh look, ‘Kindergarten Cop’ is on.  ‘It’s not a tumor.’  Best line from that movie.  Actually the only good line from that movie.  What else do we have?

“Movies, movies, movies.  All of them already started.  I hate coming in the middle of a movie even if I have seen it a thousand times.  Geez, ‘Tin Cup’ is on again.  There must be some golf tournament on this weekend or why would they play that in November?  Why not, they play it every month anyway.  Every day sometimes.  No movie.  I’ll be asleep before I get into it.  What about one of those classic television channels?

“Car 54 Where Are You?  Really?  Really.  Let’s see what that’s all about.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen it.  Oh no, Dragnet with even less personality.  Back to the real channels.

“Hmm, Pawn Stars?  No, they’ll have something really interesting and I’ll want to stay up and watch it but I’ll fall asleep and won’t remember it from the last time I saw it.  I meant to go see that place the last time I was in Vegas.  I wonder why I didn’t?  That’s right, dinner with the boss and his boss and a dozen other bosses.  Next time.

“Well if I don’t find something soon I’ll be asleep.  Ha.  Did you hear that?  Of course I did, I’m right here.  Now where were those duck guys?”

And so it goes every couple of hours.  Droning on about finding something to drone on.  Hmm.  That could be the new sedative.  Just don’t tell the people at work about that.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?