Summer is in full swing.  Hot, humid, sunny, temperatures in the mid 80’s to mid 90’s.  And people are taking full advantage of those summer rules – or disadvantage. 

We had the opportunity not long ago to attend an all day, outdoor music festival.  We were graced with a rather comfortable day.  In between days reaching into the upper 90’s and days of ponderous rains leading to flash floods, we managed to pick the one day of the three day festival to attend that had temperatures staying in the 70’s, no rain, dappled sunshine through broken clouds, and a very slight breeze.  The perfect day for outdoor festing.  Except for the other people there.

To be fair, not all of them detracted from an otherwise enjoyable afternoon and evening.  Just the ones who left their fashion sense at home.  After a day of watching what people consider appropriate public attire we are forced to invoke the Real Reality Wardrobe Rules.

For Men:

Sleeves are mandatory.  Not areas formerly occupied by sleeves, the entire sleeve.  They are the cross pieces that put the T in T-Shirt.  They are needed.  They are required. 

In that sleeves are mandatory, so are the shirts that they come on.  Nobody wants to see anybody other than a cute infant half naked in public.  Even in guys that haven’t traded in their six-pack for a quarter keg, the shirtless look just isn’t a good one other than at poolside or if necessary, in your own man cave.  We don’t expect women to wander about with their nipples exposed, men shouldn’t either.

Hair long enough to be in a ponytail on a male only looks good on a male pony.  And only at the tail.  You’re old.  You’re gray.  You’re bald.  Don’t add to the insanity by having hair halfway down your back and certainly not in braids!  Shave it off, put your shirt on, and move along. 

Flip flops are not shoes.  Leave them at the pool, with your shirt.  Mandals are fine, but like the rest of you, grooming is essential.  Just because your feet are the farthest away from your brain, don’t be brainless about your feet.  Well groomed, trimmed, washed, and buffed feet are also healthy feet.

For Women:

For different reasons, but the just as above, nobody wants to see you half naked in public.  Check your hems, watch your buttons.  Unintentional flashes of skin is sexy.   Intentional undressing is slutty.

Have someone check your behind from behind when you’re sitting down on the grass.  Just say no to crack. 

Swimsuits are for swimming, or for backyard tanning.  Would you go to a production of the local symphony wearing a tankini?  You’re outside, in public, whether at a concert or at the grocery store.  Grow up, wear clothes.  (If you’re having difficulty with that, see For Women, Rule #1.)

High Heels and soft grass do not mix. If you are at an outside wedding and you are dressed to the nines, you’ll have to move slowly and carefully.  Accidents can happen but they don’t have to.  If you are at an outdoor concert with 10,000 people in shorts and t-shirts, wear something lawn-appropriate.  Aerating the amphitheater grounds with your stilettos will not get you a discount to the next show.

Tattoos can be art.  If you have a back full of body art, ask somebody besides one of your friends to give you’re an opinion of the quality of the work.  If it’s art, flaunt it.  Go ahead and wear that backless sun dress.  If it’s of poor quality, badly composed and inexpertly executed, cover it up until you find a good artist to fix it.    

It’s hot out there.  You can be too.  Pay a little attention to the person in the mirror and watch how many pay attention to you on the outside.       

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?