“I’ll see your two small popcorns and raise you a medium soft drink.”

“You’re bluffing.  There’s your medium drink and I’ll raise you a soft pretzel.  With honey mustard.”

Over the past several years we’ve done remarkably well seeing all of the Academy Award nominees.  Not necessarily in the same year they are nominated, but eventually.  And we’ve done remarkably well seeing entertaining movies also.  They aren’t always the same you know.  But every so often there comes a critically acclaimed movie that ends up walking away with all the awards that we also like.  Those are the two- popcorns-two-drinks movies. And then there are those that everybody says we have to see so we do.  Usually they end up walking away with all the awards and frankly, we wouldn’t even waste the price of a box of Milk-Duds on all of them put together.

Sometimes the movies are the big hits.  And sometimes they are the big flops.  But hit or miss, we still go to see them.  And when we’re there we never go in without our popcorn.  We invite you to join us as we place value on today’s film offerings based on concession stand items.

It makes sense.  You can see a movie any day of the week, any time of the day and the price varies.  The movie doesn’t.  The winners are winners on Tuesday afternoon just as much as they are on Friday night. If it’s a dog, it barks every time it’s played.  First run, second run, it’s still either running away with it all or just running away.  Just because we have to pay $4.00 more after 4:00 it doesn’t get 40% better.  Nope, there is no correlation between the admission for a movie and how good is that movie.  So when some smarmy film critic says, “It wasn’t worth the price of admission” what admission are we to assume?

Yet with all the variances in how much a theater will charge to get you into the seat, they know their gold standard is what is so prominently displayed well before you make your way to those seats.  The concessions!  Popcorn is popcorn and it’s $10.00 for a medium one of them any show, any day, any time.  Not long ago we were at an afternoon showing of one of this year’s best picture nominees.  It was a matinee so we got in for the low, low price of $14.00 for the both of us.  Two small popcorns and drinks later, He of We had dug out another $20.00.  We were almost outraged that the snacks cost more than the main dish.  But a few weeks earlier we were at the evening showing of a movie that we enjoyed but will never have “Oscar Winner” on its DVD cover.  Admission for two?  $24.00.  Popcorn and pop for both?  $20.00.  Here we have our measure of comparison!  Not admission. 

We paid more for what was put out as fluff, marketed as fluff, and played as fluff than we did to see the award winning performance in a movie everyone has talked about since it was released months ago.  Had we watched those two movies on the opposite days and times that we did, would we have instead gotten what we paid for?  It’s too hard to tell.  Every mathematician will tell you that solving simultaneous equations went out with the IBM 200.  One variable.  Period.  And that variable is the movie.  For sure.

So here is our gold standard for clear movie worth.  If after you see the movie you first thought is, that wasn’t worth the price of the popcorn, you won’t be watching it when it comes out on your cable company’s Movies On Demand list.  Not even the free one.  On the other hand, if your initial reaction is “that was worth more than the biggest, saltiest, butteriest popcorn, I’ve ever had,” and you wish you had even more, you’ll be back next week for an encore. 

It only makes sense. The price of admission goes up, goes down, goes half-off, and gets the Entertainment Book coupon special all to put seats in those seats.  And it’s all to get you in the door. Once you’re through those doors they bring out the big gun. The ultimate money-maker. The true measure of entertainment success. Snack food!

That’s because sometimes the movie is the attraction, and sometimes it’s there just to accompany the popcorn.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?