The news is such a great source of comedic anecdotes.  Here’s one we couldn’t resist.  The adjunct faculty of a local college has asked for a mail ballot to determine if they should be represented by a union.  An adjunct faculty member is one who is not on a tenure track and is usually part time.  He or she often applies to a college to instruct in a specific class based on his or her life experience rather than based on his or her academic research that tests the tenets of the material.  These are the teachers that have other “real jobs” on the outside.

This particular college is a Catholic institution and petitioned the National Labor Relations Board for an exemption to the regulation that allows faculty to organize.  The union says the faculty needs them “to improve job security, pay levels and working conditions” and that the college’s attempt to block them from organizing is “legally and ethically offensive.” 

Oh yes, we can see the arguments from both sides.  Certainly someone has to look out for the faculty.  Teaching one, or possibly two classes a week, in air conditioned discomfort, having to share offices with other part time faculty members while still getting free sporting event tickets, free parking, free lunch.  Yes, those are terrible working conditions.  And of course the college has to look out for itself.  Its average tuition brings them a mere $10,000 a year for each student.  Not much revenue at all. 

Indeed, both sides need specialized representation.  We’re certain that the college has an attorney well versed in arguing exemptions for private institutions.  You’d not want to go before a federal agency with an attorney who specializes in copyright infringement to argue labor issues.  And the teachers will have their experts when the union presents its argument that the professors of higher education deserve to have their interests looked after by . . . the United Steelworkers of America?

Yes, the USW wants “to improve job security, pay levels and working conditions” for these college teachers.  After all, they have a lot of experience making certain that no teacher is forced to work more than 40 hours a week wielding a cutting torch while smoothing the cut end of seamless steel pipe or that any teacher is coerced into accepting a lower paid laborer position in the sheet mill when there are open inspector positions in the wire mill. 

Come on guys, the real story here is that the steelworkers union is losing membership.  All those steelworkers who lost their jobs in the 80’s but have still been paying their dues because the union was working hard to get them their jobs back have either retired from their mall security guard jobs or have moved on to the great blast furnace in the sky.  The union’s revenue stream is drying up and their office employees are at risk of having to find gainful employment while actually doing something for their 40 hours every week.

Maybe if the USW wants to find new members they should look at the workers who are employed by labor union offices.  They should be able to find unfair labor practices there.  Nepotism, favoritism, and a few other -isms are probably common place in a business that’s basically all executive, and no laborers.  But they better be careful.  If they win the election to represent themselves the only benefit they might end up providing is the right to pay dues.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?